Hi I am a Japanese girl, I met a Polish guy in Japan last week, he works here, and he is gorgeous(look way better than a lot of men from different countries) and very gentleman, I think we had crush on each other.
But just one thing I care is, he is 33, and I am 35, I don't know if Polish guy cares girls are over 30, as usually in Japan guys in all ages want 20 something girls, probably this is a common sense anywhere of the world, but especially east Asians specially cares about girl's age.
Another question is, I think Polish girls are beautiful, though in Japan I m over average with my friends' comments, how Polish guy think about Asian girls?
rozumiemnic It the girl's age doesn't matter for Polish guys that's great, because in Japan girls' value is being young, there are some people doesn't care about age but just some.
I think Japanese girls like cute is because of the pop culture, and because the guys are 'weak'. Actually strong Japanese guy like beautiful women rather than cuties, but not so much strong men, they are too feminine and naďve.
Each guy likes what he likes - some like cute women, some like intelligent women, some like tall slim, others small and large. The fact of being divorced may matter if you ever wanted to get married in church in Poland. For no other reason.
Thanks for your comment, yeah Japanese men are quite superficial when they pick up girls, but not marriage probably... I'm quite surprising that Polish men won't care girls' age over 30, which is so different with my culture, its very good to hear!
And I feel Polish men are very soft, seems like their ladies are quite strong in a good way, I mean independent with their own opinions?
Yeah I agree with you. How it does matter to marry in a Polish church if you were divorced? What if divorced Polish to get married in a Polish church? It's not very common to divorce in Poland?
The problem is that the Catholic church does not recognize divorce, so they will refuse to marry anyone who is divorced. Divorced Catholics who remarry in a civil ceremony are treated quite harshly by the Church, and by older religious Catholic people, especially in the countryside.
If your man is Catholic and from the countryside, he may wish to get married in church, if only to make his older relatives happy, and to avoid negative repercussions in his community. He therefore may not be interested in marrying someone who a Catholic and divorced, regardless of how religious he may be himself.
If you are not a Catholic and did not get married in a Catholic church, then perhaps the Church will decide that you were never really married in the first place, so your divorce isn't a real divorce, in which case he can marry you. Just don't ever tell anyone, even his mother, that you are divorced because it won't stay a secret for long and the women in the village will begin to talk, and never stop.
But then, the village priest will still know and can make your and your family's life hell if he doesn't like you. In the village, priests are often like Samurai warlords who rule with an iron fist.
You really have to discuss this with him, because there are two cultural spheres in Poland, an urban, progressive, Western one and a rural, backward. superstitious medieval one. It depends on which sphere he identifies with, and also on which sphere his family identifies with. Unfortunately, there are still plenty of medieval people in rural areas of the country, so it's not an easy question.
Wow...I didn't know the Catholic church is this strong in Poland. He was born in Krakow, and his family are all there. I'm gonna talk to him tonight about my age and divorce, its better to let him know before going out as a real' date'...
one and a rural, backward. superstitious medieval one.
Samurai warlords who rule with an iron fist.
Well, DomnicB, you seems like an intelligent dude but sure like hell your brainwashing by the neo-Marxist ideology prevalent on the American campuses is clearly visible and that makes your musing more than ridiculous - to put it bluntly they're dumb like sh..!
...I didn't know the Catholic church is this strong in Poland.
Don't listen to an American Selena. As for the age gap is not that big. To be honest there is no use for you to ask on forum on some generalities, its up for individuals. Men in Poland aren't generally fixed that much on 'young' as men in Japan.
The best way to find out what you're standing on, is to tell him. Good luck:)
Thanks for your comment, yeah Japanese men are quite superficial when they pick up girls, but not marriage probably...
Hello Selena,
Granted, although I have much respect for Japan/Japanese for numerous reasons - my personal knowledge/experience is somewhat limited. But with that said I will share my thoughts.
Maybe the difference is Polish men although very manly by Western standards - are still mommas boys (in the privacy of their own home) or more precisely spoiled by amazing Polish women. So in turn we hold respect for the future mothers of Poland. This is possibly where the "very soft" angle comes in. Although Polish & Japanese cultures are both "old fashioned" in terms of obedience and authority (by Western standards) I think Polish households are more affectionate. Japanese more demanding. I have been described as soft and caring and I think my loving upbringing plays a big part in that. When you love and trust those in your immediate life - you are more willing to give others the same respect.
The stereotype of Polish women is indeed well educated and that in turn usually equals independence and backbone.
This is sort of my conspiracy but I think Japanese men are more picky because they have higher standards. Poland is not the crown jewel of Europe like Japan is in Asia. When Poles move overseas - they won't often settle down with a Pole they meet abroad. Instead its usually the Pole playing fit in. I imagine the average Polish man is not as career driven as the average Japanese man (but whom is) so with personal sacrifice/hardship usually comes increased expectations. I think a Japanese man is far more likely to use his wife as some sort of accomplishment or basically trophy wife. While the Polish man is more preoccupied with making sure Mamus accepts her and/or is like her wink wink
Overall I think a Japanese + Polish match has enough similarities to work but also enough subtle differences to keep it interesting or spicy :D
Thanks for your comment again! I met him tonight and I'm back home now. We had dinner at a quite nice bistro in Ebisu, which is a dating spot at Tokyo. So I told him I was divorced and two years older than him, it was surprising for him, because he thought he was older than me, which was very sweet of him.
And then...after some conversation, he said we should start seeing each other. So he didn't that care about what I was concerning:) I was so happy! The very charming part about him is, he is very serious and gentle.( hardworker, and very good looking) He is different with some European men I met before, but in someway... he is also negative, he likes to criticize, not criticizing me, but his job, the city, even his homeland Poland.
Is this common within Polish people?
I also had the feeling probably he was spoiled by his mother or his ex girlfriend, you can feel from his attitudes that he was treated very well by women.
Do Polish women treat their boyfriends like babies sometime? Like take care of them a lot..like mothering type of girls?
About Japanese men, they are not mom's boy, in Japan men avoid to talk about their mothers, as they think its not manly at all.
So poor Japanese moms, they lose their Son when they grew to 15,and almost forever, Japanese men only go back home once to twice a year.
They are demanding, that's why we start to learn how to dress to please men, how to act to look cute or beautiful, from junior high school.
I'm an independent woman so I don't like this kind of thing, but somehow we all follow this 'traditions'. Yes Japanese men seek their wife with benefits, especially men with high social status or salary. They get married regardless of how their family think, I rarely hear any Japanese men giving up marrying a girl due to their mothers.
They even marry escorts as long as the girls are pretty and feminine.
O yeah! Complaining is their favorite pastime. If, by some strange miracle, they had nothing to complain about, they would complain about having nothing to complain about, Bit of a stereotype, perhaps, but you encounter it a lot in Poland, even from strangers that you have never seen before. Just ignore it. It's not about you, and there is nothing you can do about it except ignore it.
DominicB Ok then its common among Polish people, at first I thought he must be unhappy to something, but it wasn't, he just liked to complain, I ignore it then.
Yes Selena, complaining is just a cultural thing very common in Poland. Men and women both do it. It can be hard to deal with if you are a cheerful, optimistic type of person yourself. You need to watch out that you don't end up joining in! Try not to get sucked into the Moaning Michael/Minnie syndrome and after a while your new boyfriend (Oh how sweet!) may take a leaf from your book and become less of a complainer.
he was spoiled by his mother or his ex girlfriend
Now this is definitely an issue with Polish men. It may be changing now, but any guy in his thirties like yours, will have been brought up in the traditional Polish style where boys are petted and cossetted and girls are pretty much trained to wait on them hand and foot. My own husband for example told me that in his family, after meals, the boys would help to clear the table and bring the dishes to the kitchen, then their sister would help the mother with the dishes while the boys had a nap!! They were trained by their mother and grandmother to lie down after eating and rest. But this wasn't considered necessary for girls, no their digestions must be different because they can go straight to the sink and do a bit of work on a full stomach, but not the boys :))
Another example would be that it was quite common when they were teenagers for the girls in the house to prepare snacks and meals for the boys. My husband remembers once being round at a friend's house and they were just hanging out and they were hungry. So his friend's sister and her friend cooked them a meal. They didn't eat anything themselves, just cooked for the boys. Now I'm Irish and let me tell you, you wouldnt' find an Irish girl doing that. The boys rustle up their own snacks. He says that if there were females in the house it was pretty much expected that they would stop whatever they were doing themselves to feed the men.
Another thing is that Polish mothers fuss over their childrens' health a great deal. The smallest sniff and they're kept home from school. This carries on when they grow up and if they have a bit of a sore throat or a cold they'll make quite a fuss over it and may have a few days of work.
You could sum it up by saying that Polish women are quite domesticated and Polish men expect them to be. Roles are quite traditional in Polish relationships, woman cooks, keeps the house spotlessly clean and tidy, man expects her to maintain those standards even if she's working outside the home. Men don't generally do things like dishes or vacuming but is very willing to carry heavy shopping, take out the rubbish/trash, mow the lawn, do the DIY and home improvements, any heavy work basically, they expect to do it and they're happy to do it. Polish men tend to be good fathers, very interested in spending time with their kids and actively enjoy spending time doing things together as a family. One great thing about Polish men is that they seem to actually enjoy shopping with their ladies. They're incredibly patient and will wait for hours outside changing rooms, walk for miles carrying bags and take a genuine interest in everything. You just need to keep them fed and watered. The way to a Polish man's heart is definitely through his stomach!
@Atch While you are probably right, if not exagerrating a bit, be aware that the situation of women in Japan is X time worse. So by your "rant" you may discourage Selena, as she may see the situation to be worse than in Japan.
From what I've gathered women in Japan are a lot less independent, a lot more objectified, almost non existant in managerial circles and generally groomed to be best wifes first and foremost. They are of course educated, but just to do some simple work, as work culture is very strong in Japan. A woman that becomes a wife becomes almost "owned" ny husbands family.
All of this is not based on first hand experiance, maybe Selena can confirm\deny.
Anyway, my point is that situation of women in Poland is completely different, where Polish women are more often independent and strong.
@Selena I think that Japan\Polish relationship (as in Japanese woman and Polish man) is quite good fit, as Polish society is generally similar to Japanese with following tradition, but woman's position is much stronger.
The other way around is no good for Japanese men, as I understand they require some degree of servitude, which they wouldn't get from Polish woman most of the time.
Yes Majkel Situation for Japanese women are even worse, only one good thing(maybe good?) for us is its usual for men to financially support their family, they give their salary to their wife, and get money as' monthly use' from wives.
That's why Japanese housewives are quite happy, after children are independent, they use husband's money to travel around with their friends, enjoy their life.
For working women, they still need to mostly take care of the children and do housework, men don't go back home early, they like to drink outside.
And women salary is lower than men here, as still many women want to stay home without working. Men aren't dedicated to house works, and what women get from their husbands are presents. Its usual for Japanese men give their wife high brand bags like LV, Gucci, and accessories, or take them out for a short trip, they must spend money on the ladies, as they spend a fun life without taking care of the kids.
We say wives spend double money on our lunch rather than men in japan. Young people are changing, but still we have this kind of tradition. A lot of my friends complain their husbands don't come home, and leave them with the children. Its like you give me money, I give you free life. So I don't recommend to marry a Japanese man. There are some are very affectional, but not so much. I think Polish men are way better.
Atch Thanks for your comment about Polish men! Yes I could see something on him just like what you said. However situation for Japanese women are even worse here, so I think we can get along well. I was educated abroad, so I" m quite independent, strong type among Japanese women, and not submissive at all. :) Are boys more treasured than girls in Poland? Like their status in a family.
Johnny_reb Do you think this way? In Japan if men were busy for a month rarely come back home, wives will say' buy me a bag' if you feel sorry. When I had a fight with my ex-husband, he said he will buy me a necklace as saying sorry. I didn't ask for that. Its maybe quite common in east Asia. Oh but some of my friends aren't like that, but their husband still too busy to come back home. So maybe yes, women can't expect much help from their husband, as men drink a lot hang out outside with their dudes. Many foreigners complain after they married Japanese women, why they need to give all their salary to their wife and beg for 'monthly use', these ladies aren't working!
@Selena88 Generally it varies from case to case, but in my opinion in most cases if a husband was not coming home for a month, that would be a pathological situation leading to a divorce. Those don't happen all that much becasue usually life/family is much more important to Pole than work. Work is simply a way to obtain money to have a life.
As for house budget I have no idea. My guess that it's either split accounts and husband\wife shares costs of running household or Single account with two credit cards and same story.
In Poland it is generally difficult to lead a family life on single income (unless high menagment) so usually both husband and wife are working and neither of it is "hobby" work, but a valid way to earn money necesarry.
Yes, I am old and know when I am being USED by a woman.
wives will say' buy me a bag' if you feel sorry.
Sorry for what, working his butt off to support his family ?
When I had a fight with my ex-husband
ex-husband ? Did he catch on to what 'gold digger' meant ? You can't be more than 19 years old.
he will buy me a necklace as saying sorry.
Maybe you made him feel guilty ? Did you put him on guilt trips by any chance ?
why they need to give all their salary to their wife
It's called "Power of the Pooter".
beg for 'monthly use'
A hooker would be much cheaper plus there would be a variety without all the whining. Hookers keep wives much more understanding and forgiving.
these ladies aren't working!
The sad part of that is eventually these gold diggers become "Has Beens" and are replace by younger women. They then become man haters because men ignore them because they don't want to be used. When you get older and start sagging you will know what I am talking about.
Johnny, why are you being so nasty? I'm disappointed in you. You often criticise other people on this forum for attacking newcomers and chasing them away and now you're doing exactly the same thing yourself. Selena sounds like a nice, genuine young woman and she's just trying to have a bit of an exchange of information about Japanese and Polish culture. As for why her first marriage broke up that's most certainly none of your 'beeswax'.
From what I understand of Japanese culture she speaks the truth. Japanese women are expected to be compliant and somewhat doll-like. For men, work comes before family and not because they want to provide for lazy women, but because material success and status within the company is more important than human relationships. And Johnny, Japanese business men have a well renowned reputation for enjoying the services of upmarket prostitutes as part of their business perks. They're not lily white by an means.
Are boys more treasured than girls in Poland? Like their status in a family.
No I wouldn't say that. Boys and girls are equally valued (although of course it may vary from family to family but it's not a cultural norm that boys are considered more important). However Polish mothers and grandmothers are very attentive to children of both sexes, so when the boys grow up it tends to result in men who expect the same degree of attention to their comforts, from their wives/girlfriends, that they would get from a doting grandmother!
