His mom is Polish and his dad is Italian and he was raised Catholic, but he seems removed from religion. We are the same age and we seem to have a strong spark that is there most of the time but sometimes I feel like I'm losing it. We've been dating for about a month. We pretty much spend the whole weekend together and have a great time together most of the time. He is very athletic and has a lot of energy and we do crazy, spur of the moment things. One Saturday we spent all day walking around the gardens, went back to his apartment and then took another walk, went to dinner downtown, went to a bar then had a crazy make-out session in his car. He seems very solid and loyal, he dated the same girl throughout high school and college, but then in his senior year they got more distant from each other and he says he is done with her for good. We are now officially, "going out" as of yesterday (not sure how that is any different than dating).
On the flip side, there are moments where I feel really distant and we kind of don't know what else to say to each other. I kind of feel like this may be because we've been together in too intense of a way for such a short period of time. He said, "Don't worry, I like you for things other than this, you're fun, funny etc." I felt like saying gee you better. The other thing is he kind of doesn't want to talk too much about himself like his friends and where he works. Although he does talk about his family, I got the feeling he really didn't want to meet my parents and he doesn't want anything to do with involving me in his family. I have a feeling his parents would make monster in-laws, one because his mother is a reactive Polish woman and two because they're hard core Catholic.
What do you think I can do right now to plant seeds for our relationship to progress and become a deeper friendship? I feel like the sex is a bad idea because I have a major problem with being able to stay open and I don't know what to do about it. He seems fine with this and totally respectful but it ruins the romance/spark. What can I do to show that I would fit in with his family? I feel like we were raised in a somewhat similar style, but the hard core Catholic stuff causes a huge divide because my immediate family is not religious at all.
Any guy who is controlled by his parents is not a real guy. Or he is using his parents to keep you at a distance because he is afraid of commitment. If he likes you the parents should not even come into it.
I don't think he's using the parents to avoid commitment, that's not what I said. I think he wants someone that fits in with his family, and they are hard core catholics so it is a problem. But in general I think that we grew up with a similar style and that's why we have such a connection.
Well, he doesn't "love" me, and I don't "love" him, I just want our relationship to progress. We've only known each other for a month for Christ's sake.
This is my feeling about this, and of course, this is just my guess. I think you are his rebound girl. Eventually, he might even go back to his girlfriend. Also, sooner you sleep with him, sooner your relationship is going to be over.
Are you that sure about this F Stop? He claims that he was distant from her most of his senior year in college but never dated anyone because he was so busy. He says they started to not have anything in common anymore. He says he's new to the "dating thing" which is originally what kind of worried me. I doubt he would want to spend nearly every hour of every weekend with someone if he still had an emotional attachment to someone else. He could be lying about it being over for a long time though, and it could be a complicated thing thus why he is guarded about telling me about his life.
I agree that it is a terrible idea to let him have sex with me at this point, but I think hand jobs and spooning are a totally different thing. This encourages bonding but he won't get everything he wants from me before there is a strong connection.
I assume that was sarcastic, kreme. The signs that he does not want her to be a part of his life are all there, no family involvement, no friends, he does not even want her to know where he works, for Pete's sake!
I think he's just working her because she presents him with a challenge and a distraction. Sorry, but that is my take.
Well, we haven't known each other that long to have "family involvement" but the fact that the idea of meeting my parents is so aversive to him is a bad sign. In a normal situation it wouldn't be a problem to just introduce yourself or make some small talk but he doesn't want anything to do with them. He defensively made a point of saying that he's been out of the dating thing for so long that the idea of meeting my parents is too much for him right now.
Do you think I should confront him? It's kind of hard to confront someone about their past when you don't know much about it. The only thing that indicates to me that F Stop's assumptions are wrong is that he does NOT want to talk about his ex, but when I did force him to talk about it he was very calm and matter-of-fact. If he still had some kind of feelings for her, he would be transferring those experiences with this ex to me in some way, like talking about her or comparing her to me.
On the other hand, I think he may not be sure of what he wants in a date and could possibly just be infatuated with me because he is relieved to have physical contact with a woman.
He defensively made a point of saying that he's been out of the dating thing for so long that the idea of meeting my parents is too much for him right now.
Relax and take it easy okay PolkaTagAlong. Why not just have fun at the moment and let things flow and see how it goes. Sometimes if you expect too much, too quickly, too soon, you tend to fall really hard. And it's back-breaking.
I assume that was sarcastic, kreme.
I'm fond of sarcasm; and by the way fstop, are you single?
Its hard for me to not be really intense and take things seriously because I am borderline. I can have fun and relax and all that but I have a deep need to belong to someone and at some point I can't be happy unless I feel secure with the other person.
I can't be happy unless I feel secure with the other person
Then tell him how you feel. Guys can be very direct and straightforward. Do something with him that you both have in common, and while doing it talk to him about your feelings.
Sorry, but that is my take.
hi fstop, can I take you instead; are you still single?
Well, when I say a month, I mean about four weekends, which is definitely not enough time to know whether you love someone or not. You must not take the idea of "love" as seriously as I do.
Do you think it would be weird if I kept a little makeup bag with some of my toiletries (mascara, toothbrush, conditioner, lotion etc.) and a change of clothes in his apartment next time I go over there? I feel like if I do a spur of the moment sleepover and I have that stuff over there, I will feel more comfortable at his pad and it may help with my vagina problem. It makes me feel very anxiety ridden when I wake up with stinky breath and smeared makeup and have nothing to wash my face or brush my teeth with. Maybe I could explain this to him and he wouldn't just think I was being clingy. It would help to have an extra swimsuit and change of clothes there.
U guys were right...He was afraid of commitment. I exposed him. He was playing games the whole time. It was HIS idea to play house with me, he was trying to lead me on so that I would sleep with him, pretty slick. I still can't believe he's texting me saying HE needs a few days to "think things over" before we see each other again. I was tempted to say don't flatter yourself but I didn't. I said look, you have TOTALLY gotten the wrong idea, there is NO WAY I will see you again, I just wanted to set the record straight that I knew he was playing a game, I'm not a dummy.
