Shyfx
29 Oct 2011 / #1
Hi, im looking for advice like many of these men that have posted there problems regarding Child Maintenance in Poland.
I will start with my back ground leading upto meeting this young (polish) lady.
I was in the army for a few years here in the UK in which time i seen some pretty terrible things, i was based in Deepcut Barracks at the time of those mass suicides, and the most horrific memory that sticks with me is having a guy blow bits of his skull. brains and blood into my face. After finally getting out of that place (joining the army being my goal in life) the things i had seen slowly started to come back to my mind i delt with it the best any 19 year old guy could and tried to hide it deep inside myself. I started sinking deeper and deeper into Depression, at the age of 20 i got myself another job working in a night club where i then met a polish woman ( 4 years my Senior) as soon as i laid eyes on her i instantly had feelings for her after a few months of getting to know her i got the DJ in the club to ask her out on a date with me,
She was just everything i have ever wanted perfect in all ways Loving, honest and respectful not only to me but with her self aswell. We were out new years eve and she got a little drunk and needed me to hold her up as i walked her home back to the student house she was staying in, it was raining pretty hard that night on the way back so i gave her my jacket, and i remember her staring up at me with just an intense look i tried to resist looking down at her but gave in, that moment i looked into her eyes i knew i was just completely in love with her, i sound found that she was helping me deal with things from my past by keeping me positive and looking forward to a bright future with her. skipping ahead She got pregnant a few months into the pregnancy she wanted to go back home to spend time with her family and friends, i thought i was making the right decision by letting her go but the female mind works in mysterious ways(i'll get to that later) after a few months of her being back in poland there was no talk from her side of coming back to the uk, Of course i was really upset and angry with her i mean she had not only taken herself away from me but my daughter too. I must add i was totally againest becoming a parent but as time went on i was looking more and more forward to the idea.
My anger and emotions grew to the point were i was losing keeping in contact with her ( although she did try her best to keep in contact with me(i say this because i dont want her judged, she is a good woman) she called me one night and i told her there was nothing between us, it was a stupid and immature way of dealing with responsibility at the time, and have regretted it to this day 4 years later, i can only justify it by; i thought i was giving her what she wanted in the sense that i didn't think she wanted to come back to the UK to be with me as she had told me herself she felt there was nothing here for her.
Anyway as you can imagine after loosing this wonderful woman and my daughter that wasn't even born yet my mental state decreased again and thoughts from the army were thrown into the mix, i was so down and depressed i tried to kill myself thinking how much of a failure to my unborn child i had become.
I hated myself so much i couldn't even think of contacting her and letting her see what i had become so the baby was born on 4th october god bless her, by a mother who wanted nothing more than me to be there with her. How do i know this you are probally asking well it took me over 3 years to get out of the unfit mental state i was in and on the 17th of May this year i sent her a mail, short but just to try and establish contact between us again.
Things went well really well to the fact that a month later we were back together in a relationship, the time between my split with this woman the thought of another woman hadn't even crossed my mind nor did i stray from her even though we were seperated she was and still is the only woman for me and she tells me the same thing and i believe her. but there was something important she had to tell me one day that she had nearly given up hope on me and that she had to put forward a petition for maintenance.
Now this is where my questions come into play.
But Firstly i want to point out that i want to support my child and if i earn 10,000PLN a month i am more than whilling to pay the whole ammount towards what ever my child needs.
But here goes:
- The court in Poland awarded her maintenance at the rate of 800PLN pcm for 10 months
- then increased this too 1000PLN pcm for 12 months
- then a further increase too 1400PLN pcm for 26 months
- Also 3000PLN was awared to her for the pregnancy
- And then the court costs where made for me too pay with reached nearly 3000PLN
On the letter in front of me now it stands that i owe to date with interest and everything nearly 88,568.77 PLN
quit a heavty bill to be hit with at once.
Since being in contact with my now again partner i have sent her on average 1800pln a month from June upto October this year so for 5 months.
With the court case i recieved nothing but papers in polish nor did i have any involvement into my earnings and out goings.
I recieved a letter saying about a window to appeal the case a year after it had been made by which time i had 1 week before the enforcement order in the UK.
Over them years i was on the sick for depression on suicide watch and benifits so had no chance mentally to work because of the state i was in, i couldn't face the outside world and felt as if my life was meaningless.
There is no way i can go back them 3 years and changed what i earned or even stop the mother of my child from leaving me although i would if possible now i was recieving at one stage recieving £340 a month
on which £200 had to go to rent as you can see i had no life at all leaving me with £140 or 650PLN a month before even leaving the house or before food, so i didn't have any money back theni just wondering how so much was awarded basically behind my back without my imput into the case and how they think its possible for me to pay so much, like i said i have been paying on average the ammount of £365 per month although i am ment to pay £312 for the monthly maintenence plus £80 for the back dated ammount which equals £392 pcm or 1,928.83 PLN. also the ammount i am currently trying my best to pay dosn't even cover the interest rate so even though i am sending £312 plus the £53 for the back dated ammount the interest of the total back dated ammount is still going up each month by over £100 which would mean i need to pay £465 or 2,288.03 PLN a month for the back dated ammount to stay the same, she also tells me she did plan to take it to court again to increase it further by another £120 and that they would have awarded it, thus in total meaning i would have had to pay £585 or 2,878.48 PLN a month to always be in debt of 88,568 PLN in which case there is statutory interest would just further increase. Ever time i go to my local shop to pay this ammount they have a little giggle at me because men here dont even pay close to this ammount for 3 kids per month.
i dont know if it changes anything but i have recently just come back from poland after spending 5 weeks out there and meeting my child for the first time in person, and all i can say is what an experiance and that it has made me want to be appart of her life like nothing else in this world.
I would really like help here in anyway shape or form as i want to get this dealt with so i can be happy and thus be happy for my child and my childs mother
Thank you all who respond for your time.
I will start with my back ground leading upto meeting this young (polish) lady.
I was in the army for a few years here in the UK in which time i seen some pretty terrible things, i was based in Deepcut Barracks at the time of those mass suicides, and the most horrific memory that sticks with me is having a guy blow bits of his skull. brains and blood into my face. After finally getting out of that place (joining the army being my goal in life) the things i had seen slowly started to come back to my mind i delt with it the best any 19 year old guy could and tried to hide it deep inside myself. I started sinking deeper and deeper into Depression, at the age of 20 i got myself another job working in a night club where i then met a polish woman ( 4 years my Senior) as soon as i laid eyes on her i instantly had feelings for her after a few months of getting to know her i got the DJ in the club to ask her out on a date with me,
She was just everything i have ever wanted perfect in all ways Loving, honest and respectful not only to me but with her self aswell. We were out new years eve and she got a little drunk and needed me to hold her up as i walked her home back to the student house she was staying in, it was raining pretty hard that night on the way back so i gave her my jacket, and i remember her staring up at me with just an intense look i tried to resist looking down at her but gave in, that moment i looked into her eyes i knew i was just completely in love with her, i sound found that she was helping me deal with things from my past by keeping me positive and looking forward to a bright future with her. skipping ahead She got pregnant a few months into the pregnancy she wanted to go back home to spend time with her family and friends, i thought i was making the right decision by letting her go but the female mind works in mysterious ways(i'll get to that later) after a few months of her being back in poland there was no talk from her side of coming back to the uk, Of course i was really upset and angry with her i mean she had not only taken herself away from me but my daughter too. I must add i was totally againest becoming a parent but as time went on i was looking more and more forward to the idea.
My anger and emotions grew to the point were i was losing keeping in contact with her ( although she did try her best to keep in contact with me(i say this because i dont want her judged, she is a good woman) she called me one night and i told her there was nothing between us, it was a stupid and immature way of dealing with responsibility at the time, and have regretted it to this day 4 years later, i can only justify it by; i thought i was giving her what she wanted in the sense that i didn't think she wanted to come back to the UK to be with me as she had told me herself she felt there was nothing here for her.
Anyway as you can imagine after loosing this wonderful woman and my daughter that wasn't even born yet my mental state decreased again and thoughts from the army were thrown into the mix, i was so down and depressed i tried to kill myself thinking how much of a failure to my unborn child i had become.
I hated myself so much i couldn't even think of contacting her and letting her see what i had become so the baby was born on 4th october god bless her, by a mother who wanted nothing more than me to be there with her. How do i know this you are probally asking well it took me over 3 years to get out of the unfit mental state i was in and on the 17th of May this year i sent her a mail, short but just to try and establish contact between us again.
Things went well really well to the fact that a month later we were back together in a relationship, the time between my split with this woman the thought of another woman hadn't even crossed my mind nor did i stray from her even though we were seperated she was and still is the only woman for me and she tells me the same thing and i believe her. but there was something important she had to tell me one day that she had nearly given up hope on me and that she had to put forward a petition for maintenance.
Now this is where my questions come into play.
But Firstly i want to point out that i want to support my child and if i earn 10,000PLN a month i am more than whilling to pay the whole ammount towards what ever my child needs.
But here goes:
- The court in Poland awarded her maintenance at the rate of 800PLN pcm for 10 months
- then increased this too 1000PLN pcm for 12 months
- then a further increase too 1400PLN pcm for 26 months
- Also 3000PLN was awared to her for the pregnancy
- And then the court costs where made for me too pay with reached nearly 3000PLN
On the letter in front of me now it stands that i owe to date with interest and everything nearly 88,568.77 PLN
quit a heavty bill to be hit with at once.
Since being in contact with my now again partner i have sent her on average 1800pln a month from June upto October this year so for 5 months.
With the court case i recieved nothing but papers in polish nor did i have any involvement into my earnings and out goings.
I recieved a letter saying about a window to appeal the case a year after it had been made by which time i had 1 week before the enforcement order in the UK.
Over them years i was on the sick for depression on suicide watch and benifits so had no chance mentally to work because of the state i was in, i couldn't face the outside world and felt as if my life was meaningless.
There is no way i can go back them 3 years and changed what i earned or even stop the mother of my child from leaving me although i would if possible now i was recieving at one stage recieving £340 a month
on which £200 had to go to rent as you can see i had no life at all leaving me with £140 or 650PLN a month before even leaving the house or before food, so i didn't have any money back theni just wondering how so much was awarded basically behind my back without my imput into the case and how they think its possible for me to pay so much, like i said i have been paying on average the ammount of £365 per month although i am ment to pay £312 for the monthly maintenence plus £80 for the back dated ammount which equals £392 pcm or 1,928.83 PLN. also the ammount i am currently trying my best to pay dosn't even cover the interest rate so even though i am sending £312 plus the £53 for the back dated ammount the interest of the total back dated ammount is still going up each month by over £100 which would mean i need to pay £465 or 2,288.03 PLN a month for the back dated ammount to stay the same, she also tells me she did plan to take it to court again to increase it further by another £120 and that they would have awarded it, thus in total meaning i would have had to pay £585 or 2,878.48 PLN a month to always be in debt of 88,568 PLN in which case there is statutory interest would just further increase. Ever time i go to my local shop to pay this ammount they have a little giggle at me because men here dont even pay close to this ammount for 3 kids per month.
i dont know if it changes anything but i have recently just come back from poland after spending 5 weeks out there and meeting my child for the first time in person, and all i can say is what an experiance and that it has made me want to be appart of her life like nothing else in this world.
I would really like help here in anyway shape or form as i want to get this dealt with so i can be happy and thus be happy for my child and my childs mother
Thank you all who respond for your time.