Love / Help - evil Polish girl after my partner. [39]

Actually it is a genuine enquiry, there is no breech of confidentiality here as everyone seemed to know about the case before me, it was suggested that i help out by some one close to M and her daughter, they asked me for help and discussed it all in front of many people! I have done what I can to maimtain confidentiality incase relatives in different areas may use PF. I decided to discuss this on Pf because QUITE FRANKLY I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT ANY MOTHER WHO IS SUPPOSEDLY WORRIED ABOUT HER SON COULD BE SO UTTERLY INERT AND UNHELPFUL!!!! I was astounded by the lack of help and useful suggestions from the community, my partner and the whole lot.! I thought maybe I was misunderstanding some cultural aspect of the case!


As for that remark it's beneath contempt, I would feel exactly the same if it were a british family and my parents are immigrants!!!

Any sincere insights into how to approach this would be welcome as i don't want to refuse help but i don't know how to handle the situation.

Love / Help - evil Polish girl after my partner. [39]


You do have a good point here, however, no one in the polish community where I live uses PF and I use a different name anyway and the initials of the people involved plus the exact country in the middle east (of the partner) have been changed. Also there is almost no confidentiality amongst the polish community my area, apparently I was one of the few people with any polish links who did not know about this event til the family aske for my involve ment.

I do appreciate that domestic violence is an international problem. The reason the family asked me to interevene is because I have a polish partner and speak the language, I once translated at the local GP surgery for a lady who was ill and since then I have frequent requests to help in the community with all sorts of problems.

I am confused by the reaction of this lady, I am further confused by my partner's statement that all polish women would react this way both to the crisis and the way the partner treats A. My own female polish friends ( who are in their 40's)are very unsympathetic to A or her mother,my partner seems to be writing off the entire female population and the rest of the men are not helpful.

I would like to understand this lady if I am to help her and I am concerned the way i see things is because i am misunderstanding on a culural level.

Love / Help - evil Polish girl after my partner. [39]

Merged: Help domestic violence case

Need a bit of help here any ideas gratefully recieved.
I was asked recently by a polish lady(M) i know to help her daughter (A) sort out a domestic violence/child custody dispute.
A turned up one friday night at M's house saying the local police had arrested her and put her in the cells for several hours at the request of her Iraqi partner.

On release she went to her Mum's (M) and in the morning went to see her son but was informed her partner no longer wished to live with her and wanted custody of their 4 year old son. He requested that she arranged accompanied visits to see her son and to contact a solicitor asap as he was going to apply for the boy to live with him and for him to be the main carer.apparently A did nothing about the situation until her mum contacted me on the following tuesday. I had quite a long conversation with A who said she was sick of her partner because he didn't like her drinking alcohol excessively and would not let her wear short dresses, also that he talked about Iraq too much (he has british nationality but some of his family are there). A was quite worried that her partner would abscond with the son. I sorted out a solicitor and an appointment with a lady from the local domestic violence group also suggested that we request the local police accompany us to the house so that A could get clothes, see her son was okay etc.. She did not want to go to the police station because she had been drinking heavily. i arranged to do this the following day. Next day A did not show up, her mum asked me to go to the partner's house, which I did. A was there, her partner invited me in, I spent 30 mins talking to the son and the partner who was quite distressed. The partner told me he was fed up of her drinking and returning home late, worse for wear, he told me he liked her to dress fashionably but with some modesty as she was 32 and a mother( all the clothes I saw her with were very fashionable). The partner admitted that there was domestic violence, that on occassions when she was drunk and went for him he had kicked out at her or squeezed her arms quite hard. Her partner said A could see her son any time but bnot under the influence of alcohol. A spent 5 mins with her son and we left, on arriving at M's house she started drinking and said she wanted her partner stopped from seeing the son,she wanted custody and would commit suicide if the outcome was different. The rest of the conversation was about her clothes!!!

Next day despite arranging to see the solicitor A refused to go, she asked me to attend instead, which I did but obviously any legal applications will need to be put forward by her, I arranged various appointments with benefit agencies, she also refused to attend. Nothing was done by A herself or M. Eventually A's partner rang and suggested they meet in public and try to sort out the situation, they did and A returned to the house, hopefully all will be well.

M then said that she feared that the situation would repeat itself and would I be willing to help again ?
Obviously I would help any one in need of help but I was pretty disgusted by the lack of effort on A's behalf, she seemed more concerned about the clothes than the child. I was also angry that she treated me like a servant. I appreciate that women can become very demoralised in domestic violence situations, but the alcohol and lack of response is worrying. The men in her family just went on an anti arab rant, my own partner just said A wanted what every polish woman wants, drink and dresses and a good time and arabs were too restrictive and was useless advice wise. M the mother could shed no insight other than to say that A was a good girl because she only drank larger (strong larger) so obviously didn't have a drink problem and the partner was fanatical ( he's an athiest ). Do polish women react to a crisis in this fashion? is alcolholism a problem amongst the women? i can't believe my partner's description of the average female pole (he is Polish) but i was stunned by A's behavoiur, what is the best approach if I am asked to help again? A has been here 10 years and has excellent English.

UK, Ireland / Polish Family stabbed to death in St Helier. [40]

monika koniec
Quite possibly a domestic murder, nationality is irrelevant I suspect, just a dreadful thing to happen to anyone especially young children!
this shouldn't really be something to use as the reason for a racist rant but 'Get real love' tribes have been mixing since the year dot otherwise we'd have died out through various genetic weaknesses.

UK, Ireland / Is moving to UK now a good idea? - antipolish prejudice of the Brits [231]


Partially true but Britain still treats foriegners in britain better than a lot of countries do! As for the working class/man etc.... I can't think of any goverment in history that has been overly concerned about the 'average man in the street', even if they started out with good intentions 'power' becomes the ultimate aim!

MRMOM = Just stop worrying and debating, it's all irrelevant, you have a chance to broaden your horions and make a bit of money (good exchange rate at moment) grab the chance! My first teaching job was in Iraq in the middle of a war, everybody thought it would be a disaster(valid concerns on their part) guess what? had a wonderful time which I would not have missed for anything!!!! Yeah sure there were a few scary moments and I saw things that were upsetting but I did choose to go there in wartime! Life is what you make it though and overall it was a good experience.

Most people you meet will look at you not your nationality, up to you how you deal with your life here. My MR is polish and despite the economic situation has carved a life out for himself and we live in an area with very few jobs! There is some prejudice here but 99% of people are okay, if they have problems they keep it to themselves. Biggest problem he has faced has been one or two other poles and if he had been a little less niave about people he wouldn't have met those few problems! Jump in get your ticket and stop thinking so much and live your life!

UK, Ireland / Is moving to UK now a good idea? - antipolish prejudice of the Brits [231]

MyMom
If you've been offered a decent job over here, just come over. There is some resentment about poles being in the UK but most british people will not show it and treat people well!

Ignore the riots, this is the result of 40 years of ridiculous government policies (all political parties included ) and these riots break out from time to time, they are not specifically aimed at any race! The polish lady in the Sun was only saying what everyone would in this particular situation,human nature! Give the UK a go, if you hate it you can return to Poland with a bit of experience of the world!

UK, Ireland / Worst of the worst Poles emigrating to Britain? [32]

It's quite difficult for most immigrants on arriving in a new country.Many of the poles arrive as single men and find it hard to make friends. The established families are a little wary of mixing with them, the English/Welsh are not particularly friendly towards them as there is resentment over jobs, there is quite a high rate of marriage breakdowns in the immigrant community plus most poles are doing jobs that are not as rewarding or skillful as they would normally do. Take all these factors into consideration and you end up with a situation where there are a lot of unhappy people having to mix with people they wouldn't normally mix with. Add to this the fact that the decent polish girls are often in a relationship already and most British women are wary of entering into a realtionship with these men. Loneliness plus alcohol can equal bad behaviour!!!!

As for the younger lads, it's not that easy being a pole in a Welsh or English school and some do act tough or with excessive bravado. I can appreciate what Weilkipolack is saying and do not condone this behaviour but there are reasons.

USA, Canada / Why are Polish restaurants not successful in the USA? [698]

SHT
Thank for your reply


I will definitely try this out !!
I also have to concede that polish vinegar is vastly superior to the English Malt version !

On a more serious note i do agree with your analysis of why Polish restaurants are not more successful in USA.
Most people don't realise how varied the variety of food is and have little knowledge of polish cuisine.
Also there is the factor that good, fresh ingridients plus preparation time don't allow much scope for fast food or retaurant dining unless you have a well established customer base who know and appreciate the food, economics are obviously of importance especially at this moment in time.

I must hang my head in shame because whilst making a very flippant remark, I did not stop to think about
the problems that many poles have endured in recent history! My partner's family were really quite lucky in that they have always lived near the countryside and have had more access to food than many people, they are also lucky in that my partner's mother is extremely resourceful (it's her I ask about recipes and advice on cooking).

Unfortunately the Historical education in this country is rather narrow and most people have very little knowledge of countries outside of the old British Empire ( and not a great deal about those countries).

I think there reason that are few if any established polish restaurants in Britain is largely because the first generation of Poles to settle in the UK after World War 2 were often married to British women and became by 'British' culturally, also post war rationing did not allow for much in the way of exotic cuisine. Variety in restaurants really only took off with the arrival of Asian workers in the late50's/early 60's, most people knew a little about India and were prepared to give Indian food a try ( though I have to say most restaurants serve an anglicised version of Indian food) / similar story for chinese food. Cheap package holidays aroused a little interest in Italian food.

I don't know what will happen with the new wave of Polish workers as they have not been here long, many have come as families and as yet have not had a great deal of interaction with british people, there are certainly a few Polish shops opening in larger towns and cities but whether or not it will lead to Polish cuisine becoming more common place I really could not say!

Regards Paloma.

USA, Canada / Why are Polish restaurants not successful in the USA? [698]

To Short Hair Thug


and what sort of pie would you like master?


LOL love life, no complaints at all it's very spicy thank you,
any more spice we'll be in the intensive care unit!!!!


No I live in England and the English/American food is even worse!!!!!

Sorry but there are lots of things I like about Poland and my Polish man most definitely, but polish food I only cook it because he loves it !

USA, Canada / Why are Polish restaurants not successful in the USA? [698]

Good way to lose weight? Marry a polish man, the food is not nice!
Really like most polish culture but the food bland, bland, bland!!!!!
Answers the question about polish restaurants any where other than Poland!!!!! Not sucessful

Love / What are Polish Women like? Just started to date one. [256]

Get rid of this one Scotty, she's taking you and the other guy for mugs. If he is so bad she should have just left him and started another relationship when she was free to do so! There is no acceptable reason to cheat, if you are unhappy with some one and you can't resolve the issues just go, there is never a reason o humiliate some one by cheating on them! This woman is just hedging her bets because she's too weak to be alone! In answer to the main quesion, what are polish women like, some are really nice. some are ******* same as the rest of the world! You hear more about the bad ones because in a small group of people they stand out. The bad polish women are nightmares but then so are bad english women it's just easier to avoid the bad english ones because you have a better understanding of them and flaws are recognisable sooner.

Love / Help - evil Polish girl after my partner. [39]

hi thanks for answers so far,
partner has told her he has no romantic interest in her at all, he did this infront of me and a polish lady, my spoken polish is good enough to verify exactly what he said,' I could never love you, you're a ******' was quite easy to translate!!!


.
I would say she is a bit of a psychiatric case but is always careful not to harm her self badly and is very vocal about the cuts, in my experience ( i teach children who have psychiatric problems ) real self harmers rarely reveal

their problems.


Tend to agree with PennBoy because i don't think she showed any interest in him when they were both single,he's also settled down a great deal this last year, he used to drink quite a bit, but doesn't bother much now, he's bought a car and is saving money, he is a great support financially as i am only on a supply contract and so don't get paid during the holidays, although we split every thing during term time. Maybe it is a bit of

polish princess syndrome, though all the other women i have met have been great. Can't break away altoether cos she is sometimes sent by her agency to partners workplace, maybe a new job for my partner is desirable.

Love / Help - evil Polish girl after my partner. [39]

Not sure if we can cut relations completely as said girl and partner sometimes work with my partner. Her partner is a really nice person too so maybe hard on him. My partner made a big deal about buying me a large bunch of red roses and giving them to me infront of her, telling me how much he loved me, that didn't seem to deter her

she just cut her arm and her partner had to take her to hospital, my partner says she does this if she doesn't get attention, he also suggested we buy her a big pack of razor blades, but i don't think that is a good idea, should we tell her partner what is going on? She has slept with another man since the 'love' declaration but even this hasn't made her give up her interest in my man. Anyone know any rich, handsome young men to distract her??????