Love / ARE POLISH GIRLS GOLD-DIGGERS? [359]

Have you seen 'Seksmisja'? : D Men aren't that bad : )


Why?

Love / polish gf doesnt wanna kiss and hug me at her home,normal or not? [7]

well she is Catholic, innit?

Life / Do Polish people know a lot about the world ? [16]


I would say actually that there is a very strong showing of this 'ignorant' type in the cities - this is the band of people who are just above 'patologia' (probably the lowest socio-economic class you get in cities - alcoholism and abuse are rife - domestic violence almost standard - half the family members die before 50 from alcohol or cancer - etc.). They have often dragged themselves out of what might have been termed 'patologia', and are now first generation trying to move up, but the legacy of their childhood doesn't help, because the emotional tracks laid down in childhood mean that they are generally anti-intellectual, they have the 'working class' respect for clean floors and tea on't table, and they tend to be fairly limited in terms of world experience, outlook, education (probably left academic education at 15), and ... there are a lot of these, in their later 20s, and 30s, in the UK now. In British terms, one might call them 'a bit rough' - but it is a very specific, European/Polish kind of rough.

So, the idea that people of limited world-view, shall we call it, only come from backwaters and farms isn't the whole picture, in my experience. There are those out smoking, pushing buggies and tinkering with 10-yr-old BMWs and Audis on the blackened back streets of the larger cities ... and stealing, and fighting, and swearing, and being ... a bit rough.

Life / Do Polish people know a lot about the world ? [16]


This is a type of Polish person - particularly female. I lived in Poland for several years, and knew only nice, well-informed, well-educated people. I then, over the past seven years in the UK, widened, shall we say, my Polish circle (not exactly by choice), and have encountered the 'other' sort of Polish woman ... the ignorant battle-axe who thinks she knows it all, including how to maximise benefits available. She also knows all the Primark SKU numbers and product location by shelf.

These women, I say with absolute certainty and no apology, are monsters. I am sorry that you are living with one. Tread very carefully around her. She will throw out comments to the dozen, considering them wisdom, whereas in fact they will range from the amusing to the deeply offensive. She will, if she needs anything at all, get it from you if you show the least 'weakness' in her eyes (more commonly translated as 'niceness' in a sane world), and she will also, if she gets the chance, revile you and your 'foreign' habits and 'beliefs' to all she can (that is just for fun - that is her entertainment). She will dominate the house, she will consider everybody else beneath her, she will think it fine to have vodka parties until dawn, but if you once wake the baby (especially when she has a hangover), woe betide you ...

And, if you really annoy her, she will somehow turn everyone in the house against you and have you thrown out - seriously.

These women are poison. So I suggest you smile politely and have as little to do with her as you possibly can. And if she comments about Brazil again, just walk out of the room. Or tell her she knows nothing, but then you will be annoying her which is, as I say, a dangerous game to play.

I have such wonderful, clever, thinking Polish friends - but that is not the type you are with here. You are with the Schrolka.

Life / How many children is a good number in Poland? [12]


Well, yes, I suppose that makes sense ... but how does that sit with being Catholic ... ?

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

If he doesn't want to be with you, and have the child, does he want a divorce?

His behaviour just seems so inconsistent and strange, that I can't quite follow even a warped logic there ... must be very hard for you.

I just think you sound rather alone in Poland. I think that is why people have said why not go back to your parents. But I can understand why if you like Europe, you want to stay. That was presumably your plan, in marrying a European guy and living in Poland, so why should it change now because he turned out to be an idiot? I understand.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


I agree with you, but I still also think that something doesn't quite add up here. It just doesn't. And I wonder if unravelling it is the key to where exactly this guy stands, and therefore what would be the best thing to do.

He liked you enough to get married, which is a pretty big deal. How long did you know each other before you married? Did you need to marry for an immigration issue?

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


That seems a bit odd to me. I mean, he is a lawyer - so why would he think he could show a court that the marriage wasn't real?? Did you get married in Poland and do you have a marriage certificate to prove this, and entry in the marriage register?

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


You said it. I take back what I said earlier, because I didn't have the information about him being a psychopath (I am not using that word lightly - that is what he is).

He will manipulate, force, threaten, insult and basically do anything at all to get his own way.
His own way will only ever be the whim of a moment - what he thinks he needs in order for everything to be 'ok' in his world.

You are not really you - you are just what he sees you as, and a pawn in the game. He is incapable of really caring or loving, or in any way taking your well-being and feelings into consideration.

His sadistic comments about the child and your mother are very, very clear indicators that he is a psychopath. It is possible that when the child is born he will change and transfer his 'love' to the child, but it is also possible that he will reject the child and you, or worse.

Look, he is like a loco horse, I'm afraid. He might be very attractive, very engaging, and exhilarating, but he has got something wrong with him. He is a very bad apple, however rosy he might look. He is rotten and ruined, and you should get yourself and your child absolutely as far out of his life as you can.

Actually, you should be happy and grateful that he has rejected you, because life with him would become so unbearable that your own life would be in tatters. You wouldn't be able to be your self at all, you wouldn't be able to feel happy and normal being with friends and family, and you would probably even end up in physical danger. You would go through extreme emotional pain and hardship - and for what? Making a psycho unhappy?? (because he will always ultimately be unhappy and not have what he wants - apart from when he is putting heads in the post to India for real)

So:
- Stop trying to please him and do what he wants. From this moment onwards completely stop considering his 'feelings' or what he wants.
- Do not listen to his pleading, threatening, insulting or monstrous imagined scenarios. He is sick. Switch him off like an unsavoury film. That is not your life, not your channel.

- If he is now begging re: the court and childcare, just send him a text message saying that if he agrees to 2,000 zl., that will be fine, but he will need to get that on paper at the notary within a week, otherwise the offer goes to 3,000.

I don't think you should be run out of the country because of him, but I do think you should consider very very seriously why you are in Poland, and if it is the best place for you to be. You could be in another European country, or you could be at home with your parents to start with. I can't see what support and family you have in Poland, and am not sure why you are trying to make your way there. You need to divorce him and close the chapter of your life with him. Ideally, you need to never see him again, and as far as your child is concerned, find someone else to be his or her father.

As for him accepting his other children and not yours, if that is how he has started, that will always be an issue. He is happy with what he has. He feels the child is being forced on him. And, have you considered that he might not want a mixed race child? I am not trying to say he feels like that, but you will know what his feelings are.

When he married you, he didn't know what he was doing. With his reaction to your pregnancy, he also doesn't know what he is doing. That he is a successful lawyer is horribly credible, because he doesn't have normal feelings, and everyone's lives are just a game to him. He is used to being in power, used to being able to change people's lives, and he likes that power. He doesn't like not getting what he wants.

He is a total, complete write-off, a nightmare - a hellish person. Get yourself and your family away from him. I can't say that more strongly. And yes, of course you are being abused emotionally - and there is a BIG chance that down the line, that will turn to physical abuse as well. GET OUT NOW AND BE SO HAPPY YOU ARE NOT WITH HIM. HURRAY. GO AND THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS.

And to be honest, if he doesn't even pay 1 groszek, that is still ok - what you REALLY need is for him to be GONE.

Trust me on this one. Have a care for your life, and the child's, and for your parents' happiness.

Life / Poland needs more immigrants and their children - which nationalities are the best? [518]

Why not? And why does Ukraine have to join the EU for that to be OK?? Stuff the EU. What is it, but a construct between 'successful', self-protecting clans??

All the Ukrainians I know are very nice. Why not?

Life / Poland needs more immigrants and their children - which nationalities are the best? [518]

Which nationalities are the best?

Polish-English children rock, as far as I can see. They are bright, beautiful and strong. I have two of them. Good gene mix.

Having said that, I am a mix ... English, Welsh, Scottish. A true Brit! Green eyes, wide cheekbones, blondness ... it goes well with the Polish fire. My kids are stronger than me, and take no prisoners. I like that about them. They don't mess around.

I think that Brits coming into Poland are a good thing. We are more flexible, responsive, open-minded and warm than any other Europeans I can think of ... we are not so stuck in our ways. We are open to propositions. Which makes us good chameleons abroad. We've always been good at going native : )

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


So where are you living now? Somewhere on the 1k a month, 4 months pregnant?

Ok, you have three things to deal with here:
- The emotional upset of him marrying you then suddenly dumping you as you are pregnant, and wanting to kill your joint child, and not supporting you in pregnancy (that is a big one)

- The financial/practical issue of how to support yourself and be ok and have a home on your own in a foreign country, pregnant for the first time (and recently dumped)

- The anger no doubt you feel about him having 30k per month, less 3 k for previous kids, and only giving you 1k (that is bad) (I would be cross)

- The responsibility as the only loving parent at the moment (although that could and probably will change once the kid is here) of thinking about stable home to bring child into.

You have A LOT on your plate, and now your parents have gone, and you are alone in coldening Poland. You poor thing ; (

Ok, answers:

- For now, think about how he must have loved you to marry you, and how this pregnancy has for some reason thrown him, and how he needs time, and for the baby to be born for him to come to himself and work out his feelings. I think maybe he will want contact with you and the baby, and everything is possible, so just hold on and try not to be upset. You have done nothing wrong, and he just has a funny bone and this has taken him wrongly ... so bide your time. Poczekaj, as they say. Be patient.

- In your pregnant state, stability of home and emotions is important, so your baby will be happy and everything will be good. I think you have a case for meekly asking him for more generous financial support at the moment - lay it out on paper, your outgoings, your needs, etc, and see where that gets you.

I don't think you should be working, but I don't know who you are or what you do. If there is something you could do by email/online/etc. then try to do that, because any money you can earn is your independence and security for you and your child.

- Make some friends, and surround yourself with people who are on your side. Have two or three women ready to come with you for the birth, or get your mother or other family member lined up. Be self-sufficient and organised. You will need support after the birth.

- Plan to be honest, decent, and undemanding, as far as the father is concerned. Be firm that you will have the baby, but wait for him to come to you. Gently and fairly frequently remind him that you love him, are having his child, and are waiting for him.

And if he doesn't come round, then focus on your lovely child and both your futures. You will need to decide whether you stay in Poland or go back to Asia, but either way, the child is a gift, and it would be great if he could understand and share that, but if he doesn't, then you and your family and future husband will.

You can't force him to do anything. You can divorce him yourself. But I would wait until the baby has been here a while before you make any decisions at all. This kind of situation is one where it could all change.

Love / "In Poland a lot of women work and their men don't"? [7]

@adeona
To be frank, how it 'works' in Poland, or wherever, won't help you much here.

Your guy is studying. He is concentrating on that. He doesn't feel the need or have the energy to do anything other than that. You know that, and that is why you have been doing what you're doing, because you love him.

But what you are doing is tiring, and the responsibility with the money is draining. So first you tell him how you feel, and he says sorry ok but I am studying. Then you try to find cultural reasons for making him help you ... sorry. This isn't going to work. People don't operate like that. So, what - you say 'But in Poland the man is supposed to support the family' and he says 'oh, cripes, sorry, yes, forgot - let me go get a job in Pizza land at the weekends and until 3 am so you don't feel so bad' ... would be great, but you know it won't happen.

In terms of Polish culture, students usually are students - for years - until their late 20s even - and they have a kind of respected, untouchable status because they are 'studying'. Yes, they do sometimes work jobs - but not if they have a working partner ... Until your guy is in the workplace, he is dependent. And you are supposed to understand that and work now, because in the future he will be able to earn well because of his studying now.

Can you both cope on your salary at the moment? Is it possible? If you can live on love and adrenalin, do that.

He hasn't got there yet - you aren't yet seeing him being a man - he is still a student.

And would you really want him to be the big breadwinner, and you the zero? Because if the man does all the work, then the woman does what she's told. Do you want that? Think about it.

I would personally earn the money, live frugally, have a lot of sex and be happy, in your situation.

But that is just my opinion, and I am a bit bohemian, I think ; )

Love / Polish couples living out of wedlock? [108]


That seems sensible to me. I like that.

And being married does make a Catholic Polish life simpler, at least.

If one wants to live a Catholic Polish life.

Life / Please help me, with deciding a good Polish name for my baby boy :) [48]

Teddy. (Tadeusz)

Life / Please help me, with deciding a good Polish name for my baby boy :) [48]

In my humble opinion, probably the most lovely Polish name I have come across (and I came across it late) is ... Rafal.

I like it because it has a kind of romantic feel to it ... Raphael.

It is a strong name. And 'Raffy' or 'Raf' is very popular in successful circles in the UK at the moment.

Aleksander is always good.

Oliver should be Olivier (which I rather like).

I like Kuba and Kacper, but that is just me.

Rafal Dariusz is a sexy name, I think. Piotr Dariusz is much more well-behaved.

It depends who you want him to be ... : )

Love / If you're a Polish person.. Before you marry a foreigner... [7]


I can only imagine : D

Life / British living in Poland - documentary [42]


Yeah, I was also totally freezing in 91-94, but you're right, couldn't blame that on the political system ... but anyhow, the Poles had their methods. Ten minutes of being specially wrapped up in scarves, under-garments, ear muffs, hats, gloves, tights, boots, overcoats, etc, before being allowed out the door. Sensible.

The bus journeys by street light at 4pm for hours on end in that dreadful slush WERE dreadful ... but aren't they now as well? I suppose more people have cars, or can avoid the journeys. Don't know. But living in Poland, it's gonna be cold in the winter, whatever the government ...

UK, Ireland / Do Polish Immigrants in Great Britain hate each other? [60]


I'm not sure that the average British person has much contact with Poles ... and those who persevere on here are not really average (she says ; ).

I kind of work with Poles, in a freelance way, and I sleep with one, and have a child with him, so I suppose I am on the inside. Do I think they are mostly good people? Hmm. Yes, but not in the British sense of good. They do things that in a British person would make them not good, but in a Polish person that doesn't make them not good. One has to judge them according to original context.

I have to say that I find the men more 'good' than the women, in general. I know Polish guys who are just the people I would have wanted with me in Colditz. The women I wouldn't have trusted - they would have slept with the Germans in a flash, and slit the throats of any other women coming close.

And that war reference isn't unintentional. I absolutely hold by it that the Poles mostly still live in a wartime mentality. And the rules are different.

As for the gangs and scroungers, that is just native Polish survivalism at its best. I have an admiration for it in some ways. Why not?


And I, as a British citizen, say ... GREAT. If we have such a silly system that it can be so obviously and openly used, then hey, why not. They are not doing anything wrong. It is all legal in the EU. If the system is so stupid, then it doesn't deserve any respect.

It is a system that also syphons millions if not billions of revenue into wars in Afghanistan, etc, which is a ludicrous abuse of money and responsibility. Why can't we be like those Scandinavian countries that always keep out of it all? They are happy, and women have two years' paid maternity leave there!

Every Thursday in Oxford, on the way to the hospital, they have a sign up. 'Delays due to Repatriation'. For a while I wondered what that meant. Repatriation? Sending immigrants back to their country? What could it mean? Why the roadblock???

And then I found out. Repatriation means bringing back soldiers who have died in Afghanistan. Bringing them back and blocking the road so their funeral cortege can make its way up to the crematorial wing of the hospital. And it happens every week, so there must be at least one local person a week who has been killed.

Now if we are so stupid as to spend millions on sending our compatriots off to die horribly for someone else's oil issues, then ... who are we to be taken seriously? And if some other EU members can legally exploit the system then ... why not. It is all bo**cks.

Life / British living in Poland - documentary [42]


I was posting facts as told to me by Polish people in Poland. Not my own facts.

The car business - ok, well in 91 I knew maybe 60 Polish people, and I knew only three who owned a car. One was a taxi driver and yes, got it from Germany. One was a journalist who told me about the list and waiting and said he had waited 8 years. And one was the brother of an extremely famous sportsman who was very rich.

The pension business - that is it as told to me by the lady, my ex-mother in law. Regardless of zeros, her point was that she had worked a long time, with the belief that on retirement, she would be comfortably off. After the change in government and opening up to the West, the value of her pension dropped. That may be because of inflation, but whatever - the net effect was that whereas she would have been well off, she, maybe not overnight but certainly over a relatively short period - perhaps a couple of years - became a relative pauper. She could not survive and could not buy the medication she needs without help from her son.

When I said I liked it better before, I meant that particular city in the early 90s, rather than now. Not in the 80s. I have no experience of that.

Life / British living in Poland - documentary [42]

Yes, that is what I hear all the time - that they would have far preferred staying as they were.

One lady, in her late 60s, was the Chief Registrar for all marriages in this large city of half a million people. She was well paid in comparison to everyone else; she had a great pension to look forward to. She worked for 35 years, and when she retired, Capitalism arrived, and overnight her pension dropped so much in value that it practically disappeared. She now has the equivalent of about £200 a month, and her outgoings are £350 before food. Her life has literally been ruined by what has happened - completely changed, and for the worse. She is not living in the country she lived in before. It has disappeared, along with her pension.

Change brought freedom, yes - for the upcoming generations. Most of the older people are too tired or ill or just set in their ways to 'make the most' of their 'freedom' - in fact they are in more of a prison than before. What does it matter that now they can get on Ryan Air to Luton if they want? They don't want to.

Life / British living in Poland - documentary [42]

I lived there 1991-94, when it was only just coming out of the shroud of Communism, and have been back periodically, and have constant contact. I had a lot of interesting observations to make about it from when I was there, and how it has changed now. Happy to talk.

It was still a place where in a city of half a million, where I was, there was only one real 'bar', and a couple of restaurants. There were dance halls. There were 7 cinemas, and depending on which type of film one felt like watching, one chose the cinema accordingly. You could smoke in them, too. And it was really something if you knew someone who owned a car. They told me of how only recently the lists had finished - you had to be on a list for 5 years or more to get a car. So those who had them in 91 were people who had waited literally years, and probably had 'connections'.

There were hundreds of corner shops, and no supermarket. Only in 1994 did a supermarket appear - EuroSklep - although it didn't really have much in it. But it did have trolleys : )

Oh, I have so many stories, if you want. And now I go back and ... have to say that as a visitor, I preferred it as it was. I don't like wandering around huge hypermarkets and seeing bewildered old grandmas with barely enough to buy a loaf of bread counting out their small coins at the cash desk. I find the juxtaposition of people from a previous era and the present grating, with an awful pathos. OK, sure, fine for the younger generations ... but there are a hell of a lot of older, greyer people who have it harder now than before. Their world has literally evaporated around them.

I liked it before, how it was. I went back and searched for those fabulous cinemas, and they were all gone. There was a multiplex. I hate multiplexes. Why would I want one of those? I have one at home. They are too loud; they are impersonal; they are commercial. They lack everything that those seven cinemas had.

And ... so on.

UK, Ireland / Domestic arguments caused by differences between Polish and English culture [109]


When I lived in Poland, I liked everyone. Loved them. Thought they were great. Though my mother in law was crazy, but have since noticed she is just true to type.

Now I have had seven years' experience of living with Poles in the UK, and in this time some totally unexpected issues have come out ... I have noticed somethings which can't be explained as one-offs ... which are deliberate behaviours, or traits, noticed in a number of people.

One, small example.

People are living in my house. I have a set of mugs my grandmother gave me. After a few months, I can't find two of them. Hmm, I think. Then one day I come in and find one of my house guests shoving something in a plastic bag - it makes broken china noises ...

Stop the tape: If I had just broken something by accident in someone's house, I would at this point have said 'God am so sorry - broke yr mug - must get you a new one' and then the other person would have said 'oh no! no problem - don't worry - it's ok' or some such, and at least would have known what happened to the mug.

What happened:

Her: nothing. Tried to stuff bag in a cupboard.
Me: Oh no ... did something get broken?
Her: No.
Me: But ... what's in that bag?
Her: Nothing.
Me: But ... what was that china noise?
Her: Nothing.

I persisted a bit, and she then went out with the bag, and I was just kind of a bit dumfounded.

I am not one to accuse. I am ridiculously understanding and ok about things. But I would have to be stupid not to see that there has been a kind of thing going on here. And this inability to fess up and just be normal ... it is very infuriating.

UK, Ireland / Domestic arguments caused by differences between Polish and English culture [109]


'hod-dog' is different.

Look, what annoyed me wasn't 'babington' - yes, I thought it funny and charming and an interesting adoption, but what annoyed me was everyone being so vehement about how right they were, and about how I had got it wrong. That is the annoying bit.

Anyhow, it isn't any kind of big deal to me!! Was just giving another example of a nation getting the wrong end of the stick and then forever saying black is white, or whatever it is. Like the salt and pepper. No, it doesn't matter at all, but that was what this thread was about ...

But sure, cultural differences which are serious, and actually do make waves, are:

- The Polish reflex lying - they will always say 'It wasn't me'
- The refusal ever to be wrong, or say sorry, or (often) thank you
- The determination to have things their way ...

UK, Ireland / Domestic arguments caused by differences between Polish and English culture [109]


no, neither have I, but it sounds as daft as 'babington' ...

UK, Ireland / Domestic arguments caused by differences between Polish and English culture [109]


what, like saying 'tonnis' instead of 'tennis'?

Ok, simple error - so then when someone says 'oops - sorry - not right' - you say 'oops - sorry - yes' - not 'NO, I AM ABSOLUTELY RIGHT AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. WHAT, YOU RECKON YOU KNOW JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A (sneeringly said) 'NATIVE' ENGLISH SPEAKER???'.

I should try the same with Poles when I make a mistake. 'What - you say you're right just because you are a native Polish speaker? What makes you think you have the fxxxxxg right to tell me how to speak Polish, matey?'

Yes? Ok?

UK, Ireland / Domestic arguments caused by differences between Polish and English culture [109]

Don't be ridiculous. Of course the one with one hole is for salt, and with lots of holes is for pepper. And they do write 'S' and 'P' on them in many sets - S for one hole, P for many ...

It is one of those crazy Polish things where they get the wrong end of the stick and then suddenly 4 million people are saying that is the right end of the stick. Like 'Babington'. I mean. Fcck me. That is where one Pole 80 years ago mispronounced 'Badminton', and now half a nation calls the game 'Babington' (with strong emphasis on the g) ...

I hopped up and down a bit when I first heard that, and told them all how wrong they were, but they looked at me as if I had recently landed in the stary rynek in my flying saucer, fresh from Mars.

Poles have a tendency to grab any old bit of second-hand, chinese-whispered fact and pass it on ... BIG TIME.

UK, Ireland / Domestic arguments caused by differences between Polish and English culture [109]


You don't know how glad I am to hear that!!! So it must be a regional and/or class issue, then, I guess ...

UK, Ireland / Domestic arguments caused by differences between Polish and English culture [109]


OMG I so completely relate to that. It is freaky when that happens. Like the shouts of horror and astonishment from my Polish other half and any of his family or friends when they see me wearing washing up gloves. That is apparently bordering on the insane, and certainly a point of amusement/embarrassment/derision for most ... I mean, wtf? Who is interested? Why can't I wear them? What is WRONG with it????

They actually say to me, spluttering with laughter and a kind of utter flabbergastedness: 'Why are you wearing those????'

Why do you think, you nitwits? So I don't burn my hands? So I don't have to touch dirty plates? Because I just had my nails done? Why NOT?