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Polish people and Politeness [84]
I would like to answer some of your questions.
NOTE: I am not interested in flamewar, ok? You are asking some question about things that are interesting for you. I answer them. OK? That's it.
OK, it's polite to hold a door open... but then everyone walks through that door, often without so much as a smile or a 'thank you' as if it is your duty to hold the door for them.
There are only one reason to hold a door. When you are a man, and you are doing it for a woman that is with you, the woman, you care for.
Other instances:
- Holding a door for the group of your friends.
This may be seen as a joke. "Come here ladies. Humble servant is holding a door for you. lol"
Expect laugh but not thanks.
- Holding a door for the group of strangers.
You just imposing your western politeness on them. They didn't ask for it. They don't want to be your friends. They just ignore you.
- Holding a door for a woman you don't know.
It's like saying a compliment to a stranger. It says: Wow! You are attractive. I would like to bang you. Expect embarrassed, shy smile (well - unless she want to bang YOU), but not thanks.
- Holding a door for a man you don't know.
WARNING! Strong gay alert. Don't expect anything good to happen (well - unless you are gay).
I know that in the UK the things are different. But you ask for an answer from Polish perspective. And you got it. I didn't invented it. It's just how it is.
As for the seats on trams; I've seen an old man stand up to give his seat for an older woman before any of the pretty young women in business suits even acknowledged the presence of that babcia.
In Poland the tradition of chivalry towards women are quite strong, especially in the older generations. A man is supposed to give up his seat to the woman. In this situation - this old gentleman just demonstrated that he is still a man, not an old prick. Maybe his legs would hurt a little bit, but his pride is intact.
Let's take another situation: A young woman is giving up her seat to the old man. He may accept it. His legs will rest, but he also demonstrate publicly that he is not a man any more. Just an old, miserable great-granddad. Therefore the gesture of this young woman may be seen as impolite.
I've found Poles in public to have one of the most self-centred attitudes imaginable
This duality needs to be addressed. Can any Pole here proffer an explanation?
This is a case of strong sense of privacy that is embossed in Polish culture. It's a long story, so I just give some free advice to you: Don't impose your politeness, don't offer any help to a Pole unless you've been asked for it. Respect people's privacy and their right to deal with their problems. If someone fell down on the street - let him stand up on his own (unless its a woman or elderly)
Favours are exchanged among friends and family only. And every favour has to be paid back. If you will help a stranger - you put him in the embarrassing situation: He is in your debts, but you are not his friend.
Another example - a gay parades. Some people in Poland that are opposing are genuine homophobic. But most of them are just embarrassed by breaking a strong cultural taboo: Parades are bringing into the public space something that is seen as a strictly private matter (sexual life in this case).
The barmaid hands him the food, tales the money. Also without a word. She closes the cash register and looks at the next guest.
By being too friendly, the clerk/salesperson/ticket lady (whatever) is in the risk of invading your private space. Believe it or not but this "cold" and reserved way of dealing with the customers is actually a sign of politeness. Yes, I know - it sound strange. But that's how it is.
I can remember when i first came here thinking that every conversation between Poles was a major argument that was about to break out in a fight , but not so , it s just their way of talking to each other...
It's funny thing. In the UK is very impolite to say something bad about a person in the conversation . Like - "I don't like you. You are wrong. Your actions are stupid". In Poland it's a sign of honesty and respect. lol
I think communism hardened many into being rugged begrudgers.
I think, you are wrong. It's not a hardened people. It just a different culture and tradition that is easily misunderstood by the most of westerners.
He decided he did not want to pursue an acting career.
You just blackmailed this poor guy. I don't see why are you happy.
The rules are the rules. It was this guy's job to execute it. He wasn't a man who invented them. It simple like that - If you don't accept the rules of WARS - don't go there. :-)
