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Posts by szarlotka  

Joined: 20 Feb 2007 / Male ♂
Last Post: 2 Sep 2013
Threads: Total: 8 / In This Archive: 1
Posts: Total: 2205 / In This Archive: 654
From: UK
Speaks Polish?: Nie
Interests: Skiing, mountains, music, reading, taking the mickey and terrapins

Displayed posts: 655 / page 6 of 22
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szarlotka   
18 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

Do you want it as TM obviously doesn't want it?

No thanks - I had haddock and chips for lunch. (David_18 is right, we only eat fish and chips over here)
szarlotka   
18 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

OF COURSE IT'S REAL BUTTER

Stop hollering. You'll make your stomach worse.

darn women

TM is only wearing a dress as he is on under cover surveillance. Look again and you will see the stubble.
szarlotka   
18 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

Fight Night Special

Here at Madison Square Garden bringing you the best of tonigh't action. Over on Channel 3 we have David18 versus Time Means. Early exchanges are lively. Time zones have slowed down the PLK123 vs Trener Zolwia bout but TZ is still throwing some mean counter punches. Later we will bring you the next round of Allison vs any other female. Over on HBO we have Crow versus the United Nations. Finally we can bring you Sokrates versus all comers except Allison.

Get the beers and pocorn in, settle back and watch the blood flow. Bonus bout for pay per view customers is the blondie mud wrestling in the early hours. Just have to find a few blondies;)
szarlotka   
18 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

That depends on the beer. Active Ales need careful pouring;)

White Shield - that is a good example.
szarlotka   
18 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

Hey missus, shouldn't you be doing some work rather than being on PF trying to start ur own gossip ;) Fish wife!

Lol, the caveman liveth. We'll bring her home a mammoth to casserole;)
szarlotka   
18 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

i knew that men love to gossip more then women...!

Maybe, but we gossip aboput important topics - beer, football, music, women. None of that namby stuff about shoes, makeup, celebrities, recipes.

MAN talk rules.
szarlotka   
18 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

Always happy to do my bit szar!!!! :)

And apologies for spelling old Braveheart's name wrong. I know you Scotsmen are sensitive about such matters;)
szarlotka   
18 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

If you are he and he is you then who the Fek is the walrus?

Confused of Piddletrenthide
szarlotka   
17 Aug 2010
Law / Signing a contract from Poland Telecommunication (TP) I didn't understand [20]

Quoting from the ten principles of EU consumer protection document....

As a general principle, you
can cancel such a contract within seven days.
There are a few exceptions though: for example,
insurance contracts and, in some EU countries,
purchases costing up to e60.

Get in quick and cancel it.....
szarlotka   
17 Aug 2010
Law / Signing a contract from Poland Telecommunication (TP) I didn't understand [20]

Now I am left wondering if I have any legal recourse or way to get out of this contract

There must be a cooling off period allowed otherwise I think Poland is violating EU laws. Talk to TP. Use words like misrepresenatation:)

don't worry, there is ALWAYS "Press 1 for Spanish"...

Wicked, wicked;)
szarlotka   
9 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

Lemmy quote

That was a great time, the summer of '71 - I can't remember it, but I'll never forget it!”

Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. They are one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge. If you had all the money in the world, you couldn't buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure? Remember, you must use it, as it is given only once. Once wasted you cannot get it back." – someone with more intellect than me.

Tempus fugit, tempers rising. Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun? It seems like only yesterday when I sat down to write the last Omnipotent Edition when it reality it was last week. One of the reasons I’m having fun just has to be the antics of the members on here of late. We’ve had weird, wacky, feisty, bitchy, informed, uninformed, ludicrous, dumb, dumber, petty, pretty in quick succession. Time to draw breath has been in short supply. The action just keeps on coming. It’s been like an all action movie – dazzling special effects, epic stunts, bodies everywhere but at the end of it all a dawning realisation that there was no plot. Where to start this edition? Whether it is nobler in the eyes of men to pick on a few hapless souls or retain my journalistic integrity that is the question? (Mixed Shakespeare methinks –Ed)

Should I go or should I stay now?

I may be wrong but I thought zetigrek was leaving us. Having burned brightly in a short time with us, she declared her intent to leave us as the increasingly addictive nature of PF was in danger of detracting from her new job. Many warned her that escape was impossible. She laughed at us and declared that this was the end. Poor misguided fool. She knew not that PF member number 6 was indeed Patrick McGoohan.. She probably also thinks the big white balls floating around here are Christmas decorations not Rovers. There is no escape, just changes of user name. We are all just numbers with no discernible identity because…….

A Picture tells a thousand stories

….. they took away our avatars many dark days ago. However, a revolt has been initiated by the gallant figure of dtaylor5632 (see, more numbers). This modern day William Wallis has dared to storm the fortress walls of the mighty Admin. Armed only with a rolled up copy of the Scotsman and his trusty Swiss Army Knife he, and the other who emerged timidly from the safety of the local Starbucks, have shaken the shadowy leader to the extent that there may be a chance we will get them back, albeit smaller and at the cost of paying for the upkeep of the site. Small avatars will present problems to the partially sighted among us but ,on the positive side, all those images of male appendages will not be realistically sized.

Age discrimination

We all know that under EU law this is a no no. However, since the site is hosted in someone’s basement in Santa Monica we are free to taunt the toddler and punish the pensioner as much as we like. And we like it a lot. Just ask Allison. She comes here with a fresh set of eyes on Poland, the Forum and indeed life in general. And what do you lot do? You mock her and tell her she is too young to understand. You close your old tired eyes to the wisdom that she imparts. I mean, look at some of the threads she has started in a matter of weeks:

 Are Poles typically nasty people?
 Thread for pc westerners to discuss issues related to Poland (are you a pc)?
 Why in some relationships one person wants kids while the other does not?
 ORDER IN THE COURT!!!!
 I have an extreme fear of displeasing authority does anyone else know how I feel?
 What do you think of this?
 Why are the Italians and Polski so much alike?
 blonde extinction thread
 Tomorrow is my birthday!
 Nice looking single guys?
 The most good looking single men on pf?
 Mirror mirror on the wall who has the biggest head of all?

How can you all fail to engage on meaningful debate on these subjects? We must all be nice to her from now on.

AJ Watch

I have been remiss of late in mentioning the huge contribution made on here by AJ, Arien and probably under countless other user names. It is often the case that we fail to sing about the real heroes, the likes of AJ. He is always there to lend a sympathetic ear, to smooth over troubled waters

JustysiaS:
you're a bimbo!

Allison:
You're nothing but a crotchety old piece of sh*t.

f stop:
You are pathetic. And laughable.

“I think you girls have more in common than you would like to admit.”

He was the only Dutch voice of reason throughout the World Cup. All round good egg, despite being a Cloggie.

And now the end is near

Actually it IS here. Bye bye people. Anyone reading this is free to enter my new spread betting competition. I predict a spread of between 3 and 4 suspensions during the next seven days. Go low if you think it will be less, go high for more. If you win you get an old, battered Titleist pro V1 golfball and a free date with Southern.
szarlotka   
5 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

So that's why you are always short of cash...

<nods sympathetically>
szarlotka   
4 Aug 2010
Life / What is the reason for POLISH jokes ? [486]

even Sc*users :0 ),

Best not to tell that in Manc though. I have found that divide too over the years. The one exception is Geordies (Newcastle for those of you who do not recognise the term) with whom I always get on well with.
szarlotka   
4 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

He doesn't even dare to mention me

Don't worry, the next edition is dedicated to bit part players. You might make it in;)

MG - pas de beer belly.
szarlotka   
4 Aug 2010
Off-Topic / PF - The Omnibus Edition [1502]

Hallo there Dear Reader (no I’m not a North Korean with a lisp).

Times are hard at present. The bailiffs are camped outside the East Wing. My investments in sure fire Icelandic companies have gone belly up, the UK economy is down the pan, the wife still has a love for Jimmy Choos and the Bank of Dad has been hit hard. Therefore I find myself having had to grovel to the psychotic Editor to get my old job back. So here I am, back in the old familiar hovel, pounding the keys on the BBC Micro and once again trawling the combined thoughts of a million PF contributors to bring you a new edition of the now legendary Omnibus Edition. (don’t you mean ludicrous –Ed)

Getting back into the swing of this job was a daunting prospect. In my wilderness year a number of you have filled in with an occasional column. How could I hope to follow your efforts I thought? Then I read them and the comeback seemed to be a little easier.

Enough of me (already I find myself agreeing with you Szar –Ed) and on to the news:

Handbags at ten paces

Some bird called Paulina is accusing old sheepy of being a patronising stalker who cannot resist replying to her threads (Szar the bird is a bloke –Ed). OK, some bloke with an even more misleading user name than mine is having a pop at Seanus. Seanus is responding and a whole bunch of us are sitting back egging them on. Some of the hangers on have pulled up chairs and ordered in the popcorn and beers for the big fight. A certain lady from Texas is elbowing people out of the way to get the best seat. Historians amongst you may notice similarities to the behaviour of the old grannies sitting down to watch the lopping off of Royal Heads in Paris a few years back. Knit, one, pearl one, shout ‘knock his block off’. Things have turned nasty now and under the amended Marques of Queensbury Rules proposed for the final countdown, both participants have been ordered to empty the contents out of their handbags before they start swinging. This should avoid the, albeit, remote possibility of either of them actually being hurt. That is unless of course pgtx objects to the lack of real action and pummels the two of them. After all she is a) female and b) Polish which in my experience is a combination capable of inflicting considerable harm following a perceived misdemeanour. This one should peter out pretty quickly so get over there as quick as you can.

Drink up ye cider

Apparently not in Warsaw you won’t.Tony2462 (you might want to lose a few pounds sir) is having trouble finding his favourite tipple out there. The idea of not being to find any sort of alcohol in Warsaw is a little perplexing to me. It’s like being stationed in the monitoring unit at the North Pole and claiming you can’t get any ice cubes for your Gin and Tonic. (Give it a few years –Ed). Anyway, Harry has told Tony to meet Sally, no sorry, Harry has told him to phone a bloke called Jacek who can sort him out with few crates. I’m beginning to wonder if there is anybody in Warsaw that Harry doesn’t know. Presumably Tony can Phone Jacek, give him the password, meet up, give the secret handshake and, after the money has changed hands, walk away with a very large brown paper bag. The things we do for love! It sounds like there is a gap in the Polish market for genuine scrumpy, to be drunk in dark bars in Praga by aspiring artists who can’t afford or spell Absinthe. It’s cheap, it’s cloudy and it’s going to make you rowdy – that will be the marketing slogan.

Goodbye tat hallo Tatiana

Riledwobbler has announced that he is to leave his idyllic rural retreat in Polska with its period woodworm and rusting farm implements to follow his heart to the mean streets of Moscow. His love for whatever her name is has shone through. This could not have been an easy decision for the old beanfart to have made, despite the years of enduring years of severe winters with no heating and the nearest thermal undies shop being 400 Kilometres away. It must be love, love, love as Labi Siffre used to sing. I wonder if his first name was spelt correctly. So good luck to the Harleyman. I wish you a long and happy relationship. Just like mine in fact, but without the bruises. Only joking. I am not a battered husband to link slickly to another topical thread of late. On that subject, if you are looking for a battered husband I understand they sell them in chip shops in Glasgow alongside the deep fried Mars Bars.

That’s about all I have time for now. I really must sit down to read some more on here. There are so many interesting topics to delve into. Twenty pages of blaming British Petroleum (er, we all just call it BP Mr Obama) for everything. Liability has been admitted and dues will be paid – unlike Bhopal. It’s probably halved my pension but don’t worry about me in few years time. I can always go back on to the streets. I got 37p last time (busking, busking you dirty minded little herberts). I enjoyed the World Cup banter. It got a little fraught at the end and how you can blame Howard Webb is beyond me. The man is beyond reproach (er, three bookings, the Poland fiasco – Ed)

Until next time I will sign off. Take care and don’t forget to hug a Pole on the 14th August. My lawyers inform me that a hug exceeding ten seconds constitutes violent sexual assault so don’t get too carried away. Thanks to MG for arranging the day.

PS – I have to confess the real reason for starting the column again. You see I’m in Manchester and afraid to go out at night and have lots of time on my hands. On that note, I wish the Manc meet up members a good night out.
szarlotka   
4 Aug 2010
Love / All Polish women can't be nutters can they? [257]

Southern, You're not an architect by any chance are you? I mean, it was a Polish girl so there must be a 75% chance she was going out with you at the time.
szarlotka   
4 Aug 2010
Food / I am a cider drinker, where to get it in Krakow [40]

When Adam and Eve ate the apple from the Garden of Eden God was mighty peeved

... because cider is the Devil's own brew

<once played fizz buzz with real Devon scrumpy (Farmer Gray's near exeter), fell asleep in a bush, was ill for days and it took twenty years before I could even smell cider>

Happliy I am OK now. Good luck with your search!
szarlotka   
3 Aug 2010
News / New cross war in Warsaw [530]

Fundamentalist <insert any religion here> get right on my t*ts. Lock 'em up and play white noise to them for three weeks then pull out their toe nails one by one. If they still shows signs of defiance subject them to 48 hours of Leonard Cohen.