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Is it normal for some polish parents living in America to be abusive?

pacificmx45 1 | -  
15 Jun 2008 /  #1
I don't mean this as an insult to Poles, but this is a question of traditions and customs. I'm going to copy and paste my posts from yahoo answers as I don't feel like typing them again. This seems like a better place to ask anyway. I could really use help and clarification on this situation. I would really appreciate it.

I've been dating this girl (my first) since I was 16. I am now 20. We are both virgins and she wants to wait till marriage for religious reasons. I don't share these beliefs but am doing it for her. That's the small problem.

We've also never been on a date....kinda. Her parents are full polish and actually said "No dating until after marriage". They are crazy. She's practically locked in the house. Only a few times in her life was she allowed to go over a friend's house, and it was only for a few hours at most. Anyway, when we do see each other it's at her house. Maybe once a week she tells her parents she has to go clean a house (her job) and we can hang out for a few hours. However, she is extremely paranoid that her father will see her. Her parents like me but I believe that all they see is money, which I don't have all too much of.

There are reasons why she can't break away from her family.
Didn't know I could add these instantly. Anyway, she is a great girl who I never have to worry about. If I tell her I won't be able to eat breakfast tomorrow, I can expect a sandwich and drink in my car the next morning with a nice note. She'll drop it off on her way to work, with no time to even say hi. She is basically let out of the house with exactly enough time to get to work on time.

Also, she is put through a great deal of abuse from her crazy parents. She is forced to help her mom and dad at work for free. Then, after her own job, there's always work to be done around the house. This is under constant yelling for any small mistake. She even gets yelled at for her father's mistakes, such as him losing his glasses.

Her stress is my stress, and it comes to the point where I can't watch her go through it anymore. She constantly thanks me for staying through this with her, giving her a little glimpse of what love really is. Her dad is putting her through college so I can't have him arrested, and there are PLENTY more things he could be arrested for. There's also a 15 year old girl in the house going through the same abuse to a lesser extent.

When I ask her father if we can go out for a movie he says "why you can watch movie here?" dinner, "why you can eat dinner here" etc. She is 19 years old, of age to legally leave, but as afforementioned, it wouldn't be a smart choice. Yet. Sorry for the barrage of additional details, just really need to explain the situation. Thanks

In response to a post, she can't stand up for herself. Women mean nothing in this family. Last time she stood up she was slapped in the head, and I almost killed her father.

I know for a fact that all Polish families CAN'T be this bad. No normal human being could do this to someone. However, is the whole locking the daughter up, not giving her a say in anything, etc thing attributed to her parents being raised in Poland?
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
15 Jun 2008 /  #2
Is it normal for some polish parents living in America to be abusive?

As I understand your post... I don't think it's normal for any parents, from any place, in any country, to behave like those in your post.
MyPolonia - | 13  
24 Jun 2008 /  #3
Just by looking at one family and assuming that everybody is that way is called stereotyping.
If you look around, you will find same situations in any nationality. Recently in Austria a man was found having his daughter locked up in a basement for 20 years and he had children with her. So by your assumptions, we can think that all Austrians have daughters locked up in basements?

Same thing in America, how many battered woman shelters are here in American? How many abused children run away from homes every year?

So just because you see one, you can't assume all are like that. There are bad people and there are good people in every nationality and every race.

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