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All That Manners Business [I'm Polish, moved to UK as an au pair.]


Sasha 2 | 1,083  
15 Oct 2008 /  #61
Wyspi, rephrasing your avatar "some people are not gay. Get ovet it." I mean everybody is different and going to another country you should always keep in mind that something that's fine in Poland or Russia is not really ok in the GB or the US.

Here in Moscow we don't ask for 1000s times a day "how's it going" either but we shake one's hand instead if we see person first time this day. In the US I had to obey their rules saying "good morning", "how're you" and other questions which are nobody was going to answer (unlike to Russia) but I don't have to shake anybody's hand. It's another country and as I see it, you should treat their cultural values like you want yours (polish) values to be treated. In the US it's ok to took off shoes in some public and put their stinky feet somewhere near you, on the other hand some Russians blow their noses into sink which in its turn is not fine in the US. I believe we should respect other cultures and if we can't it's better for us to stay within our own.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
15 Oct 2008 /  #62
is not really ok in the GB or the US.

Im going to ask nicely - please don't bracket UK with US...we don't like, at all, :-)

Let me clear something up:

In the UK, we don't ask every tom dick and harry "how are you" that would be just stupid, we may say "good morning" when greeting someone or "hi". "how are you" is generally reserved for someone you know who you haven't seen for a while. We say please and thank you regularly because it's good manners.

Some families sit down to dinner at the table as a family, some families dont.
Some mothers / fathers like their sons / daughters partners some dont...

"Some" is the key word here, it has nothing to do with culture - it's all about the individual.

In the US it's ok to took off shoes in some public and put their stinky feet somewhere near you

That's just rude! certainly not a cultural thing, it's a class thing.

on the other hand some Russians blow their noses into sink which in its turn is not fine in the US

If it's in private, what's the problem? Some people wee in the shower :) Not sure it's a cultural thing, it's just habits people have, like you said Sash, only some Russians blow their noses into the sink.

I think we tend to get mixed up with individuals good / bad habits and cultural customs.
sledz 23 | 2,250  
15 Oct 2008 /  #63
In the US I had to obey their rules saying "good morning", "how're you" and other questions which are nobody was going to answer (unlike to Russia

There arent any rules, Shelley is correct we dont ask everybody we see how thier
doing? Good morning is usually reserved for friends, co-workers or if you happen to go to a restaurant.
Some people dont say anything, some might tell you to get lost if they dont know you?

but I don't have to shake anybody's hand. It's another country and as I see it, you should treat their cultural values like you want yours

If somebody gives you thier hand to shake and you dont do it, thats considered an insult, of course I wont do those gangbanger handshakes.

In the US it's ok to took off shoes in some public and put their stinky feet somewhere near you,

Thats only at the beach, unless I`m missing some Kentucky tradition?

Russians blow their noses into sink which in its

alot nastier than saying Good morning to somebody:)
Do they do that before or after washing the dishes...lol?

Im going to ask nicely - please don't bracket UK with US...we don't like, at all, :-)

Yes Sasha please do this:)

jnowiski
Today, 03:14 Report #55

Whats up dude,,are you back stateside????
szarlotka 8 | 2,208  
15 Oct 2008 /  #64
Thats only at the beach, unless I`m missing some Kentucky tradition?

ROFL... If so I'll give Kentucky a miss.
jnowiski 2 | 121  
15 Oct 2008 /  #65
Whats up dude,,are you back stateside????

nah, still a couple more months left. i'm ready to get back though man, got about 6 grand in basses waiting for me.
Sasha 2 | 1,083  
15 Oct 2008 /  #66
Im going to ask nicely - please don't bracket UK with US...we don't like, at all, :-)

I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything bad. Just Wyspi was talking about the UK, I've never been there so I might share opinion only on the US. I didn't really draw a parallel between UK and US. :)

"Some" is the key word here, it has nothing to do with culture - it's all about the individual.

You know it's always hard to say what is feature of the nation and what is feature of "some". This what I described I've beheld for many times whereas I can hardly conceive of anybody doing the same in Russia (except for homelesses). Too many "some's".
osiol 55 | 3,922  
15 Oct 2008 /  #67
If anyone didn't actually know (there have been one or two vague or not-so-vague clues), Wyspianska and Osiol have met. It seemed a bit more like the real people behind the forum member names though. I already knew Wyspi is a nicer person than some people here seem to think- we've chatted to eachother on msn for a few months now. But even I was suprised how pleasant, kind, polite and generous she is. She's rather good looking too, but I know when to behave myself!

I can safely say that if there is any problem with her relationship with AvJoeUK's mother, the blame is really the mother's. I don't really like to judge anyone I've never met, so it's easier to judge someone I have met. I have met Wyspi, and now I can judge her! (Who am I to get all high and mighty?)

Good luck Ewi in navigating your way through life in England and coping with the tricky character of THE MOTHER! Keep your chin up and remember there are still plenty of people here on your side.
Zonk - | 15  
16 Oct 2008 /  #68
the blame is really the mother's. I don't really like to judge anyone I've never met, so it's easier to judge someone I have met

But then that would mean your blaming the mother of her boyfriend that you havn't actually met? hypocrisy!
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
16 Oct 2008 /  #69
I can safely say that if there is any problem with her relationship with AvJoeUK's mother, the blame is really the mother's. I don't really like to judge anyone I've never met, so it's easier to judge someone I have met. I have met Wyspi, and now I can judge her! (Who am I to get all high and mighty?)

Thats not the issue, slagging your b/f's mother off on a forum that your b/f used to visit is! It's rude and down-right disprespectful. I like Ewi, she's a sweet kid, but I think this thread is, as I have already stated "uncalled" for.

Maybe it's a Polish thing to wash your dirty linnen in public? Or maybe it's just a personal choice?
Lodz_The_Boat 32 | 1,535  
16 Oct 2008 /  #70
Maybe it's a Polish thing to wash your dirty linnen in public

Its not a Polish thing... its a cheap thing. A very disrespectful act done by a person without class and substance.
Misty 5 | 144  
16 Oct 2008 /  #71
I can safely say that if there is any problem with her relationship with AvJoeUK's mother, the blame is really the mother's.

You can't safely say that at all. You haven't met his Mother so you only have the opinion of one side of the conflict. As nice as Wyspi probably is for the most part, we are all aware of how "spicy" she can be on the forums. ;) So until you meet AvJoeUK's Mother and hear her side too, you can't safely say anything at all about the situation.

Thats not the issue, slagging your b/f's mother off on a forum that your b/f used to visit is!

I agree with this. What if the b/f is still visiting the forum though? How do we know he isn't? I can't imagine he'd be too happy reading this sort of thread about his Mother.

To answer Wyspianska's original problem though - you've just come across an age old scenario. Mother's of boys always test their girlfriends. It's nothing new. You should look at ways of working through it rather than posting it all on the forums.

Good luck! :)
OP Wyspianska  
16 Oct 2008 /  #72
My boyfriend knows I asked on forum for opinion. I didn't lie so there's nothing wrong with writting about.
porta 18 | 297  
16 Oct 2008 /  #73
Hey, long time since i was in this forum last now.
And you live in England now Wysp, and i live now in Poland ;)
Everyone has some people one can never get along with, my cure is to be myself and dont care about that person who does not like you. Everyone here knows i am Norwegian and i behave Norwegian. I think it would be good for you if you did not try so much to get your boyfriends mom to like you, be yourself.

The only thing i dont understand is:
Here in Poland i am almost always greeted with "Cześć, jak się masz?" and it seems this is part of Polish curtesy and politeness. How come it is so strange to say "How are you?" ,maybe i understood it wrong, but explain :)

Of course i wish you all the best Wyspi :)

Porta
jnowiski 2 | 121  
16 Oct 2008 /  #74
To answer Wyspianska's original problem though - you've just come across an age old scenario. Mother's of boys always test their girlfriends. It's nothing new. You should look at ways of working through it rather than posting it all on the forums.

my mom has never tested any of the girls me or my brother have dated. She just accepts them, she pretty much just accepts alot of what i do, she doesn't approve of some of the things i do but she knows she can't change it. i think the mother just needs to realize her son's a friggin grown man and let him do his thing. Either way, i'm single so i don't have to worry about any problems like this anyways :D
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
16 Oct 2008 /  #75
my mom has never tested any of the girls me or my brother have dated. She just accepts them, she pretty much just accepts alot of what i do, she doesn't approve of some of the things i do but she knows she can't change it.

My mum is the same with both of my Bros and me...Aparently she wasn't keen my ex (of 6 years), I didn't know about it until we split...oh well, they say "you learn something new every day" :)
jnowiski 2 | 121  
16 Oct 2008 /  #76
yeah, my parents realized a while ago i'm more the kind of person that learns things the hard way :D
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
16 Oct 2008 /  #77
Well you don't forget your mistakes that way and not likely to do the same thing twice ;-) This I know!
Daisy 3 | 1,225  
16 Oct 2008 /  #78
Aparently she wasn't keen my ex (of 6 years), I didn't know about it until we split

Same with my dad and my ex
osiol 55 | 3,922  
17 Oct 2008 /  #79
hypocrisy

I said I don't like to judge, not that I wouldn't evaluate the situation. I may be wrong, but I am not afraid to form my own opinion based on what I know. This opinion has almost no effect on anything other than to reassure Wyspianska that she doesn't come across as a rude, impolite or dislikeable person. She has more reason to want to get on with her boyfriend's mother than someone she just knows through an internet forum.

You can't safely say that at all.

Yes I can. Is she going to come after me for what I've said? Any one of you can judge me. Many of you have. How much do you know or need to know in order to be able to form an opinion?

until you meet AvJoeUK's Mother and hear her side too,

This is something that is not going to happen. There are many people in the world none of us will ever meet or get to know, but we will still make up our minds about them. Just because I have stated my point of view, doesn't mean it is unmoveable, but it may be based on more than what most posters on this thread know.

slagging your b/f's mother off on a forum

It looks a little more tactful than that. It may not be the best way to assess the situation, of course. But Wyspianska asked a bunch of people, some of whom may be able to give very helpful answers, about whether she may have been the one who has been going about something the wrong way.

Maybe it's a Polish thing to wash your dirty linnen in public

Judging a whole nation?
CoolMoon 1 | 60  
17 Oct 2008 /  #80
reassure Wyspianska that she doesn't come across as a rude, impolite or dislikeable person.

However, for some people on the forum, she does come across as exactly that. Whether that opinion is justifiable or not is another discussion really.

Yes I can. Is she going to come after me for what I've said?

As Misty says, no you can't. The point is not whether someone is going to "come after you" but whether you can actually say, fairly, that you have heard more than one side of a story and can then be relied on to provide fair judgement. Well, you can't. You've already proclaimed that Wyspianska is right so no one is going to care for a second about the Mother in Law.

So really, what it looks like now is that you have no interest in what anyone else says. You already liked Wyspi, then you met her for real and you like the flutter of her eyes so now you can't see that a conflict between her and the mother of her boyfriend might be more than just what Wyspianska says.

The male mind - works oddly!

Judging a whole nation?

Or maybe just asking a question?
truebrit 3 | 196  
18 Oct 2008 /  #81
Maybe it's a Polish thing to wash your dirty linnen in public? Or maybe it's just a personal choice?

I think you will find this is now normal for most younger people throughout the entire western world and elsewhere!
Wroclaw Boy  
18 Oct 2008 /  #82
Mothers who take a dislike to their sons girlfriends or wives are playing a very dangerous game indeed, they risk loosing them both and future grand children.

Do they honestly think a son will choose his mother over a girl he is in love with. The best thing they can do is just go along with it, keep their opinions to themselves and hope for the best.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
18 Oct 2008 /  #83
Do they honestly think a son will choose his mother over a girl he is in love with.

my mate is going out with a guy whos mother is just like that (she's Polish tho), she bad mouths her behind her back, makes up lies about her and always treats her like an unwanted guest and a threat. my friend gave up on trying to make friends with her now cos it's impossible. in situations like this, i really wonder why the womans son doesn't do anything to stop this awful behaviour. he obviously doesn't want to fall out with his mother but the truth is, the mother needs to realise her son is not a baby anymore and whatever choices he makes, she should accept them. it's not like he's taking drugs or robbing banks, he's going out with a girl who in fact hasn't done anything wrong but try to be nice and make friends. then when the girl gives up on trying to be nice for obvious reasons, the mother-in-law is even more cheesed off. it's a mad circle.
szarlotka 8 | 2,208  
18 Oct 2008 /  #84
Do they honestly think a son will choose his mother over a girl he is in love with.

Oedipus did. Maybe that was a one off
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
18 Oct 2008 /  #85
in my opinion it is harder for Polish mothers to accept foreigners hooking up with their offspring than the other way round. I can only speak from my own experience but they seem much more judgemental than English parents. I also think that no matter how much you dislike her you should make an effort to please her for the sake of your partner. If you are not even making an effort to ask her how she is, then she probably thinks you are rude. Having said that, she has already formed her opinion of you and thats unlikely to change.
osiol 55 | 3,922  
18 Oct 2008 /  #86
So really, what it looks like now is that you have no interest in what anyone else says.

Where did I say that?
jnowiski 2 | 121  
12 Dec 2009 /  #87
Well you don't forget your mistakes that way and not likely to do the same thing twice ;-) This I know!

haha, nah i'm that dumb, i generally make the same mistake over and over again

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