I met a Polish friend through a site. This is just a strict friendship relationship, and everything was going well, we used to laugh, talk about random things, and getting to know more, as we were supposed to travel together at the end of the year.
However, we had a big argument a couple of days ago, I got mad, then he got mad, and I think it's because there are cultural differences. I guess.... I am latinamerican, and he's Polish. We speak in English, but maybe the language is also one of the barriers, when we try to explain ourselves.
Still, we are still mad, and despite we've been chatting for months, I think there's no way to fix it this time. He said today that "after the scene" there's nothing else to rescue. So, for 1 fight, they don't consider anymore the friendship??? Are they that radical???
I am here, because yes I am mad at him, but I still care, I am just impressed he doesn't anymore... So, I want to try to understand a little bit more how Polish mean are or react....
It has nothing to do with him being Polish and everything to do with him being a man.
It sounds like he is looking for a way out. When men want out we never SAY we want out. We either try to get you angry so you quit...or we try to hide or avoid you until it fades away...or we make some excuse like he is doing now.
I know it sucks but the fact is if someone is into you they will make an effort to get along and be with you.
Well, we have discussed before and he has always be patience.... This time was different.....
And this has nothing to do about "being into someone" we are just friends, and we were supposed to travel in GROUP at the end of the year. Even during our discussing he said I WAS making excuses about the difference of cultures or language barrier....
I don't know what happened, maybe I pushed way too much this last time and he fed up....
But that radical???? .... I mean, this never happened to me before with any other friend or man of any other culture.... But this is the friend polish friend I have....
Hey Miranda I am just being honest from a guys point of view. We are not complicated and only have a few basic modes ;)
Lilliana I just assumed it was romantic the way you described it.
This is an unpopular opinion here but Poles are offended very easily and have fragile egos. If he felt somehow emasculated or that you thought he was stupid over a language issue it may have been his reaction. He may have also felt you insulted his culture somehow (another thing they are VERY sensitive about).
Another thing I noticed and that always say is that He is a reserved person, and it's hard for him to talk about emotions.... Which always bothered me, since I am latinamerican and I love to be open and talk about emotions....
Okay I am a very impulsive person, which he already knows..... and we had small arguments before, but he has always been patience with me and trying to make things work..... But not this last time, which he really got mad BACK!!!....
Then he mentioned something about the way women behave!! What pissed me off was that he used that ARGUMENT , "women behavior" instead of finding out the real reason why I got pissed off....
It IS a bit odd for a conversation between "friends". Maybe he thinks you want more and is backing away. Maybe he is a drama seeker and thrives on conflict. Maybe his wife found out you were chatting and got pissed ;)
Well he's single, and he knows I don't want anything with him.... That's totally clear between us.... As I mentioned above, this is a just Friendship....
And we were going to travel together, but not just the two of us, but with another friend...
But I think today I realized that we might not have a Friendship since we didn't try to solve it :(
The ARGUMENT was silly, okay?? but we both ended up very very very mad!! at some point we didn't listen to each other no more.... We ended up deleting from everywhere, yeah that radical. (well, I deleted him from everywhere)...
I think this is what he calls "the scene" ..... and that after it, doesn't matter no more ....
He said I always want to argue, and this one was another silly excuse to argue.... I told him that he is just looking at the surface, but there's a main reason.... He didn't want to believe me, and just put "The women behavior" position.... Which made me more mad!! ..... 'cause he stayed with this "women behavior" thing, and not listening to what I was really trying to explain...
anyways, really REALLY I had lots of argues and this one was VERY strange :S
Listen to the men here. We are telling you how we think and why we act like we do. It is not mysterious and we don't have very many plays in the playbook. We have no reason to lie to you and are more interested in saving you grief than anything.
If you have a fight and make up big deal. If you have a fight and he is resisting making up it means he doesnt WANT to make up and is trying to get away.
So you got mad. What did you get mad about? The subject may have some influence over why this fight was worse than some others.
I have periodic arguments with a Polish male friend and he's so laid back and when I think about it afterwards I realise it's usually my fault because I have been in a bad mood. When he is in a bad mood I usually let it slide. We've never fallen out even over the worst arguments.
So yes, I am with gtd and Wroclaw, I think this guy is wanting to reduce your friendship so is being like this because of that.
Well, the only thing he hasn't deleted is the days we were going to travel together..... (specifically mentioning "meeting me") ....
And yes I am listening to you guys, and appreciate the feedback..... but getting out it's not the excuse in this case. The day before the argue we spoke on the phone for quite a long time, and everything was fine...
Actually, we used to talk daily.... and HE is the one who used to contact me... So... maybe I really pissed him off this last time :S
Don't be too hard on yourself as we said it is more likely an issue with him and not your fault.
Communication is key in anything and if one or the other is failing at that bad things happen. Just outright ask him whats up. If he stutters or makes excuses he is trying to get away from this. If he tells you his feelings got hurt or something you have your reason :)
Okay Offended him..... hmmmmmmmmm well That could be :S ... SEE?? this is what I am trying to understand.... and he feels so uncomfortable talking about emotions and so, that I think THAT'S Why it's hard to try to solve this THIS time that he got so mad! ....
Yeah I am Latinamerican :S HAHAAHHA but he already knows that, and knows how impulsive and aggressive I could be.... But u are right, maybe I offended him :S
gtd may be right, *OR* he may have started to like you more than a friend recently but knows that you don't feel the same. The arguement is just frustration of wanting something he can't have.
Communication is key in anything and if one or the other is failing at that bad things happen. Just outright ask him whats up. If he stutters or makes excuses he is trying to get away from this. If he tells you his feelings got hurt or something you have your reason :)
That's the best advice. Ask the guy...!!!
But u are right, maybe I offended him :S
gtd is right. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you offended him it was completely unintentional but you need to ask him why and how in order to move on and get through this stage.
By the way, if he stutter, he might just be nervous. Play it cool. You'll get there...
he may have started to like you more than a friend recently but knows that you don't feel the same. The arguement is just frustration of wanting something he can't have.
that was my second take on that. Men could be dramatic too;)
I mean I've been chatting with him for months!!! when we are not arguing we have a very nice friendly funny friendship, and we were very looking to meet and travel, that's why it really makes me sad if we can't work this out :(
I will break my proud haahhahaha, and talk to him and see what happens...
Okay I am a very impulsive person, which he already knows..... and we had small arguments before, but he has always been patience with me and trying to make things work..... But not this last time, which he really got mad BACK!!!....
So you started arguments often and every time he was very patient. They were small arguments, the last one was a big one and he backed off. IMO his reaction to this is justified. A drop, a big drop, in the bucket?
Latino character (emotions, aggressiveness) is a good explanation, but certainly not a good excuse.
if that is the case he seems like a big SOB, nothing to do with the nationality
I can tell you one thing. Latino men are not bothered by emotions. On the contrary, it's very acceptable to behave that way. The men do it, the women do it and they move on much stronger together. It's definitely a cultural thing.
Also -- they can be very forward. If one of them isn't interested anymore, they say it. They don't use games to get out of a relationship.
