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My Stupid Friend


nauczyciel  
30 Oct 2007 /  #1
ok here we go.

i've known this girl for about 8 months, and been better friends(hanging out more) for the last 5 weeks or so.

she lives with her BF, and we both know about each other.

well on Thursday last week, her and I were on GG and i sent her a link to a video online.

she watched it, and didn't complain about it.

Friday morning, her BF went into her GG to read the history, which she forgot to delete as she usually does, and saw my conversation.

he sent me a msg from his GG not stating who he was, and told me to stay away from her.

I challenged him about his insecurity and jealousy, and he said he trusts her. But if he did, why is he reading her GG?

anyway..... on Sat afternoon, i sent a "hello" over GG to her, and then i was blocked. I sent her an sms, called, and emailed, all ignored.

On monday morning over GG when he was not around, she said that he told her to decide "him or me" and she chose him. I told her that she was a fool to stay with her control freak BF which she is not happy with anyway. She said she wanted to end with him, but he doesn't want her to go, so she stays with him.

What girl stays with a guy who will decide who she can be friends with?

so she is an idiot to stay with him. He is Muslim and she will never marry him, and i can see the stereotypical abusive relationship with both parties.

I told her that I hope she is happy with her BF that will control her for the rest of the time they are together, and one day she might wake up and realize that she has wasted more than 4 years (as of now) of her life.

what a stupid girl.

and don't worry, i didn't see her as GF material, so i was not jealous at all.
dtaylor 9 | 823  
30 Oct 2007 /  #2
love does some strange things to people.
AvJoeUK  
30 Oct 2007 /  #3
Thats not love, like nauz said if he had trust she could talk to who she wanted, thats not jealousy thats being possessive, what next? Hes going to lock her up in the house so she cant go outside? Sounds like a twat..
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
30 Oct 2007 /  #4
and don't worry, i didn't see her as GF material, so i was not jealous at all.

so why are you posting if you are not bothered.. are you just wanting to look out for her as a mate? If so, then although I understand your concern, I would say but out of their relationship.. its for her to decide herself if she wants to be with him or not.. and nothing you can say or do will change her mind.
z_darius 14 | 3,968  
30 Oct 2007 /  #5
some like it rough :)
AvJoeUK  
30 Oct 2007 /  #6
its for her to decide herself if she wants to be with him or not

Not always the case though Saph, controlling and possessive partners generally frighten and intimidate who they are with until they lose the ability to think for themselves. I've seen and heard of it all too many times before.
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
30 Oct 2007 /  #7
i wonder if he knows something you dont
Debianco 19 | 111  
30 Oct 2007 /  #8
SO TRUE MY EX-HUSBAND DID THIS TO ME-GETTING STRONGER -BUT STILL QUESTION MYSELF-HARD TO GET OUT OF ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS AND SOMETIMES A LOT OF NEGATIVE TRANSFER LINGERS
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
30 Oct 2007 /  #9
Av. Joe, i do appreciate your point, but to be honest I am speaking from my own experience of having a controlling, possessive partner..ultimately its up to the individual and nothing your mates say will have any influence if you love that person.
Zgubiony 15 | 1,554  
30 Oct 2007 /  #10
I'm not controlling or posessive, but if some guy was chattin up my gf I think that I'd be skeptical of it as well. Especially if I notice she getting very close to someone for 5 weeks.

How close were you 2 getting? What was the context of the chat? Maybe he has the right to feel this way because of your obvious intentions of trying to make her your own.
OP nauczyciel  
30 Oct 2007 /  #11
as for the "closeness" {which i never said, READ>> better friends(hanging out more)} we would meet for a beer, go for a walk, nothing more. once/twice a week maybe a few hours at most.

ohya....sure he lives with her, but he works in other cities nearby all the time so he is not always home everynight.
Zgubiony 15 | 1,554  
30 Oct 2007 /  #12
as for the "closeness" {which i never said, READ>> better friends(hanging out more)}

Um...when you hang out more and become better friends, that's getting "closer" to someone :) Just a different choice of words.

Not trying to start shite nauczyciel, but it sounds like you were trying to co*k block and I can see why some would get bent because of this.

Maybe this wasn't your intention and I apologize, but how is he really to know what would come of this.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
30 Oct 2007 /  #13
i can comment on this from my own perspective. My best mate was a guy and I also have a lot of other platonic male friends.. when I got with my current partner.. he didnt understand these platonic friendships with men, and in particular the best mate. Although it was totally innocent, we were very close and this caused probs. in my relationship as my bf didnt believe it could be as innocent as it was and the mate didnt like the bf so made it worse, by provoking the situation which increased the suspicions. I do still see the mate, but not nearly as much as I used to, which is kind of sad, but I was forced to make this choice. Of course every situation is different, but it sounds like there are some similarities here, that the bf doesnt have total trust in his partner and feels threatened by other males, no matter how innocent your intentions. She may have to choose between your friendship and her relationship, but you mustnt try to force this choice on her.
marek s - | 269  
30 Oct 2007 /  #14
did you ever think she just told you she has a boyfriend??

What girl stays with a guy who will decide who she can be friends with

lets be honest here, most men cannot be just friends with women, its been proven time and time again.

i've known this girl for about 8 months, and been better friends(hanging out more) for the last 5 weeks or so

hanging out online??
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
30 Oct 2007 /  #15
changed my mind... cant speak for most men
marek s - | 269  
30 Oct 2007 /  #16
On monday morning over GG when he was not around, she said that he told her to decide "him or me" and she chose him.

that being said, you mean not much to her, move on.
you wont be getting none.

so she is an idiot to stay with him

whos the real idiot here?
you are only going by what she tells you.

I told her that I hope she is happy with her BF that will control her for the rest of the time they are together, and one day she might wake up and realize that she has wasted more than 4 years (as of now) of her life.

what a stupid girl.

and don't worry, i didn't see her as GF material, so i was not jealous at all

na, your not jealous.

i beg to differ

as i said most men cant be.
if the female friend is good looking, dont think for one second the guy friend hasnt thought about how to get down her pants.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
30 Oct 2007 /  #17
what a stupid girl.

move on.
Sunflower 10 | 76  
1 Nov 2007 /  #18
Hes going to lock her up in the house so she cant go outside?

mmm, I'd advise her to get out fast.. my ex from last year did that to me.. and worse :0( It started with jealousy over who I could be friends with and escalated... men like that usually have extremely low self-esteem. I bet he would hate it if she did the same back to him!
AvJoeUK  
1 Nov 2007 /  #19
Well I can only wish you a brighter future and luck to find the right guy this time around Flower :)
miranda  
1 Nov 2007 /  #20
changed my mind... cant speak for most men

I will take over then;p

co*k block

that's a good one - will add to my PF phrase book;p
rafik 18 | 589  
1 Nov 2007 /  #21
I'm not controlling or posessive, but if some guy was chattin up my gf I think that I'd be skeptical of it as well. Especially if I notice she getting very close to someone for 5 weeks

i would be sceptical too

as for the "closeness" {which i never said, READ>> better friends(hanging out more)} we would meet for a beer, go for a walk, nothing more. once/twice a week maybe a few hours at most.

this is how it starts.i wouldn't like my wife to have a male friend whom she would be walking or sharing problems with. i am her husband.

so she is an idiot to stay with him. He is Muslim and she will never marry him, and i can see the stereotypical abusive relationship with both parties.

she is an idiot

Maybe this wasn't your intention and I apologize

c'mon fisz it's nothing!wouldn't u like your GF to go out for a FEW hours walk with a male friend twice a week?
Zgubiony 15 | 1,554  
1 Nov 2007 /  #22
wouldn't u like your GF to go out for a FEW hours walk with a male friend twice a week?

Probably not. I would try to force myself to understand if he was maybe a childhood friend or sth, but not a new friend.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
1 Nov 2007 /  #23
Koala bear.. you appear to be contradicting yourself. ... one the one hand you say that he is right not to accept the friendship between his gf and the other guy.. but then you say she is an idiot to stay with him.. I dont understand.

Actually I can see it from both points of view, but if he is a newish friend then I think he is right to be wary as it seems to me that this friendship is not entirely innocent.. I think the poster has designs on the woman, whether he admits it or not.
miranda  
1 Nov 2007 /  #24
I think the poster has designs on the woman, whether he admits it or not.

that seems to be the case
rafik 18 | 589  
1 Nov 2007 /  #25
Koala bear.. you appear to be contradicting yourself. ... one the one hand you say that he is right not to accept the friendship between his gf and the other guy.. but then you say she is an idiot to stay with him.. I dont understand.

i don't believe in this kind of relationship but still i think that nauczyciel is not that innocent as he wants us to believe...
marek s - | 269  
1 Nov 2007 /  #27
this is how it starts.i wouldn't like my wife to have a male friend whom she would be walking or sharing problems with. i am her husband.

thats how it started with my ex wife.
she became buddies with one of her male co workers and that lead to way more than just friendship.
krysia 23 | 3,057  
1 Nov 2007 /  #28
It's Ok for the wife to have girlfriends, but if it's a guy-friend, that causes friction. Same goes for husbands. If they have female friends, da wife don't like that.
OP nauczyciel  
1 Nov 2007 /  #29
ppl are effed.

oh btw.... it's not a "koala bear" but just "koala"
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
2 Nov 2007 /  #30
Well my two of my best friends are male they have both stayed over at my house and stayed on the sofa (one did have an intrest in me but I told him no chance, the other is gay!) - I personally think that people should be able to chose who their friends are regardless of sex - trust is a big issue here! I worked in engineering for quite a few years and a lot of my good friends were male and my b/f at the time didnt have an issue with this....may be nauczyciel does have an interest in this woman or maybe he is just a really good friend, its not for us to judge...

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