Starosta & Staroscina - Polish wedding tradition

Hey there people, basically i have a girlfriend that is polish (we both live in London)and we have been together for almost one year, however, recently she has informed me that she was involved in a wedding tradition called Starosta & Staroscina when she recently returned to Poland to attend a wedding and was chosen by the bride, she tells me that she as part of a custom had to kiss the male counterpart on the lips for quite some time, is this true? now if this is true i don't mind, and i will respect the tradition, i would really appreciate some educated and experienced answers, thank you.

My Polish wife (who has a master's degree in Polish and specialised in tradition and folklore) seems to think what your girlfriend is telling you is a load of rubbish.

The Starosta is someone chosen by the Groom to help make sure the hospitality side of the wedding runs OK, his chief job is to keep the vodka flowing. It is often the Best Man but doesn't need to be.

The Staroscina is chosen by the Bride. Again this is often the chief bridesmaid but doesn't need to be. Her role isn't so important but similarly is there to help with the entertainment. It's true that she's the 'partner' of the Starosta, but her duties are typically to dance with him a bit, go for photos with him and the newly-weds and generally entertain the guests.

The only time we can think of when she should kiss the Starosta is during some traditional games or dances, or when the Starosta and Groom arrive at the venue at the start. At no time would lip-kissing be expected, a peck on the cheek would suffice.

I wouldn't be too sure about that. I've been to weddings where not only the bride and groom were made to kiss by calls of "gorzko, gorzko", but the best man and bridesmaid as well. This might well hold true for the starosta and starościna at this particular wedding. Each area has its own traditions, heck, each family has them in this respect, and also remember that if you hire a band with live music, they will also act as "wodzirej" (a sort of entertainment officer), and organize the wedding fun and games for you, some of which that I've seen have made me cringe, they were so sexually explicit. Like ballroom dancing lying down (man on top of the woman, making dance moves which in this position resemble something entirely different). I personally don't like this, but on the other hand this is a reminder that in pagan tradition, the wedding night was a time of revelry and sexual freedom, invoking the spirits/gods of fertility and long life. These "games" seem to be the last remnant of such beliefs.

If you're really worried, ask to watch the wedding video with your girlfriend. This is absolutely the norm, wedding videos are sent out to friends and family as part of the proceedings. :-)

that's true, Polish weddings can get a bit rowdy! But even so no-one would have made her do anything she didn't want to do.

But Magdalena has a brilliant idea there about the wedding DVD.

thank you for your replies, very much appreciated, i will request the dvd.

With all due respect, do you live in la-la land? If a bunch of drunk, happy, rowdy wedding guests, and the master of ceremonies as well, expect you to behave in a certain way, and you're in the limelight, it's really pretty hard to say No. Of course, nobody's putting a gun to your head, but I'd think it's very much a situation it would be very embarrassing and difficult to back out of.

Sometimes I think I live in la-la land, this is certainly a crazy country and Polish weddings are famous.

Yes you can be put in awkward situations, I have been in some myself at drunken Polish functions. But you can always laugh/drink/joke your way out of something if you want to.

I think the original point is was she forced to kiss some guy for a prolonged period - I am personally sceptical but of course that's just my opinion. I think your comment about asking for the video is the best way to resolve the OP's concern.

This is not necessarily true, unfortunately... Overall, I think that if the gf in question felt she had done something very untoward, she wouldn't have even mentioned it to her bf in the first place.

I'm afraid I disagree with you there. I don't know about you, but speaking for myself if I was put in that situation there is no way I would do something like that knowing the reaction I could/would expect from my wife. Of course you could duck out of it. It's a bunch of drunken guests not the gestapo or the spanish inqusition.

Yes I agree with you though about her mentioning this fact to start with. Of course there could be many reasons for that but if I start going into that too then we'll never finish this thread ... :-)

lol, this is the exact argument im having with my gf.