SOS!! I feel a little hopeless with my Polish husband...

Internet addiction is more common than people think, but very difficult to solve without professional help.

If this has been going on for 1.5 year, you should tell him to get help and if he doesn't do that within a few weeks you should leave him. It's only a matter of time before he'll get violent.

You are right about this...maybe he just want to escape from me, avoid to communicate or interact with me..I think he is not happy at work either, He was arguing with his female co-worker once and got a letter from his boss. Friends...He is accusing that all of his friends left him because of me (no clue what he is talking about..) He has some polish friends, but I don't know them very well, he doesn't want me to get to know them.. And i think he is only playing poker, drinking and smoking with them at mid-night..

And thank you for the advice from Softsong.

You're quite welcome.

It was an ah-ha moment for me. If you always do the same thing, they always do the same thing in response. And nothing changes.

But, by changing how you react, they must react in a different way and that sometimes gets the ball rolling in a positive direction.

He will be surprised to see you busy, active and happy. He may want to be a part of this happiness thing you have going on. He may begin to pay attention to you again.

In any event whether or not he is curious, wants to join in with you, is angry that you are enjoying yourself without him, or continues to ignore you, your life is improved. And you will know if what you once had can be saved, or it is better to end it.

The internet isn't just something on its own - there are games and fun stuff, there are music and films, there's even p'nography (apparently), and in this case: online gambling. Some of these things are okay, some aren't. Some can even be quite addictive, particularly when not wanting to deal with the real world. Another problem is that lethargy breeds lethargy, and sitting in front of a computer for hours on end is quite a lethargic thing to do.

Sorry I don't have any great solutions. There must be a way, though, to find something else to do as well, preferably for him, something that doesn't involve doing too much work because that might only frighten him back to the computer.


Nearly ten o'clock in the morning, Poland time. You were here quite late last night (past two in the morning). I wonder how long it will be until you read this.

please dont waste your life,
leave the man while you're still young,
he is not the only one out there,
learn from this experience and move on.

no s*it. Get rid of him

I agree with Softsong when she writes nothing will change if you keep doing the same things.
Dump him, he's not yours anymore anyway so you will loose nothing.

If you always do what you always did...you will always get what you always got.... somebody famous said that...no , not me...

:'( It's sunday today. He beats me again and even take a knife on my throat, he is warning me don't move stop crying..don't make any sound, his eye is so big, he seems like a bad guy not my husband anymore, he drag me from room to room and kick my hip.. I was begging him to calm down..he droped knife and slapped my face then run away from the home...

The thing begins here...

I didn't go on this form room for many days. I know I don't have the power to change him, so i was about to change myself first...I was trying to make myself busy in the life... I thought he might pay a little attention on me... Yesterday, it was a nice Saturday in Toronoto, sunny day, almost 30 degree, we suppose to go to a show togerther, just because there is a woman called him the day before to meet in the morning at downtown, he told me he has to go, i said ok. Usually, i will be a little upset, because he has already promised me to go somewhere, now he changed just because a call..But this time i said to him, if you have to go to meet her, then don't worry about me, we can go to the show tomorrow, i will go to visit my friend. But he said to me No, he said " you can meet me in downtown, I will finish with her about 12o'clock, we can still go to the show after that." I said ok. That day morning about 10o'clock, he called me, he said I need more time with her, i have to teach her how to make a blog..so i can't meet you later today...(I knew it.. in the begining!! Before he meets that woman every Satuday, he is telling me i can't be with you on Saturday, i have to do business with her, she is my partner...) what business??? I never see him making a penny on that.. he only spends money on Saturday..

All right......he said we can go to the show tomorrow which is Sunday. Now is Sunday, he woke up in early morning spend the whole morning on the Skype talking to someone. I make breakfast, we ate, i asked him when we are going to the show. He told me he doesn't want to go anywhere, he doesn't have money, I knew he spend big money yesterday, and he doesn't want to spend money with me...Before we were going out i always have to pay for him... I am not saying i want to be stingy, just don't feel right, he is saving money to have fun with others, i am saving money for the family. Since we got married, I don't even have wedding ring from him..and he only bought twice flower for me, argue with me the day before my birthday, then he has excuse to get me nothing on birthday... He is always telling me he is poor...I knew it before i chose to marry him. I said to him I don't mind if you are poor, but important is to have a rich heart... Now i feel i married with a poor guy with both inside and outside...

THEN GO TO THE POLICE............

Go to someone (Any friends or family?) you really trust, tell them about the whole situation, and take your children (I'm not sure but you've mentioned your family?) with you, and then go to the Police.

:(

Don't tell him anything?

you sound like such a lovely person, eangel! don't let this man hurt you or threat you anymore. you know what he's doing and everybody here is telling you the same thing. what is your situation there, have you got anywhere to go? pack your bags when he's out and leave, if he comes after you call the police. you should call them anyway and tell them what he does to you. this is domestic abuse, he should go to jail for that! what a tosser, leave him!! come to England you can stay with me ha ha.

he sound o.k to me?? mayb eu over exagarated? maybe you se eother man???

you obviously have problems with reading and understanding

It's not love. You just got dependent on being with him. It will be hard at first, but spread your wings and fly away. Nothing good will ever come from this relationship.

Be strong.
Good luck.

He has two faces, that's really scary. He can be very caring and kind in front of others, when he get home, he become a totally different person.. I even scare to look for help with his friends or family, he warned me not to tell, he said they would stand by his side, no one will believe me and what I said. And he is very good at making a lie to them. I can feel his family and friends look at me differently, I don't even know what he told them about me... I didn't do anything wrong, I have always being nice to him, but what I get...in my marriage life... tears and pains from an unconscience man :'(

Get out of this relationship ASAP!! Don't get fooled by his niceness, he treats you like trash but is nice when he wants something.

Unless you like being abused and treated like a rag then it's a whole new story.

Yes, find a way to leave him where you can be safe!

There must be shelters in your area. No way of relating to him will change this situation. He is an abuser and they are always nice to you in the beginning and to others. Sometimes they say they are very sorry for what they do to you, and you see the nice side again. But it will get worse and worse. Some woman stay stuck in this pattern hoping to find a way to bring out that nice person again. Impossible to do. He needs to want to change and to go to a professional for help. In the meantime, your safety is at stake.

It is possible no one will believe you since he so charming. Doubly important to just get help from centers that deal with spousal abuse. This is very serious.

Your life may be at risk if you stay with him. Certainly your self-esteem and well-being are already at stake.

P.S. If he has left marks on you, documenting this with photos might be a good thing. Figure out how to do this without him knowing and keep them someplace else. He will be very angry if he finds them, but it will help to establish the truth if you divorce and need proof down the road. Main thing though is get out of there like Krysia said ASAP. Make sure he has no idea you are leaving. Be wise.

I have read all of your post but this is most important bit. If he beat someone up in the street and held a knife to their throat he would be arrested and charged so why should it be any different because he's doing it to you?

Get out of there.

Even if he wasn't attempting to murder you he's playing you, he has another girl on the go and he's not even bothering to hide it.

Good advise and you should take it.

If money is an issue, start saving some now in a new bank account. Call it your "running away" account and leave as soon as you have enough to get far enough away. Look up "domestic violence" in your local phone book and see if there is a refuge that can help you.

This guy sounds a total sh!t bag and not only that, he sounds dangerous and more than capable of putting you in hospital - or worse !

From what you have said he sounds angry and resentful that he has to live and work in a foreign country and he maybe even resents you for not being Polish. Whatever his reasons for wanting to marry you, I don't think they are the same as yours.

Don't wait around hoping he will change as he probably won't, however, you not being there to give him the shock he needs to seek help. Leave and leave soon !

You've not mentioned kids, so I'm assuming (and hoping) that you don't have any. If this is the case, whatever else you do, don't get pregnant !

Good luck x

Do you have friends you can stay with in Toronto? It's important to leave the house if he is being violent with you...

If you allow him to use violence as a way of controlling the situation, then he will do it in future too. You might not have been hurt badly this time, but what if he actually USED the knife on you?!?!

You need to report him to the police (after you have taken some of your belongings and moved in with a friend/relation for a while) and take it from there.

It's terrible that men have to resort to violence so often... shameful and disgusting.

But really a forum isn't the place you can get help!

You need to get the support of your friends and relatives in Canada!!

Please take care of yourself!!
Davey

familyservicetoronto.org/programs/vaw/centres.html

this is the site to domestic abuse hotline

Assuming that Eangel isn't stringing us along and she is genuine, then we have to assume that she has her own reasons for staying.

I agree that she should leave and leave now.


Eangel, unless you're sure that your husband isn't checking the websites you visit (which wouldn't surprise me considering what has been said) I would suggest that you cover your tracks and delete all your cookies etc after you check such websites (including getting rid of what is being said on here).

If he is handy with his fists, don't give him any excuses to use them.

Do what this woman says.

And good luck.

no advice can do any good to you until you want to help yourself and do something on your own.
but first protect yourself and have some self respect.
you should know that you are strong.... aren't you???

PLEASE LEAVE HIM AND GET HELP IMMEDIATELY! Contact the police and get as far away as possible!! Dont spend another minute with him, find a family member who can help you get away!! please please call the police, I'd hate for anything worse to happen!

thank you for all the reply...
I think i have to close this thread before my husband find out...

Thanks again everyone here.