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SOS!! I feel a little hopeless with my Polish husband...


eangel 1 | 10  
11 Apr 2009 /  #1
I married with a polish guy 3 years ago.We are living in Canada. I love him so much but I felt I have always being treated unfairly, he doesn't do any housework. He just sits in front of the computer from morning wake up to night the last minute to the bed, even eating in front of the computer. Ignoring my existence. Everytime I try to communicate with him, he gets mad, and yells to me ...'stop controlling me!'..

He is not happy if I talk in my language with my parents on the phone, but he can talk with his friend for 3 hours in polish on skype...

Everytime he argues with me, he's just being violent and walk out from home, come back drunk at mid night. He always complaining that I don't give him freedon..I don't understand what kind of the freedon he is looking for... Today is Easter, he argued with me again and left me alone at home with the pain on my body and heart :'(

I love him, I don't want to leave him, but I don't know what to do anymore...
hfm - | 27  
11 Apr 2009 /  #2
sorry to hear about that, but in poland women actually are the best part of the country, man they are just famous for wooden work skills

where are your from?
pgtx 30 | 3,156  
11 Apr 2009 /  #3
you are unhappy.... he is unhappy... there is something wrong... you could try to talk to him what's his problem is... he seems frustrated...
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
11 Apr 2009 /  #4
I get a rap for sitting in front of the computer on occasion. It's not healthy. My fiancee is doing her nails now but will want attention soon. Fine, some time to himself but all day? I have done that on weekends when my fiancee is at work but when she's here I don't do that.

He seems to be a chauvinist pig and worth snapping into shape.
mafketis 25 | 9,340  
11 Apr 2009 /  #5
I think your problems are probably more serious than anything that can be addressed on this forum.

You need marriage counselling pretty badly. If you don't have kids (hope, hope, hope) and he won't consider counselling then you probably need to leave him (and mean it). Giving him however many more chances isn't going to do any good.

And remember, the idea that you 'love' him is the _least_ important factor here. If he's not going to man up and be a good husband then no nice feelings on your part will change anything for the better.
gumishu 11 | 5,701  
11 Apr 2009 /  #6
the guy has some serious problem with himself, a psychological one. what I think you should consider leaving him (you should definitely do it if there is any physical violence on his side) but before give him a chance to change. people meet and get married for a reason and it is a spiritual reason. But when the lessons are learned a relationship does not have to continue.
hfm - | 27  
11 Apr 2009 /  #7
this important questions, where are you from?
how long he been doing this stuff?
esek 2 | 228  
11 Apr 2009 /  #8
This is computer/internet addiction, isn't it?
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,161  
11 Apr 2009 /  #9
he doesn't do any housework.

Well...

Ignoring my existence.

Maybe something wrong with sex ? I'm not kidding.

where are you from?

And you ?
hfm - | 27  
11 Apr 2009 /  #10
Grzegorz, i can see you are limited analitic, if i ask where is she from is for know how her culture is, if she is latin, europe, asia, etc

you got it, o maybe you are the husband,
OP eangel 1 | 10  
11 Apr 2009 /  #11
I am from Japan, the situation has been going on almost 1 year and half already... I don't think is anything wrong with sex, but thank you for the advice...
Misty 5 | 144  
11 Apr 2009 /  #12
This is computer/internet addiction, isn't it?

Yes and quite a bad addiction if he is doing nothing else all day. Sounds like he doesn't have a job either. Is that right eangel?

What was he like when you first met? Was he a different guy? Did he spend as much time on the computer?

what I think you should consider leaving him

That's good advice. He doesn't seem to bother while you are there tending to him all the time. Perhaps if you took yourself out the picture...?
hello 22 | 891  
11 Apr 2009 /  #13
Canada is not his country, he'll never feel free and at home there. If you move to Poland he would feel happy, but then you might start drinking too.
hfm - | 27  
11 Apr 2009 /  #14
my advice is give him an ultimatum, and try talk to him, something like.....

You make me feel bad when i dont get your attention in the whole day, i respect the time you spent with your self but 24 hours without talk to me is to much, i dont feel you respect me and even hurt me, i dont want to ask you again for your atention, and i want you give atention for yourself, im not longer goint to accept that you hurt me, and i gonig to give you time to think about it, if in one-or two months i dont see any improve about your behavior, i will request seperate, and if you will hurt me fisically again i will call the police,

o maybe you writte this to him, will be more easy for you
pgtx 30 | 3,156  
11 Apr 2009 /  #15
maybe you writte this to him

maybe an e-mail will do the trick...
;)
freebird 3 | 532  
11 Apr 2009 /  #16
SOS!! I feel a little hopeless with my Polish husband...

I feel for you :-(
OP eangel 1 | 10  
11 Apr 2009 /  #17
When I first time met him, he was very different guy. I still remember that he is very kind, always arround me, and he likes to read books...Since the internet is getting more and more advanced, he quits the tv and newspapers, also quit to communicate with me. he started addicting to the internet blogs and social networks...
Vincent 9 | 851   Moderator
11 Apr 2009 /  #18
he's just being violent

left me alone at home with the pain on my body

If this man is psychically beating you, then it is time to get out of this marriage. You can't stay with someone who is going to hit you every time you have an augment.
Misty 5 | 144  
11 Apr 2009 /  #19
When I first time met him, he was very different guy. I still remember that he is very kind, always arround me, and he likes to read books...Since the internet is getting more and more advanced, he quits the tv and newspapers, also quit to communicate with me. he started addicting to the internet blogs and social networks...

Then you need to tell him outright, he quits the Internet or you quit him. It's a simple enough message and if he doesn't get it then go. I hope you have friends or family around who you can turn to.

If this man is psychically beating you, then it is time to get out of this marriage.

Very true. It seems his addiction to the Internet is as dangerous as that of an addiction to drugs or alcohol. He's become short-tempered and illogical.
OP eangel 1 | 10  
11 Apr 2009 /  #20
I believe that is the Internet addiction, he can not without internet for 1 day, i think he needs a blackberry or something, he is checking his facebook, emails, social network..etc.. every minute...A couple of times, he woke up at 2am turn on the computer, He told me he couldn't sleep... I told him drink some milk and go back to the bed...he gets upset...

Most of the time I found he just browsing some woman's pictures on his facebook or social network...
Misty 5 | 144  
12 Apr 2009 /  #21
Yes, he's irrational. I've never dealt with anyone addicted to the Internet. I imagine that this addiction is as over-powering as that of addiction to drugs, drink or gambling. You either have to stick by him and help him get through it, so you have to seek help for him because he won't do it himself, or you leave him.

Canada is not his country, he'll never feel free and at home there

I was thinking about that and there might be something in it. This addiction to the social networking sites could be caused by the sudden contact with people from his childhood in Poland (that is if he was born and brought up in Poland), if not there could be the sudden contact with people from an earlier part of his life wherever he was brought up. He might be aching for an earlier part of his life.

Good luck eangel.
niejestemcapita 2 | 561  
12 Apr 2009 /  #22
Today is Easter, he argued with me again and left me alone at home with the pain on my body and heart :'(

Leave him now
Filios1 8 | 1,336  
12 Apr 2009 /  #23
Maybe he is addicted to porn?

Or, he might be having an online relationship with another woman. It is worth looking into. That might explain why he is getting so defensive whenever you approach him at the computer.

When he is gone at work, or gone drinking, go on his computer, and check the history. See what he's up to... it might save you some grief.

I know a girl who had to get a divorce because her husband was addicted to porn, and couldn't for the life of him, get away from it.
Misty 5 | 144  
12 Apr 2009 /  #24
Maybe he is addicted to porn?

I'm inclined to believe you could be right after reading:

# Pornography places men on an emotional roller coaster. One minute they're happy, the next they're sad; calm, then angry; kind, then cold. These moods change without warning, causing stress and pain for wives, children, friends and associates. Feelings of estrangement ensue, further isolating and alienating them from their loved ones, which often drive men even deeper into the self-medicating escape of pornography.
# Men isolated on the slippery slope of pornography typically fail in their families and marriages, and in their relations with people in general. They are less effective, less reliable, less creative, and more prone to meanness and fits of anger. In essence, pornography turns men into zombie-like characters who are but a shadow of their true selves and potential.

This is from Net Nanny - Men as victims.

Sounds a bit like eangel's guy...
polishcanuck 7 | 462  
12 Apr 2009 /  #25
eangel - is your husband's name Grzegorz by any chance? :)

Your husband probably has someting called "internet addiction." There's been a lot of talk about this issue lately in canada...
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
12 Apr 2009 /  #26
Whatever it is i think its not doing her any good to be part of it....I think there is more to this than just the addiction of the internet , he has got something going on there that he does not want her part of , and i think its all going to end badly.... I hope she can resolve her problems , but in the end i think she is going to have to get out of the situation....On another thread she says she caught him signed up to a singles dating site , he said he just wanted to check out if he was attractive to women...yah right....
PurpleLeo 2 | 47  
12 Apr 2009 /  #27
I feel ur pain love...

Try gettin to root of the problem before jumping to any conclusions tho.

Wish u all the best!
OP eangel 1 | 10  
12 Apr 2009 /  #28
eangel - is your husband's name Grzegorz by any chance? :)

nope...

Thank you for all your supports and advices...

PS. It's 1 am here, he is still not home yet, no clue where is him on the holy night.

Hope he will come back soon, we will be able to go to church together on easter sunday....
Softsong 5 | 495  
12 Apr 2009 /  #29
If you are not ready to leave him yet. You must go about your business and have a life. Instead of being alone in the apartment with him, and hoping for some "crumbs" of attention, you have fun.

Make friends if you have no family nearby. He is used to being on the computer all day, ignoring you, and you waiting patiently for him. Or arguing about it. Being the suffering good wife will get you nothing. Being a nag will get you nothing.

If you begin being busy without him, having fun on your own, he will notice you are out and he may begin to want your attention. He may want to have some of that fun with you.

If he does, then be the inviting soft, sweet person he enjoys. Things may improve if you stop waiting for him to be with you, and just make a life. He will sit up and take notice.

Nothing will change if you keep doing the same things. You cannot change another person's behavior, but you can change how you react to his behavior. So, react differently. Enjoy yourself and stop begging for his attention. If anything will help, this will do it.

If he just continues to ignore you or get mad that you are out, you should tell him, "I am doing what I need to do to have a life, since you are too busy." If he is violent or does not seem to care, it may be time to tell him that when you married, you expected a partner. He needs to be one, or there is no marriage.

Good luck....let us know how you are doing.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,385  
12 Apr 2009 /  #30
Ignoring my existence.

He is not addicted to the computer. He is using it as an escape route for whatever failings he has.
Is he happy at work ?
Does he have friends ?

Sooner or later you will turn to someone else. Then he will learn his lesson.

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