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CONFUSING FRIENDSHIP? She doesn't want to go to Poland now.


pennypinchin 2 | 7  
13 Feb 2008 /  #1
I'm doing this on behalf of a friend who doesn't have access to internet, so here goes. My friend has a polish friend who is a guy, but it's just friends. She is going to stay in Poland with him for a week, but has since found out via other friends that he has denied he is even friends with her and says that he doesn't text or phone her (which I know he does on a regular basis) How strange is this?? I don't know what to say to her as I've never come across this before. Any suggestions? She doesn't want to ring him as she's too upset - why would he deny this friendship. I know he's single as she's had conversations with his parents. She doesn't want to go to Poland now (understandable) but can't get a refund on the tickets. I just don't know what to say to ease her mind???
gosiaczek 1 | 85  
13 Feb 2008 /  #2
so she will go only because she has already payed for the ticket?
MareGaea 29 | 2,752  
13 Feb 2008 /  #3
It's kind of clear that he apparently is in love with her and wants to keep up this macho big tough man image towards his friends...Or he is just a liar :)

M-G
AvJoeUK  
13 Feb 2008 /  #4
I'll go to Poland instead, I need a holiday.
MareGaea 29 | 2,752  
13 Feb 2008 /  #5
I need a holiday

Me too...I'll go with her, if she's hot :))

M-G
James Revan 1 | 66  
13 Feb 2008 /  #6
Wel.. This probably will sound harsh but think about how your friend looks. Many guys here (and not only here) "judge the book by its cover" and get embarassed if their friends see them with a girl who does not look like a model from magazines cover. They feel good talking privatly to the girl, but doesn't want this to get to public, even if it's just friendship. This is one option, and a very probable one.
Plotin 5 | 25  
13 Feb 2008 /  #7
She doesn't want to go to Poland now (understandable) but can't get a refund on the tickets. I just don't know what to say to ease her mind???

The best must be to talk straight forward about this..
Direct communication is always the best to solve a problem or find out about misunderstandings..
MareGaea 29 | 2,752  
13 Feb 2008 /  #8
how your friend looks

Indeed James, that's a good one (darn, why didn't I think of that? hm, maybe because I don't care about looks) - in any case; if he is embarrassed towards his friends by her company, then she should just dump him as a friend as fast as a brick sinks to the bottom of the ocean; he's not worth the while...

M-G (...)
OP pennypinchin 2 | 7  
13 Feb 2008 /  #9
Well, I think she's really pretty (but she's my best pal) and she's certainly way better looking that her Polish friends (female) in the UK!!!! She has paid for her ticket but is now thinking of flying there, giving him a piece of her mind, then catching the next flight out of their half an hour later!!!! How shallow must he be if he wont admit to being friends??? She really took care of him in the UK, and he still txt/phones her and I would have said he really fancied her just by the way he couldn't take his eyes off her - MEN - what a strange breed. Good job I can't go with her or I'd let rip and tell him exactly what I thought :.)
AvJoeUK  
13 Feb 2008 /  #10
Well hmm, goodluck to her?
James Revan 1 | 66  
13 Feb 2008 /  #11
It would be a waste just to go there to say a thing or two to him. Where your friend wants to go? Maybe someone from here would make a better company for her then that guy. ^_^
OP pennypinchin 2 | 7  
13 Feb 2008 /  #12
This is one option, and a very probable one.

Just thought about this one - his Polish friends know exactly what she looks like as they see her almost every day so it can't be that. If he thinks she's not good enough to be seen in Poland then I think she should tell him to f**k off personally. Confidence is not one of her best traits, so I can't run this suggestion to her, it would really upset her.

I and all our other friends would have said that he was in love with her, but she always maintained they were friends as nothing happened, but the way he acted, how he treated her told us all another story.
James Revan 1 | 66  
13 Feb 2008 /  #13
Well then maybe he was counting on something more then just friendship and she just wanted to stay friends. And he feels that it in some way hurted his pride.
telefonitika  
13 Feb 2008 /  #14
Or he is just a liar :)

i would have to agree on this score ... experience tells me it sounds familiar!!

then I think she should tell him to f**k off personally.

my friends told me to do the same ...
OP pennypinchin 2 | 7  
13 Feb 2008 /  #15
Well then maybe he was counting on something more then just friendship and she just wanted to stay friends. And he feels that it in some way hurted his pride.

On the day he left for home she told him she was in love with him, he didn't say anything at the time, but you could tell he was really happy, but they both decided to be friends. I'm beginning to wonder whether it's her Polish (girl)friend who stirring things, because she didn't like this Polish guy at all!!!!! She's going to Poznan for 8 days, one hell of a long time if she's gonna feel uncomfortable eh?? Whenever she spoke to another guy, he would be there, giving the other guy evil looks - i'm still convinced he feels the same way, but why this denial they are even friends, yet along anything else - it's bloody weird!!!!
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
13 Feb 2008 /  #16
Maybe she should ask him, speculation is a terrible thing, there might be a reasonable explanation behind his actions and only he knows, so as far as coming on a forum and asking advice, it's just adding fuel to the fire...sorry but thats my opinion..
OP pennypinchin 2 | 7  
13 Feb 2008 /  #17
maybe you're right ShelleyS - good job she's not got access to the internet as she'd be bloody topping herself right now :.) There's only so much a best friend can say, but I can only go down the telling him to f**k off route :.)
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
13 Feb 2008 /  #18
That isnt going to work though is it? She needs to know wtf has happened and then only then will she be ready to tell him to f off if in deed she has the need to....like I said it's all speculation and every situation is different....
OP pennypinchin 2 | 7  
13 Feb 2008 /  #19
I know, you're right, but that's what us best friends do eh?? She wouldn't do that as she values his 'friendship' (that's a joke now though) - just wish I could ask him myself for her - guess she's know how it is as soon as she sets off the plane - if he shakes her hand it's not looking good!!!!
miranda  
13 Feb 2008 /  #20
It sounds like he is confused and she should go to Poland as planned and find out for herself.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
13 Feb 2008 /  #21
but that's what us best friends do eh

Of course, but I never listen to what my friends have to say, you have to make your own mind up and thats a fact...she is going to do what she wants to do regardless of what you have to say to her...just be there if it all goes titsup...

he shakes her hand it's not looking good!!!!

I would agree with you on that one...
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
13 Feb 2008 /  #22
but has since found out via other friends that he has denied he is even friends with her and says that he doesn't text or phone her (which I know he does on a regular basis)

call him out on it.. if he says this in front of his friends, get everyone he said it to
in one room with him and her.

for one thing it dont make sense.. because if they are just * friends* he shouldnt
be hiding anything from anyone..

but I would get the straight answer from him.. while in their company..
lowfunk99 10 | 397  
13 Feb 2008 /  #23
Maybe he doesn't know what he feels. The last thing I would do is go there and blow a fuse. I know my girlfriend is deathly afraid of long distance relations. Men and women deal much differently with feelings. I would say he likes her.

Women, who understands them at all!!!!!!!
PinkJewel  
13 Feb 2008 /  #24
Yes I agree with most of what has already been said above. The tickets have been bought, don't waste that money. Go anyway and find out and if it turns out he's been messing her around then she'll still have the rest of her trip to Poland (which she'll love).

The only problem is - is she staying in a hotel or something over there? I hope she is not relying on staying with him or his family.

I'm beginning to wonder whether it's her Polish (girl)friend who stirring things, because she didn't like this Polish guy at all!!!!!

Could well be. She didn't like the guy or she was jealous of your friend?

Is he quite a young guy? It maybe he's just gone into some kind of shock (guys huh ;) now that things are going to be "real". I don't want to make excuses for the guy just in case he really is trying to get rid of her.

It's a difficult situation so good luck to your friend. Whatever happens she does need to find out what is going on.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
13 Feb 2008 /  #25
pennypinchin

hey ive been thinking, the ticket isnt refundable, but she can surely move the date of departure and arrival. you pay a small fee and the difference between the price of your old ticket and the new one (dont think you pay anything if the new ticket is cheaper) and thats it. this way she wont have to waste the ticket, or go with that guy and have a rubbish time. you can book a ticket too and go with her. if they booked their tickets together, your friend should call the airlines and they will sort it out.
OP pennypinchin 2 | 7  
14 Feb 2008 /  #26
The only problem is - is she staying in a hotel or something over there? I hope she is not relying on staying with him or his family.

She is[i][/i]staying with him and his mum and dad. I have an update: her Polish friend who originally told her that he didn't consider her a friend at all now has come to apologise!! She said that her Polish friends didn't realise that she was staying with him and his family and that he has always been a very private person. It seems my friend knows him far better than his friends in the UK. From what know of him, he is not particularly keen on these 'friends' in the UK as they are very judgmental and he prefers to keep his private life exactly that!! They now say that he must really think a lot of her as she has been invited to stay and meet all of her family!!!! I've been telling her that all along - he must think of her as more of a friend if he wants to introduce her to the clan!!!! :.)
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
14 Feb 2008 /  #27
pennypinchin

arrr a happy ending, told you its best not to speculate...hope she has a wonderful time :)
MareGaea 29 | 2,752  
14 Feb 2008 /  #28
I am happy for your friend, but I can't help thinking of that old Dutch proverb: A child's hand is filled easily. So, he said to his friends that he does not consider her as a friend at all...How exactly does this relate to his private life? What intrusion to his private life does it mean to tell your friends -who are part of your private life as well- that you've befriended some girl? And now it's the very bad buddies? If they are so bad, why does he hang out with them at all? I for certainly wouldn't. And I wouldn't call them 'friends' as well... But you ladies are basically a sucker for apologies (I know from experience, it always works:) ). A guy basically denies your very existance and then comes back because he wants to screw or something and tells a nice story of how his evil friends made him do it and that he is oh-so sorry about it. I'm sorry that I am being pessimistic here, but I developed a six sence for bs. And this guys is performing bs. And since when is the opinion of friends important? If I like/love a person I really couldn't give a darn what my friends think of her...I'm sorry girl, but in my opinion you shouldn't buy it. Whatever his reasons may be (maybe he doesn't want to lose the money or so), I would think twice. If he has trouble accepting you in front of his friends, he always will. Ppl can change, but not to the very core of their existence and this behaviour is part of this core. Think of it.

M-G (is not pessimistic, just seen too much shyte going on)
OP pennypinchin 2 | 7  
14 Feb 2008 /  #29
I don't think this guy knows that my friend was even thinking of not going to Poland!!!! I think this is all his "friends" doing - he is a nice guy and has always said she was beautiful and was always intently jealous of her even talking to another man. I think he loves her and I think he's be upset if he knew about his so-called-friends.
MareGaea 29 | 2,752  
14 Feb 2008 /  #30
he is a nice guy and has always said she was beautiful and was always intently jealous of her even talking to another man.

Doesn't mean anything, just that he is possessive and insecure when he cannot stand her talking to some other dude. And that he has two sides: the nice guy, but he probably is capable of beating her up when she as much as looks at another guy. Seen it before, you know. I really can't believe you buy the crap he's selling ya. And about the saying she was beautiful, ah well, did you know how many times I said that to a girl just to get laid? See what I mean? And besides that: he cared about his so-called friends enough to deny her, what would that say?

And one more thing: stop putting this all on his friends' account. He himself has a part in it as well...Just because he apologized, doesn't mean he's free of all guilt. It is easier to do and accept, I know, but pls don't forget the core. But like said, you ladies are such suckers for apologies. One apologies and you're all wax in a guy's hand. Until you finally see the light. And I'm a guy. I should know.

M-G (it's not my business and if she is happy, she's happy, but too many red flags here - and just giving some advise as I would hate to see anybody unhappy about some loser)

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