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About Personal Problems (English / Polish relationships)


Wroclaw 44 | 5,385  
11 Jul 2008 /  #1
I have been thinking for some time about how quallified we are when answering Personal Problems.

It seems to me that most of these are related to girlfriend/boyfriend relationships and in particular Polish-English relationships. Not Polish-Polish or English-English

Is it because some of us might have experienced something similar ? Is it because some of us might have friends who have similar problems ? Is it just common sense ?

Another problem I have is wondering why it is that the original poster gets all the sympathy when we haven't heard the other side of the story.

And why is the usual answer to these personal problems almost always: He's cheating on you, he's married, he already has a girlfriend. Surely there can't be, what seems, such a large number of people who are taken in this way.

I'd like to know why people cheat. What drives these people ? How can they be spotted before a romance begins.

I'd also like to know what posters think about giving the wrong advice, smart a$$ comments and how this might tip someone over the edge.

Does anyone wonder if some people have taken our advice and that advice has been wrong. And in fact a relationship might have been ruined because of one of our comments.

Hopefully, the answers to these questions will show that we do know what we are talking about and can be trusted.

English = English speaking.
dtaylor 9 | 823  
11 Jul 2008 /  #2
Is it because some of us might have experienced something similar ? Is it because some of us might have friends who have similar problems ? Is it just common sense ?

I think that many of the problem are down to communication. I find it strange sometimes why people come here to discuss them, and not with their "other".

Another problem I have is wondering why it is that the original poster gets all the sympathy when we haven't heard the other side of the story.

I doubt we will ever hear the other side of the story. Fireif is a good example of much what you have writte. But i don't think much, if not everything he says is the truth:/

I'd like to know why people cheat.

I cheated once, after i found out my ex had been seeing another guy. It was with her best friend, and it was stupid of me. But i was young and i think that many mistakes in a past relationships can be learned from.

And in fact a relationship might have been ruined because of one of our comments.

I wouldn't worry too much about that. Cos you know, people should really take control of their own lives, and though sometimes it's good to get advice from others who are stranger. Often it can lead to the person doing the wrong thing:(
LondonChick 31 | 1,133  
11 Jul 2008 /  #3
I guess discussing problems on a forum lets the original poster see a few alternative angles.

In some cases, a poster might feel more able to open up on an anonynmous forum in a way that they can't to people friends or family in real life.
OP Wroclaw 44 | 5,385  
11 Jul 2008 /  #4
I guess discussing problems on a forum lets the original poster see a few alternative angles.

Do we if fact give enough alternative angles/answers ?

Leave him/her... seems to be the most common reply
dnz 17 | 710  
11 Jul 2008 /  #5
Its probably down to culture differences, Whats acceptable behavior in one country might not be seen as acceptable in another, Most of the problems seem to occur in English-English relationships but nobody really talks about it and maybe by posting on a forum people like to try and find another reason for a relationship failing rather than just incompatibility?
LondonChick 31 | 1,133  
11 Jul 2008 /  #6
Do we if fact give enough alternative angles/answers ?

There seem to be more cases of guys trying to get their heads round the ways of women rather than vice versa.

I think that I tend to provide a fairly typical point of view from the average easy-going British woman.

Sometimes people wind themselves up with their personal problems, so some straight talking should help them to make sense of the situation. Sure it might be a tough pill to swallow, but posting lots of fluffy hugs really isn't the answer.
dtaylor 9 | 823  
11 Jul 2008 /  #7
For a man to love, he must have sex. For a woman to have sex, she must feel loved.
We're screwed however you look at it:D
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
11 Jul 2008 /  #8
I don,t think anyone asking for advice blindly follows it...In most cases i think they just want to be told by several people that what they know already , is felt by others to be the case....

Apart from Fireif , who clearly has a problem nobody can solve , most people seem to follow only the advice that fits in with what they want to do anyway.....In my case i just told people what was going on in my new relationship , because so many were interested , when it all went pear shaped i was in no doubt what to do , but it was good to hear what others thought about it....None of you should feel guilty about giving advice....those asking have the choice...to follow it..or not....
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
11 Jul 2008 /  #9
Its probably down to culture differences,

So it's okay for Polish men who work abroad to cheat? In fact not only cheat but to form full blown relationships with women who they lie about their marrital stastus to.... Please dont give me that sh!te about cultural differences because it's complete and utter bollox.

Most of the problems seem to occur in English-English relationships but nobody really talks about it and maybe by posting on a forum people like to try and find another reason for a relationship failing rather than just incompatibility?

News Flash! Most of the women posting here are English and are being cheated on by Polish men!

I'm actually trying to be objective with these kind of posts since I was so horrible to one poster and actually regretted being such a c.u.n.t. towards her. We are just a sounding board and some people just want answers and dont care where they get them from....But wouldn't it be easier to speak to a close friend?
LondonChick 31 | 1,133  
11 Jul 2008 /  #10
and some people just want answers

The problem is when they want the answers that they want to hear. That was certainly the case with Firef.
eagle - | 29  
11 Jul 2008 /  #11
For a woman to have sex, she must feel loved.
:D

This surely excludes prostitutes? Just a thought.
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
11 Jul 2008 /  #12
It seems to me that most of these are related to girlfriend/boyfriend relationships and in particular Polish-English relationships. Not Polish-Polish or English-English
Is it because some of us might have experienced something similar ?

I would assume that to be obvious because we are on a Polish forum in the English language. What I dislike is that a lot of the time the nationality is blamed for things going wrong. Polish women are XYZ etc...

Is it just common sense ?

I do think that humans in general feel the need to communicate their problems and joys, and when emotion is involved we go bonkers and common sence is out the window.

why it is that the original poster gets all the sympathy

Because we have double standards. I definitely do. I think everybody does they just don't admit it. Extreme case your mother robs your next door neighbour, you defender her. Your neighbour robs your mother, holy war breaks out against your neighbour.

And why is the usual answer to these personal problems almost always: He's cheating on you,

It looks to me that people who say these things have had them happen to them and humans love sharing misery. I am amazed at some of the completely erelavant comments made that reveal deep wounds the person has. Like the psycho analysis word association. e.g. Men = cheaters.

What drives these people ? How can they be spotted before a romance begins.

I have never cheated on anyone. I am a manogomist by default. I have been tempted. But I would have thought it obvious why. The excitement.

tip someone over the edge.

I was recently commenting on a certain lady's situation, I thought I might be upsetting her, so I asked twice if she wanted me to leave, I would, the first time she said nothing so I assumed that she wanted my views despite a load of other people snapping at me. Anyway the second time I asked she said to go, I left and still people are giving me carp about it. I was not trying to be smart and I was trying to be cautious about pushing too much of an emotional button. But messed it up all the same. I find it difficult when someone asks for my view and then slams me for giving it.

And in fact a relationship might have been ruined because of one of our comments.

I know where you are coming from and I really like this thread, it is very thoughtful of you Wroclaw but on this one I would have to say that if a person in a relationship can be swayed by something we say on here, then they were bound for disaster anyway.

Hopefully, the answers to these questions will show that we do know what we are talking about and can be trusted.

I am amazed at this forum world and it is quite addictive, I would love to read sociological studies on this form of communication. Can we be trusted, I think not, discussing a matter is one thing but you must make your own decisions and live with the consiquences of your actions. To say that I had a discussion and it led me to break up with my girlfriend would be ridiculous to me, no?

I know my answers are fairly simplistic. I am a much better speaker ha ha ha. But I enjoy this forum so far and I believe there is a lot of potential for it and me to develop.
OP Wroclaw 44 | 5,385  
11 Jul 2008 /  #13
Sometimes people wind themselves up with their personal problems, so some straight talking should help them to make sense of the situation. Sure it might be a tough pill to swallow, but posting lots of fluffy hugs really isn't the answer.

I agree with this.

Apart from Fireif , who clearly has a problem nobody can solve

Would you then close a thread where no answer could be given ?

But wouldn't it be easier to speak to a close friend?

This is part of the mystery. I'd never talk about a personal problem on the internet. After all, it's your friends who know you best... not us. I imagine one or two people have got so caught up in a relationship at the cost of their friends. They may have nowhere else to go.

I do think that humans in general feel the need to communicate their problems and joys, and when emotion is involved we go bonkers and common sence is out the window.

Sorry, I meant is the common sense on our part... those helping.
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
11 Jul 2008 /  #14
I have been thinking for some time about how quallified we are when answering Personal Problems.

if you post your private life on a public forum, well, you get whats coming

the original poster gets all the sympathy

thats all some of them want - attention and sympathy

And why is the usual answer to these personal problems almost always: He's cheating on you, he's married, he already has a girlfriend. Surely there can't be, what seems, such a large number of people who are taken in this way.

yeah? how long have you been in poland Wroc? long to know the score i think

I'd like to know why people cheat

sorry, how long have you been in poland again?

the country is built on self-serving greed and dishonesty. which is why there are so many cheats here

And in fact a relationship might have been ruined because of one of our comments.

yeah yeah whatever. more likely the relationship was doomed because someone felt the need to post on a public forum

Whats acceptable behavior in one country might not be seen as acceptable in another

yup. nail on the head

News Flash! Most of the women posting here are English and are being cheated on by Polish men!

or english men being cheated on by polish women

Polish women are XYZ etc...

yup. dont live in denial mate.

About Personal Problems.

moral of the story?

dont post your perosnal sh!t on a public forum if you cant take what people will tell you
plk123 8 | 4,149  
11 Jul 2008 /  #15

not all relationships you speak of are english-polish.. i bet most aren't. and imho, once background (wheather PL or UK or India) doesn't really have that much to do with anything. most relationships are basically the same.

why are the answers that 'they are cheating". i am thinking that has something to do with the content of these posts. if it sounds like a cat, walks like a cat, it's probably a cat, eh?
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
11 Jul 2008 /  #16
And why is the usual answer to these personal problems almost always: He's cheating on you, he's married, he already has a girlfriend. Surely there can't be, what seems, such a large number of people who are taken in this way.

I've wondered this same thing myself. Why do people automatically assume that the other person is seeing someone else because they're behaving badly? A man is missing for 3 days so obviously he's with another woman. What if he really needed time alone to think about his life and the future of his relationship? What if the girl who hasn't replied to text messages isn't ready for a serious relationship right now?
plk123 8 | 4,149  
11 Jul 2008 /  #17
most of the cheating responces is due to the content of the post not some figment of imaginations. sometimes however it is but most of the time it's based on what the author wrote. read my previous repsonce too.
miley - | 2  
12 Jul 2008 /  #18
So it's okay for Polish men who work abroad to cheat? In fact not only cheat but to form full blown relationships with women who they lie about their marrital stastus to....

Thats whats just happend with my cousin, shes been in a relationship with a Polish man for a year, the beginning of June he went home to visit his parents and brothers (so he told her) for a few weeks. She phoned him one day and a women answered she thought it must be a female relative or friend (it was his wife) she said hes spending some time with his kids. My cousin is devestated and doesn't know what to do, not only as he been lying to her all this time but he has a wife and 2 kids. He says he still loves her and doesn't want to lose her, i've met him a few time and he's really charming and can see why she fell for him.

Loads of her family and friends have said dump him, but i think until your in that situations yourself you can't say what they should do, all we can do is be there and support her in whatever decision she makes whether we think its wrong or right.

I think thats why people post there problems cos they don't really know the people on here and sometimes i think its better to tell strangers whats wrong, than it is family or friends who know you.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
10 Feb 2009 /  #19
Nice thread, Wrocław. It raised some good points. It's amazing how people make jobs out of what others do for free, e.g listening ear/therapist.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
12 Feb 2009 /  #20
I think thats why people post there problems cos they don't really know the people on here and sometimes i think its better to tell strangers whats wrong, than it is family or friends who know you.

thats exactly right in my opinion. You dont have to listen to the advice, but it might help to get advice (whether right or wrong) from people who dont personally know the people involved... and you might not feel the time is right to confide in those who do know you. At the end of the day, I doubt if anyone in their right mind would base a potentially life changing decision on something they read on here..if they did, they would have to be somewhat mentally unbalanced.
foxtrot1213 2 | 43  
12 Feb 2009 /  #21
posting personal problem in a public forum is plain naive in my opinion.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
12 Feb 2009 /  #22
I agree to a point. TMI is, especially private information, is not to be encouraged on a forum.

However, if someone can offer some kind of legal advice, like a CAB, then it may be helpful but specialist help should be followed by specialist payments.

So, I generally agree. It just depends how altruistic you want to be.
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,161  
12 Feb 2009 /  #23
News Flash! Most of the women posting here are English and are being cheated on by Polish men!

That's a lie.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
12 Feb 2009 /  #24
I think she meant it tongue in cheek, Greg. The representation here is quite mixed.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
13 Feb 2009 /  #25
Does anyone wonder if some people have taken our advice and that advice has been wrong

All the time i imagine all the happy relationships i could potentially fuck up with malevolent advice and enjoy myself while at it.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
13 Feb 2009 /  #26
That's a lie.

Not really - most the cheating threads posted where one is married, it is usually a Polish "man" who has a wife back home, who whoops! forgot to tell the English or Irish girl that he has a wife and 2.5 in Poland. The Polish girls that cheat on the English guys, don't appear to be married they just cheat.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
13 Feb 2009 /  #28
Search the forum, look Greg, Im not having a go at all Polish men...you should know me better than that.
tornado2007 11 | 2,274  
13 Feb 2009 /  #29
I would so much to have been here at the beginning of this topic, i think to much has past for me to make a comment. To sum up though i don't think you need to be 'qualified' to asnwer any one problem, you are after all just giving your opinion. Having an opinion does not need a qualification in fact it comes under the freedom of speech does it not??? :)
lena 2 | 14  
23 Feb 2009 /  #30
maybe your right maybe we give wrong advice but it is an opinion and thats why people for an outside take on things as for his cheating/married etc

it works both ways after reading a few posts man generally have the opinion she wants someone with money,
yes people cheat it's been done to me often enough why this happens to me its a moral issue they have none i would much prefer someone to brake up with me if they are not happy than to cheat on me.

as the point woman are after men with money that's their probelm
i think alot of women would be happier with someone who is broke but has respect for them than someone with money I know this is the case for me and alot of my friends

who are all single mums by the way left to get on with it
and on numerous discussions can't beleave how naive many men really are as the tend to go for the eye candy for their ego's these are normally very vain and yes after the money and treat their partners like dirt and to this day it still amazes us that we are very decent woman and would treat our partners if the had respect for us really well aren't even looked at

and they only way to spot a cheater before a relationship starts is for them to have it written on their foreheads
or the old saying once a cheater always a cheater

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