why is the older women such a problem for polish guys

hello i have this dilema with my polish guy (see post). i have text him to say i would come and see him for a few days in poland because he is there waiting for work in england so i decided to go see him-he text back "jestes fantastic buska".

but when i spoke to him yesterday he said please dont come to poland wait till i am in england-it turns out the age difference is a problem he is 30 i am 40-we had talked about this before and our feelings are strong for each other-but he said age maybe problem-ok in england but not poland-i am upset by this -does this mean he never wants to be seen in poland with me-he said maybe problem with his family-but i said we would meet in a hotel away from his village-i said was my age a problem for him he said maybe-i said i thought we were ok with age difference-i told him maybe we should stop seeing each other if he had a problem with my age-he said no way was i crazy-he didnt want to look for anyone else either in poland or england-i am confused i love him very much but if my age is such a problem for him i am not sure what to expect. advice please

Possibly the age thing is an excuse to cover for other excuses.

The future doesn't look bright. If he doesn't want to meet you, even in a hotel, when you have made all the effort... I think it's over.

I'll meet you in Ireland instead pet :)

Maybe you should just accept that things are different in Poland than here in the UK.

I know a Polish girl who is very happy with her boyfriend, who happens to be black and over here its no problem. They are happy together, but if the rest of her family found out they are going to go absolutely mental. I know this because her brothers have find out but not her parents. Her brothers disapprove but know that things are different here, however they said that the parents will probably never speak to her again... so I doubt very much she will be taking him on holiday to Poland with her.

It's not right, but its how it is, for her and her family anyway. I wouldn't go making mountains out of molehills just yet.

But if Wroclaw is right and its just an excuse to cover up for some other reason, then yeah you have a problem.

Maybe he just needs some time to get used to the idea and will change his mind about the suggestion to go to a hotel somewhere else.. who knows.

Don't panic just yet!!

:-)

I'm older than my partner by 4 years and he calls me babcia!

Angel, you seem to switch status with every post you do; then you are married, then you are having trouble communicating with your Polish man who is in Poland at the time and now another fellow? Quite the busy body, are ya?

M-G (no wonder, with big boobs, black hair and blue eyes)

NB: Sapphire: HAHAHAHAHAHA, very funny guy you have there :)

There are very wise words, that we forget we should follow sometimes, even though it may hurt us or break our heart..
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they were always yours. If they won't, they were never truly yours".

Set him free, Angel.

Whether Angela is sincere or not isn`t a big problem. But the topic she raised is quite interesting.

Yes, in Poland social approval for younger male/older woman relationships is much lower than the other way round. I heard stories of mothers who did their best (and worst too) to prevent their sons from getting involved in such relationships. Mature women are despised for taking younger males, they have to hide their love and, when it is finalised in marriage, their age.

Is it a result of patriarchal tendencies in Polish society?? Probably.

As for your partner, his reluctance to see you in Poland means that he is a delicate type of man who cares about the opinion of people in his Polish environment. He seems unprepared to face the challenge. Don`t blame him too much - it is a situation of really nasty social pressure.

actually set yourself free angle. break the shackles and find a guy who won't have these kinds of stupid issues. it is possible that it's his family, it is also possible that it's other things.. why deal with all this crap.. find your own happiness and don't waste your time with this guy and his pressures.

I agree with KasiaG ! angel, Let him fly away like a little bird.......

if you'd like to know what I would do in this situation, here it goes: I'd go find him regardless what he says. Ask him to his face..... what is going on and if he says something dumb, slap him in the left cheek :( cause boys are stupid :P

(no hard feelings boys!! I will change my mind once I get my prince charming, but until then, boys are stupid :D & don't argue with jj lol)

i think i understand the cultural issues here its just that it has been so long since we were together i thought id go to him

Nothing like Japanese guys with foreign women. Japanese women are, by and large, subservient to the chauvinistic Japanese man. They get accustomed to that and to their detriment. Many foreign women just don't stand for that, they are not uległy like most Japanese women.

I'm just wondering: Polish society has trouble with older women dating younger men; women dating black ppl, homosexual ppl, Polish girls dating non-Polish men and vice versa... Would this be symptoms of a coming of age of the Polish Society?

M-G (when a older woman dates a younger man she's exhalting her femininity; when an older man dates a younger woman, he's just a pervert)

or a legend :)

I used to go out with a 28 year old when I was 22. According to my mates that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. According to them now as Im 28 the best thing would be to date a younger one.

Strange ..................

I'm dating a much younger one as well - age should not be an issue as such as we get along very well :)

M-G (legend)

I don`t know what you mean by coming of age.

Whatever it means, the Polish society is not so open and tolerant towards various groups as its Western counterparts. Remember that communism which lasted in Poland from 1945 to 1989, was like a giant freezer. The gradual evolution of attitude was halted or controlled, there was no chance for a national debate on controvercial issues.

However, every year the area of tolerance is widened. In 20 years` time Polish society will be the same as in the West. Luckily or not, it will happen.


No.
From a scientific point of view, the older man/younger woman relationship is biologically much more justified than the other way round. Mature men seek younger women for reproduction purposes. It is noble and should be supported.

What does a mature woman seek with a boy? Pure perversion.... enhanced by the social disapproval which only gives more spice to such partnership. You know, forbidden fruit tempts the most.

Polish society has problems with just about everything but white, catholic slavs.

Which given the amount of corruption that goes on here the religious part is ironic.

Tommy you grasp the essence of what I mean pretty decent. By coming of age indeed I mean having national debates about controversial issues. Taking certain subjects out of the zone of being ridiculed, prosecuted or something. I am sure Poland will come of age in due time and I do realise that over 50 years of communism did not help.

It's just that I come from a very forward society and maybe I just have to get used to the fact that not every society is like the one I was brought up in. I use that society as a point of measure against other societies.

Actually, the older man with the young chick and the older chick with the young dude was meant as a joke...But I prefer younger ladies anyway than the ones my age. :)

M-G (keep it up, dude, you have a good attitude)

I started a thread like this before.. called 'do you prefer younger or older partners'. I wanted to attach it here, but have no idea how to do that.. Admin. maybe you can help?

Yes..it appears a big age difference either way isnt acceptable in Poland, but times will change...give it about 40-50 yrs...:)

PS Seanus...you're comment was verging on the SH*TE......:)...:)...lol..lol

Free will and independent thinking should be supported, not just one point of view, whether it has a reflection in any studies or not. I don't give a darn about what biology can prove on the example of.. (please give me an example).. primitive tribes of South America????.. Over 40 or 50 y.o. men don't seek much younger women for reproduction. We all know it. :)

It happens and is more or less acceptable (depending on the society) but I wouldn't call it noble.

it would appear from the post on here that men seem to judge women on "acceptable" norm sterotypes. forget age for a moment. would love discriminate on the grounds of dissability, creed, colour, finacial staus etc ..my point is you fall in love with a person not a set of expectations-well a real man or woman for that matter ,does

I made a comment on your original post, based on experience not stereotypes.


I'm sure you are right, but your boyfriend seems to have a problem with it. My replies have nothing to do with stereotypes, you told us how he reacted. So my thoughts are based on the given facts.

I know that you love this guy and that you are looking for a chance to be together. I just don't think it's going to happen for you. And no, I don't enjoy passing on this type of information.

I also feel that you are at a low point at the moment. Please, speak to your friends, people who know you. They are the people who can guide you and help you resolve this situation one way or the other.

he says the age difference is not an issue for him and he thanks me for understanding his concerns about his family and he wants to be with me in england

My thinking is still independent and free. The fact that it rests on biological studies, and sociological too, doesn`t diminish its independence in any way. It is mine, I agree with it, I have a free will to do it, that`s all.


Of course they do. If you read more about the tribes, you would know that native Indian males may have a few wives on condition they are able to provide for them. The richer the man, the more wives he has. You can read about it in many travellers` descriptions.


You don`t think it`s noble but do you mean older men or younger women?

I think it is noble or at least it is natural. Mature men seek younger women to have children with them. Younger women seek mature men who have already made their position in the society and are able to support the woman and her babies.

It is as natural as the fact that the sun shines during the day.

lets talk a bout love what the **** has it got to do with sociological studies

OK. Let`s.

Love is a notion invented by poets hired by males.

Looking at it from a scientific point of view, love is a simple biological syndrome, a sort of enchantment on the basis of ferromones. It is so natural: you like your partners` ferromones, they appeal to you like nobody else`s, and you feel it as love. Of course, the ferromone appeal is taking place in the subconscious layers of our brain, we are not aware of them, our only means to describe this feeling is calling it LOVE.

I think it is sensible.

Unfortunately, even a year or two older woman in Poland is..well... older. Somehow, polish men prefer younger women. It's almost like a personal quest.

I don't know of any polish couples where the wife or a girlfriend is older. Pretty sad, but pretty standard.
I know of American older/younger couples. I would not say it is common, but it is accepted and just fine.

I think, it's just 'biological" across cultures. Men prefer younger women.
If he is 30, he prefers 22. If he is 67, he still prefers 22. :)

That can be so true, can't it ? <s>

But, I never knew that Polish people were so prejudiced about difference in partners ages. New one on me. But then I've never actually lived in Poland and I don't remember my parents ever having such a prejudice. <Lots of other prejudices but not that one>

I wouldn't worry about it angel. If it's meant to be it will go ahead and you will both be stronger when you are actually together and be able to deal with it. Romantic view I know but life is so short just go for what makes you happy, is my view.

:)

tommy so love is subconcious-so you dont know it and you cant control it-so its no notion invented-maybe you have never been in love or you are just too analytical

lady in red i agree with you

love is what makes the world go round-or is it just physics-but we cant do a darn thing about that either coz force is not seen onlt the effects are so does it exixt at all or is it just a notion dreamed up by newton?-but then again newton was crazy