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Polish and NON-polish... Clueless and Religious


Krisha 2 | 21  
21 Apr 2009 /  #1
Hey all.

IM in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. He is polish and I am not.

Recently i have been spending alot of holidays with them like easter and things which are obvious big religious ordeals.

I get the feeling his mum wishes for me to be baptised.

I havnt been brought up with ANY religious backround.

Would it be wrong to be baptised at my age (23) for the sake of "just in case"... this sounds weired but I want to end up wherever hes going when we die. LOL to put it bluntly.

I dont really trust in any sort of god. I think the community and the idea is nice and I enjoy doing these traditions. But I know i do not have any strong beleif in any religion and to be honest it all freaks me out a little.

Any advice or debate welcome.
MrBubbles 10 | 614  
21 Apr 2009 /  #2
I dont really trust in any sort of god. I think the community and the idea is nice and I enjoy doing these traditions. But I know i do not have any strong beleif in any religion and to be honest it all freaks me out a little.

Then you shouldn't do it. If you believe in Christianity then do it, but if you think the whole thing is a bunch of valueless freaky traditions then why bother? Try to get to know your boyfriend's mother a bit better - a lot of this is probably your own insecurities speaking to you.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
21 Apr 2009 /  #3
I wouldn't advise anyone to change or take on a religion for the sake of someone else, religion is a personal choice and not something to be taken lightly.
penelope - | 1  
21 Apr 2009 /  #4
Hi, my boyfriend is polish also..and I am not..

religion seems to be a biig deal.. um.. If you do not have any opposing religion, then I dont see why not. I mean.. it will not be that easy to get baptized when you are 23 as when babies get it done..with water on the head ( catholic) . I have a friend who is 22 or 23 and for her to get baptized she has to take some classes..

so you will learn. you could also read the bible and ask yourself questions. If you believe in an afterlife and you care to be with him then you love him. Love is also understanding. I believe if you learn more about his religion, he will appreciate you more...and you will understand him...and his family better.

Good luck! Hope it helps!

Oh yeah...and trying .. and learning...is not a freaky thing...you dont have to commit right away..or at all ..if after your studies and reflections you dont agree or it doesnt move you. ( i am a teacher by the way...and i studied philosophy of religion, and i am quiet liberal.. just in case)

But why not try? Put yourself in his position.

or How would you feel if your bf tried to learn more about your culture, your family, your history, your traditions.. whatever they may be.....just to get into your head...just to understand you better,, just to show respect.. and just because there is not a strong enough reason as to why not, except for plain lazziness.. ( i say this to mr. bubbles.. knowledge doesnt hurt, what is more harmful is ignorace)

love is action, you might discover something in the search you might not, but you've got nothing to lose....but ignorance...

and i bet you would feel very special

do you speak each others language?
ciao
blindside70 - | 13  
21 Apr 2009 /  #5
Well, the truth is in Poland, that vast majority of these religious things you do are straight out traditions. Most people in Poland believe in God like most other western countries. They're very Catholic, but for the most part Catholic by tradition. I love getting involved in all the Easter/Christmas traditions in Poland, they all stem from Catholicism but that shouldn't stop you from getting involved in the culture at all.

If you can sit around a table and drink cytronówka and say na zdrowie, you can also get baptized learn about the Catholic religion and make your teściowa happy it's all part of the game of falling in love with someone from another culture. Don't worry your kids will be even more confused. Religious crap freaks me out too, but I'm still not the kind of guy to just hate it all like some others are. They're traditions, they're door ways into another culture, and they're beautiful.

Now if only we could get the Polish to realize that about Russians and Germans ;)
MrBubbles 10 | 614  
21 Apr 2009 /  #6
i say this to mr. bubbles.. knowledge doesnt hurt, what is more harmful is ignorace

I know - there's enough of that on this forum. Krisha doesn't seem to have a clue about the religion and yet she wants to get baptised to make her boyfriend's mother happy. She hasn't even taken the time to ask a priest about it.

I'm not a religious man (although I do worship the god of all underpaid, overworked teachers) but I have enough respect for people with genuine convictions and beliefs that I wouldn't cheapen them by adopting them for such a trivial reason.

Krisia, try learning about the religion before you decide to adopt it.
McCoy 27 | 1,275  
21 Apr 2009 /  #7
Would it be wrong to be baptised at my age

of course not but just..

I get the feeling his mum wishes for me to be baptised.

..give her time to accept the strange fact that someone can be non catholic (; and after all thats only your assumption. just give her time, respect christian tradition and dont worry too much.
OP Krisha 2 | 21  
21 Apr 2009 /  #8
THanks for the advice everyone :)

I did go to a catholic school so I am not completely unaware of the meaning of the religion Mr Bubbles, but your advice is appreciate and helpful :)

I really do love the tradition side of things, I guess i am trying to cover myself from all angles... It is a thing of Love to be honest, I want to end up wherever my other half ends up and family.

Like life i tend to cruise through it lightly and dont take anything to seriously, its a part of who I am and im happy. SO sadily like all things I will probably take it lightly. SOrry if that is offensive to anyone devoted to any religion.

I do however find it sad and pathetic that my own mother baptised my brother because
"it was the thing to do at the time" however my sister and I were not. I guess there is a small part of me that wonders what could happen if I am not baptised.

My boyfriend and I live in Australia, so does his Family, and have for the past 30 od years. His Mum and Dad came over in the early 80s I am just getting involved in a few Traditions, his mum isnt outwardly putting it on me, I just value there Family enviroment as mine is non existant and I think its nice to have traditions. My family barely celebrate christmas.

I guess I like it for reasons of bringing people together. We watched footage of the unvailing and closing of the Madonna painting, and my boyfriend had tears in his eyes, as did the poeple on the film. His family (aunts and uncles, grand parents) live in Czestochowa. And I envy this sense of passion.

His family speaks English, and I have been going to polish classes for 6 months.

Im heading over there mid JULY I cant wait.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
21 Apr 2009 /  #9
I did go to a catholic school

Then you must be catholic, since I don't know of any catholic school (in the UK) who would admit a none catholic or maybe they are more lax in Aus.
OP Krisha 2 | 21  
22 Apr 2009 /  #10
Yeah they are more relaxed in Aus, its more about your grades and reason for going to the school. seems stupid I know. This was the only school that had Dance in the curriculum. :)
frd 7 | 1,399  
22 Apr 2009 /  #11
You are talking about it too lightly, taking a Catholic church wedding is also agreeing that you will raise your children in Catholic religion if in Poland - it means them growing up in a biased environment, younger people in Poland might not take religion that seriously but there are many older people who are big believers. Do you really want your children to be indoctrinated into a life in fear of some fairy god? That's what religion and "catholic religion" subject is in Polish schools - there's no room for doubt, and if there is doubt your kid might become an outcast - and you know how cruel kids can be to each other, any difference is noticed and abused, especially here in Poland where lots of people are afraid of any differences..

You should look at it much further than as you are doing it now. It's a really important choice which I probably wouldn't take if was not with this person for 4 or more years already. Besides I think Polish church allows mixed religion church weddings, so you should be able to have a nice traditional church wedding and still stick to your own beliefs.

As others said you should learn more about religion, about yourself, about different answers. I have a similar problem as an atheist beeing in relationship with a catholic ; ) From my side I can recommend reading "The god delusion" by Richard Dawkins which is a pretty easy read for people who are not sure of their beliefs or "beginner atheists" ; )
anubis - | 35  
22 Apr 2009 /  #12
But I know i do not have any strong beleif in any religion and to be honest it all freaks me out a little.

A religion should be embraced because of belief. You don't seem to have a need to believe in any. Nothing wrong with that. Be true to yourself. If it freaks you out, don't do it. It would be hypocritical for you to get baptized just to please a prospective mother-in-law, though the hypocrisy in this case travels both ways. She just wants you to get baptized, like being sprinkled w. "holy" water is going to make you a Catholic. As few others observed on this thread, Polish Catholicism is rooted in tradition and form rather than substance, so she probably does believe that - but that's her point of view, not yours. And what if this relationship doesn't work out, and somewhere down the road you'll meet a nice Muslim or Jew - are you going to convert to their religions just to conform?
OP Krisha 2 | 21  
23 Apr 2009 /  #13
Thanks for the advice guys :D

Some great stuff,

We are in Australia, so im sure that a traditional wedding should be no problem.

I only take it light heartedly because thats how I was brought up. But I can definately see your point. I have the feeling with all the Traditions in his family though that there will be a strong influence on our kids. Which I guess I will keep open minded as possible, im really thankful I wasnt brought up as anything in particular so i can make an informed adult choice now.

Something to learn and think about anyways.

Cheers all!

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