Whose Life is it? Polish girlfriend under family "house arrest"

Harry alot of what you said is true. She comes from a small village.She was with her ex for nearly 7 years. He cannot accept what happened and told her she would never be free or in her words 'have peace'. She was under alot of pressure from her family particularly because they had been building a house together and she had invested alot of money but she was no longer interested in it......she wanted happiness !!! The night before she left we talked and she siad if her family did not respect her wish then they would have to accept she would never go back home again.

I was focussing on a limited segment of them. The ones I know went running off back to their main squeezes. This is just fact, not opinion. I try to see the good in people and I'm sure most get on with their lives admirably. However, some conniving little swines emerge from time to time.

Remember, it was a WOMAN who said, "Never trust a woman with your heart". Kim Wilde way back in the 80's.

Polish women can be rather sadly predictable.

But with that said, the fact that she made it out of the village says a lot about her (most either don't leave or go away to do college and then head back).

Polish men can also be rather unfortunately predictable, especially when it comes to the smaller towns. One of the few good things about being a foreign man living in small-town Poland is that you get to pick from the absolute cream of the crop of the women. The fact that you can iron a shirt and cook a meal but don't expect her to sit in the corner while you get pissed up with your mates before taking her home for half a minute of terrible sex makes you a real catch; if you have four limbs, two eyes and can go more than two seconds without drooling, that's even better!

Harry...beginning to think you know her ex. that him to a tee. Sorry if im offending anyone here by saying that. I know him and thats exactly him.

I very much doubt I know him but I've been here for more than long enough (14 years) to know the exact type. A good friend of mine was dumb enough to get impregnated by the idiot boyfriend she had in her home village at the age of 18. Now it is 15 years later and the twat still doesn't pay regular child support (despite having more than enough cash due to his dad being a former high-ranking Commie party member) and hasn't even spoken to his daughter for seven months because she missed her train when going to see him for the weekend but didn't text/call him to say that she'd be getting the next train so the poor man went to the station for no reason!

Much like you Harry where any subject is a perfect opportunity for you to belittle anything or anyone that is Polish. Your hatred and venom spewing is so obvious and frankly I’m not surprised at all. Just once in a while it would be nice to hear a positive criticism on your part (something that really makes sense) but it’s just too much to ask for isn’t it Harry? You’ve been watching too much Jerry Springer and project your fantasies on Polish society at large. Are you a psychology expert now? Rhetorical question; just like Jerry Springer and Dr. Phil.

I think that Harry made some good observations and even though it came up as a generalization, he hit the nail on the head.

Harry is her ex :)

Did I miss something? Besides the complex interaction and harsh realities of life where people take a certain stand on any given issues, show me one statement of his that can be attributed to a uniquely Polish character which he claims to be a norm in Polish society with all those supposedly real life examples. OP is trying to understand this issue from a cultural perspective, upbringing perhaps even a different sets of beliefs that might explain the position taken by the family and the EX. Sensationalism nothing more, it may be a good subject for one of those shows and very entertaining one but nothing in there to understand the issue at large and nothing useful for OP to get back together with his love. You can find the very same issues effecting other societies be it US, UK or Poland, nothing really new there.

Once again thanks for all your comments. I just want to understand what is going on and how something like this can happen. Maybe I am niave as some of you have suggested. Time will be the teller of that, but until then I refuse to give up hope.

The girl just dumped you in a particulary messed up way, thats all there is to it.

Understanding the issue is not going to get you back together, and that’s what you want isn’t it? What’s done is done, if you really like her just follow your heart desire and go for it, no matter what it takes. If she feels the same way neither the family nor her EX can stand in the way. It’s 21st century for crying out loud and you do have a way to get in touch don’t you? So you can forget that village mentality BS that people are trying to feed you.

Good luck to you, mate. I feel for you. I know how those lovely Polish girls can get into you.

Maybe but I think that the other explanation is more likely.


Good attitude.


Try reading the thread: he has already said that his girlfriend's phone has been taken away from her.

I can see that you have never spent much time in small town / village Poland. I've spent some time there: that's why I was able to give such an accurate description of his girlfriend's ex.

Not sure what to think. My first response is that Polish families don't behave like this unless there's something else (fairly serious) going on.


Aha! If this isn't an elaborate smokescreen, then my best guess is there are money issues that you don't know about (she might not know about them either). If I had to make a wild guess it would be that the parents are in debt and/or don't want to lose the money/work sunk into the house. Also, what part of Poland is this? Another wild guess might be that he's a smalltime criminal (or from that kind of family).

In a different direction, I basically know of only a few other kinds of situations where the family will side with the boyfriend against the daughter.

1. they have a kid together that you know nothing about (premarital sex is the norm in Poland, birth control isn't, I wouldn't even rule out the 'boyfriend' being her husband and she was hoping to be able to negotiate a divorce when she went there)

2. she has a history of mental illness (high stigma that never wears off)

3. severe family dysfunction (including physical/emotional abuse)

4. the foreign boyfriend is not white (no delicate way to put it)

Really, is there such rejection of mential illness that the family do not want to be associated with this. It sounds so much like the 50's in England.

I am just interested does this bring disgrace on the family? that they just don't talk about it.

The stigma of mental illness in Poland means

1. The family doesn't want that info to get out of the family, ever, under any circumstances.

2. The family member is still loved, but the rest of the family (especially parents) assume the person is incapable of making their own decisions and makes as many decisions for them as possible.

The threshhold for being regarded as mentally ill is lower in Poland too (in the countryside, people might not distinguish a few sessions with a trained therapist and being committed to an asylum...).

I can remember commenting to my friend in Poland that very rarely do I see retarded people in Krakow, such as Downs Syndrome, people mentally retarded in wheelchairs or any such disability which is visible. She replied that they keep them in the house and very rarely expose them to society. I know that there are not very many facilities for these people to go, in the day, unlike in England. (day centres etc). I suppose that it will change little by little, but it does seem a little draconian!

Thanks anyway.

I got bored half way through and personally, I think she's a lying bitch who hasn't got the guts to be truthful, you should be celebrating now she has gone! Pitty the poor bastard she's gone back to!

Typical whiney Polish man response. "No no no it wasn't me! Mummy!" Pfah. Harry, you speaketh the truth.


Sorry, Ireland32, Shelly's hit the nail on the head here. There's as much chance of her being imprisoned against her will as she would be in the UK. Make of that what you will. In the long run you're probably better off without her but if you're still worried then contact the Police and give them her address.

Pffff savages. I would say: just fuck them & move on with your life. Do you want a girlfriend acting like a 8 years old?

I think there will be plenty of Polish girls who are emancipated and responsible. With a normal family as well.

As I've already said, she almost certainly isn't actually being physically 'held against her will'; what is going on will more subtle than that, i.e. emotional and social pressure/blackmail. Although from the sounds of the Polish 'gentleman' involved, theres probably an implied (or even explicit) threat of physical violence.


No mate, you're the one who thinks that violence against women is something to be encouraged, not me.

Of course, its an ancient polish tradition, why i kick Magda's ass every valentines day just to show her how much i care!

You just arent too bright are you buddy :)

See, that wasn't so hard to be nice and supportive of this poor fellow.

I do not assume she is physically being held, but choices are being made for her. And yes this ex has a violent streak. For the record I did not start this thread to discuss the culture of male poles and am not suggesting that all are same...I am merely trying to come to terms with what possibly has happened.

Choices made for her? How can choices be made for her, is she paralized, in coma? She may allow others to make choices for her but that still gets you to square one where she's basically fucking with you.

Tell us, Mr. Ireland, has this Polish girl of yours ever done other seemingly erratic things? Does she generally make rash, spontaneous, reckless and poor decisions? Is she notional and immature?

I am not ridiculing her nor you, I am just trying to learn of her past behavior in order to gain a better understanding of possible factors contributing to the present situation.

Perhaps it is due to her past behavior that has caused her parents to take control of her and her affairs now?

No never, she is very mature and had goals in her life. She was always looking to learn new things partic.ularly good english grammar. She had a bad relationship growing up with her father but talked alot about her mother. Her family was getting oe side of the story from her ex and she wanted to go home to set the record straight and for them to respect her wishes.

Ireland i still think you're some old user making it all up but in case you're for real you must be young.

If a woman wants to be with someone she's going to, she's not going to send extremely vague signals and if she IS mature and has her goals than she will not let her choices be done for her.

The way i see it she's currently in the process of making up with her ex but the conscience feels heavy which is why you're being fed vague bullshit, in the coming weeks she'll send you the bad news ie "i still love him" or simply stop talking.

If you're madly bloody in love and know where she lives then hop in the plane though i have a feeling its going to end up unpleasant.

I aint making this up........nor am I the only one who has concerns about her. If she is in the process of making it up with her ex then I will respect that, though I doubt it very much. When all is said and done there will always be a part of me in Poland as long as she is there..........my heart !