My Polish girlfriend checks my mobile phone all the time

me too ... and where everybody waited nicely, making gentle conversation, for the hostess to be seated before starting ... and where everybody offered everyone else the dish first before themselves ... and where indeed you had to say 'please may i get down?' if you want ed to leave (at the end, after pudding, when the adults were just talking).


'fraid so. and of course, having once taken all that 'please may i get down for granted', i do now slightly miss it : (

Could this thread be:

My English girlfriend..............
My Spanish girlfriend........... etc.

Should it be sent to Off topic lounge, deletable? It isn't unique to Poland. It hasn't anything specific to do with relationships in Poland as far as I can see, it is just about relationships.

Anyway, I wouldn't be happy if my girlfriend didn't trust me and I would dump her.

but does checking phones mean she doesn't trust? maybe she is just curious, in that tabloid-reading, eavesdropping kind of way, as to what you've been up to ... you have to admit, it is tempting.

If any girl that i was in a relationship with kept checking my phone (Polish or not) would get the chop, if there is not trust in a relationship then its never going to work out in the long run. Bin her off and find another girl, trust is one of the fundamental elements of a sound relationship.

She could ask me?

maybe she likes your phone or likes playing games on it.

ass*hole. my ex did that all the time like it was something normal and harmless. what is it with men looking for reassurance from some annonymous women off the net? they're probably fat old hags getting their kicks online, watching them on webcam would probably make you sick. shame on you.

Tell her not to. It's your phone therefore it's private and the messages on it are personal.

Start asking to see her phone every five minutes and see what the outcome of that is.

they guy comes on asking about what to do because his girlfriend keeps looking at his phone and all you've got to offer up is a point of view on what he does on the net?? what?? great help that. I actually think you have a point about people online but why post it here and now when we are supposed to be talking about untrusting women who poke and pry on mobile phones of their partners.

Personally i really hate it, i caught a girlfriend of mine doing it once, she was so ashamed of herself that she put it straight down. I told her to carry on and look through every message on the phone, i didn't let her put it down until she had read every message on the phone!!!! Needless to say after that the relationship didn't continue, i'm not claiming to be perfect but if you don't trust somebody don't bother getting together with them in the first place. I mean if she wanted to play snakes she could have just asked me, we didn't need the phone!!! :):)


good advice actually, although i'm not sure this type of behaviour deserves 'advice' more like action!!! I guess it depends on your own situation though, so make your own choices.

No one told you to date an arab.

what's important here is the follow through: in the US, for example, you automatically flunk, no questions asked no excuses accepted, and if it's a college classroom and you get busted for plagiarism, you usually get thrown out for good.

In Poland, many teachers look the other way because they don't give a crap ("They don't pay me enough to care.."), or because they are afraid of the extra hassle involved. I have seen this myself - a teacher flunks a kid for cheating, the offender complains to his parents and who in turn complain to the director, and because the parents are "somebody" the director is forced to backpedal and get the teacher to let the offender retake the test. This scenario is typical of Poland, and not just in school settings - I am referring to the principle.

Also notice that there is supposedly a leash law in Poland, but how do you see cops looking the other way? Sometimes they hassle the dog owner, usually they don't, even though the law says they should. No follow-through in this country. And nobody sweats the details.

It just happens that with todays technology it is the mobile phone that is used to "spy" on your partner. However this has always existed, but in other ways. Checking pockets of cloths before washing (always a good excuse) smelling clothes after business trips (had a friend who always clean his clothes at the hotel on expenses telling his wife he didn't want to give her more work; and she believed him lol) looking for lip stick marks, checking the floor and glove compartment in ones car, ringing hotels where one should be staying on business at strategic times and the list goes on.

Trust is a very complicated word, it is used far too freely and incompasses a multitude of feelings, reactions, thoughts, instincts and many other emotions I can't remember just now. If you can't trust your partner then there's not much point in bothering to carry on the realtionship. Unfortunately some people are troubled with insecurities and invariably ones trust in ones partner is one of them. Is it a Polish trait? No..it happens everywhere.

if you don't want her to check your phone get rid of the phone:P

i think it's something normal that people check parter's phone unless they do it secretly. my ex boyfriend checked my phone and i checked his, he even had my mail password. if you get angry about this it means you have something to hide.

My phone belongs to me, relationships are on a "need to know basis", my partner does not need to know the ins and outs of my friends private lives or anything other than what I chose to tell him. I had an I ex that read a diary of mine once, he became an ex very shortly after that, its the same difference.


In his case he did, but I dont think that this is always the case, I was brought up to resect peoples privacy, pitty more people weren't

yes, but like i said, they shouldn't do it secretly.i also broke up with one of my boyfriends who broke into my gg.

reading someone's diary is a different story, it's a crime and i'd kill.
i have no problem showing my boyfriend my phone if he asks for it. if he didn't want me to show his i wouldn't press him but i'd be just a little suspicious.

anyway, by showing phone to somebody i mean the phone list, not necessarily messages.

it was more this girl flirting and me being too nice to tell her to get lost, to be honest

Why give some random person who you are flirting with your telephone number when you have a girlfriend - as Miss J pointed out, you probably encoraged it and were guilty as hell..dont put it on this other girl..its simple to say to someone "look, ive got a g/f and this is not appropriate"


Its not really the phone list people are looking at though ;0) Besides its easy to put someone in under a different name..


I just finished with him, it was an old diary, but it caused a row...He was a prick though, he used to stalk me when I went out with friends...very sad..I think this is why I wont put up with that kind of behaviour these days.

I don't think that trust is a complicated word. Infact it is one of the most simplistic.
It simply means that you believe in the reliability of that person, how can this be complicated.

An ukr girl cheked the photo session in my mobile after I gave it foolishly to ''see what brand it is'' and she was surprised unpleasantly.Basically all ask ''why do you keep the photos of these girls in your mobile if you...?

Don't be so naive Santander, trust is a false and highly dangerous word. Why do you think we have prenuptual contracts, divorce courts, commercial, civil, labour and mecantile contracts and thousands of other contractual agreements on a daily basis...because nobody can be TRUSTED. How many families have broken apart on trust, marriages, businesses, governments, wars (really serious) etc.

May be the word should be "good faith" and up to a point; "I have good faith in my husband or my wife", that sounds better, no? Trust is as only as good as the person who's prepared to believe in it's consequences and they are few and far between. You would be a fool to trust 100% the reliability of someone you love. Your heart wants to but your head says no. That's why some people look at their partners mobile. Just ask any man who has been taken to the cleaners by his ex....."but she was such a loving wife until she met the window cleaner, I trusted her impecably" Now the window cleaner has a new Mercedes, with who's money??? lol. How many women are left holding the baby while HE is off with a younger one.

Don't get me wrong, trust is extremely important in any relationship but it is not SIMPLISTIC

I'm sorry to say this but i think you are a little confused on this matter, surely it is an issue of trust, if your in a relationship, trust is key.

If you trust your partner and they trust you, there is really no need to be reading each others, phones, e-mails or anything else they might use for contact with others, do you not think this shows a distinct lack of trust???

My partners and i, never ever checked each others phones because we trusted each other enough to know that the other would not be messing around or doing anything that might compramise the relationship. If however she or myself did, the relationship would almost certainly be over as that 'TRUST' had been broken, either by the reading of phones etc or the fact somebody was playing away or doing something they shouldn't have been.

To me if you and your partner allow each other to read and pick through phone and e-mail messages whenever you like, it is more to get rid of those nagging doubts or paranoid beliefs that something is not right. Simply by taking a cruise through messages all the time shows that you (or anybody who does so) is insecure about the relationship or the position of that relationship.

So stop reading those messages and have a little faith :) that goes for everybody, everybody needs their own space and privacy, not somebody digging through it whenever they feel like it!!

i disagree with you but i'm not your partner;]

There is still trust between people. The above contracts you talk about are precisely the reason why they are taken out. LACK OF TRUST. Maybe they should be called "lack of trust contracts".

lol, i don't mind if you disagree, that is the whole point of a forum really :) I was refering more to the fundamentals of relationships rather than who is involved, to me and i think to people in general 'trust' is key to a successful relationship, without out it your down sh*t creek without a paddle, you may aswell not start out.

May i ask why you check his phone and e-mails, what reasons do you have that make it necessary to know everything about him, all his business etc etc?? I'm not trying to wind you up or demand you justify yourself to me, i'm asking because i simply do not understand the approach you take.

thanks

T

I agree with you Torny, Gaa comes across as a rather confused baby. She's probably very young and hasn't had enough experience when it comes to relationships. She doesn't find it strange to see her partner's phone but only as long as the messages are not read. Why would one want to only see the phone or even the contacts' list, without reading the messages, I fail to understand. Being in a relationship, both sides must agree to have this sort of mutual trust. I would never dare to ask for my boyfriend's passwords or lurk at his private messages when he's not around.

That is something i agree with, surely somebody who is paranoid/insecure enough to read the contacts list cannot possibly resist looking at any messages on the phone at the same time. I mean its like when a girl undresses and only goes down to the bra and pants, any bloke would probably want the whole kit of given the chance, same applies for those who look at the phone


You could be spot on there, i'm not sure of Gaa's age and it didn't cross my mind i guess, thats why two minds are better than one.


the very thought just makes me feel dity and uncomfortable, why on earth would i need or want to do that, its just beyond me.

so what if you trust .. and then find out that your trust was misplaced? but by that point you love someone and have small children and a life with them?

things aren't always so simple as principles would suggest.

eg, i know a polish woman (so no, it isn't me), who has a 13 yr old daughter and a roving husband. she herself is very thin and worn down and although only 32 looks about 52. recently she lost her father to cancer. two months after that her young brother, 25, died in a car crash. his young wife and baby survived. while my friend was in poland at the funeral, her husband (in england) went out every day, and stayed out all night. he went out in a fresh white shirt and leather trousers, drenched in aftershave, so i think we can imagine what he was doing. oh, and he is also a drinker and a thief, and lost his job because of this, and she has been supporting the family. and when she came back, she found some text messages and discovered he was having an affair with her best friend.

now, is she to kick him out, and lose her home, her family (as the daughter would go with him, as adores her father), and be left all alone, trying to 'start' her life again? or does she live with it, make him sleep on the sofa for a few weeks, and still cook supper, look after her daughter, talk about what they're doing for christmas, and catch up with the elderly in-laws?

i'm sure everyone will say 'no, get rid of that bastard, kick him out, so what about the kid, she will be free, she will have her chance at life again, she will find someone who really loves her ...' - there are a lot of ifs in that. nothing solid. what she has now, while not ideal, is, at least, real.

i wouldn't presume to judge her for staying where she is. and i wouldn't presume to say that blind trust is the only, and best, way forward for anyone.

of course one should be able to trust, but sometimes one can't. and one might have to accept that and live with it .. one might, po prostu, take a view.

baby,i'm not as young as you think and i have had enough experience.i don't read anyone's messages and i check my boyfriend's phone only when he checks mine.i don't also have my boyfriend's password but he had mine because it was no problem for me i gave it to him as he sometimes replied messages from our common friends.


i think you didn't spend enough time to read my message


i didn't write i ever checked my boyfriend's mail;) i don't care about knowing everything about a guy, if i want to know something i ask. if i'm suspicious about something i want to make sure i don't waste time for someone who doesn't deserve it.

Well then i'm sorry but you still break up with them, if the kids want an explanasion then they can ask there mum why daddy does not want to live with her anymore :)

So your idea is to be paranoid for the whole of the relationship, always checking up, always thinking that there may be a possibility of wrong doing, well i'm sorry to stick it to you but no relationship could handle that strain for that long!!!!! Paranoia and insecurity will get you nowhere, if you feel the need to check up on them all the time, bottom line is, you should not be with them

I can give you some sop stories too, fact is life is one big shite sandwich and we all have to take a bite at some point, she has just taken her lice of the sandwich. If yo have the idea that your partner then just come out and ask them, what is the harm in trying directly for the truth, if then you don't get it then take action yourself if you feel that strongly about it. The fact she has children and looks a little older than she is should not dictate how she deals with a cheating husband.

Just because she found out about the afffair by looking on his phone does not make her actions correct/right.


yes, if your going to be unhappy then atleast then put your own destiny in your hands and not under the control of a cheating husband. About the child going with her father, lets be honest, the courts (in the uk atleast) take little notice of where a minor (-16) wants to live.


get him to sleep on the sofa!!!! kick him out if she has any balls, surely if he is having an affair that is fair grounds for a divorce that will settle in her favour?? yes!!!!


so she is just supposed to put up with all the shite and carry on like its all fine and dandy, that is the cowards way out and the way out somebody would choose if they had no self-esteem. If i got to that point i honestly would rather swallow the gun than have my life controlled by a cheating partner/wife. To be honest though i think the, leaving option is a much better one.


I cannot comment on her specifically, however i can comment on what should be done in this sort of situation.

Thanks for the counter point of view, it is very interesting but i think your weak for suggesting a friend of yours should stick with that rather than take her chances and run her own life, regardless if its a struggle to start with. After all having a hard life is better than not having one (and choices) at all, isn't it??


Problem is that is a classic sign of 'paranoia' i need to do it becuase you are, so what if he checks your phone, if you don't like it, get him to stop rather than you doing the same in kind.


ok maybe your language confused me above because i really did think you were suggesting you had his e-mail password and he had yours etc etc.


exactly, so therefore what is the point of even looking at his phone, what could possibly interest you about his phone?? maybe you need to get the same model phone as him if its that interesting :):)


agreed, if your that suspicious you would/should ask him up front, its pretty easy to gage by somebodies reaction whether or not something is going on. If i thought my girlfriend was really suspicious and she asked to see my phone messages, i would show her in the interests of putting her mind at ease, however i would not make it a regular thing.

wah wah wah, here's the defender of all righteousness! the original poster never appeared again so we're just having a discussion - as you do on a forum - and it is related to this subject. i expressed my views, and i see you're expressing yours and even ganging up on one of the new posters just because you don't agree with her. nice job!

as for untrusting women poking around, it's just human nature that we're curious. of course you don't have the right to breach someone's privacy and it's a very insecure thing to do BUT sometimes it's best to come clean about the mistrust and ask for proof. and if you're suspicious because your other half all of the sudden doesn't let go of their phone or it's on silent or off at all times when that wasn't the case before, there is clearly something going on. same for their phone beeping or ringing very late at night. funny how their reaction is always the furious attitude, all the 'how dare you' rubbish and pretending to leave just to distract from the real issue. i have no problem with my other half knowing my passwords or even checking my phone.

if you are doing nothing wrong and your partner still doesn't believe you then you need to sit them down and talk to them, tell them how much you care and that you would never betray them but that they need to trust you. don't hide your phone, don't act sketchy, just let them feel secure again. unfortunately if your partner doesn't trust you with your phone, emails etc. it may signal that they are fooling around themselves!


have you dated an arab before, is this what they're like?