I will be marrying my polish girlfriend soon. In order to have an ever lasting happy relationship, I would like to know more about the family culture in Poland.
How is a married polish lady's mentality? What does she desperately expect from her husband? What would make her happy? What could she just tolerate or not? And what would she never accept?
Ya, naturally there is some common sense, which applies everywhere in the world, but there are always some specific demands in each part of the world.
Do you mean to be at home as I have promised her? Does not she like me to have my friends circle and so on outside? Or she wants me to spend more time with the family
if your expected at 5, your there at 5 on the dot (if your early your in trouble for not letting now in advance for eating - if your late your in trouble for not calling and letting the food go cold! :))
be on time
tak, you can have friends - but you need to let her know everything - they worry. needlessly we'd argue, but they do.
Buy her flowers from time to time without any occasion or take her to restaurant or sth ;) Be honest, tell her you love her and so on... universal truths :)
This is probably a bit of a generalisation but here are my experiences and the things I've found more prevalent with a Polish girl based on a 3yr previous relationship.
1) Don't forget important days, I'm from the UK where name days and woman days are unheard of. Write them down somewhere and don't forget them. They also have a knack for remembering the things like the date you met, the date you first kissed etc etc.
I used to dread the question "Do you know what day it is today?" and then rack my brain to decide if it was an anniversary, woman day, name day or special occasion.
2) Try and get a balance with your social life, my first Polish girlfriend was a real stunner and I put my social life on hold for pretty much a whole year as she didn't like going out or meeting my friends and she hated being left alone (kind of understandable as she'd moved over from Poland to be with me and didn't know anyone).
It got to the point where I needed to get back in touch with my friends and meet them sometimes which didn't go down too well. Even once a month was too much. I should have clarified all these things before agreeing to let her move in but I was blinded by love.
3) Again this might be a more general point applicable to all nationalities but try to take notice of what she's into and what she is doing, If my previous had a new hair cut/nails/clothes she wouldn't tell me and wait for me to notice and if I didn't I be in trouble.
My first Polish girlfriend was into nail art and design so I surprised her on her name day with a huge bag of nail goodies I'd found in stores or on eBay, plus I'd made a mental note every time she'd looked at things she liked when shopping and picked up a few of those.... there was tears of joy and 1am phone calls to her mother to tell of this.
4) Do not lie to her, at all… under no circumstances even if it’s a little white lie that you think would not matter. She will find out and it’s not worth it. One day a few months into a relationship my girlfriend used to make me sandwiches to take to work which was very sweet, this went on for 3 days and on the fourth day I was so busy in work I didn’t get chance to eat them. On meeting her after work she asked how my sandwiches were and not wanting to hurt her feelings I told her they were lovely.
My nervousness obviously set her spidey sense tingling so the next question one millisecond later was “What was in them?” I tried to backtrack but the damage was done, I confessed and she didn’t speak to me for a few days and I got no more sandwiches to take to work.
It can be hard work but there is nothing like love from a Polish girl, when its right it's like you are the only person in the world for them and that's a great feeling. I'm sure people who favour ladies from other countries (my friend is mad on Asian ladies) think similar but I love all things Poland, the language, culture, food and especially the ladies so I'm biased.
Again the above are my experiences only and of course not all Polish girls are the same.
Try and get a balance with your social life, my first Polish girlfriend was a real stunner and I put my social life on hold for pretty much a whole year as she didn't like going out or meeting my friends and she hated being left alone
My Polish boyfriend is like that too! .. and now I finally understand why he likes me making his sandwiches for work :)
and now I finally understand why he likes me making his sandwiches for work
Yes little stuff like that is really sweet.
The first 3 days they were ham and cheese, I was so tempted to just say "they had ham and cheese in" but I'd at least learnt not to dig myself deeper in it when getting caught out.
I'd left them at work and checked the next day, it was just cheese... maybe it was done to check if I was actually eating them!
ah thats nice sheepy.. my problem is that sometimes I like making his sandwiches, but not every day cos he goes to work very early and if I make them the night before they are not as good... he started getting angry if I didnt make them every day.... clearly not good, so I pointed out that I was doing it as a favour because I love him, but that I dont want to feel obligated to do it every day! .. he did say that Polish women would do that, but hey, I am English and I like to have the choice. Anyway, after this outburst, he made me a sandwich for the first time ever ...so that was nice.
so not much to worry , you will be fine focus more on the other post about job becouse in poland more then anywhere else NO MONEY NO HONEY IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
My parents were believing (they still do) that I am going to spoil my future if I marry her.
Their reasons:
- She has already got a son who is 13 years old and living with her. They believe that this can cause many problems as I also don't know the overall culture well. I don't see this as a great problem. She has already talked to him and he is ready to accept me.
- Losing good job prospects (at home and also Germany)... and if something goes wrong I will be the only loser. But I am not playing a game to think of loser or winner.
- It can take some years till I understand and learn every thing and manage a normal life and better income. As a result, the life may not be so easy and smooth for her comparing to an already settled Polish man (or a well settled foreigner). She may not tolerate problems and just leave me. (losing every thing) She loves me and I hope she won't do that.
I don't agree with my family. When I compare what I am losing with what I am going to get, I have no doubt that it worths to take the risk (if a risk)
I had not initially taken her very seriously, but she made me understand that she loves me over every thing and can not live without me. She has promised to stay and fight with all difficulties and not ever give up. I started believing her and now I trust her fully. I also feel that I can not live without her. I never had such feeling for anyone ever.
Losing good job prospects (at home and also Germany)...
my friend this is the major concern in my opnion
I can not give you any advice becouse if advice was good people would sell it for you and not give away for free . but I word of wisdon is , dont spoil you chances for a girl special the jobs ones . things in poland is hard that is why lot of then with high qualifications leave to the UK to dish wash and clean etc etc . the EU bla bla bla here is only on papers qualify people make 500 euros at most here . I know money is not all but love is not all either . I men can live without love but not without food you dont need love everyday but you do need food everyday , every single day . so think before you move here .
zion, like many other men, I also have met many girls. Many times I have heard to be loved and I think I have also loved. But I never had such a feeling for anyone. you are right. Absolutely right. I have also thought of same things many times. But one thing has finally won. The feeling that if I lose her just because I did not want to face difficulties, I will repent whole my life. The opposite case is also true. If I lose a chance of a good job for a girl and later things go wrong, I would also repent. But I thing there is a chance to recover this but not a lost love (if a potential real good wife)
I am not sure what i am doing. It might be a great risk. But howmuchever I thought, could not give up withthe possiblity to get a real true life.
If I am correct in my choice, she has promised to stay next to me in all good and bad times and not give up. And that is what I need to do then as much as I can to make a loving family.
I hope I am not offending you but at 34 and 31 you should know by now. I am 24 and I'm not stupid but I think I know when I am making a right or wrong decision. And as far as love... you shouldn't have to ask. If you love her then it doesn't matter what a forum of strangers has to say. I'm puzzled with your questions and comments. If she is right then you should know, or at least be love struck enough not to care. I moved to Poland in less than 2 weeks after my invite. I knew. I wasn't sure on anything, but I knew. I didn't need to ask if I was really in love or was it right. I would hope that your love will guide you and this forum can only reinforce your decisions AFTER they are made.
valmoe1, no you are not offending. It is a frum and this is the beauty that everybody says what he/she feels. That is what (at least) I am here.
I don't have a doubt that I love her and I don't have a doubt tat she loves me. But many of people (at least those in my age) would agree that if you both love each other, that is only the first step. And there is still no guarantee that it will surely work out. That was the first thing I mean. And secondly, I know I will be totally deaf and dumb in Poland as I don't know even a single polish word and really can not see the other side well and it is natural in that sense not to be sure what I am doing.
And believe me as I was 24 I also used to mosltly be sure waht I was doing (as far as love is concerned).
I am not a native english speaker. And I might have sometimes not express myself very properly. But sa the title of the first posting says, I am looking at all what could keep my love forever as strong as it is now.
I am just learning how I can keep her happy. How I can really respect her and how to make her always feel that she is important for me. That is the most what I am concerned here.
I knew no polish either but my BF is American as well. I can tell you, everyone here is VERY accepting and willing to help. You should have no problem finding someone to teach you, you could even exchange english lessons for polish! If you come here open minded and ready to learn, you will have no problem. You have someone to come home and express your frusterations and excitement to. As a step-child I can also tell you the best thing to do for your new child, is be open minded as well. Be his friend, not his father. He's 13 so he will be critical of your every move. Your replacing his position as man in the house but if you share the responsibilities you'll earn his trust. My step-mother came into my life and asked for help and assitance in learning our ways and it was one of the best moves she made. She didn't come in and be my mother, she became a best friend. Poland is an amazing place, don't worry too much! Worrying shows your fears and 13 year old boys can smell fear.
valmoe1 Thanks, for understanding what I am really looking for. Thanks for showing me the positive sides of it too. And for the bright guidance.
the son had been of a great concern for me. Not that I have a problem with it, just as you said it is a delicate matter and I want to take correct initial steps. It is really very imortant to know how I could become a good friend of him... That had made my mind very busy. I am trying to be more practical and prepare myself. I want that it work out and I am determined to make it work.
I will never forget your advice. "To be his friend than his father". and not to not to show a fear. :)
How is the house work usually devided between a couple? I mean, how is the the culture? How much do men normally help and what do they help? Is there something which a polish wife won't like his husband to do at home? (which I may think that I am helping...)
