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Getting married?? Keeping parents happy etc... Big Polish family.


Glim 5 | 30  
13 Feb 2008 /  #1
Ello peeps!

My girlfriend is From a big Polish family and her religion is Catholic. When we visited them for a couple of weeks last year i could see just how much religion is embedded in their way of life.

I am not religious, i dont know what i want to belive in and i have never been made to believe in a religion from an age at where i wouldnt know what it is and wether i agree in it.

But since we've been together (2 years) Marta doesnt hardly go to church and the excuse is always that she doesnt have time, but i encourage her to go as much as i can without it being annoying to her because i dont want her to come to this country and her family to think she forgetting or losing the values shes been brought up with.

Her parents arent too keen on us living together without being married.
I get the impression they would like the wedding to be in Poland and done in a proper catholic church.
They know im not religious, i have to say i dont believe in becoming a catholic just to get married in a church but i dont want to **** them off.

My family is my Father and My Grandmother. I dont get on with the rest of my family, cant stand them infact. Thats it.
Marta swears that all she want is to be with me however we decide to be married, but being a few years older (im 26, shes 22) i cant help thinking that i can see the bigger picture and her parents may disaprove..

I know my girlfreind is the person i want to be with in life. Whenever we talk about how we would get married i feel troubled. Do we do it in England, Poland? how would our familes understand eachother??

Do we get married in a registry office, sounds awful but i've no idea how it would be?
Then theres the issue of money, probably main reason we havent started to make proper plans yet..

I dont know, im just talking rubbish now..... Just wondered if anyone here is in a similar situation or has any advice for me..

Cheers

martin
F15guy 1 | 160  
14 Feb 2008 /  #2
I suspect Marta is not going to church because she believes living together without being married is a sin. Going to church only increases that feeling.

In marriage, there's always the issue of money, and there's never enough.

Have you asked Marta to marry you? Are you and she ready to commit to marriage? If so, then get married in Poland. Every woman dreams of a big wedding, surrounded by family and friends. Your dad and grandfather will enjoy the vodka.

Have you seen the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding?" If not or if so, see it again. Watch it a few times with Marta.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,883  
14 Feb 2008 /  #3
I suspect Marta is not going to church because she believes living together without being married is a sin. Going to church only increases that feeling.

I suspect you are talking sh$te, she's not going because she cant be bothered to go, there isnt that pressure on her to attend mass or go to confession whilst she is in England...
djf 18 | 166  
14 Feb 2008 /  #4
Glim, you dont have to 'become' catholic to get married in a catholic ceremony. You go to 'marriage lessons' (in the UK anyway) and give a donation to the church.
OP Glim 5 | 30  
14 Feb 2008 /  #5
Hmmm..

*strokes chin with interest*
djf 18 | 166  
14 Feb 2008 /  #6
From the little i know you and your partner go to 4-5 half day sessions at your local catholic church, with other couples, and are 'coached' and have discussions about marriage and how to make it work long term. There is a catholic slant on these sessions but there are in no way a recruitment campaign or guilt trip for non catholics.

By the way i am a non-catholic.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
15 Feb 2008 /  #7
I'm not a Catholic but have started going to church with my partner cos it makes him happy. I know he wants me to convert, but I dont think you can choose a religion just for the sake of marriage or because someone else wants you to, even if you do love that person. I have told him that if I do become a Catholic, the desire has to come from within me.. otherwise what is the point as you would just be going through the motions.

You can still get married in the Catholic church without becoming a Catholic, but its likely that her parents wont be too happy.
OP Glim 5 | 30  
15 Feb 2008 /  #8
you're right. theres no way of doing it without not pleasing someone..

tricky situation..

in one way it brings us closer together, serves as a reminder of how much we want to make it work in life.
isthatu 3 | 1,164  
15 Feb 2008 /  #9
Im with Shelley on this one,maybe your missis has decided she cant be bothered with all the mumbo jumbo,there are plenty of Poles coming here to get away from some of the old fashioned dogma still doing the rounds out east.

Dont do anything to please parents,fek em,the will be dead for 20-30 years and you will still be with her,where does that leave you then?

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