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My friend and a married man


Sunflower 10 | 76  
27 Sep 2007 /  #1
Not sure if this is the right part of the forum to be posting in, but here goes.. just had a good long chat with a very good friend this evening. Like many of us, she has had her fair share of disappointments in love. She's single at the moment and is fairly happy about this, but is finding herself increasingly attracted to someone she works with, a guy who is married. Now then, this is no one way street. Apparently from the very first day she started in her new job, some 6 months ago, he was very friendly and chatty with her, he works in the same department but they don't actually work together. Occasionally they bump into each other, he very often makes a beeline for her in the morning, or so she puts it, and he takes a great interest in her and her life, she tells me so much more than her ex-boyfriend ever did. And now he has started to flirt with her, sounds like fairly "harmless" stuff.. but now a couple of times he has gently touched her, on the arm or back.. and he has begun to enquire about where she goes for a night out.. and I can see where this is leading.. she is lonely.. he is much younger than her and she finds him extremely attractive.. from the sounds of it he likes her too... but she's asking me for advice on how to stop this from going any further.. any words of wisdom from you guys would be much appreciated. I think it is probably the attention and feeling attractive to someone she is enjoying, but I smell trouble with a capital T...
szkotja2007 27 | 1,499  
27 Sep 2007 /  #2
I think it is probably the attention and feeling attractive to someone she is enjoying, but I smell trouble with a capital T...

Correct on both. Tell her what you think but at the end of the day its up to her.
OP Sunflower 10 | 76  
27 Sep 2007 /  #3
Hey szkotja, thanks for the support. guess what I'm trying to do is find somehting really significant to say to her to stop her from getting into a situation that is not only wrong, but which could have potentially disastrous consequences. the other thing I omitted to mention is that this guy has a 7 year old daughter too... I realise it is up to her, but I really want to stop her from making the mistake.. which I can't do can I? her actions are her own choice at the end of the day..
mansoor - | 2  
27 Sep 2007 /  #4
hiii sunflowe ur the girl inter side my heart so i send this messege to talk u about my love to u
jnowiski 2 | 121  
27 Sep 2007 /  #5
i can't see how people can cheat, especially when there are children involved. if nothing else i'd hate the thought of ruining a family.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
27 Sep 2007 /  #6
sunflower, tell her to cut it out cold. this really shouldn't be going anywhere and it won't. sounds like you need to save her from herself. there are plenty of fish in the sea.. no need to go catching ones on someone elses hook already.
szkotja2007 27 | 1,499  
27 Sep 2007 /  #7
The daughter raises the stakes a bit. If he is unhappy in his marriage then thats his prob - she doesn't need the hassle. As a friend you can only give advice, she's a big girl, she can make her own mind up.

Playing with fire is exciting until you get burnt.
jnowiski 2 | 121  
27 Sep 2007 /  #8
Playing with fire is exciting until you get burnt.

i literally get burnt every time i play with fire, thank God I was a volunteer fire fighter for 2 or 3 years.
tornado2007 11 | 2,274  
27 Sep 2007 /  #9
capital T...

=Tornado :), i have been away for a while and even made a few news appearances, lol, sorry for any damaged houses and properties on the English south coast :(

But on a serious note, Sunflower its always best to follow you instincts, whatever you think needs saying just out and say it. Its simple advice i know but to be truthful to your friend also means being truthful yourself. Maybe you can do the brave thing and stop your friend from any potential trouble and hurt and save he man's marriage :)

thnx

T
Firestorm 6 | 400  
27 Sep 2007 /  #10
guess what I'm trying to do is find somehting really significant to say to her to stop her

Next time you are alone with her..
Ask her.
If she was dating/married.
And a friend told her.. That her Guy was seeing another Woman.
How would she feel about it...?

Unless she doesnt care. Im sure the point will sink in.
If not.
It's time to be a lil more Subtle..
StaryDom 3 | 16  
27 Sep 2007 /  #11
If this guy will cheat on his wife, he will eventually cheat on your friend. And then you have to wonder why somebody would want to be involved with a person who has so little respect for marriage that he or she would have an intimate relationship with someone other than their spouse?

She shouldn't temp herself... she needs to stay far away from this guy.
Jambo 2 | 106  
1 Oct 2007 /  #12
The significant thing is he is married and not available. The fact is he only wants her for sex nothing else. If she has sex with him he will have got what he wanted and will move on to the next girl in the office. If she is okay with having sex in such circumstances as a boost to her self esteem then fine as they are both using each other. but she should not delude herself into thinking it is anything more than a quick fumble now and then when he he is not banging his wife. I have to say guys like him make me sick they are so false and the tragedy is women adore them.
Wroclaw Boy  
14 Oct 2007 /  #13
which I can't do can I? her actions are her own choice at the end of the day..

By her you are obviously talking about yourself!!!

Go with the heart love, and see where it takes you. And dont wind up getting used as a sex toy along the way, unless thats what you want aswell.
OP Sunflower 10 | 76  
15 Oct 2007 /  #14
By her you are obviously talking about yourself!!!

?? Erm, no I'm not.. if it was my situation I would have said it was me
0Adam0 - | 14  
15 Oct 2007 /  #15
Doesn't matter whether or not it's you. I don't think it is but that's not the point really.

Go with the heart love, and see where it takes you.

WTF kind of Advice is that?!

Next time you are alone with her..
Ask her.
If she was dating/married.
And a friend told her.. That her Guy was seeing another Woman.
How would she feel about it...?

Unless she doesnt care. Im sure the point will sink in.
If not.
It's time to be a lil more Subtle..

MUCH better advice.

This girl's lonely and getting some attention - the fact that she asked you is good enough to know that she doens't want to ruin the marriage.

Tell her that if she wants your advice she's got to take on board what you acctually say, and not just look for condoning.

Tell her she CANNOT get into a relatinship with this guy, She knows this and that's good.
If this guy will cheat on his wife, he'll cheat on her too.
How would she feel if she was married and her husband was having an affair and the other woman knew it was an affair.
Then tell her their are many guys out there that are decent blokes, she just has to find them. But Love rarely comes when you look. It usually comes from where you aren't looking lol. She's just got to be patient and she'll be ok :)
Wroclaw Boy  
15 Oct 2007 /  #16
Quoting: Wroclaw Boy
Go with the heart love, and see where it takes you.

WTF kind of Advice is that?!

WTF kind of response is that?
Klaudiaimiolo - | 2  
15 Oct 2007 /  #17
the obvious answer is to tell her not to go there it can only turn out badly...he is married afterall and goes against every christian law- if she is religious you can play that card... but morally you dont want her to compromise her integrity. It is flatering to get attention though so ahe may need to work on her self image a little and syrive to get attention from a healther source,,,

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