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In his eyes. I have a good friend who is Polish, he lived in Bialstok.

Kocham cie 10 | 7  
28 Nov 2008 /  #1

I am new to this forum, I am from NY. I have a good friend who is Polish, he lived in Bialstok. He was actually away from here for 8 mos. to care for a family member, but is back now. I was wondering, I have strong feelings for him and I think he has similar feelings for me. When he came back to NY, the first thing he did was apologize for not emailing me back. He told me that Poland was not like here, and that it was hard to maintain internet connection. He also, started asking me about things that I am interested in, and he had become interested. Mainly, speaking Spanish, going to College and psychiatry/counseling.

There were a few things that really struck me last Christmas before he left. He had been sitting with me, and told me that when I was a psychiatrist, he would come to me for confession. He really got me. He also had gotten stuck in the couch, and I helped him out, and he said "You're wonderful, my girlfriend." Does he mean romantically or girl + friend. I also have noticed that he will walk with me, and he is big on eye contact, he is always looking at me, I catch him all the time. Not to mention his eyes are always very dilated.

I just don't want to make a fool of myself because he is just a friend or is being friendly. I care for him so much, when he was away I was a mess. What should I do? I'm working on learning some Polish. He really likes that.

Thanks in advance,

Kasz 1 | 76  
28 Nov 2008 /  #2
Well, like always just talk to him about things... noone can help U, if u just dun ask him. There is no any diff if he is Pole,Greek,Japanis or any other. Told him about ur feelings thats all ;] gl
mafketis 24 | 9,088  
28 Nov 2008 /  #3
Hard to say as there's conflicting or ambiguous info.

It's not _that_ hard to keep in touch by internet in Poland. Even if there's no connection at home there are plenty of internet cafes around.

Asking about things your'e interested sounds like polite conversation of the kind anyone in Poland can maintain (and which Americans often can't for some reason).

How good is his English? calling you 'girlfriend' in English is too ambiguous, the overall context you describe makes me think he was thinking of kole┼╝anka (friend who's a girl) and not dziewczyna (girlfriend).

Go to confession to you? In other words he sees you as a priest-substitute and you think he might mean that romantically? brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Polish people tend to maintain closer physical presence than Americans and have more eye contact.

Looking at you when he thinks you won't notice is the one thing that seems to unambiguously indicate interest.

If I had to give advice, I'd suggest doing something that makes it obvious that you're interested if he's paying attention and which he can act on if he's interested too but which he won't notice (or can diplomatically ignore) if he isn't.
OP Kocham cie 10 | 7  
28 Nov 2008 /  #4

I was confused myself. But, he was staying in Bialystok. Not that that would matter much, but he truly never responded to an email when he was there, or when he is here. I do know however that he reads them, because he'll often bring something up from an email or ask a question. While he was there, (for 8mos) he was caring for an uncle of his who had cancer, and eventually died. His uncle didn't trust the people who were working for him, so Arthur went to help out.

I even selfishly reminded him of the telephone. As for asking about my interests, I thought at first that it was polite conversations also. But, it was my first time seeing him since his return to NY, and it wasn't just "Hi, what are you up to?" it was more like..."You're going to do that for a living, I have always been interested in that, where would I go to school for that? How long, what is it like?... He had a thousand questions. He wanted to talk in excess about it, and I helped him look into colleges for it. We talked almost three hours about it.

I do agree though, most American's, myself included have a difficult time carrying on a conversation. I know I do particularly when I don't know the person, I find myself repeating things.

English- His English is very good. He'll trip over his own words once and a while, but I was quite suprised with his fluency. Whenever he can though he will remind groups that English is his 2nd language.

When he had called me "girl friend" we were at a Christmas party, he can be very loud and boisterous, but he is primarily quiet and reserved unless he knows you. At the time it happened, everyone had rushed into the kitchen to have supper, and he was yelping to me almost, saying that he was stuck in the couch. He couldn't have been, I think he was just being goofy. I reached over and pulled him up and that's when he said it. He threw his arm around me and said it. "You know you're my girlfriend, my girlfriend" or something like that, it's been awhile.

Confession- He was I think cracking a joke. He really had me going that night. "A shrink, a SHRINK, you're gonna be a shrink? ... I'll come to you, for confession." Wink. and big smile. That's sort of what made me think that. Same night, he kept taking my plate away from me, I love raw carrots and dip, apparently he thought that that was ridiculous. He kept saying, "What's wrong with you, that's disgusting, you don't eat carrots that way, it's bad for you. You have to cook them." He went on, he was really out there that night.

My question with eye contact, particularly in a group, he is always looking for me, or looking at me. Like at mass, He will look around for me, and when he finds me stare. He has confused me too. Not to long ago, we were at a church supper, and I was dressed up a little, one mutual friend was cracking jokes about my apparel, but he was instantly defending me. He looked like he was glowing. I noticed he blushes a lot too. What was funny was that his boss was there that night and they were selling raffle tickets, and he was like in toe with me, and when his boss called him, he looked like a deer in the headlights. "huh? What?"

His thing this week is "My dear" using it constantly. I have no problem with that.

Thanks again for the help, sorry this was so long.

krakow1 3 | 55  
9 Dec 2008 /  #5
My question with eye contact, particularly in a group, he is always looking for me, or looking at me

Perhaps you should look into Aspergers, or Social Anxiety to ascertain if he displays any of the traits connected with this Syndrome. There may be other traits he displays, which you are not consciously aware of, and could appear quite strange to you but not to him.

It's just a thought! He's maybe just different to other people, everyone can be individual when they want to me. I hope that this helps.
LondonChick 31 | 1,134  
9 Dec 2008 /  #6
Sounds like you might be overanalysing things a bit. Have you been out for dinner / a drink with him i.e. what you might describe as a date?
Lotnik767 3 | 145  
9 Dec 2008 /  #7
Just ask him are we just friends or are we a couple boyfriend and girlfriend. Obviously you are in love with him so get your answer form him. Does he speak English? You should have a nice conversation over diner with in and tell him your feeling towards him, and then you will know. If he loves you back then great you two will be a couple and if he doesn’t then you don't have to hang around just move on then! Good Luck and I hope you two will be happy together!

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