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Someone please explain this to me


nicgentile 2 | 16  
25 May 2007 /  #1
I recently wrote this post and I figure its important to first read this before, cause what I have written below wont make sense.

https://polishforums.com/archives/2005-2009/love/going-take-trust-woman-again-9757/

Now. This same ex, i sent her money the other day cause she had problems. It was a one off cause she has been in hospital and stuff. But she comes back to me, tells me she got robbed, the day after I sent her money, the same money I sent her. I thought it was BS, but it was actually true. But as we were talking last night, she told me something that really pissed me off. She said, u know, I had ur picture in my wallet that was stolen. And I asked why, to which she responded, cause its normal for me. I mean, we broke up, remove the picture, or is she playing my head. Normally when we break up, I would have thought we remove all evidence possibly known to man to show that someone has been here, so that when the replacement comes along, u have cleared ur issues. Long story short, I told her that if she can't figure out her issues, I was keeping away, very far away from her and moving on. No more help, no more money, nada. If she wants to come back, she has to work extremely hard to even prove to me that she is not f**king with my head. Is this normal for Polish women?????
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
25 May 2007 /  #2
She said, u know, I had ur picture in my wallet that was stolen. And I asked why, to which she responded, cause its normal for me.

first of all, she probably still has feelings, and second why would you even
think its just polish women who do this?

when you break up, it depends on the situation, some might not feel they did the
right thing, she could still have feelings but because you show so much arrogance
she dont want to let down her guard and get hurt again. why would you send her
money? you still have feelings for her obviously, so the two of you need to sit down
and get your sh*t in one sock and talk about it.. love isnt about rules.. who says
your supposed to get rid of all evidence? I had dated my husband and broke up
with him and carried his pic around for two years before we re-united and we
always stayed friends, I felt that was necessary to accept him then to abandon
him, we always stayed in touch, and I did things for him and he for me, so it isnt
a rule of relationship to get rid of the picture, maybe she told you so you would
give her another since she can't be with you physically she still has your photo !!
krysia 23 | 3,058  
25 May 2007 /  #3
Right, you don't have to get rid of all the pictures because in 20-30 years from now, you will still remember the person but you will be changed, more mature and will look at from a different perspective and laugh at the things you did when you were younger.

Getting rid of pictures will not erase the memmories.
OP nicgentile 2 | 16  
25 May 2007 /  #4
first of all, she probably still has feelings, and second why would you even
think its just polish women who do this?

Thats is what I've been trying to do. Sit down and talk about it, but she just seems to hang in limbo. I probably generalized too much, but I would have thought that when one person in the relationship is down, in trouble or something, the other helps. She hit a rough patch in life, that made her question if the relationship was a priority, so she said well, I'm not ready to be in a relationship like this cause things have changed. And I was ready to let her go, cause i would not want to hold back anyone, but she does not want to talk or let go. I admit it, I am in love with her, and she is probably in love with me, but for me, its either all or nothing, this 50/50 thing does not work for me. And friendship after a relationship is even more difficult for me. And she seems more unsure about all that she is doing, but from what I know, all her friends said she messed up breaking up with me, same as her mum, her grandma, but she seems to know better. She won't listen, she won't move, she is just there floating, and obviously dead weight to everyone to a point her mother asked her to move out, and be on her own. If she were to acknowledge that she messed up and wants to work things out, I'd be game, but she is just there, stagnated. I told her I plan to tour Poland by road, and I'll be going to Augustow near our home town Bialystok and she is already creating issues about it. So I told her that if she wants to come, its all good, it could be good time for us to figure our selves out, but she can't seem to make up her mind. And she told me that before me, she had someone wait 6 years for her to tell him it wasn't going to work. And he waited patiently and he was crushed, and I felt for him and he told her she had a cold heart. Now I see what he meant. I just don't know what to do or say, so I said, until she figures it out, I'm gone, and I hope she decides soon before its too late if it isn't already.
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
25 May 2007 /  #5
its either all or nothing

Im stopping you right there , she said she isnt ready yet, doenst mean she will never
be, when she says things changed, its probably because you making her choose
and she sees you differently then the person she fell in love with.. you cant make it
happen or not, love grows, all the nice things add up.. stay friends , help with what
you can, but dont drive her away, your making the choices, its two way street you
have to lighten up or you will lose.. and see her often and just be there, she will
see that your the honest and good hearted one. you dont have to bend over
backwards, just being there, for other situations besides money, like going out and
talking..

thats it, I should just start a dear patty thread.. lol

I am ignoring my chores.. I hope it all works,, just dont force the me or the door
issue.. :)

I'll be going to Augustow near our home town Bialystok and she is already creating issues about it. So I told her that if she wants to come, its all good, it could be good time for us to figure our selves out, but she can't seem to make up her mind.

you should probably go without her, the only sense I can make is that she
is fearful of losing you, but for what reasons? and her friends saying she
messed up and you possibly leaving is creating anxiety for her because this is her
last shot at something good..

And she told me that before me, she had someone wait 6 years for her to tell him it wasn't going to work. And he waited patiently and he was crushed,

well, six years is a long time to wait,, i hardly think he would wait such a long time
and not know which way a relationship is going. she might not have felt the same
as he did, with you it sounds different.. she is confused.. maybe feeling rushed?

six years you can fall out of love with someone , every relationship is different so
I wouldnt compare the two either.. he could be in her eyes just a very good
friend whom she didnt want to hurt so badly but did so under her consious eating
away at her..

why dont you ask her plain out, do you love me or not? if she says no, then move on
if its I dont know, then shes keeping you around for that just in case, and if she
says yes, your rushing her, so try to be more patient.. all in all ,ask for honesty.
OP nicgentile 2 | 16  
25 May 2007 /  #6
It worked for you, but does not work for me. Exiting a commitment, to me, not a good sign. If u r already committed, have bought a house together, and then all over sudden leave, Patty, thats not a good sign. If you tell ur husband all over sudden out of the blue u r not ready to be his wife after getting married, I dont think he would take it kindly. I think u r supposed to be a team, thru thick and thin, and when u r not sure of the relationship, talk about it, try work it, not freeze up. To me, its painted doom all the way. She could be taking advantage of me emotionally, financially probably, but when I help, and she throws it back at my face, thats the last straw. When u commit, to me, u start working on things together, we bought a house, when u break up, thats one thing, when u have a house, a life together, pets and things like this, and then all over sudden someone is not ready, wont talk about it, and does not listen to everyone warning her, thats a self destructive path. Sometimes its good just to follow the lead, cause it comes with trust. I made many sacrifices, and I paid a lot (not money), but a lot in life, and she wont even listen to me, not a good sign. Even when I say how are u doing, its met with a dont ask me that question. To me, its somewhere close to betrayal. The part that says thru thick and thin, thats the part she failed on, and thats why I am pushing her away. I dont want to be an emotional wreck which clearly I already am. The relationship may be doomed, and I accept, but even on friendship, she sucks. All her friends are turning from her cause she just wont listen or talk. She has become heavily selfish. I want to help, but she has to be willing to receive help. It works two ways.

Everyone is telling me to walk away, give her space, and thats what I am doing. Except, I wont hold back anymore for her, if she made a bad decision, she has to live with it. If she comes back and wants to work, fine, if not, too bad. If she comes back too late, its too late. Its just the way I see it.

And it does not matter anymore, we have said our peace. Any hope of friendship and reconciliation has just gone to hell. Thanks Patty, but this things, are just meant to be or not to be.
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
25 May 2007 /  #7
And it does not matter anymore, we have said our peace. Any hope of friendship and reconciliation has just gone to hell. Thanks Patty, but this things, are just meant to be or not to be.

well, it looks as though you made your decisions, I hope your path leads you to
better days.. maybe this is what she needs then, for everyone to leave so she
can realize that all the best things in her life she pushed away..

whatever the reasons, i hope things smooth out for you, take it easy
nicgentile and try to stay focused :)
southern 75 | 7,096  
25 May 2007 /  #8
same ex, i sent her money the other day cause she had problems. It was a one off cause she has been in hospital and stuff. But she comes back to me, tells me she got robbed

My advice.Never ever send money to women.Do not think of it as afuture investement.It is like throwing your money out of the window.You get no results by that.Women who ask for money well....well...They will ask you for more money.And then for even more.And you think O.K. I have already invested I will give a little more not to lose everything,this is the trap,the black hole,she learns you are weak and uses you.

The most funny?In many cases she already has a new boyfriend or husband who she gives the money you send to her.It is simple.One lover and one provider.

Nic if you indeed sent money,cut it off immediately.Never send again,whatever she says.If she threatens to leave you,say go ahead.She will come back to you after a while begging for your attention.(There are people burnt,we know sth).
OP nicgentile 2 | 16  
26 May 2007 /  #9
You are right on this. I sent the money cause I knew there was a bad situation there. I was there before and I had offered to help. But you are right. One Lover is One Provider. I doubt she has a new man (it has been confirmed for me), but I guess she needs to lose to realise. Non the less, I have to find an Merc s320 (circa 94) and hit the autobahn. Damn this is going to be fun. I don't know how I will get over her, but I do know that copious amounts of alcohol and random (safe) sex will help ha ha ha, but a new life, new beginning. She never asked for the money, I offered to help, it dawned to me when she told me she was robbed, and now last night she tells me she has gone to sell her phone to make ends meet that there was something wrong. I told her good luck and I wish her well and I meant it.
dragone - | 8  
26 May 2007 /  #10
wake up! she has been using you! don't believe her, don't keep hoping, she doesn't love you. She knows the reason for coming back to you when she is in need.

Be smart!
A woman ever knows/figures out/feels when she loves.
Cut her off... and tell her I am here waiting for her... ;-)
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
26 May 2007 /  #12
Without a doubt.

You are being used because it's you that needs her and she knows it. If you had wanted to make a clean break you would have done it. Get on with your life.
Eastender - | 45  
26 May 2007 /  #13
well said,southern
And the same goes for women who have boyfriends abroad too.
OP nicgentile 2 | 16  
26 May 2007 /  #14
Well, I hear u people. I heard. Thanks. Now does anyone have a nice s320 circa 94?

ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!

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