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Dating a Polish man - is he old-fashioned or not interested?!


SarahJane  
27 Jun 2007 /  #1
Hello everyone!
I am an English girl and I have recently started seeing a Polish man. He asked me out several weeks ago and we have been out four times now- for a walk, to the cinema, for drinks, and to a club. He is a lovely person, and the perfect gentleman. However, he has never initiated any physical contact with me and im starting to think that maybe he looks upon me as a friend. One time we went to the cinema and he brought along several of his friends without asking me first even though it was meant to be a date! I have been friendly and open with him although I have not been putting myself out there. I am wondering whether dating in Poland is more old-fashioned or whether he might just have changed his mind and only wants friendship with me. What signs should I be looking out for? And should I show my interest more? Id appreciate any advice as I really like him! Cheers everyone!

Sarah-Jane
ArturSzastak 3 | 593  
27 Jun 2007 /  #2
Maybe he's just shy? Hmmm.....

Give it some more time and see if he tries anything new :)
OP SarahJane  
27 Jun 2007 /  #3
Thanks Artur. Thats what makes me think he might see me as a friend as he is not shy, he is a confident person!
ArturSzastak 3 | 593  
27 Jun 2007 /  #4
Hmm. Then just confront him about it. You don't want to be led on for too long. Nobody stays young. :)

Then again, maybe he's just figuring you out. Getting to know what you're like alone and in public to see if he really wants a relationship with you. :)
Meg 1 | 38  
27 Jun 2007 /  #5
Also - is he a serious Catholic? My husband is quite shy, and old-fashioned, and a serious Catholic (as am I), so he was very hesitant to initiate any physical behavior. I just sat back and let him get comfortable with me, and all things came along in good time . . .

Hope it goes well! (Although he should have asked before bringing the guys . . . sounds good otherwise!)

Then just confront him about it. You don't want to be led on for too long. Nobody stays young. :)

Agree.

But do it in a way so you can stay friends!

Then again, maybe he's just figuring you out. Getting to know what you're like alone and in public to see if he really wants a relationship with you. :)

Man and woman - the eternal dance! :^)
OP SarahJane  
27 Jun 2007 /  #6
I wouldn't say he is a serious Catholic...I hope not anyway! I am also a Catholic, but he seemed quite open in his beliefs. I also know he has had several girlfriends. Lol, that is true Meg about the eternal dance, these first stages are fun but hard to figure out! He has pursued me and was more flirty our initial dates and now he seems to be a lot cooler. I have dated only English and Spanish men in the past and they were more forward. I think its probably more him and me, than a cultural issue.

Thanks for the advice guys :)
Meg 1 | 38  
27 Jun 2007 /  #7
I'd probably lean toward the give-him-a-little-more-time side, check out the situation further (maybe he's got a big project at work? one of his mates has a personal problem and won't listen to reason? sometimes there are reasons guys - and girls - cool in the early stages that have nothing to do with the other person), see if things get better. Maybe another couple months? You should know by then.

Oh! The not-knowing! I think that was the hardest part of being single. What does he really think? That I'm pretty? Ugly? Smart? Dim? Sexy? Unappealing? That he likes me? That he's not sure what he thinks? (The truth: Most likely he's thinking about sports results.) We women psych ourselves out far too much with that. In any culture!

Besides, after marriage, you'll know all too well what he really thinks.

(Just kidding! Well, mostly. ;^) )
OP SarahJane  
27 Jun 2007 /  #8
Meg you're a star you should do this for a living! I am happy to give him time. I suppose im falling for him and don't want to get hurt. I can generally read people quite well but he is elusive! He gave me a few compliments early on which I didnt really know how to answer, I suppose I might have seemed disinterested. I think maybe I could give some gentle hints that he's hot himself! Yes, the not-knowing and the drama can be a pain..I think we women over-analyze things and I can guarantee you he is not sitting at his computer now on a forum, wondering how im feeling about him!!
szkotja2007 27 | 1,498  
27 Jun 2007 /  #9
You've known him for several weeks and he has taken you out four times ?
Are you sure he doesn't have a girl back ( or boy ) in Poland ?
Sorry to be so cold but it doesn't sound like he is that into it.
OP SarahJane  
27 Jun 2007 /  #10
You've known him for several weeks and he has taken you out four times ?

Well we've been out during the past two weeks only. Is twice a week not about right at first? I wouldnt want to be seeing someone everyday initially! Am fairly sure he is single and has made his life here now. And I certainly hope if had someone in Poland it wouldnt be a man szkotja! ;)
szkotja2007 27 | 1,498  
27 Jun 2007 /  #11
it wouldnt be a man

Thought that would make you smile !

Four times in the last two weeks seems pretty keen to me actually.
Just sounds like you have met someone and its the usual butterflies.
Good Luck.
MasterNateDawg 3 | 50  
28 Jun 2007 /  #12
Ok first of all , sarah Jane...please DO NOT confront him about this...a sure fire way to send him running.

It sounds to me like he is a very shy and insecure guy. Just to let you know, confident guys that are trying to go forward with a woman DON"T bring along a bunch of their guy friends unexpectedly to the movies. he was probably nervous.

If you ask him questions like "how do you feel about me" or "where is this relationship going", believe me he will gett freaked out and start talking funny. If theres one question men NEVER want to be asked...its THIS.

Another signal that hes probably not on the top of his game is that he's made no efforts to advance physically. And you should know that a confident man WILL make physical advances.

So, how can you find out whats on in his mind? Flirt with him in a different way. Dont be so available. Be sexier. Be more of a challenge. You can even be a little physical with him. If hes really a nice shy guy, it could help him feel more comfortable with you.

Either way, acting in this way will FOR SURE increase the attraction he feels for you.
If you want to start making those feelings of 'relationship' come on, then start to see him more than 1 time per week. The more times the better, because this naturally puts both men and women in "relationship mode".

To answer the question..is he old fashioned (shy, insecure) or is he not interested...

Hes old fashioned
Amathyst 19 | 2,702  
28 Jun 2007 /  #13
Dont be so available

Be sexier

Be more of a challenge.

You can even be a little physical with him

my my read what you wrote and then think how much you contradicted yourself...AHH....RUBBISH AGAIN!
OP SarahJane  
30 Jun 2007 /  #14
Thanks Nate....you have some interesting ideas there. I was thinking of asking him where we stand but am now thinking against it. I will give it more time, but not too much! He is still holding back a lot - he seems uncomfortable around me, but as I am being relaxed and myself I know this is him and not me. He is fine around his friends, but he seems ill at ease with me. I was putting this down to shyness or not wanting to pursue anything with me, and not being sure how to react to my interest if he only wants to be friends. Ive never made myself too available with him, which is how I prefer to be at this stage. Shall let you know how it goes!
Daisy 3 | 1,227  
30 Jun 2007 /  #15
Interesting, Sarah-Jane joined 27 June, same date as deputy Dawg and Wyspianska, and she thinks his advice is good....I smell a big huge rat...
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
30 Jun 2007 /  #16
how old is he and how long has been in the UK? Has he had English gfs before? I wonder why you are worried about him being Catholic, especially if you are too? I have a Polish partner and am English and I can tell you from my experience that they are certainly different to English guys.. I think you should give it some time, but it does sound weird that he brought his mates along without asking you. Why dont you suggest doing something romantic together? I dont think he just wants you as a friend, could he be thinking the same thing about you.. that you arent interested???
OP SarahJane  
30 Jun 2007 /  #17
Hi Sapphire, he's 28 and has been in the UK for over a year. He hasnt dated anyone from England yet. I wasnt worried about him been Catholic - i was referring to Meg's comment earlier! He seems reluctant to do anything spontaneous - i suggested heading to out local park and taking a boat ride but he didnt seem too keen. I will suggest sometime romantic....i suppose im afraid of making a fool of myself or making him uncomfortable if ive somehow got the wrong impression! Youre right Sapphire, he could well think i might be uninterested...im holding back a bit because im not sure where i stand. I caught sight of myself the other night in a nightclub mirror and i did look totally into him, think he would have to be fairly blind not to notice how happy i look when im with him!

btw Daidy im afraid youre over analizing things!
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
30 Jun 2007 /  #18
One time we went to the cinema and he brought along several of his friends without asking me first even though it was meant to be a date

Who asks who out on these dates? Does he ask you? What does he say when he asks?
Daisy 3 | 1,227  
1 Jul 2007 /  #19
btw Daidy im afraid youre over analizing things!

sorry, I apologise

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