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DO ADULT CHILDREN EXPLOIT THEIR PARENTS IN POLAND?


Polonius3 1,000 | 12,446  
22 Aug 2009 /  #1
There was a discussion here a while ago about how 'controlling' Polish parents allegedly are. What about exploitative kids? In Poland many adult married kids off on their own bring home their dirty laundry for mum to wash and iron. The hit the folks up for money, because they always seem to be short of cash (mainly becasue of living beyond their means). They may also drop off the kids at a moment's notice expecting their parents to babysit, without thinking that they may have had other plans of their own. In general, many are highly inconsiderate and take their parents for granted.

Have any of you observed something of this sort? What is it like in other countries represented on this forum?
krysia 23 | 3,058  
12 Sep 2009 /  #2
That's what mom's are for.
Arien 3 | 721  
12 Sep 2009 /  #3
Oh, our parents usually dump us somewhere on the streets when we're 18.. (Or they tie us to a tree when they go on a holiday!) And then we'll just have to make ends meet somehow. So uhm.. Usually the girls become pregnant, a porn model or a prostitute, and guys aspire to become a junkie, a loverboy or a drug-dealer. (Or a politician, but that's extremely rare!)

;)

(I've been told by an American yesterday!)
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595  
12 Sep 2009 /  #4
I think it's not so different from many other countries.

But older people in the family (or relatives) are taken care of better in Poland than in many other countries I have seen.
aphrodisiac 11 | 2,441  
12 Sep 2009 /  #5
But older people in the family (or relatives) are taken care of better in Poland than in many other countries I have seen.

I would agree with that.
osiol 55 | 3,922  
12 Sep 2009 /  #6
As far as I know, it is more normal for Polish family homes to accomodate three generations under one roof. For many, the cost and practicability of moving out at the age of 18 is just not as reasonable as in some other countries. I have stayed with a family where there was a couple, their two grown-up sons and the husband's father all living together. I'm sure this family was exceptional in very few ways.

In Poland many adult married kids off on their own bring home their dirty laundry for mum to wash and iron.

Now that just doesn't sound normal. Surely?
OP Polonius3 1,000 | 12,446  
13 Sep 2009 /  #7
I have never made a formal study of how many young marrieds bring their dirty laundry home to mum, but I have observed it within a circle of Polish family and acquaintances. Maybe some native Poles could comment on how widesperead this is.
frd 7 | 1,401  
13 Sep 2009 /  #8
Polonius3:
In Poland many adult married kids off on their own bring home their dirty laundry for mum to wash and iron.

Now that just doesn't sound normal. Surely?

That actually happens from time to time, youngsters spring out into the life of independence just to realise that they can't cope with simple chores like washing dishes and cleaning - especially if it was their mums or sisters duty earlier. Coming back for a home dinner or to have their laundry washed. I heard about it few times.

But it's a more common thing to happen if there's a young pampered single rather than a young couple.. a couple's income or the amount of lanudry produced by 2 people is enough to buy a good washing machine.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
13 Sep 2009 /  #9
Pol3, dirty laundry studies?? Are you having a laugh? If parents didn't want to do the washing, they'd say so. Many help out their family members a lot here.
OP Polonius3 1,000 | 12,446  
13 Sep 2009 /  #10
Whatever the case, family closeness in Poland is a helluva lot better than the
estrangement oft encountered in the West. An especially glaring example was a super heat wave a few years ago that killed tens of thousands, mostly elderly French people. When police finally tracked down their kids, many of them were reported saying things like: "You mean she was still alive?!"

A Scotsman I once worked with said he insisted his father should be cremated saying: "I don't plan to visit or tend his grave." Komentarz zbyteczny!
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
13 Sep 2009 /  #11
Pol3, please don't use a sweeping brush to mark the West. There are major differences between European countries and this diversity is what we pride ourselves on.

Wow, one Scotsman. We also have a close sense of family which broadly resembles that in Poland. We were instilled with family values, both through government drives and important calendar events.

I do applaud the tightness of the family unit here but it's not as big a chasm as you think from some other countries of the West.
mvefa 5 | 591  
14 Sep 2009 /  #12
I do applaud the tightness of the family unit here but it's not as big a chasm as you think from some other countries of the West.

It does not depend on the country, it depends on the people itself. In my family we visited our grandma-grandpa every 2 weeks, all of us. And my parents i now meet them every 2 -3 weeks (they live an hour away) and i will be there till the end of their days, i help them when i can and i cannot imagine leaving them behind in an elderly home and forget completely about them.

It's not about countries, it is about individuals.
OP Polonius3 1,000 | 12,446  
14 Sep 2009 /  #13
Yes and no. Examples of everything can be found in any country, but there are also such things as countrywide trends. Here in America sending the elderly to old people's homes (nursing homes) is extremely widespread, whereas in Poland there is a stigma attached to it. Kids that would do so are looked upon as insensitive ingrates.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
14 Sep 2009 /  #14
whereas in Poland there is a stigma attached to it.

whereas in Poland they are not yet a major business.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
14 Sep 2009 /  #15
The Dutch have yet another approach. I've heard that your main concern is caring for the elderly who have cared for you in the past. In fact, it's enshrined in your legal system, it's obligatory. That's what I learned. Am I wrong?
OP Polonius3 1,000 | 12,446  
14 Sep 2009 /  #16
I believe yopu're right. I can't quote any legal paragraphs, clauses or subpoints, but it seems I was told that the law requries children to look after for their elderly parents in Poland.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
15 Sep 2009 /  #17
I meant in Holland but I think it may exist here :)
Arien 3 | 721  
15 Sep 2009 /  #18
The Dutch have yet another approach.

Yup.

I've heard that your main concern is caring for the elderly who have cared for you in the past.

It's not our main concern really.

In fact, it's enshrined in your legal system, it's obligatory. That's what I learned. Am I wrong?

Well, we all pay for our insurance, and we all pay taxes. When we reach the age of 65, we will receive the money that we've invested throughout life. We don't get all of this money all at once, but it is deposited on our bank accounts monthly. (The amount of money you'll receive depends on the work you've done, and on the amount of money you've invested in your elderly days.) We can choose to stay in the house we already have, move to a senior house or appartment, or in the worst case scenario, we can opt for a senior care facility in case we can't take care of ourselves anymore.

Our children, (Everybody.) pay the same taxes, and the same insurances. (Which are, I guess obligatory.) So this is why it's not our main concern, because it's been taken care of.

:)
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
15 Sep 2009 /  #19
Main concern in that area :)

Sometimes the government messes up :)
mvefa 5 | 591  
15 Sep 2009 /  #20
Which are, I guess obligatory

It is rather tricky. If the company you work for, offers pension funds to one person in the company, then they are oblied to offer it to the whole crew of employees. In case that your company does not have a pension-funds, you must arrange that yourself and pay it to a private pension-company, which are expensive.
misse911 - | 4  
22 Sep 2009 /  #21
I certainly can't equate this to every Pole but having lived with my Polish husband and his family I have to say from my own observation Polish parents seem to be way more indulgent than say American parents. My husband and his sister I would describe as very spoiled by their mother. They can be disrespectful and still she continues to do things for them whereas my American parents would likely tell me to pack sand with my attitude. On the other hand my husbands mother very much tries to control the lives of her children not always to their betterment. But all in all I think you can find adult children exploiting their parents in every country.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
22 Sep 2009 /  #22
On the other hand my husbands mother very much tries to control the lives of her children not always to their betterment.

some young, married couples have wised-up to this.

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