Love / Polish family involvment in marriage [10]

I am married to a Pole and live in the UK. I could never live in Poland for various reasons including racism, predominant conservative mentality, career prospects, language and family interference. I come from a background where men are strongly encouraged to stay as far away from the wife's family after marriage to prevent them getting their muddy hands in all your private business... So you can imagine the problems I already face.. My Polish wife's family have helped us a lot and they are not actually that bad but it has been a struggle coming from a very individualist culture with very small atomic families to suddenly have all the extended family wanting involvement in what I consider - our business. When my Polish parents in law visit, I often feel like I am visting someone else's house when I come home. My children don't want to spend time with me (only Baba and Jadek) and my wife is spending all her time with her parents. My mother-in-law marches into our bedroom in the mornings as if she owns the place (would never happen where I grew up!). This infuriates me! My father in law takes charge and starts decorating with his wife without my permission.. All very annoying.

I am lucky though. My wife has been willing to move to the UK and live here. In return I hope to try to buy a place in Saska Kempa in Warsaw so we can spend bits of time there but only in a nearbourhood with a lof of diplomats and people with a non-conservative mentality which I can stand. But if my wife was insistant on staying in Poland full time in a conservative little village outside Warszawa, I would not be able to handle it. As my children are multiracial (I am multiracial myself), there is a serious risk of ignorant racist insults and attacks if they live in Poland so for this primary reason, my wife will not pressure me to live in Poland. And that is a big relief. The only thing I like about Poland is my wife and Polish women. I am a complex, highly intellectual and highly liberal man and my wife has so far been patient with me which would prob not be the case with other Western women. I can't stand the majority of the older Polish generation and their conservative and ignorant politics. Also I can't stand the ignorant macho hip hop uncultured male youth of Poland. I need to be around old and young with whom I can have worldly and intellectual conversations.

We do visit Poland at least once a year and my wife goes to visit her family on her own at least thrice. Her family are welcome to visit us in UK and several of them show up during the course of the year and we take them on tours to London etc.. But I must admit I find the frequent visits by her parents irritating as we rarely have time to be alone as a family.

I sometimes wish I could have a German type relationship with my wife's family. We see them once a year for dinner and they pop over when we need some help with childcare. Is this too much to expect?