Return PolishForums LIVE
  PolishForums Archive :
Archives - 2005-2009 / Love  % width 10

Polish family involvment in marriage


mm2000 1 | 2  
28 Dec 2007 /  #1
I am married to a Pole and live in the UK. I could never live in Poland for various reasons including racism, predominant conservative mentality, career prospects, language and family interference. I come from a background where men are strongly encouraged to stay as far away from the wife's family after marriage to prevent them getting their muddy hands in all your private business... So you can imagine the problems I already face.. My Polish wife's family have helped us a lot and they are not actually that bad but it has been a struggle coming from a very individualist culture with very small atomic families to suddenly have all the extended family wanting involvement in what I consider - our business. When my Polish parents in law visit, I often feel like I am visting someone else's house when I come home. My children don't want to spend time with me (only Baba and Jadek) and my wife is spending all her time with her parents. My mother-in-law marches into our bedroom in the mornings as if she owns the place (would never happen where I grew up!). This infuriates me! My father in law takes charge and starts decorating with his wife without my permission.. All very annoying.

I am lucky though. My wife has been willing to move to the UK and live here. In return I hope to try to buy a place in Saska Kempa in Warsaw so we can spend bits of time there but only in a nearbourhood with a lof of diplomats and people with a non-conservative mentality which I can stand. But if my wife was insistant on staying in Poland full time in a conservative little village outside Warszawa, I would not be able to handle it. As my children are multiracial (I am multiracial myself), there is a serious risk of ignorant racist insults and attacks if they live in Poland so for this primary reason, my wife will not pressure me to live in Poland. And that is a big relief. The only thing I like about Poland is my wife and Polish women. I am a complex, highly intellectual and highly liberal man and my wife has so far been patient with me which would prob not be the case with other Western women. I can't stand the majority of the older Polish generation and their conservative and ignorant politics. Also I can't stand the ignorant macho hip hop uncultured male youth of Poland. I need to be around old and young with whom I can have worldly and intellectual conversations.

We do visit Poland at least once a year and my wife goes to visit her family on her own at least thrice. Her family are welcome to visit us in UK and several of them show up during the course of the year and we take them on tours to London etc.. But I must admit I find the frequent visits by her parents irritating as we rarely have time to be alone as a family.

I sometimes wish I could have a German type relationship with my wife's family. We see them once a year for dinner and they pop over when we need some help with childcare. Is this too much to expect?
Thronin - | 3  
28 Dec 2007 /  #2
am a complex, highly intellectual and highly liberal man and my wife has so far been patient with me which would prob not be the case with other Western women. I can't stand the majority of the older Polish generation and their conservative and ignorant politics. Also I can't stand the ignorant macho hip hop uncultured male youth of Poland. I need to be around old and young with whom I can have worldly and intellectual conversations.

Ha ha ha, you inteligent? Please! Give me a brake! I wont even give you reasons this, becasu they are clear as hell and i dont think you are worth it.

By the way do you like chavs? Its like 80% of the young UK population? hahahahah :):)

Your wife is stupid that she married someone like you, you are noone, wish i could meet you in real life, bet you would shut the **** up, damn cowards.

Polish people are one of the nicest people i have met! Live there for 3 years or so.

Im not polish btw...
zion 16 | 168  
28 Dec 2007 /  #3
chill homo!!!!!!
Daisy 3 | 1,227  
28 Dec 2007 /  #4
Is this too much to expect?

In a word..Yes!

You certainly don't suffer from low self esteem.....you really do have a high opinion of yourself....but a very low one of the people who brought the woman you married into the world

I come from a background where men are strongly encouraged to stay as far away from the wife's family after marriage to prevent them getting their muddy hands in all your private business

what culture is that?...please enlighten me

My father in law takes charge and starts decorating with his wife without my permission

Only your permission is needed then, what about your wife..does she have a say in what happens in your house........perhaps your wife asked her father to do it,

because your too busy admiring yourself to do it

highly intellectual and highly liberal man

Haven't seen much evidence of that in your post

When my Polish parents in law visit, I often feel like I am visting someone else's house when I come home. My children don't want to spend time with me (only Baba and Jadek) and my wife is spending all her time with her parents

They live in another country, of course they are going to make the most of the time they have with them when they're here

But I must admit I find the frequent visits by her parents irritating

they pop over when we need some help with childcare.

Talk about wanting your cake and eat it..
Macduff 9 | 69  
28 Dec 2007 /  #5
Ever thought of becoming a man (mm2000)?

Tell your in-laws how you see things and if they dont like it tell them you are master of your own home
OP mm2000 1 | 2  
28 Dec 2007 /  #6
Chavs are human beings and just as deserved as anyone else of a good life / exposure etc. It is a shame that in such a rich country like the UK, people are allowed to become 'chavs'. Nevertheless, no, I don't like to associate with them not because I look down on them but simply because we share precious little in common and I don't respect their values and interests. Same feeling I have for majority of Poles. Ironically Poland had a great intellectual community before WWII, most of whom lived in Warsaw and were wiped out by the Nazis or later the Soviets. Now what is left is almost an anti-intellectual staunchly conservative catholic country.

Macduff, it would be no problem to do this but their feelings are very easily hurt. Also my wife would not like it. So sometimes I just have to fume.. It has got better. When we got married she almost has 2 husbands, myself and her family. I could come home and my wife and her "other husband" had rearranged and redecorated my home without consulting me. Where I grew up the accepted view was that if you allow your wife's family into your marriage, it will ultimately destroy it. Anyway, as time has gone on I'm having to learn to tolerate the assumptions that my inlaws make regarding how much interference they are entitled to present to my marriage. If I was to really let them know what I think, it would very likely severely damage my marriage with unpredictable consequences..

All the same, I am very happy to have married a Polish woman. I told my wife when I married her that I was marrying her alone and not her family or her country. But.. unfortunately, I have had to struggle to realize this aim.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
28 Dec 2007 /  #7
Polish family involvment in marriage

Did it not occur to you that your views on life and marriage are a little skew whiff from the norm.
Instead of complaining and trying to change the situation... look at youself first.

I sometimes wish I could have a German type relationship with my wife's family. We see them once a year for dinner and they pop over when we need some help with childcare. Is this too much to expect?

You are not the centre of the universe and your family shouldn't be there to answer to your beck and call.

And by the way Germans, as much as anyone else, take an interest in their families and usually visit one than once a year.

As my children are multiracial (I am multiracial myself), there is a serious risk of ignorant racist insults and attacks if they live in Poland

I very much doubt it. If I want to call you names it doesn't matter which country you live in. And of course no-one ever suffered from a racial slur in London, Did they ?
Polson 5 | 1,770  
28 Dec 2007 /  #8
Im not polish btw...

You're Norwegian, aren't you...?

;)
plk123 8 | 4,149  
28 Dec 2007 /  #9
INTELECTUAL? LIBERAL? HMMM why is your post full of derigatory and closed minded comments then?you're actually coming across like an ass.. this woman must be something else to put up with this open,liberal (*rolleyes*) attitude of yours. and please do stay away from PL as we don't need asses like you making things worse. thank you and enjoy! HNY!!
z_darius 14 | 3,968  
28 Dec 2007 /  #10
I could come home and my wife and her "other husband" had rearranged and redecorated my home without consulting me.

Home is people and a place they live in. You do not appear to have a home, just a place you live in. If you live alone then yes, you can say "my", otherwise the word to use is "our" home.

And besides, who the fvck cares if wifey redecorates the place she lives in? Let her have fun and stop pi.ssing on her roots. These roots, INCLUDING HER FAMILY, is what made her the way she is and what, allegedly, attracted you to her.

If you brag about your intellect and liberal mind then I see that you have neither the intellect, nor even a mind to understand what the words mean.

Archives - 2005-2009 / Love / Polish family involvment in marriageArchived