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Joined: 31 Dec 2007 / Male ♂ 		Last Post: -
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Posts: Total: 7 / In This Archive: 7
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Interests: Arsenal

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Gunners   
31 Dec 2007
Love / I got married to a Polish wife; Polish family advice needed [45]

I recently got married to a Polish Wife, but it wasnt until i became married that i was made aware of the perilous financial position of her parents.

Her parents have had a chequered employment history, her father does odd-jobs, which are low paid. Her mum doesnt work. They are both 59. They owe approximately 40,000zl to various loan companies like Provident Financial, which they have accumulated over about 3 years.

They dont own a property, as the property they live in is owned by their daughter, who bought the property off them a few years ago to clear their debts then. The property is worth approx 240kzl.

They both smoke, and i suspect my father-in-law has a drink problem. They have 3 daughters including my wife who are all grown up.

Now, the daughter who owns the property thinks that all daughters should pay 200-300zl towards the parents upkeep every month until the debts are paid off. My wife is a housewife, so i would ultimately be giving them money, which i think is wrong.

Can anyone give me some advice in the situation? Is there a way out of this situation? What would you do in my position etc? Is this normal Polish behaviour from in-laws?

Thanks in advance,

Gunners
Gunners   
31 Dec 2007
Love / I got married to a Polish wife; Polish family advice needed [45]

noimmigration - i think you have hit the nail on the head to an extent. They dont work, claiming that no one would give them a job at their age etc. Not sure if this is true, or just a fatal outlook.

They got into debt by overspending & underworking. I think the cigarette and booze bill every month roughly equals the debt on aggregate.

Can the state help? Are there debt advice agencies?

Its hard for me to fully understand the problem as I dont know what are genuine reasons from them, or just lame excuses?
Gunners   
31 Dec 2007
Love / I got married to a Polish wife; Polish family advice needed [45]

Wroclaw, you give good advice. The problem is the sisters are being deferential to the mum, as she got depressed about it before, and is on anti-depressants, so they dont want her to get depressed again.

So they have never really thrashed it out, just buried head in the sand thinking "things will be ok". But i feel they need tough love.

We live in a fairly big city. But are jobs (any jobs) hard to find at 60 yrs of age? I think the problem is they are looking for managerial jobs or something.

The thing i dont like in all of this is the parents have done nothing to help themselves. If they gave up smoking and tried hard every day to find work, then i'd feel more charitable. But to just take money for nothing is shameful.
Gunners   
1 Jan 2008
Love / I got married to a Polish wife; Polish family advice needed [45]

I didnt have a pre-nuptial agreement. Could you get a nupital agreement drawn up during the marriage? So there is no agreement as far as i know oral/written between the sisters. They just try and keep the problem within the family.
Gunners   
3 Jan 2008
Love / I got married to a Polish wife; Polish family advice needed [45]

Some excellent points here from Buddy & Patrycja especially.

I think the key thing is the refusal of the daughters to confront the parents over their problems. I call a spade a spade, but i'm excluded from these discussions. I also find in this situation that the solutions put forward are just the cowardly, easy way out. I think they need tough love.

My wife isnt lazy, but my problem is with the parents who need "re-educating". I think the daughters are being lied too, and dont know the full extent of their problems.

I have been married to my wife for just under a year. She didnt tell me through embarassment.

I didnt sign a pre-nup, but i keep my finances separate anyway from her, so we dont have any accounts or assets in joint names. Maybe if she does turn into her mother, i will atleast control the finances so our situation wont mirror theres.