thomasee73
9 Aug 2009
Love / My Perfect Love Story so I thought [73]
salam. let me introduce me. mid-thirties. australian man. with experience at having heart broken. once or twice. many years ago. a very long time ago.
it is hard for you now. this girl whom you spoke to for a long time and met briefly was/ is very important to you. the feelings that you have/had for her are real and very meaningful to you. you are lucky to be able to have such strong feelings for someone, and she is lucky to have someone who has had strong feelings for her. although it doesn't feel like it at the moment, you will eventually stop hurting quite so much. And you will almost undoubtedly eventually find someone else. One day.
Young ladies can be very hurtful and inconsiderate of men's feelings. this is not necessarily because they are cruel, but often because they lack maturity, or lack courage. it may be that this girl was too scared to tell you about her boyfriend because she didn't know how to tell you and didn't want to hurt your feelings, although this led to greater hurt for you later on.
Different people have different definitions, desires, and abilities to be faithful, so don't let this experience make it impossible for you to trust someone. Some people might not talk to a member of the opposite sex if they have a partner, other people might think that going out for a drink was cheating, others might think that it is OK to have sex with other people. The girl who said she was your girlfriend obviously thought differently about the importance of the relationship to her than you understood. This is not necessarily because she was untruthful or untrustworthy. Maybe when she first met you she thought that she was in love with you, but since you had not ever met it is natural for her to become lonely. Unless she has a very strong discipline or has very strong feelings for someone that she has not met in person, it is easy for her to meet someone else.
I know that i may sound like an out of touch unromantic old person who has forgotten what it is like to experience the hurt of lost love, but i should like to assure you that you will be able to reach a stage where it does not hurt so much, and you will find someone else. I know the idea of someone else might sound very empty, disloyal, or unfeeling, at the present time, and doesn't diminish the feeling of hurt now. However, there are many wonderful, caring women in the world, and one day it is quite likely that one of them will be thrilled that someone like you, who values love and commitment, will want to be with them. Of course there are also inconsiderate and uncaring women too, and it's preferable to not develop a strong affection for them, but sometimes it is hard not to. And there are also many wonderful, caring women in the world who you might find that it will not work out well for a romantic and/or marriage relationship with, and the process of finding that out might be hurtful to one or both of you.
If you can, consider to try to forgive your friend for not being strong enough to be faithful to the idea of you for such a long time. It is a very sad story, but you might be comforted to be reminded that this is a universal story throughout history and many others have experienced similar and eventually recovered. Now you have a small bond of understanding with every other human being throughout history who has had a failed romance.
I will once again try to convince you that you are lucky that you are capable of having such a depth of feeling for another person, although it has some of these unfortunate side effects when things go badly. You have been able to maintain some sense of gratitude, as indicated in one of your posts, and i would suggest that if you were to keep practising that gratitude as you are able to, then it might be helpful.
Good luck. Try not to let this setback, as significant as it is, turn your capability for loving others into cynicism or bitterness. If you have sympathetic and understanding uncles, or cousins, or friends, perhaps they could help by talking to you.
salam. let me introduce me. mid-thirties. australian man. with experience at having heart broken. once or twice. many years ago. a very long time ago.
it is hard for you now. this girl whom you spoke to for a long time and met briefly was/ is very important to you. the feelings that you have/had for her are real and very meaningful to you. you are lucky to be able to have such strong feelings for someone, and she is lucky to have someone who has had strong feelings for her. although it doesn't feel like it at the moment, you will eventually stop hurting quite so much. And you will almost undoubtedly eventually find someone else. One day.
Young ladies can be very hurtful and inconsiderate of men's feelings. this is not necessarily because they are cruel, but often because they lack maturity, or lack courage. it may be that this girl was too scared to tell you about her boyfriend because she didn't know how to tell you and didn't want to hurt your feelings, although this led to greater hurt for you later on.
Different people have different definitions, desires, and abilities to be faithful, so don't let this experience make it impossible for you to trust someone. Some people might not talk to a member of the opposite sex if they have a partner, other people might think that going out for a drink was cheating, others might think that it is OK to have sex with other people. The girl who said she was your girlfriend obviously thought differently about the importance of the relationship to her than you understood. This is not necessarily because she was untruthful or untrustworthy. Maybe when she first met you she thought that she was in love with you, but since you had not ever met it is natural for her to become lonely. Unless she has a very strong discipline or has very strong feelings for someone that she has not met in person, it is easy for her to meet someone else.
I know that i may sound like an out of touch unromantic old person who has forgotten what it is like to experience the hurt of lost love, but i should like to assure you that you will be able to reach a stage where it does not hurt so much, and you will find someone else. I know the idea of someone else might sound very empty, disloyal, or unfeeling, at the present time, and doesn't diminish the feeling of hurt now. However, there are many wonderful, caring women in the world, and one day it is quite likely that one of them will be thrilled that someone like you, who values love and commitment, will want to be with them. Of course there are also inconsiderate and uncaring women too, and it's preferable to not develop a strong affection for them, but sometimes it is hard not to. And there are also many wonderful, caring women in the world who you might find that it will not work out well for a romantic and/or marriage relationship with, and the process of finding that out might be hurtful to one or both of you.
If you can, consider to try to forgive your friend for not being strong enough to be faithful to the idea of you for such a long time. It is a very sad story, but you might be comforted to be reminded that this is a universal story throughout history and many others have experienced similar and eventually recovered. Now you have a small bond of understanding with every other human being throughout history who has had a failed romance.
I will once again try to convince you that you are lucky that you are capable of having such a depth of feeling for another person, although it has some of these unfortunate side effects when things go badly. You have been able to maintain some sense of gratitude, as indicated in one of your posts, and i would suggest that if you were to keep practising that gratitude as you are able to, then it might be helpful.
Good luck. Try not to let this setback, as significant as it is, turn your capability for loving others into cynicism or bitterness. If you have sympathetic and understanding uncles, or cousins, or friends, perhaps they could help by talking to you.