Posts by ted

ted_no7

10 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

Ok, will try and keep this short.....
I met a lovely Polish girl during the summer here in London and we ended up living together at my place. She went back to Uni at Krakow in September - not easy but we made plans, booked flights (I've been to Krakow three times / she back here once), made good use of Skype (web-cam calls nearly every night), plus calls and texts during the day.

All still going ok and we were making it work, except for occasional trouble with her parents. Basically her parents were not happy of her seeing me - her father saying stuff about relationships with foreigners never work along with the language barrier (even though her English is pretty fluent and we've never had any miscommunication problems). Most disturbing was one row she had when she went back home one weekend when her father was telling her that she shouldn't be at Uni, her mum was married at her age etc.....ok he may have associated her being at Uni to the 'English boyfriend' problem. Not a great situation but again we were happy, in love, and willing to make it work.

I last saw or heard from my girl over 2 weeks ago, the day I flew back back from Krakow. The only news I've had is 2 text messages sent from her sister using my girlfriend's phone -

1. she was in hospital back in her home town (she did have a nasty chest infection when I was there), that she loved me and would call in the afternoon (which she didn't).

2. A few days later her sister text me again that she was coming home from hospital but her parents had her phone and were angry about me.

The phone is now permanently switched off and she has not been on Skype or replied to any of emails either.
Apart from the heartbreak I'm worried sick that something serious had happened to her - I think I got to know her well enough that if she didn't want to see me anymore she'd at least tell me. I started to try and phone and text one of her friends who I had a contact number for but with no success.

Last weekend I flew back to Krakow (the flights were already booked for one of our planned weekends together) and went to her flat only to find the Landlord redecorating the room and all my girl's stuff gone. So I again tried to ring her friend to try and find out what's going on - minutes later I received a text from this friend basically saying that what was happening between me and my girlfriend was none of her business and to stop trying to call her. All adding up to one of the most difficult and confusing situations I've ever been in - Krakow wasn't the happy place it had been before that weekend.

So someone I love and care for has disappeared and I don't know why. I'm extremely worried that she's either ill or possibly pregnant (as my friends here in England all seem to jump straight to that conclusion) or her father has taken her out of Uni and she's having major troubles at home. If she met somebody else or simply didn't want to see me anymore (though we were closer than ever during that weekend and I didn't pick up any bad vibes) I just can't understand why she or her friend wouldn't just say so and quickly put a halt to me trying to make contact.....also this doesn't add up with the messages from her sister.

I'm trying a few other leads and basically preparing myself for a trip to her home town near Krakow to try and find her but obviously weary of any trouble this might cause......the last thing I want is for my girlfriend to be coerced to leaving Uni and god knows what trouble at home. But I don't think I can rest until I know that she's ok and understand what's happened to her.

Any advice or assistance would be appreciated.

ted_no7

10 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

thanks for the fast replies, I'm going crazy with worry about her and this helps

I think it is her father too, he's a real angry guy at times - there were times when me and my gf were on Skype when she was at home and he was shouting the roof down with her mum, her and her sister. There are other things about him that I can't discuss on the web.

Her sister is 14 and I fear she may have already got into trouble for those texts she sent me from the 'confiscated phone'. I have texted her a few times and tried to call but no response and I'm not going to push it any further as she's only 14 and does'nt deserve to be involved in this.

Her friend ignoring my calls and then being really short with me is what worries me the most. My gf did say in a polite way that this friend was a bit aggresive especially with men, but I was pleading with her just to tell me anything she can even if it was just that my gf was ok after hospital. I was going to give it a week then contact this friend again and be firm with her but she holds all the cards as they say.

It's ironic that my gf would have quite easily stayed here in the UK always half-joking about it, but I encouraged her that finishing her degree was so important which she knew anyway. Now, I would do anything for her to be here right now safe in my arms. I just can't believe this is happening, right before christmas too - she was coming here for New Year and also to meet my family at my niece's christening. It really is heartbreaking. This is why I'd do anything and even knowing the trouble it might cause I will probably end up going to her home town.

ted_no7

10 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

I'd go back to the flat, and ask the landlord what happened. If she suddenly moved out, I'm sure she would have to give an explanation.

Does she have a nasza-klasa.pl account? You could see her list of friends/family, maybe try emailing to see if you hear anything back about what's going on.

Her landlord does'nt live at the location, but one of her flatmates who I never did meet as she goes home at weekends speaks English and I've wrote her a letter asking for any news on what's happened.

I'm about to try nasza-klasa.pl, her sister is on there as my gf once showed me but I don't think my gf is - anyway I'm going to give it a try.

But going back to my gf not replying to my emails I'm wondering is neither of them can access the home computer.

her home town is Tarnow - not small, plus I don't know her parent's address apart from that it's a bloc 5mins from the centre.

knowing my luck I'll end up showing my girlfriend's photo to her father

ted_no7

10 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

Woclaw, thanks and agreed, the last thing I want to do is to make the situation worse even if I still don't really know what's gone on

I don't have the landline number, not sure if they have one to be honest as the whole family had their own cell phones

ted_no7

10 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

thanks, I know her course, uni and she had lessons starting at 8am Mon - Wed - but her lessons seemed to take place in buildings all over the Uni district of Krakow.

I did email the Admin Office over a week ago, but no reply which is'nt perhaps unexpected as my Polish is zilch. I might try and contact the subject teacher and this student rep though.

ted_no7

11 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

No, her father does'nt speak English, besides I really don't think I'm going to get any kind of positive response from him.

I've asked myself the same questions about whether it was over or as you say a prolonged summer romance, but it does'nt ring true. I know sometimes a person can be blind to what's happening in a relationship but I can't remember or identify any signs.

I've been to Krakow 3 times since the summer (4 times if you include last weekend when she'd gone) and she spent a long week here in early November (we even went to Paris for a really special weekend). As mentioned before we had plans (New Year, my niece christening, short holiday to Spain in the spring), more flights booked to and fro Krakow and we constantly talked about her living and working here in 'our flat' next summer once she finished Uni.

A usual day would be text in the morning (she was always up earlier than me because of the hour's difference and lessons starting at 8am), I'd call her from work at lunch, then skype in the evening (or we'd call eachother if we were out in the evening).....this was going on right up to when she went into hospital back in Tarnow.

I'm still trying to find ways to contact her or find infomation - with the help of some very kind people. The sound advice on here is not rushing to her parent's front door but trying to make sure she know's how to contact me and that I'm there for her. Yes patience and maybe waiting for her to get in touch, but there's that worry that something serious is going on and I should be there for her plus the heartbreak (this was meant to be a special christmas for the both of us).

I did'nt tell her to go back to Poland but we did talk about how important finishing Uni was - she's a really clever girl and had obviously worked hard for the opportunity (harder than what I did when I was at Uni)...she knew this too even when it was difficult parting.

thanks for all the kind messages of concern, advice and support.....it's really helped

ted_no7

11 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

cheers Cardno85, sounds like you've been through an awful lot too.

it will be 3 weeks on Monday since I left her in Krakow. the last message from her was the day after on Tues 25 Nov "I love you so much:) we had a great weekend. I'm at work now will rabbit you later. Have a nice day kocham cie!" This is when I think she went into hospital as I got a message from her sister on my gf's phone on the Wed saying that my gf had gone into hospital. Follwed by another text that she was going home from hospital on the Friday (2 weeks tomo) but also telling me about her parent's having the phone and were angry about me......I dread to think if her parents found those text messages her sister had sent.

The priority is to just know my gf is safe and well and not having a real rough time of it at home

ted_no7

11 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

She did'nt at first, even shared chocolates and english tea I had brought on my first visit to Krakow. I think her parents thought it would'nt last - there were some pretty bizarre comments about me being not only a foreigner but a protestant of all things (I'm not even a regular church goer!).

I think the more they realised we were pretty serious about eachother, the more unhappy they got with it. Her dad went ballistic when we went to Paris together - apparently it was too romantic, which was kind of the point of going.

My gf eventually had no other choice but to keep quiet, especially when I was visiting Krakow - her parents knew though.

I do respect him as the father of my gf and yes can understand why he would be weary of an foreigner seeing his daughter but I doubt he would ever accept my intentions are honourable.

Saying this, I don't think even if it is him that's creating this mess he has any right to dictate her or my life.

ted_no7

11 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

Believe me I would be on total best behaviour if I was ever introduced. I'm pretty well travelled and very observant and sensitive to local customs (my sister-in-law is Japanese and that is a totally different culture).

I was going to enroll at nightschool next year for Polish language - I know it's so important.

Her parents are not regular church goers but there is history there and they seem to do the grave visits most weekends. I'm not sure if it's a major issue me not being catholic but it's certainly another thing to throw at my gf.

Yes of course, any news I'll share - hopefully it's the good kind but even if it's not I still will. I want to be together with my gf again but if it's worse case scenario I need closure on this too - the worry is driving me crazy and the thought of her being unhappy or in a nightmare situation because of me is heartbreaking.

ted_no7

17 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

hi

Sorry still nothing to report, just a few leads being explored and trying to make sense of some really odd bits of info that keep popping up.

One thing for certain is that her Uni course friend and ex-flatmate are both refusing to say what's happening - even when told that I'd stop trying to make contact with my gf if it was over between us.

it's now over 3 weeks so not looking too hopeful - it's going to be one really shitty christmas for me this year

As soon as there's any more real news on this I'll post.

ted_no7

17 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

yep I know, although there's this nagging feeling that she's in a difficult situation. There are too many signs that this is the work of her father and that there maybe something serious going on.

It's a pretty helpless and f#cked up situation to be honest

ted_no7

17 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

I know love's blind as they say but just disappearing without word is really out of character for my gf. There were hand on heart no arguments or issues between us before this happened - only the grief from her parents.

Don't you think moving out of a flat is a bit extreme when you finish with someone? Then there's the messages from her sister back in Tarnow from her phone saying that she was in hospital and she loves me. So many other things that just don't add up....which are the only reason why've not just given up on my gf.

cheers

ted_no7

29 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

hi

Just reporting some closure on this, albeit I still don't know the full picture and never will.
She's either in Spain on scholarship (doubtful) or moved in with a new boyfriend. The hospital info was a sick lie.
Either way she should win awards for her acting and lies! Looks like I had a lucky escape ;-)

Thanks to those of you who have offered me assistance and posted messages of support - there are some very good and genuine folk on this forum.

Happy New Year! I'm looking forward to 2009 already

ted_no7

29 Dec 2008

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

Don't worry I certainly will not be responding to any future contact she might make - to be honest I think I've seen the last of her anyway.

I'm still amazed how I failed to see any of this coming, I don't consider myself to be naive but she certainly played me for a fool. I'm just glad that she did'nt get any closer to me and never met my family. I had a great Christmas with my 4 month old neice being the highlight (you soon forget about affairs of the heart when you have a baby smiling and gurgling at you ;-) ) - I'm so glad this ex was'nt at the Christening yesterday morning as was originally planned.....the thought of someone like her being there with my family and close friends is not a nice one.

I'm going to enjoy plenty of beers celebrating the New Year and I may even still return to Krakow in the Spring for a happier weekend than the last time (I still have a couple of booked flights as Easy Jet don't do refunds). A couple of cold Zywiec with those great potatoe cakes swimming in pork goulash would do just fine!

ted_no7

4 Jan 2009

Love / Polish Girlfriend gone missing [154]

I would love to hear her side of the story, just anything! hearing nothing from her is the worst part about it - it just renders all the love I had for her and the times we had together utterly meaningless.

Nobody's perfect but I can only honestly not think of anything that I did or say which would have made her angry. Don't you think I have been racking my brains about this? - questioning myself and trying to think of anything that would have led to this. I thought the world of her and would have done anything for her (which I was doing)

The only thing I can think of that would have annoyed her would have been me contacting her friends and sister to find out what happening when I was told the hospital lie- that would annoy someone who just wants to get rid of someone by the cowards way out;-)

In a way I'm glad that she has done a runner on me as opposed to something serious with father problems or even worse an unwanted pregnancy....still a fool but when you loved someone you still want them to be ok even if they treat you so badly.

anyway I'm moving on and the sleepless nights and feeling down phase has long past.

it's just life, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down....good for you Justy on how you are dealing with your own situation! as you already know this kind of stuff happens to everyone but the future is still ok