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My wife wants to return to Poland...but I want to stay in the US

3 Apr 2018  #151
I am posting as my situation is similar but much worse than Jozef's. My wife was born and grew up in the Soviet Union in Ukraine. She came here in 1997 after some very tough years. Since coming here, she has learned English, earned a degree and become an RN. We were married in 2009 and our son was born in 2010. She has never developed a network of friends and spends most of her free time with her mother whom she has a co-dependent relationship with. Her mother never let her really become independent, something I did not realize until after our son was born and MIL was constantly present and constantly critical of me and my family. Although early on in our relationship, relations between my family and hers were good, since son was born things went bad due to a few cultural gaffes and overreaction by MIL and my wife. I have almost no contact with my family and our son does not know them. Since my wife lost her main job, I am the main financial support for our family and though we are getting by, we are not well off and it would be difficult to visit Russia on a trial basis.

Now, my wife has run afoul of her employer and nursing board (very unfair and cruel treatment by them) and I stand in support of my wife on this. However, her and MIL are now convinced that virtually every legal or public institution is out to get them and even believe that our neighbors are in on the plot (I have seen no evidence to support this).

Anyway, now that my wife has lost her means to a good paying job, she wants to relocate to Russia! Considering the current political climate, Russia is a much scarier place to relocate to than Poland. After almost nine years with my wife, my grasp of the language is very limited though I admit I have not focused very much on learning it. I would have almost no possibility of employment in the short term and don't really know how easy she could find work. Also, both of her parents are 70 and not in good health and our son has some health problems as well. Our son and myself are native US citizens and wife and her parents are naturalized citizens. Our son has good language skills in English and Russian so he could probably assimilate (he is almost eight).

I still love my wife and want to support her and my son above all else. My biggest reason for even considering such a move however is my fear that without me as a figure of emotional and mental stability, my son will end up really messed up! Both my wife and MIL alternate between melancholy for a simpler, easier life and vehement anger at the real and perceived injustices they have endured. I have attempted reason with them to no avail and even FIL buys into the conspiracy theory they purport but doesn't seem as convinced that relocating to Russia is a good idea.

One more than one occasion my wife has said she would leave the townhome we live in to me with no financial consideration if I will release our son to her to relocate but I can not in good conscience abandon my son! As I mentioned, my wife and MIL are both emotionally and mentally unstable and I fear for what would happen to our son's development in my absence.

What can I do?
dolnoslask 5 | 2,453    
3 Apr 2018  #152
What can I do?

Whatever you do as a US citizen don't go to Russia, give wife and MIL a lump of money and tell them to get a flat and set things up in Russia so that you and your son can follow on later.

Then DON'T go, make up whatever excuses you can to cause a permanent delay, problem sorted.

They will soon find out Russia is no dreamland,.
SigSauer 4 | 443    
4 Apr 2018  #153

Only move to one of those countries if you're able to secure a high paying job. You can live very well there, as long as you are on a Western salary and being paid in US dollars or British pounds by direct deposit to a US or UK bank account. Other then that, do not do it if you're not able to earn at least $4,000 USD per month for a family of 3. Honestly though, I'd get your wife some professional psychiatric help, sounds like a better option than moving countries. I don't envy you, that soviet mindset is really tough to deal with "don't sit on a cold surface," and all that hokus pokus mumbo jumbo.
12 Jun 2018  #155
I plan to go live in the UK or USA but marry a Polish woman as they are very hot and not like Western women and I'd like to have some connections in Poland. I think Latin countries in Europe are poorer than Poland and other Western Slavs and for Western Europe, you never know what would happen with so many white people hating minorities...

Eastern Europe however like Ukraine etc is too close to Russia and the Balkans are corrupted and also under Russian influence. Czechia and Slovakia dislike the Russians much less than Poles (Prague is too full of snotty imperialist Russians) so they are not suitable. So Poland has all the possibilities to become a white msn's oasis. Just build a fence along your German and Belarussian borders ;)

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