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Living in Poland - prospects for Alabama guy ... need some advice!


jasondmzk
29 Apr 2012 #1
My wife, before she was my wife, came over to visit me in the U.S.; after I had stayed with her for about six months in Wrocław. Kinda like a, "I saw where you kick it, now come see how I kick it" type of situation. Well. She got pregnant. It wasn't on our to-do list, but it happened, and we got on well together, and love was in the air, blah blah, long story short, we got hitched. Our baby is now six months old and my wife is taking her to Poland for her first visit, and my wife's first return in two whole years.

My wife does NOT dig American living. She'll come back, I've no doubt, she loves me, she wants to be with me, but she just can't get her head around the idea of "being American". When we met, she was an assistant director at a television firm that made a few shows that while they weren't all cerebral-type fare, they made her feel creative and satisfied in her work. For the last two years, she hasn't done a thing, employment-wise, unless you count the one time this guy asked her to make him 200 pierogi like his granny in Chicago used to make. She digs being a mom, at least as much as she absolutely loves our daughter, but she isn't from peasant stock (her term) and she isn't cut out for wearing aprons and Scotchgarding the couches.

Ola (my wife, duh), has a father whom is a noted journalist, with a newspaper column and a morning radio show. Her stepmother hosts some weird TVP Kultura show that I really have no idea what it's about, other than it has to do with Poles in Ukraine or something. So, she's got good media connections, and she didn't burn any bridges at ATM Grupa when she left on her American adventure. My job here is like most people's in this country, it pays the bills and leaves me as unfulfilled as rice cakes. So, even though Ola would never force the issue, I feel like I should bite the bullet and pack up the fam, et al, and move back to Poland, and let my wife do her thing in the country she loves. Not that I don't love it, but... I'm a Bama boy, born and raised.

Let's say we do it. We go to Wro, my wife gets a production job, my kid speaks English with a bit of an accent, and I do... what, exactly? I'm not teaching English. Nuh uh. Ain't. Gonna. Happen. My Polish sucks, my patience is worse, and I don't have the capacity to do something daily that I just don't feel like doing. And unless you're in with a multinational company that SENDS you to Poland, that's about the long and the short of the jobs available, right? I get an annuity, it ain't much, but it's more in Poland. I wouldn't HAVE to work, per se, but everybody's gotta do SOMETHING. What would I do? Teach my kid the lyrics to all my old albums? Get a fish tank? Take up writing? Would I get so homesick for an American cheeseburger and a coke that doesn't charge for refills that I would end up making everybody miserable? My wife has given me a kid, and two years of her life. In Alabama. Do I OWE this to her? I'm thinking out loud, here; but I'm also asking. Gimme some advice, people. And if you're just gonna be a buttface, then don't be. Thanks.

Please give some thought to your next thread title, Good Message Subjects
pawian 176 | 15,325
29 Apr 2012 #2
I'm a Bama boy, born and raised.

What do you mean?

Originally, a Bama was a southerner (from Alabama, for instance) trying to blend in up north, but was so obviously country that it didn't work.

Now it's more general and just means something funny-looking, unsophisticated or country as hell.
"Why is dude still wearing BUM Equipment? That's some Bama ******

urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bama

What would I do?

Do you possess nice agreeable personality? Do you like showing off a bit?

So, you can polish your Polish to the extent you are able to communicate but still commit funny mistakes. Then your wife will plant you in some TV show where foreigners speak about Poland.
OP jasondmzk
29 Apr 2012 #3
What do you mean?

I'm from Huntsville, Alabama. I know that means nothing to someone not familiar with the space industry, but Huntsville is where Uncle Same decided Wernher Von Braun should come and build his nice rocket ships with all his ex-Nazi pals. It's kind of a cultural oasis in a desert of toothless pick-up driving hillbillies. But. It IS Alabama. To a pedigreed Pole like moja żona, it's one step above outdoor plumbing and killing your own supper.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
29 Apr 2012 #4
Gimme some advice, people.

You did tell your wife all this, right? I mean, about what's going on inside your head? She might have a solution you wouldn't have thought of. Anyways, she should know about your dilemma. And seriously - it is one heck of a dilemma, I grant you that.
DougTales 2 | 25
29 Apr 2012 #5
I wouldn't HAVE to work, per se, but everybody's gotta do SOMETHING. What would I do?

Do whatever you LOVE to do.

Maybe you can start to learn a new sport, musical instrument, or technology.
Get acquainted with the subject of "unschooling" - this will benefit your child later a lot.
InWroclaw 89 | 1,915
29 Apr 2012 #6
Good luck on whatever you and your partner/wife decide, one thing I would say is to have more children if at all possible, or adopt if not.

With greetings from a 28C/81F Wrocław, but breezy. Roads as bumpy and crazy as ever, but way cool beer :o)
sister act 2 | 88
29 Apr 2012 #7
look my experience of moving to poland in started in july 2010, the move cost us thousands, getting rid of stuff in ireland sending the rest of our household stuff to poland, starting to build our house in poland. My polish husband got a good job in poland in a good company it paid 2500 zloty and it was a job he enjoyed. How ever after tax it paid about 1700 zloty. since we had some money saved towards our house building and we were living in a caravan on our site it was ok and work was progressing on the house I started in the university learning polish my daughter in play school.Then the worst winter I had ever experienced came so we had to move in with the inlaws as the snow came a month early than we had predicted.The move to the inlaws was the biggest mistake of my life and we only lasted two weeks and ended up having to flee the inlaws house to spend xmas in a hotel room while all our belongings where at the inlaws.

We rented a nice one roomed flat in the city and had our new years eve there all was well expect our belongins were still in the inlaws house, we decided to leave our stuff there until the snow cleared and we could move back on to our site. The snow lasted until march/april it slowly started to melt. But jan feb march there was constant 4 feet of snow and it was always around -25 to -30 which ment that when my husband went to work the only thing I could do was to get a bit of food shopping. It was a big change dragging my daughter and my shopping behind me on a sleigh, I had many a nasty fall on the slippy snow that i began to get nervous about going out incase if I had a bad fall and not being able to speak polish and me and my daughter being caught out in -30 so I stopped going out by myself and it was really hard staying in the small appt all day and having to be so dpendent on my husband for everything like communication to banks shops and docters everything. Also the rent was 1000 zloty a month which included bills and I think that was good value it still only left us 3 people with 700 zloty to live on pay petrol and his travel costs to work and phones.This was actually not possible to do I tried it no way not if you are buying your food from the supermarket maybe in a village if u grow ur own food u might but not in a city.

Also the freezing weather and snow played havoc with the car which meant more expenses of getting it fixed public transport was cheap and a monthly bus pass caused 100z for my husband to get to work as he started work some weeks at 6am and the busese only started at 6am as well ment he had to take a taxi which was really expensive. So after the snow melted we had lots of lying water on our land which meant we were delayed again on to moving back on to our site. We were lucky that were able to dip in to our house building funds to survive the winter and paying rent and trying the impossibility of living on one wage in poland. Also we were lucky that my husband managed to keep working all the way through the winter as alot of compaines closed up or cut the staff for a few weeks over xmas. Any way may came we fixed up or access with plans to contuine uild but the bad winter had cost us more problems and expense with the build and apart from that we went to the inlaws to collect our stuff to put in to the house like the cooker microwave washing machine all the house hold stuff duvets clothes delph knifes and forks which we had left 31/2 months earlier before the snow in the inlaws guesS what the ass holes mother in law had loaned our stuff out to other family members saying well if it is just sitting there is it not better that it is being use in other family members houses.

Even Duvets were loaned out. What scum she didn't even ask her son. We lost most of the stuff we brought from Ireland wedding presents pictures for the house even my daughters toys were given to family members my mother inlaws excuse that my daughter had to much which was not true. After all the set backs I knew we could not surrive another winter like that and on polish money replacing all the stuff we had lost for our house was not possible I had to retutn to Ireland june 2011 my husband haded in a months notice and followed me a month later. But that was not the end of my mother inlaws abuse while he was there working his notice she did everything in her power to keep him there, ******** about me slagging me when he finally returned to ireland on the 30th of june guess who had booked her self on the same flight yes the crazy polish mother inlaw.

Ok that was my experience of moving to poland it didn't work out not this time but there is always next time I told my husband I would return again to poland to finish builing our house only if I owned 3 apartments in the city that I could rent out and support myself and contribuite to the family. We are back one year in ireland both working and we have saved enough to buy at on apart in the city. So maybe in 5 years I might return but I will ensure my house build will be finished and my 3 appt will have tennets plus My polish will be hopefully a hell of a lot better than in 2010 and I will start a little business as well. They will be the only conditions I would move back, poland is a lovely country only if you have the money to surrive. Good luck with your move
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
29 Apr 2012 #8
Hmmm, what to do, I wonder?

Would I get so homesick for an American cheeseburger and a coke that doesn't charge for refills

There you go. You found a niche already. Set up a southern style diner.

has a father whom is a noted journalist, with a newspaper column and a morning radio show. Her stepmother hosts some weird TVP Kultura show

Media connections to help with marketing and promotions.

I get an annuity

Capital, too. Problem solved.
Polonius3 1,000 | 12,446
29 Apr 2012 #9
The nice thing about America is that no-one has to become your stereotypical, WASP-ified burger, baseball and apple pie American. There is a niche for everyone if you look for it. In fact, it is very American to be 'new and different', so an atypical cultural option may add to a person's attractiveness and be regarded as a refreshing change. Naturally, this will more likely be the case amongst more educated Americans rather than the redneck set.
milky 13 | 1,657
29 Apr 2012 #10
hhahahahahahahaha, pull the other one, where did you read that on the back of McDonald's burger meal box.
pawian 176 | 15,325
29 Apr 2012 #11
You story amused me

It was a big change dragging my daughter and my shopping behind me on a sleigh, I had many a nasty fall on the slippy snow that i began to get nervous about going out

Your story amazed me.

we were living in a caravan on our site

You story horrified me.

mother in law had loaned our stuff out to other family members saying well if it is just sitting there is it not better that it is being use in other familys memebers houses. Even Duvets were loaned out. We lost most of the stuff we brought from Ireland wedding presents pictures for the house even my daughters toys were given to family members

All in all, not bad.

Have you thought of writing a book? :):):)
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
29 Apr 2012 #12
So maybe in 5 years I might return but I will ensure my house build will be finished and my 3 appt will have tennets

The Irish, obsessed by land and think becoming a landlord by remortgaging a property to buy another is a sound investment.

Will they ever learn?
sister act 2 | 88
29 Apr 2012 #13
I don't and will never borrow any money.
OP jasondmzk
29 Apr 2012 #14
Jeez, Sister Act; that's some saga! I kinda got the reverse-scenario here, with my wife absolutely despising my mother. It's gotten to the point where I actually have to take my kid over to visit her grandmother by myself, the blood between them is so bad. I get along well with my in-laws, as reasonably well as you can when my spoken Polish is unintelligible to them, and their English consists of telling me "A fish has to swim!" when pouring me another shot of vodka.
aphrodisiac 11 | 2,443
29 Apr 2012 #15
with my wife absolutely despising my mother

aha......
peterweg 37 | 2,320
29 Apr 2012 #16
The Irish, obsessed by land and think becoming a landlord by remortgaging a property to buy another is a sound investment.

Aye, barely literate but already a property magnate.
OP jasondmzk
29 Apr 2012 #17
Sister Act's tale was topical and informative. I thank her for that. Piling on her is not only less than gallant, it's not helpful to my predicament.
pawian 176 | 15,325
29 Apr 2012 #18
Sister Act's tale was topical and informative.

No, it was a tall tale in every aspect. Nice story for a fictional book.

If you have fallen for it , you`d better stay in US. Poland is not for you. :):):):)

Piling on her is not only less than gallant, it's not helpful to my predicament.

Your playing a fool is funny. :):):):)

I don't and will never borrow any money.

Sensible girl! :):):):)
OP jasondmzk
30 Apr 2012 #19
Your playing a fool is funny

You pride yourself on cynicism. It doesn't matter if every word she wrote was conjured from a fevered mind, or scribed from memory. Truth, like language, is fluid. When you start putting facts on a scale, and you weigh every possibility, you lose the greater point. I shouldn't have to tell this to you, in particular, my dear pawian. You have played fast and loose with the facts when it suits you as much as anyone. Does that mean I discount everything you say, simply because it's ridiculous on it's face, or do I look for a kernel of something worthwhile? If it's the former, than yours and mine, and everyone else's time on this forum is a complete waste. While that may be so, I sure hope it isn't.
wildrover 98 | 4,451
30 Apr 2012 #20
Thinking of moving to Poland...some advice please!

Bring loads of money....expect to have a difficult time....

expect to leave after a few years with nothing...

but its a nice country... if you can survive it...
pawian 176 | 15,325
30 Apr 2012 #21
Jason, if you really need it, I will be more straightforward.

Sister act`s story is complete bullshyt. It doesn`t hold water at all for Polish reality, it is pure nonsense with a few factual elements to make it look real.

If you say you take it for granted, what should I think about your planned move to Poland? :):):):):):)

That is why I advised you: better stay in US.
OP jasondmzk
30 Apr 2012 #22
Are you really so stupid or you are pretending?

Please don't make me choose.
pawian 176 | 15,325
30 Apr 2012 #23
That`s not what I finally wrote in my post. I am sorry if you feel wronged.
wildrover 98 | 4,451
30 Apr 2012 #24
Sister act`s story is complete bullshyt. It doesn`t hold water at all for Polish reality, it is pure nonsense with a few factual elements to make it look real.

When i gave an account of my mobile phone being stolen by people at Gdansk airport you said i must have been drunk , or mistaken...

Whilst its very noble and natural to defend your country , calling people liars because they happen to have had something negative happen to them in Poland is not reasonable... How do you know the story is not true...?

I have told many tales of all the great and wonderfull things that have happened to me in Poland , i don,t recall you calling me a liar then....only when i said somebody Polish stole my phone..... Maybe all the nice things i said about Poland were lies...?

Remember...Polish reality is not the same for a non Pole in Poland as it is for a Pole...
pawian 176 | 15,325
30 Apr 2012 #25
How do you know the story is not true...?

Oh my God. Do I really have to explain such obvious things? :(:(:(:(:(:

Sorry, I have just finished printing my PiT declaration. I am too tired to elaborate. I am turning in now.

See you tomorrow or on Tuesday.
Meathead 5 | 470
30 Apr 2012 #26
Open your own business in anything that you would enjoy doing. As for your wife's comments that she's not a peasant...ah the Poles, they're such an egocentric race.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
30 Apr 2012 #27
As for your wife's comments that she's not a peasant...ah the Poles, they're such an egocentric race.

In all fairness, I cannot imagine an educated American career woman settling down happily in the £omża outback, say - AND having nothing challenging to do for two years in a row.
pawian 176 | 15,325
30 Apr 2012 #28
When i gave an account of my mobile phone being stolen by people at Gdansk airport you said i must have been drunk , or mistaken...
Whilst its very noble and natural to defend your country , calling people liars because they happen to have had something negative happen to them in Poland is not reasonable...

I am sorry for that. Please forgive me. On second thoughts and after some research I learnt that theft happens at airports, indeed, though it is so unbelievable.
Meathead 5 | 470
1 May 2012 #29
Magdalena, she just has to find her niche. But she makes it harder by not letting go of the "peasant" "not-a-peasant" baggage and Huntsville is an educated community with the history of the Space program.
ShortHairThug - | 1,103
1 May 2012 #30
Huntsville is an educated community with the history of the Space program.

Riiiiight! Marshall Space Flight Center has roughly 6000 employees most of whom are outsiders not of local stock anyway, that makes most of Huntsville residents a bunch of uneducated redneck so who are you kidding? The biggest employer by far is the Army Redstone Arsenal but once more most of them are outsiders as the locals are not fit to be a cannon fodder. F***ing cotton picking plantation workers at best and that's all they'll ever be.

Jasondmzk stay where you are! Poland is definitely not your niche.


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