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Differences in How Polish People Raise a Child and How Americans Raise a Child


patrick 6 | 113
22 Dec 2011 #91
My favorite story about kids and cold temperatures comes from my non-Polish friend. He was in the kitchen with his Polish mother-in-law who was holding his son. As he was opening the door to the fridge, his mother-in-law said she was going to take the baby out of the kitchen on account of the fridge being open.
welshguyinpola 23 | 463
24 Dec 2011 #92
If my kid runs around the house without slippers the MIL has a heart attack. She knows better tahn to sy anyhting now though :-)
teflcat 5 | 1,032
24 Dec 2011 #93
If my kid runs around the house without slippers the MIL has a heart attack.

My MIL disapproves of me using icecubes, even in summer. I'm 49.
Rysavy 10 | 308
16 Oct 2012 #94
I raised my children traditional and conservative way. I breast fed as long as I could provide with planning no less than 6 months. My family has habit of lactose problems, odd allergies.

My infants were in the same room (BTW someone said SIDS. The reason for that is changed every research paper. On belly-on side-on back-powder/no powder-bottle /no bottle Mothers have slept with children ages and no such thing as sids til end of 20th century) and bundled with me when feeding. I made sure they were secure and attended for. Eventually they self pacified as they were secure in knowing I would be there. It is rough first 3- months. Personalities impact neediness.

I never barked like a fishmonger, nor used false threats. I was quick to correct while they were small. I do not believe in packing whole hosue away until they dont touch things. THEY ALWAYS TOUCH THINGS. I used corporeal punishment for severe offense-specially on safety. I did not lecture them ... what good is telling your 3 yr old all the reasons. (Like your dog they hear "mwah mwah blah blah BAD mwah 'NAME" meablah). I complimented them on good behavior, gave them tasks to stay busy and out of trouble an always knew where they were.

I did bundle my children in wet climes like WA. Easier to strip than have nothing more to put on. I am cold here in Florida and if not for humidity would never touch the heat/ac pump.

We ate meals together, had family board game time, watches certain programes together and I taught my children to snowboard, XC ride. My children are popular with neighbors, teachers and freinds. Can cook. Can handle bank accounts (well one can..my daughter is spendthrift). They can play musical instruments .

Indulgent behavior is not just polish women, I was born in US. But I don't spoil. And I encouraged autonomy. I wish they had been babies longer, but my kids start out at 10+ asn 24in. No little dollies for me (sadpandapface). I was considered a 'cliingy" and spoiling " kangaroo mom. My oldest living child was born when I was 30. I wasn't like a kid dithering or worrying. I simly wanted them to feel secure in me. Rules are the rules. And my love constant as Polaris.
Ant63 13 | 410
18 Oct 2012 #95
Is is the Polish way? Maybe. Is it simply my wife?

It is the Polish way to generalize. They want to keep them as babies for as long as possible where as we want them to grow up and be strong from day 1. Jumping at every whimper teaches the child to expect a reaction. And so it continues as they grow older. And as they grow older they become more manipulative which of course the mother never sees. They grow blind to it.

And sleeping in the same bed as your child is just plain wrong. I can understand with a small baby but when you hear of six and seven year olds. Yuk! Don't want to accept my opinion, ask a psychologist. Not that I'd hold one of those in particularly high esteem. Most of them talk tripe and are easily undermined but Poles seem to have an unhealthy reliance on them.

And to the woman giving a 5 year old a bottle. Get some help. You need it. How humiliating for the child is that?
texas 1 | 21
30 Dec 2012 #96
I know this is off topic, but I just could not help but comment.

Think what you want, but when I married him I married him for life.

I know time has passed, and I do not mean to reopen old wounds but --- honey! Where do you get off thinking that it is the woman's (i.e. YOUR) job to buy gifts for the man left and right in an attempt to get him to stay in the relationship?? HE should be providing for YOU. You gave of yourself far, far too much, and you gave him absolute free reign to do what he pleased. I don't feel a relationship should be a "tit for tat."

You are WAY better off without him! You need a REAL MAN, not an immature boy.
edecz
9 Jan 2013 #97
Help me. I am Polish guy late 50's born here in US. My grandparents one set from the north and one set Gorale. I am one of six children and my grandparents and my parents taught us to be fiercely independant. To make our own way. We would never think of asking our parents for money. Im involved with a woman who is from Poland and now lives in US. She has 3 children. A man child 31. Another man child 29 and a daughter in college and living at home. Man child 1 lives on east coast. History of dui, drug offenses and other stuff. Currently working to remedy his problems. Man child 2 lives near us in AZ. Has had a car loan with his mom and was living in one of mom's appartments. He has a dui and has spent time in jail. Also involved in drugs..gambling...alcohol. He blames her for his pathetic lifestyle and expects her to pay his bills saying it is all her fault. My wonderful Polish woman is HARD working as am I. We attend mass work on projects together (I am GC) and she is CNA in hospital.

Ok here is my problem...why does she keep paying for this guy? Every time he gets into trouble she comes to the rescue and pays his bills and fines. AND...recently I spent a considerable amount of time and money fixing all tha damage he incurred at the rental. I have had some Polish friends say to me "this is Polich way..to keep paying for your kids" to which I answer..I am Polish too and my parents didnt raise us that way..........What do I do? I would like her to see somebody for help.

Dialog with me.
Lenka 3 | 2,631
9 Jan 2013 #98
.why does she keep paying for this guy?

Sorry to offend you and your Lady but she does that just because she's stupid (when it comes to her children).My mother would kick my sorry a.. if I pulled something like that.Children can make mistakes and parents should help them straighten their lives but ONLY if children were ready to take resposibilities for their actions and lives.She taught them to be losers with her actions.Now she should show them some tough love.

P.S.Some Polish parents (usually mothers) treat their children (usually sons) like that but not all parents.I know 3 mothers like that.One story is especially tragic since this jobless 40 yo drug addict living with her mother (and sister with 4 yo child that because of him almost took some amphetamine) commited suicade.
f stop 25 | 2,513
9 Jan 2013 #99
In the idillic beachside settings around me, there are a lot of kids that get caught up in drugs, get dui's, live their lives teethering on the edge of an abyss.

I've watched parents who opt for tough love, sometimes because they just reach the end of their rope, sometimes because their friends or Oprah tell them they should..

Some parents put everything on the line and don't give up, fully believing that they have to give them another chance until the kid turns around or somebody is dead.

Some kids, the moment their family gave up on them get completely lost to drugs and crime. They become the wards of the state one way or another; jail, hospital, living in the streets.. Some get a job and pull themselves up. Around here, joining armed forces is a popular move when your parents are fed up with you.

Some families now laugh about the hard time their kids gave them, talk about things they had to put up with... There are kids that go through depression, apparently lazy and uncooperative, and their families pull them through it. There are many, many 20 somethings still living with their parents, sometimes because they want to, sometimes because they have to.

I have one lady friend who to this day regrets handing her daughter to the courts system ( the daughter is fine now, but will always resent her mother), and I know one woman who should have had her daughter committed long time ago..

I believe that everyone wants to have a happy, productive life, and if they don't, they either do not know how, or don't believe that they are able to. They are not cooked, and the parents are not done, regardless of the age.

On the other hand, there are parents that did the best they could but that was not good enough. Or the kid is "bad" for whatever reason... so I can see that there might be a time when the parents have to give up to "save" themselves.

So, this is a long into into my advice: you have to play a lot of scenarios in your head, and observe to see which one fits. Don't think about what somebody else did, observe the mother, kids, make educated guesses about different outcomes of alternative situations. Sometimes, for example, helping a kid get a job he likes solves everybody's problems.
MarcinD 4 | 135
9 Jan 2013 #100
To answer the OP:

Family and especially children is #1 in Polish culture. Entertainment and wealth is #1 in American culture (Because Americans are drilled ''This is the freeist and greatest country in the world'' from a young age)

You can read between the lines in some of the responses by Americans in this thread: "I was raised at a very young age to be independent and to fed for myself" Yadda yadda. That's because your American parents were probably too busy watching Football and praying to Ronald Reagan.

Stick with the Polish upbringing. There is a reason why family structure in Poland puts US to shame and that has translated to better success in the classroom (in England), as well as less crime, etc. It all starts with parents/the household and then school. American parents rely on college sorority ****** and (by at large) below average schools to raise their children. It's shocking and Americans declining standard of living illustrates the after effects.

In Polish culture it's always better safe than sorry. In America this lack of logic is apparent in every day American life.
Foreigner4 12 | 1,768
9 Jan 2013 #101
To answer the OP:Family and especially children is #1 in Polish culture.

Well the idea is but to be honest, over the last 10 years it has been changing for the worse. It is becoming more and more one that is focused primarily on entertainment and wealth.

I admit the family structure in Poland is many, many times better than in North America (excluding Mexico) but don't go riding on past glory. Polish society is teetering dangerously close to one that is "it all about me."
MarcinD 4 | 135
9 Jan 2013 #102
Agreed. The good and the bad of Capitalism. Education and family unfortunately declines for "more stuff" and in some nations within time......for daily safety.

I know I was a little hard on our American friends. Most Americans don't have the option/ability even if they were raised in a more loving household and I think that's the teetering dangerously close part you are expressing, facing todays Polish society.

Judging by your posts I assume you would prefer Poland to slow down it's growth and take a more long term approach? Then again, do you really see Poland taking a back seat to any other of the ''new Euro additions''. Quick short term wealth is undoubtedly in place to be made.....but for whom?

What were your thoughts on the retirement age raise?
Foreigner4 12 | 1,768
9 Jan 2013 #103
I don't like it for many reasons but start a thread on it, it'll just get removed from here because it's off-topic.
f stop 25 | 2,513
9 Jan 2013 #104
I agree with Marcin.
It seems to me that Americans do not prescribe to the idea that becoming a parent means putting a child's welfare above your own.
Meathead 5 | 470
10 Jan 2013 #105
Since I was raised by a couple of Polish-American parents (they still spoke Polish) here in America I think I can add a few items to the conversation.

Item No. 1, Polish parents are control freaks. Need proof? Just read this thread. I couldn't wait to move out, when I became of age (19). My folks just wanted me to stay in a closet for the rest of my life.

Family and especially children is #1 in Polish culture. Entertainment and wealth is #1 in American culture (Because Americans are drilled ''This is the freeist and greatest country in the world'' from a young age)

Item No. 2, I was raised in a Polish neighborhood (Polish-Americans and recent emigres from Poland). Poles are much more materialistic than Americans. Not even a contest. The most recent from Poland, the more materialistic.

It's true that Americans are drilled that this is the finest country in the world as opposed to Poles who are drilled that being Polish is worse and Poland is the worst place in the world. I've seen both and both are untrue, but I'd much rather be raised like the former.

I admit the family structure in Poland is many, many times better than in North America (excluding Mexico) but don't go riding on past glory. Polish society is teetering dangerously close to one that is "it all about me."

Mexico? Have you been witnessing the war that's been going on down there? Beheadings, shootings, corruption...where's the family's values? Mexican society is unbelievably brutal.
f stop 25 | 2,513
10 Jan 2013 #106
I couldn't wait to move out, when I became of age (19).

That is the sign of good parenting, actually. ;)
Foreigner4 12 | 1,768
10 Jan 2013 #107
Mexico? Have you been witnessing the war that's been going on down there? Beheadings, shootings, corruption...where's the family's values? Mexican society is unbelievably brutal.

I haven't witnessed it. I have heard and read reports but because I have no first hand experience in Mexico and subsequently couldn't include Mexico in my opinion about North American society.
legend 3 | 664
10 Jan 2013 #108
The difference is Poles make kids normal.
The Americans make kids into corrupt degenerates.
marcpol28
10 Jan 2013 #109
Then stop whining and move to Poland. If you think Poland is some paradise free of corruption, without any mentally ill, problem families or ghetto lowlife, you are in for a shock.
edecz
18 Jan 2013 #110
I visited Poland for the first time this past year. I returned to the US with a new outlook. There is very little waste. People use everything for something. I find myself more aware of the things I use and I scrutinize more before I throw something away. It reminds me of growing up and my parents were trying to show me the right path. We are too careless with what we have in America. We need to show our children how to take care of what we have before we go out and buy more of what we dont need.

I also learned how important my family and friends are to me. We only have one life. Dont waste any of it on things that dont really matter. Twenty five years after my mothers death....I am still remembering and thanking her for the things she taught me.
pip 10 | 1,659
18 Jan 2013 #112
There is very little waste.

not any more.

I think my opinion of American society is best expressed with the whole Lance Armstrong fiasco. It is ok to lie, cheat, steal, and corrupt as long as money is involved.

I also think Poland is a society of complainers who b!tch about their country but do nothing to help fix the problems.

With regards to the original post--- I live in an expat part of Warsaw, I see Americans every day. Yesterday I saw this woman with two bratty children running around the grocery store screaming at her kids. She was so loud I was embarrassed for her.

But then my main problem with Polish parents is the baby talk and spoon feeding until a child turns ten. And I am not exaggerating. Polish parents teach their children to be dependent on them far too long.

so, there is no right way but I know what I don't like from each country.
bullfrog 6 | 602
20 Jan 2013 #113
But then my main problem with Polish parents is the baby talk and spoon feeding until a child turns ten.

Maybe the French way is the best?
online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204740904577196931457473816.html

It is ok to lie, cheat, steal, and corrupt as long as money is involved

I don't think that's true.. Lying in a court of justice is till a cardinal sin in the US.. And as far as the Armstrong case goes, remember it is the US anti doping agency, and not the UCI, that uncovered what was going on..
tygrys 3 | 295
20 Jan 2013 #114
We are too careless with what we have in America. We need to show our children how to take care of what we have before we go out and buy more of what we dont need.

Not everyone in America is careless. You are generalizing. Some are, some aren't.
In America we recycle, we wash our empty containers, take labels off and recycle. We have recycle bins everywhere. In Poland recyclables gets thrown in the garbage.

In America vehicles need emission controls installed. In Poland there is so much polution people get sick from it.
We have lots of second hand stores, goodwills, etc. where we donate used clothes and others buy them. In Poland nobody will wear clothes that were used.

There are tons of other examples how America is working towards a better Earth. So don't generalize based on your own facts.
Ironside 50 | 11,279
20 Jan 2013 #115
.why does she keep paying for this guy?

Some Mothers are stupid. I don't think that has anything to do with them being Polish. I call it a she-cat syndrome.(It is insulting to a real she-cat, but my mum calls those mothers she-cats)

I think that is a kind of mental and/or psychological deficiency.
I don't know what is your connection to that women but I would advice to disconnect yourself from her and her issues and pronto if it is possible.

We have lots of second hand stores, goodwills, etc. where we donate used clothes and others buy them. In Poland nobody will wear clothes that were used.

incorrect

We have recycle bins everywhere. In Poland recyclables gets thrown in the garbage.

incorrect

There are tons of other examples how America is working towards a better Earth.

yep like-producing and using Depleted Uranium - Dirty
Bombs, Dirty Missiles, Dirty Bullets.
rense.com/general69/du.htm

Also spreading Genetically modified crops!
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetically_modified_organism

There tons of other examples, you are right in that.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
20 Jan 2013 #116
But then my main problem with Polish parents is the baby talk and spoon feeding until a child turns ten. And I am not exaggerating.

Oh, but you are exaggerating. Massively too.
zetigrek
20 Jan 2013 #117
In Poland nobody will wear clothes that were used.

You must be kidding! A second hand stores has been a huge business here.

In Poland recyclables gets thrown in the garbage.

The are many bins for recycling in Poland.
Mind that you should wash a bottle before throwing it to such bin = waste of water.

Oh, but you are exaggerating. Massively too.

It's probably a metaphor.
Pip is right, Polish parents are overcaring.
Ant63 13 | 410
20 Jan 2013 #118
Pip is right, Polish parents are overcaring.

It would be interesting to hear some opinions from Polish parents in the UK. You often hear them complaining that their little one is not wearing their coat and blame the teacher. Personally I feel it has nothing to do with the teacher what the child wears in the playground. Its the parents responsibility to educate their child on the basics. The English kids don't seem to need the same Antarctic attire as their Polish companions although it must be a bit chilly wearing a skirt and knee socks in the snow. Poor little things. They look happy enough though.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
20 Jan 2013 #119
Polish parents are overcaring.

My kids walked to school on their own from first grade onwards (not too far, but they had to cross one moderately busy road). That was in Poland. I would be crucified for this both in the UK and in the US.
pip 10 | 1,659
20 Jan 2013 #120
Oh, but you are exaggerating. Massively too.

actually, I am not. and I have seen it on more than one occasion. we were at a restaurant where the mother was feeding her 10 year old son while my 4 year old daughter was using a knife and fork.

I don't think it is over caring. I care for my children and I am happy to do so. What it is - not fostering independence. Is that not the goal of every parent? to teach your children to be independent and critical thinkers? That is my goal. Not so that they are dependent on their parents for the rest of their lives. Teach them self help skills so that they are able to make up their own minds. In Poland, it is almost like parents want their children to have to need them for the rest of their lives.


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