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Differences in How Polish People Raise a Child and How Americans Raise a Child


Myszolow 3 | 157
9 Jan 2010 #61
I thought the culture of sleeping with your kids developed out of necessity? i.e. there wasn't enough rooms or beds for everyone to have their own.

It's a very personal choice and really it depends on how well you sleep. My wife was a very light and nervous sleeper. Our son had his own room from day 1 and slept through the night from week 9.

I don't think there's anything particularly sick about sleeping with your children, but, except for unusual situations (bad dream etc.) for me it's preferable that they learn independence in this from as soon as possible.

Having a kid is a major shock to the family - particularly the first one. Both parents need to cut each other a lot of slack and try to understand each other's needs. No one person's needs should be totally met at the complete expense of another - that breeds selfishness. There is already too great a culture of selfishness in the world.

There's nothing wrong with letting a baby cry for a while. It's one of the main ways they can get exercise. They can't do a great deal else after all. Check the nappy, hunger, properly burped. If none of that helps, just leave them to it for 10 minutes and then go check on them.

Are you feeding on demand or do you have a routine? If you want your kid to go through the night, a routine works a treat. I recommend the book "On becoming babywise". It's simply brilliant. Everyone I know who has used their strategy has baby sleeping through the night inside the first 3 months.
Lenka 3 | 2,631
9 Jan 2010 #62
I thought the culture of sleeping with your kids developed out of necessity?

Many women are sleeping with their child just because they don't want to get up when the child will get hungry at night and will need to be fed(I'm talking about breastfeeding)
Myszolow 3 | 157
9 Jan 2010 #63
And that's completely fair enough in the first few weeks.

I wasn't really meaning newborns though. I meant older kids. In my opinion there's no good reason to routinely share a bed with your 3-year-old unless it's the only one available.
Lenka 3 | 2,631
9 Jan 2010 #64
I wasn't really meaning newborns though. I meant older kids. In my opinion there's no good reason to routinely share a bed with your 3-year-old unless it's the only one available.

You are right.If woman is sleeping with her 3-years-old child her man should really consider if she want to make love with him(it's only my suggestion).I've met a young mother that lost her interest in sex after the pregnancy. On the other hand many overprotective mothers are afraid of loosing connection with their kids and try to keep them close as long as they can.
santander 1 | 68
9 Jan 2010 #65
There's nothing wrong with letting a baby cry for a while.

I am not so sure, it would be interesting to see research into babies that were left to cry and babies that were not, of course there are other numerous environmental factors as well.

I personally could not leave a baby to cry itself to sleep. It is making the only method of communication it knows how, since it cannot talk, it is asking for human contact. This is not wrong.
Lenka 3 | 2,631
9 Jan 2010 #66
This is not wrong.

It can be.Kids are learning really fast and if you are responding to eagerly your child will use it against you.Of course not right away but soon.They know that their mothers can't stand them crying and then learn when and how use it to get what they want.
ChrisPoland 2 | 123
9 Jan 2010 #67
C'mon, be creative! Do you really need a bedroom and bed for sex with your spouse? Assuming that you have more than one room in your home, what's the problem?

Both my kids are asleep now, so I'm sure you'll all understand why I must excuse myself from the conversation ;)
ala
16 Jan 2010 #68
I'm polish mother living i US...if my baby is afraid at night...no problem...he sleeps with me
I enjoy it..I want my son to feel secure...and want him to know that he is LOVED... I don' care what doctors..experts say..............
nincompoop_not 2 | 192
16 Jan 2010 #69
Kids are learning really fast and if you are responding to eagerly your child will use it against you.Of course not right away but soon.They know that their mothers can't stand them crying and then learn when and how use it to get what they want.

ghee...

sure; so called Pavlov's reaction

Im sure it was part of your biology lessons

sometimes i seriously hate young people

seriously - you didnt discover america
santander 1 | 68
17 Jan 2010 #70
Another problem I have is the "Naughty Step", or "Time Out". I am no really sure that this resolves any situation, other that makes the parent feel superior over the child well Gee, what a great accomplishment!.

Surely it is better to talk to the child straight after the tantrum, or indeed diffuse the tantrum, then allow the child the talk about how they feel before and after the tantrum.

To allow a child to sit in a corner, or designated space for a period of time resolves nothing.
I can only think that it is quite humiliating for a child.
kith 1 | 72
17 Jan 2010 #71
My kids slept with me and my husband until they were about 3. Then, they got their own beds. I over dressed them at first, then learned to dress them as I dressed, for warmth or cool. I think your first impression was right - it's a female/male thing, not cultural.
Myszolow 3 | 157
17 Jan 2010 #72
Surely it is better to talk to the child straight after the tantrum

LOL. Ever tried talking to a child just after a tantrum?

or indeed diffuse the tantrum, then allow the child the talk about how they feel before and after the tantrum.

The naughty step is supposed to diffuse the tantrum and take away the audience. That's the whole point of it. It's effective sometimes. I think it was developed by people who don't believe in spanking children. Personally I think spanking is essential, but the naughty step can be a useful tool if not over used.

To allow a child to sit in a corner, or designated space for a period of time resolves nothing.

It gives them and you a time out so that...

* they can calm down
* you can respond maturely

I can only think that it is quite humiliating for a child.

Yeah - I bet they're scarred for life. Why did you become an axe-murderer Billy? "It all started back when I was 15 months old and my mum made me sit on the naughty step for a whole two minutes".
cjj - | 281
17 Jan 2010 #73
All mammels sleep with their babies. It is nature, it is abnormal to think otherwise.

mammal-natural or not, don't ask me to lick my babies clean after their birth.

Another problem ... is the "Naughty Step", or "Time Out". I am no really sure that this resolves any situation, other that makes the parent feel superior over the child well Gee, what a great accomplishment!.

I like a good threat for my kids but unfortunately "so help me but I'll swing for you" messes with their minds a little too much. I found that "you're within this much of the naughty chair" along with finger+thumb held very close together allowed them to focus on imminent doom.
jonni 16 | 2,485
17 Jan 2010 #74
All mammels sleep with their babies.

And some (including humans) sadly crush or suffocate them while they're sleeping.
santander 1 | 68
17 Jan 2010 #75
LOL. Ever tried talking to a child just after a tantrum?

Yeah - I bet they're scarred for life. Why did you become an axe-murderer Billy? "It all started back when I was 15 months old and my mum made me sit on the naughty step for a whole two minutes

Well I don't think that it produces axe murderers, it does however serve no purpose at all.
Simply talking to the child makes much more sense.
Myszolow 3 | 157
17 Jan 2010 #76
I explained to you what purpose it serves. Cooling down before the kid will be capable of communication.

Raised many kids have you?
santander 1 | 68
17 Jan 2010 #77
Yes I have without the "dreadful naughty step". I have always found it better to take the child out of the situation completely, let them shout and scream, get out the anger they feel, and yes I do believe in smacking, at the time of the tantrum, on the back of the legs only, then talk about why they felt the way that they did.

I have gone through many tantrums with my children but I try to divert rather than humiliate. I feel naughty steps humiliate a child, contrary to all these silly programmes on the tv, it does not feel normal to me to ignore a child and let them sit on a step and say sorry in parrot fashion.
Myszolow 3 | 157
17 Jan 2010 #78
Fair enough. That's much better explained. :)
santander 1 | 68
19 Jan 2010 #79
mammal-natural or not, don't ask me to lick my babies clean after their birth.

Well how about just a little "cooked placenta" on toast !

I remember watching a programme and I am sure some people were saving it to cook later after the birth. Theres a new creation, instead of "Baby Showers" there should be "Placenta Parties".
LAGirl 9 | 496
19 Jan 2010 #80
My boyfriend said discipline. he said he used to beat his duaghter when she acted up or didnt learned also she told me. he said most Polish parents are strict. what is it.why are Polish people violent with their children? theya re no better then germans who do the same thing. In America we handle children differently a spanking,but mostley grounding or takinga toy or privallage away from them. i dont belive in beating or being violent with your children. thank God its outlwed here.
Myszolow 3 | 157
19 Jan 2010 #81
Where do you draw the line between spanking and beating though? This is where Polish language causes confusion because they use the same word for both.

Beating, to me, implies being hit really hard with a stick or belt and leaving a mark which lasts for some time. Smacking is quite normal in most countries where common-sense is still alive and well.

Bottom-line (pun intended) is that you will have to decide what is right for your own kids and you will live with the consequences of your decision. How's that for an awesome responsibility?
ChrisPoland 2 | 123
19 Jan 2010 #82
Before coming to Poland, I had heard that Polish parents spank their kids more than American parents. I had also heard that Polish students were master cheaters. While I have found that indeed Polish students can find ingenuous ways to cheat, I haven't noticed that any more of my Polish friends spank their kids than my American friends.

Maybe spanking is going out of style, so to speak, esp with the popularity of the Supernanny tv show??
scrappleton - | 829
19 Jan 2010 #83
Supernanny tv show??

Proof positive that not only Americans are fat : D
sadieann 2 | 205
19 Jan 2010 #84
Being an American, and viewing how most children are raised is a real eye opener. Tend to be uninvolved, thus, tv/video games as a sitter, fast food, and no structure. Polish stress family togetherness, guidelines which provide security, and meals are at home. Generalizations.., but that has been my experience. There should be a happy balance in routine, expectations, and discipline. I never raise my voice nor am I physical. I approach parenting with expecting mutual respect, patience and one needs a lot of humor.. It works. Now, my Polish husband only needs to speak and they jump. His normal voice is loud. I'm glad I have both. We come from similiar parenting and were both on the same page. As a result, happy, polite, love life and still being a kid.
bravo 4 | 63
20 Jan 2010 #85
I'm Irish and my girl friend is Polish. We had a baby six months ago. We've had our differences over the years but since the baby I've seen her in a new light. She's an incredible mother. And her friends and family have been top class.
LAGirl 9 | 496
20 Jan 2010 #86
He said he beat his daughter with a belt and his hands plus she told me the same thing.I think its wrong I would hate to been raised like that. can a kid enjoy his life or be in fear of parents which is disgusting.but everyone has their on view on rasing kids.
Juche 9 | 292
22 Jan 2010 #87
He said he beat his daughter with a belt and his hands plus she told me the same thing.

maybe the key is to bite the young'uns when they are just toddlers whenever they get out of line, just to show them who is at the top of the food chain in the house. Just play biting of course, but just "serious" enough to let them know you are the boss. Growl a bit when you do it. Animals in the wild do it, maybe this new thinking will revolutionize child raising. I suggest you try it - it works.
santander 1 | 68
23 Jan 2010 #88
ChrisPoland

Maybe spanking is going out of style, so to speak, esp with the popularity of the Supernanny tv show??

I have to say I get really annoyed with Supernanny, for a start when she became this "all knowing celebrity" she did not have children of her own. Children behave completely different with strangers than they do with their mothers, as they are out of their comfort zone of familiarity.

I have watched programmes where she is clearly dealing with a child who has Attention Deficit, or other disorders on the autistic spectrum, and she treats them as "an out of control naughty child" and makes no reference or allowances at all. It is such children that need a different type of guidance and she either ignores the fact, or fails to recognise it.

I personally think that programmes such as these should be axed from tv as they give out the wrong messages to families.
haski
16 Sep 2010 #89
I wonder how your wife feels.Does she has any time for herself or always caring for the baby...
felka911
16 Apr 2011 #90
Spaceman77
You must be joking. Do a little research - even FINLAND has had public shootings it is not just in America. And for your information it would be NICE if Mexican parents would take a little more care of their children maybe we wouldn't have the problem we do with GANGS. Do these attentive Mexican mother's raise the people that run the deadly Mexican drug cartels? I'm married to a Pole - Polish mothers aren't attentive they coddle. My husband was still living at home with Mama taking care of his every single want and need till he was 30 years old!


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