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British + Polish relationship experiences


chantelj 1 | -    
16 Nov 2012  #1
Hello Everyone,
Hi, I'm Chantel and me and my friend Kelly have been dating two Polish lads for about 6 months, me and Kel met our boyfriends together, they were mates.

So far everything has gone nice and me and my fella are serious about each other.I have met his family and we get on ok and my family is ok with him.

We are thinking about getting engaged and living together, getting married a bit later on. Kel is quite serious about her fella too.
I don't think being married these days is easy, you see divorces all the time and I don't want to be a divorce statistic!

I would really like to hear some honest experiences from people on the forum who are in a relationship with a Polish person or married to one. Do these relationships work?

I know that you can love some one but it's not always enough to make a marriage last and I want to think properly and know what I'm doing before I go any further with my fella.

I hope I get lots of good stories back but I know there's going to be sad ones too. Please let me know your stories becouse I think it will help me to make decisions for my future.
Wulkan - | 3,255    
17 Nov 2012  #2
Hi Chantel

I'm a Polish man and I have a little baby boy with my English girlfriend. We have been very happy together, the best girl I have ever been with. We have similar intrests and that for sure helps to mantain our relationship.
Richfilth 6 | 415    
17 Nov 2012  #3
Some may say six months is a little too early to be thinking about marriage. But if you want to go ahead and commit with the aim of a long and happy future together, just ask yourself these questions; they apply to anyone in a relationship with a foreigner:

1) Where are we going to spend Christmas each year? How will our families feel about that?
2) In what country are we going to raise our kids? What support will we get from our families?
3) Am I prepared to relocate to my partner's country for work?
4) What will happen when our parents get old and sick?
5) How will we afford to keep moving between two countries? Am I prepared to sacrifice other luxuries (the summer holiday in the Mediterranean, for example) so that we can visit my partner's family?

These are the sorts of problems that cause friction in any relationship. But for your specific case, you must remember that when you marry a Pole you marry their whole family, especially the mother. Poles cherish their families, and if you keep mother's little boy away from her for too long, you will feel her wrath and your husband will be caught in the middle. That pressure has been known to end more than one relationship. Then there are the huge arguments because you want Christmas with your parents, but he wants Wigilia with his, which can explode out of all proportion if you haven't prepared yourself for it.

Any other things, like the wild drinking and the I-am-never-wrong arguments, are just Polish stereotypes and we've no reason to believe that your boyfriend is one of "those" sorts of men, so I can't comment. But the above questions should not be taken lightly.
Wulkan - | 3,255    
17 Nov 2012  #4
But for your specific case, you must remember that when you marry a Pole you marry their whole family, especially the mother.

this is a total rubbish. Othere thing is that you are not a Polish man, not with a Polish man (unless you're gay) and you give advices about it... funny
TommyG 1 | 361    
17 Nov 2012  #5
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)

These are very good questions. Unfortunately, I don't think the poster has considered any one of them. Furthermore, I think she may do whatever Kelly does. Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

Chantel, if you rush into marriage then yes you may become just another statistic. However, if you are ready for marriage and you see a future with your boyfriend then you really don't need advice from complete strangers on the internet. The biggest question you face for me is #3 from Richfilth's list:

3) Am I prepared to relocate to my partner's country for work?

I'm not saying that your boyfriend will return to Poland in the long-term, but what if he does? Are you prepared to live and work in Poland, possibly for the rest of your life?
Wulkan - | 3,255    
17 Nov 2012  #6
I'm not saying that your boyfriend will return to Poland in the long-term, but what if he does? Are you prepared to live and work in Poland, possibly for the rest of your life?

Isn't it obvious that this guy decided to stay in the UK which is one of the basic facts for her to even start concidering marying him?
Ironside 47 | 9,503    
17 Nov 2012  #7
Othere thing is that you are not a Polish man, not with a Polish man (unless you're gay) and you give advices about it... funny

The griddle calling pot black ass, funny.
Richfilth 6 | 415    
17 Nov 2012  #8
Wulkan, the OP asked for Brit-Pole relationship advice, and I'm prepared to give that. You may be one of the fine men who have cut themselves off from mother's apron strings, but there are plenty of Polish men who haven't, nor want to. I've seen enough of the fallout between wife and mother with a Polish man in the middle, which is why I offer my advice.

Maybe the OP will love being part of a wider Polish family, but if not then it will be a big factor in the future relationship.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240    
17 Nov 2012  #9
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)

I think that these are very reasonable and sensible things to ask yourself and your partner (and both your families) before you take the next step. Just because this poster is not a Pole or in a relationship with one doesn't mean they can't make a valid point.

Isn't it just typical that Polish men on this forum are not happy and start making personal attacks because someone dares to even point out (in a very civilised, informative manner) that the idea of marrying a Polish man in the UK might not always be a good idea. This kind of reaction is so predictable and laughable. Just because he is living in the UK now and willing to marry an English woman doesn't mean that he wants to stay there forever. Chances are, he will expect her to move to Poland with him once he saves up enough money to buy a house there and/or is missing his family. That's why the questions above should be seriously considered before making any future plans together.
Ironside 47 | 9,503    
17 Nov 2012  #10
Isn't it just typical that Polish men on this forum are not happy

It is just obvious that you are not happy with Polish men. Are you implying that Polish women wouldn't like to go back to Poland?
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240    
17 Nov 2012  #11
It's not the Polish men I have a problem with, it's the things they say :) but that's not the point I was making. Some Polish women want to go back, some don't, I'm still deciding but for now I have more reasons to stay in the UK. That might change in the future though, who knows. If you must know.
Wulkan - | 3,255    
17 Nov 2012  #12
Isn't it just typical that Polish men on this forum are not happy and start making personal attacks because someone dares to even point out (in a very civilised, informative manner) that the idea of marrying a Polish man in the UK might not always be a good idea.

It's not that. He would not point out that idea if it was English man asking about marrying Polish woman, he is clearly unhappy about Polish men "stealing" women from his country which is quite laughable :-)

I've seen enough of the fallout between wife and mother with a Polish man in the middle

Yes, we belive you so much :-)
chanteljj - | 1    
19 Nov 2012  #13
Sorry for not replying, lost my password!!!

I'm a Polish man and I have a little baby boy with my English girlfriend. We have been very happy together

That's lovely, it's nice to hear positive stories
Richfilth
Those are really good things to think about, my fellas family have been here since 2004 and have no plans to return,
his Dad has a business here so I don't have to think about everything on the list. My fella's qualifications are all British as well, he doesn't show any interest in going back to Poland.

I get on ok with his mum, though she can't understand why I love horses so much.
There is no rush to actually get married and maybe it's wise to wait a a couple of years and see if my fella's family still want to stay here.

These are very good questions. Unfortunately, I don't think the poster has considered any one of them. Furthermore, I think she may do whatever Kelly does. Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

Didn't your parents teach you any manners? It's rude to be patronising and assume people can't make their own minds up! Me and Kelly do want to hear other people's experiences but we'll make separate choices.

Thanks everyone for writing back.
Chantel (and Kelly)
kaz200972 2 | 229    
19 Nov 2012  #14
I would really like to hear some honest experiences from people on the forum who are in a relationship with a Polish person or married to one. Do these relationships work?

Without doubt there are successful Anglo/Polish relationships, there are a considerable number of posters on the forum who are in happy relationships with Poles.

I don't want to be a 'wet blanket' but I do think you need to think carefully before you make any kind of legal commitment to this man. Most of the successful relationships are between Polish women and Non Polish men, there aren't as many of the reverse!

There is a much larger cultural gap than people realise and it's sometimes more difficult for a 'western' woman to bridge that gap than a man!

Think about what British girls are really like!
Independent
Like spending time with their 'girlfriends'/on hobbies/outside interests.
Quirky fashion sense/ sometimes not interested in fashion/make up.
Probably more focussed on their children than their partners!
Sometimes very career orientated.
Voice their opinions loudly.
Like their food!
All plus points in my opinion but not always to a Polish man. Polish women and British women are not the same in attitudes, behaviour and general outlook.

Also think about this.
Unless both people have extremely large incomes (or people defrauding the benefit system)
there is no financial advantage to living with a man or being married. People marry these days because they believe in traditional commitment or stability for children.

This does mean that British women are not dependent on having a husband/partner, given this we often have a different attitude to both men and marriage than some people of other European countries.

Have you also considered the economic situation? The recession has caused many Central/Eastern Europeans to consider returning home! There is also a lot of dissent about the EU, it's not impossible that Britain will leave, many people would welcome it. While it seems unlikely at the moment it may be that this man loses his right to stay and work in Britain.

I think perhaps you need to meet more Poles and look at their relationships, visit Poland, study a bit about the country/culture and learn a bit of the language. You may be able to make a more informed decision then.

I do sympathise with your dilemma,seven years ago a Polish man asked me to marry him, I refused but I did live with him for several years, the first couple of years were great as all new relationships are but once the honeymoon period was over it was awful and it took me a long time to get rid of the man. So do think carefully and make sure that you are protected legally in all ways if you decide to live with your gent!

Whatever happens all the best and i hope it does work out well.
sa11y 5 | 331    
19 Nov 2012  #15
I would really like to hear some honest experiences from people on the forum who are in a relationship with a Polish person or married to one. Do these relationships work?

I'm a Polish woman married to English/South African. We live in South Africa (we met here when I got transferred by my company - I didn't follow my husband, although I decided to stay in SA because of him).

We have 3.5 year old son and are very happy together. Questions raised by Richfilth are very important to think through - although you may not be able to answer all of them at the time.

Not many of us has answers for all possible situations - and even if we do, we often encounter circumstances that change out decision anyway.

To me it is very important that you discuss where you are going to live and raise children, so that there are no surprises. Also - what happens if either or both of you lose jobs? This can happen. You must at least have some ideas so that you don't turn your life upside down.

You are probably still young (so your parents won't probably need looking after) but thinking about it and discussing it is important.
TommyG 1 | 361    
19 Nov 2012  #16
It's rude to be patronising and assume people can't make their own minds up!

If that were true in your case you wouldn't be asking complete strangers for relationship advice.
First you need to think of your boyfriend as your 'boyfriend' and not as your 'Polish boyfriend'.
If in a few years time you find yourself ready for marriage then you will need to be asking yourself those questions that Richfilth posted.

Personally, I don't see how your relationship and your friend's relationship are linked unless, of course, my initial instinct was right... you and Kelly do 'everything together' right?

My relationship lasted three years, we had many good times together, nationality was never an issue. I hope your relationship (and Kelly's) works out for you:D


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