Advice on child support (Irish with my Polish husband)

Most people on this thread know how the Polish family court system works and know that cutting maintenance to 150zl is a sheer insult.


And she got advice. Perhaps it's not what she wanted to hear, but Dominic was absolutely spot on.

Maybe this couple didn't do everything exactly right but they are at least trying to work out some sort of affordable payment. Read the post, the 150Z was a temporary measure only!

Back in Boston Lincs most of the Polish men + plenty of Brits openly boast about NOT PAYING their child support!!! This bloke has always paid something!

He was trapped into a marriage and at least has attempted to pay his way, the woman won't even let him see his kid, even before he remarried or met his 2nd wife,some mother eh?


Doing the maths between the OP and her husband they are earning roughly 1550-1600 quid per month, rent alone is around 800-900 quid a month in Eire, the cost of living is higher and the benefit system is much stricter, so they won't be getting handouts.There is also high unemployment so a second job isn't likely. They will struggle to give anything, though they are willing to at least try!

People sometimes have kids when they get into relationships! fact. It's not your place to moralise, or do you think only people with posh jobs should have relationships or love each other??


Ever heard of childcare costs, unemployment etc.... it might not be possible/economic to work more than 19 hours a week, why should her 3 kids go without, the woman in Poland has free rent, a guarunteed job and mum/dad pandering to her!


This poor woman has a fair bit going for her and is such a **** ma that she turns her kid against his father even before he meets anyone new. I agree she needs more child support but she also needs a bollocking from social services for her mind games with the kid!

Like it or not 350 or 500z goes a lot further in rural Poland than in Eire.
To all those slagging the OP off, never fallen in love yourselves??? Never been poor, never cheated or nicked someone else's spouse ???? The OP is only guilty of not earning much and falling for a man who was divorced. Wouldn't you be trying to work out a reasonable payment if you had 3 kids to support! The OP wants a payment that they can afford to give she is willing to go higher than 350Z but 1000 isn't possible!!

Or is it just the usual 'Polish women' can do no wrong, that is the PF stance. My missus as I said is Polish and a better person I've yet to meet but even she thinks the Polish ex wife is behaving badly and spitefully.


Read the post properly!!! she agrees she should pay at least 350z she just can't afford 1000z, she's not trying to screw anyone over!!! bet you wouldn't be writing all this if she were the Polish woman! You are either thick or just some elitist twat, if she or her husband were that bad they would never have paid a penny! come to lincs and say all this to the real **** who refuse to pay a penny!!!

Doesn't look like it to me - for a start, she doesn't even work full time.


It's rather obvious that it wasn't temporary, but rather intended to see if they could bully her into accepting. The ex-wife in question obviously saw right through it (especially as he's earning over 6000zl a month) and went straight to the court.


He's paid buttons for years - had this agreement been made through the court, he would've been on the hook for 600-700zl minimum a month. The fact that he decided to have more kids when he can't even afford to keep his child in Poland properly says it all.


Doesn't matter. The child shouldn't be punished financially because of the father's absence.


I'm sure she could easily pick up a couple of bar shifts a week. Struggling? It seems to me that she wants to keep more money for herself, to be honest.


Then she should have considered this before deciding to breed with him. If she can't afford to look after her kids with him, then she should have done the mathematics first. The woman in Poland's situation is neither here nor there - the courts in Poland will give her a minimum of 600zl a month regardless of personal circumstances - and because he's earning well by Polish standards, he can expect to pay more.


Brutal, absolutely brutal - but honest and true.

It's pretty obvious that she thinks that the Polish child deserves nothing.

Worth pointing out that even she accepts that the cutting of the maintenance to 150zl was done out of spite, not for financial reason

We have a bingo! And I bet it was her smart*ss idea and that she had to talk him into it because he had a good idea that it would backfire as it did.


You lost that bet.

I'm surprised he was so stupid as to risk upsetting the Polish court, to be honest. Having to only pay 350zl was an utter bargain, especially if he was taking in over 6000zl a month! I can't see the Polish court agreeing to anything less than 700zl a month now - and I wouldn't be shocked if they ruled that he should pay more than 1000zl a month based on his income.

I wonder what planet the OP is living on if she thinks that swimming classes are "obscene luxuries".

Read the post!!!!! The court set 350Z ! and the couple temp lowered the rate cos they were having financial problems!!! her husband works nights, she works days, childcare is a problem, laziness has nothing to do with it! The ex wife has a reasonable situation.

Just a load of hypocrisy on many of the posters behalves, seen plenty of sympathy and advice to blokes on how to lower or avoid child support payments.

All expats or brits playing holy hell with this OP, load of balls alright for you lot to shag Polish women but woe betide an Irish or british woman falls for a foreign man!

My last post cos some of you are either too thick or too bigger twats to argue rationally with!
As to the Mods, not applying the rules for an irish woman but jump on people if they dare insult Polish women!!!

No, I'm not aware of such a thing. If you are in possession of information about that case that goes beyond what she provided us with why don't you share it with the forum?

He was resident in Poland at the time - the court would have ruled appropriately. Now that he's earning in EUR and living in Ireland, the court will go for blood.


Yeah, sure - if they were having financial problems, she would've worked an extra 5-6 hours a month to make up the difference between 150zl and 350zl. It's what, one bar shift a night? Spare me the tears - she makes it clear that he cut the payments because of his emotions, not because of their finances.


Reasonable? The father of her child lives in a different country and she was only getting 350zl a month for the child. I've seen the bill for books in my workplace - over 400zl this year per child. And the mother has to pay that - and you grudge her?


On here? No you haven't.


Something tells me that you're quite familiar with the Polish family court system.

If you think I am being hard on this broad for a) being a woman or 2) not being Polish, you are sorely mistaken.


Nothing is stopping him from taking on a second job. Just laziness. And stupidity.

In any case, the court is going to see right through these pathetic shenannigans, and probably up the payments. I wouldn't be surprised if they up it to the full 1000 PLN. Serves them right.

Nasty, nasty and nasty.
What goes around comes around.

Look, I have never said we wanted to stop paying child support, I wanted advice on what is reasonable. Swimming plus 39 other demands she is putting on this list, not just swimming as a few of ye like to keep mentioning..and she wants him to pay 100% she even mentioned popcorn, tea and calculated fuel costs to take him to these all these different places..a few different theme parks, zoos..etc. the child is going to go to all these places every month? Yearly I would take my kids to the zoo, the cinema every few months, I will pick the weekend morning deals and buy refreshments in supermarket and I use coupons for our mealsout afterwards.And we will more than likely walk home or I would ring my father for a lift. I have a friend in work who was recently in the Polish family court with her ex and her solicitor advised her to make a list of all activities and she told me that she made them all up and has no intentions of sending her child, it looks like the norm for polish advokats..his wife is looking for more because she is money mad..when they were together she told him her father stopped her wages because of till discrepencies and all along she had been saving the money and going on shopping sprees for herself, he bought alot of baby equipment when she was pregnant yet in the divorce court she said he bought nothing until my husband showed the judge all the receipts and the judge made bits of her..she was happy with the court ruling of 350zl, when they separated she kept everything and sold them, his bike, his mothers engagement ring, lots of other things. he always had access when he went to poland, just when she heard that he was in a serious relationship then the access stopped..it went to court 2 years ago and even though my husband had seen his son only 2 months before this court, she produced a doctors letter saying that the child doesnt recognise his father anymore! A friend of her family was that doctor. My husband has always paid child support to her, he always gave him gifts,always rang him regularly, just last year for his birthday, christmas and then the communion is when he has refused to accept them. His ex has brainwashed the child into rejecting his father. Its me who he cries to when he gets upset. His ex knows how to play the game. It is not possible to get extra jobs, they dont fall out of the sky, businesses close frequently where we live, like most other places. I didnt start this thread to be called a c**t, referring to my children as 'breeding', castration and all the other hurtful comments. Our daughter has a brother who we would love for her to meet, I havent also and will probably have to wait until he's an adult. We are people not animals, we just want what is fair for everyone. My husband loves his son, we just want to give what is fair. I will probably get alot of ye giving me nasty comments, there is an 'epidemic' I think I would call it on cyber bullying here in Ireland where teenagers are killing themselves, my god, I only hope ye think before ye type and to whom next time ye see a thread and want to make comments on peoples lives..and thank you Bill and your missus, its better not to answer to these people but ye are wise and I think its true what u said in the PM

also my husbands family live in this same village, my mother in law can only watch her grandson from a distance in church or shops, my sister in law showed me his school and she told me sometimes she walks past in hope that she might spot him playing in the playground..he doesnt know any of them because of this woman..when the child was a baby my mother in law knitted a cardigan and booties and she went to the house to give them to the ex, she was told, at the gate. to leave or the ex would call the police..I know this is irrelevant for court but instead of sympathy some are ye are showing for this woman, she doesnt deserve it..

Reasonable is for a man to pay 15% of his income to support his child. That's 1000zl a month. A look now reveals that in the UK, 15% is what they'd take off him - so you can't complain about 1000zl a month.


And you think that paying 5% of his income is "fair"?

1000zl is 25% of his Gross income..he averages 30hrs per week..sometimes its alot less in the off season but never more that 34/35 depending if someone else is taking holidays..and again, there are no other jobs available..thats all im going to say anymore on the matter.

If there are no other jobs, then he needs to move to find the work.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but he chose to have another child when he already had one to support in Poland.

And presumably spend any money he might have on the move, right? That's a very smart suggestion. :-/
In the current economic climate the most one can do is try to keep the job they do have. Also, if he pays 350 PLN the ex-wife should pay the same, I think spending 700 PLN a month in total on a child under 10 is more than enough.

To be honest, you can always find jobs working away for a while at a time - I've got a friend who (with no education other than being reasonably strong) works on oil rigs and earns pretty good money. The lifestyle is quite brutal (12 hour shifts for 14 days, then 14 days holiday) - but the money is excellent and stable.

I find it pretty impossible to believe that he couldn't pick up extra work somehow - I know one guy in Ireland who is forever employing moonlighters on 5 euro an hour to get things moved/etc.


Come on Magdalena, you know as well as I do that there's no such logic in the Polish family court system ;)

Oh but there is, and I am not making this up. Some of the logic of course must come from the judge, but the system isn't as biased as it is sometimes shown to be.


Well, then do a good deed and help the OP's husband contact that friend so that he can start work on an oil rig. It isn't that simple? I thought it wasn't.

Of course not - but how do you think the average female judge will react to a story explaining that he's living the good life in Ireland while the ex-wife and child suffer?


Not a problem - he has to go on the many recruitment websites and apply for the entry level jobs. They'll often state that formal education isn't required if the person has a demonstrated work history, and they're forever looking for people who are physically and mentally strong enough to handle the rigs as there's such a high turnover rate. If he's got the minimum safety and offshore survival certificates, he could be on a helicopter by the end of next week.

I'm trying not to be judgemental, but what were they doing having another kid to feed if they already had 3 and neither of them was working full time?

1) He's not "living the good life"
2) His ex-wife and child do not suffer

that much is abundantly clear from the OP's posts.


There you have it - certificates, probably obtained after attending a course for which you need to pay. Am I right? While he faffs around on courses and pays for certificates, how is he supposed to support any of his children?

He probably needs to work every single day just to earn the bare minimum they need to survive.


Then you could really try harder. I'm serious.


Maybe at the time they had a better income? You can't always predict everything. I know I haven't had a decent year financially since at least three years ago. But three years ago I was optimistic and it seemed things could only get better.

It's bedtime for me. You be good now. No more irrational anger and frenzied outbursts of high-horsed righteousness, please. It was painful to read. Goodnight!

That's not how the ex-wife sees it, and to be honest - not how I see it.


Do you honestly believe the OP in this respect? Working in a shop and living with your parents doesn't exactly sound like a great lifestyle. She sold everything - maybe she needed the money? I also notice that we haven't been informed about why they broke up in the first place.


The courses don't take long (few days), and if he was interested in providing a better life, he would get on with it.


Nope, she made it clear that he isn't even working full time. The fact that he thought it was appropriate to bring yet another child into the world when he wasn't even working full time - well - can't say I have any sympathy for him whatsoever.


I could, but when I hear these sob stories, it's pretty much impossible. I pity those that get into trouble for no reason of their own - but shouldn't he have remembered his responsibility to his existing child (and her to her children) instead of having even more children?


Would you - given the situation in Ireland 3 years ago - really get pregnant at such a point? Maybe it's just me, but I always feel incredibly sad when I hear about these stories of people having children that they can't afford to have.

(off topic, but I predict people like you will be swamped with work once these British/Polish marriages start breaking up...)

Nor do I, and, most importantly, neither will the judge.

Spoken like a true Republican. She hasn't done anything wrong. And as for her husband and his responsibilities, they are equal for all his children and not just for the first born (where did you get that idea?).

The best advice is from Warszawski, separate your income. Put the assets in your name and put the debits in his name.

Lifelong Democrat. And a pretty far left-wing one at that.

" we just want to give what is fair"
but you already said that the child support was cut to zl.150 because your stepson was cold to your husband at his first communion.
how was that fair to an 8 year old child, exactly?
and this is not 'cyberbullying' and you are not a teenager (I do hope)
i suggest you post your problem on mumsnet and see what reaction you get there.
as for the stories that you tell about how nasty this woman is eg about the booties etc., you do realise that these tales are totallly one sided don't you?

that she would have quite a different tale to tell?

So far your husband has been extremely lucky in having to pay such a low amount, and to decrease it to a paltry 150zl a month would have been like a red rag to a bull to the ex-wife. Did you seriously expect that she wouldn't go back to court to get her payments increased? Like it or not, their child was here before you came along and he should be providing an adequate amount of maintenance for him, not just the bare minimum to put a bit of food in his mouth.

Let's put it another way. How would you feel if unfortunately you and your husband split up, and he tried to palm you off with paying a ridiculously low sum for the child you have together? Wouldn't you be doing exactly the same as his ex-wife?

Of course she is going to try and claim for e.g swimming, trips to the cinema etc, because these are normal activities, not luxuries, and surely your husband wouldn't want to deprive his son of these? Or is he happy for the grandparents to pick up the tab all the time?

Frankly, if your husband hadn't been so stupid as to decrease payments, she most likely wouldn't have gone back to court and you would still only be paying 350zl, which is still a paltry amount. I000zl a month is more realistic, and it's still not that much.

I appreciate your circumstances are difficult, and i don't disbelieve you when you say you are struggling, but either one or both of you are going to have to work extra hours to cover the extra costs.

You don't know what her life in Poland is like, despite you thinking that money goes further there and that she has less outgoings than you. All she wants is to have a realistic amount of money to provide for her son, which is no less than you would want given the same set of circumstances.

calinbeag, your husband should have known better than to have your wedding in the village, he will have spun you a yarn telling you it was cheaper than Ireland when all along he was interested in showing his ex wife and the village he was making it large in Ireland. This is typical " Polish burak " style you can take the man out of the village,but you will never take the village out of the man[i][/i] The ex wife has lost face in the village, its even compounded by the fact she works in the village shop, now she is going to tar him as a selfish father who does not look after his child, who is overseas making big money so much so that he could have a big wedding in Poland and invite all of the Irish family.

Calinbeag, unbeknown to you, when you married your Polish husband you married the village problems, take stock of your life and focus on your kids in Ireland, your husband problem with his ex wife and child are his problems which he has to solve through mediation with his ex and son.Using money as emotional blackmail is burak tacticks and is wrong, this action further enforces your husbands lack of class.You will not be able to change your husband,although you can show him how to become a better person.


The above should be your first move.

Good luck - Go n-eírí an bóthar leat

There appears to be a great deal of ignorance and misunderstanding from the posters in this thread. No one is questioning the need to provide maintenance for the child in Poland, the Irish lady concedes that 150PLN is an inadequate payment for the child and states that they intend to increase the payment but it's quite apparent that they cannot afford the 1000PLN that the Polish courts will probably suggest and the Polish mother suddenly wants.

It's obvious that a couple of the posters who are being so obnoxious have no real idea what it's like to be a minimum wage earner in the Republic of Ireland or even in Britain. It's very easy to be critical from your comfortable little lives as expatriates, not so easy to put forward real solutions, you need to try and live in the 'real' world before you are so rude to this woman.

The cost of living in Ireland is considerably higher than either Poland or Britain, there is high unemployment and child care facilities/welfare payments are not easily come by.The wages in Ireland do not cover the cost of living in many cases and there is not much of a safety net, 350PLN may be peanuts to some posters but it's not to a couple in their situation!

Contraception and abortion are not easily available in Ireland so it's pointless to preach about having another child, that may have been an accident!!

If this couple were truly bad they would be either living on the dole or have legged it to Britain where maintenance payments are often not enforced!

Delphiandomine
Instead of criticising, why don't you send the name of your mate in Ireland who will employ people on the side!
Also the names of a few oil rigs too, maybe a few pubs for the lady. If oil rig jobs were that easy to get, half of Shropshire would be lining up for them and unemployment in Shropshire would be considerably less. The child in Poland is not starving, equally the couple in Ireland are hardly leading a 'good life'. Put your money where your rather big gob is give the guy a few contacts!

I tend to agree with Bill, many Poles that I worked with refused to pay maintenance and I know of many Polish women who deliberately made up various 'things' their children 'needed' but somehow the extra money often went on vodka! I also have heard of quite a few women who deliberately got pregnant to live off money from the father rather than work. Some of the posters need to mix with ordinary working class Poles, it's not all good! Five years in a factory with Poles opened my eyes! instead of having a go at this couple come and challenge some of the big boys down in Telford or even in Lodz!!! I know a few equally shifty males and females there too! I doubt you'd be so vociferous then!!

Dominic B
Some democrat eh???? get back to the USA and work with the underclasses there if you are so left wing.
Before you answer me. I've done plenty of work in India and work in special needs in the UK.
God save us from white liberals and champagne socialists!!!

To the Irish lady, hope you can manage a reasonable settlement for your husband's ex and that you get to meet his child.

I note no one seems to be looking at the Polish woman's behaviour, not exactly good mothering skills to alienate father and child, seems like sour grapes that the ex husband has found a new wife!!!!

"Contraception and abortion are not easily available in Ireland so it's pointless to preach about having another child, that may have been an accident"

that is simply no longer true, kaz, Irish women have been having abortions for years thanks to ryanair direct to stansted. not that i would suggest that as a good course of action to anyone.

I have been raising two children with no child support for over seven years now, and i know v wel that my ex and his new wife say all kinds of **** about me to justify themselves.

so i am not coming at this with any 'ignorance' tbh

Talk about humiliation - I don't blame the ex wife in the slightest for taking revenge after being humiliated like that. The OP can't be blamed for this (how is she to know the burak mentality?), but the husband clearly had a motive for doing this.


I notice that we don't know the full story - but it seems to me that the ex wife was very reasonable with the original court order - the fact that she hasn't been dragging him back to the court on a regular basis to increase the payments also suggests that she's not the witch that she's being portrayed as here. But humiliation is humiliation.


Half of Ireland will, especially when work needs done on the farms.

I'm sure she's capable of finding a few pubs in one of the biggest cities in Ireland. As for him, I've already explained it - get the two certificates needed and you can be on a helicopter by the end of the week. The ones from Shropshire wouldn't be lining up for them for one reason - we all know the British mentality of preferring to sit around on the dole rather than actually working.

I appreciate that you are not coming from a position of ignorance and that it's not been easy in your situation, but I've been in the opposite situation cos my well meaning families fixed me up with a second partner some years after my husband's death. The result was twins and we share residency but I have to pay maintenance because until sept they technically spend a few more hours with him and it hasn't been easy at times to find the money , though luckily i always did. I do know that the two Poles in this post have both made mistakes and are still battling everything out but Delphiandoamine and dominic B have no right to go at the Irish lady herself, she 's trying to do her best and concedes she's made mistakes.


True but you have to find a fair bit of money to get over here and not an easy decision even for a lapsed catholic, e

specially with a Polish partner and Irish parents!!
I am lucky to be strong enough to stand up to my family and in laws in a row but it might be harder for her! and we both know abortion is a contentious issue!