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PF - The Omnibus Edition

9 Jun 2008 #211

That's lovely, you summed me up perfectly. I feel very humbled to have my name in lights in this very special way. I'm not sure what I have done to deserve it and being very modest, I try not to crave too much attention but thank you very much Szarlotka for your very perceptive and beautifully written admiration of me <g> <it's all true btw>

Has anyone ever told you what a lovely, charming, handsome, intelligent, clever and witty man you are :))

Seanus 15 | 19,674
9 Jun 2008 #212
Honoured to have my name in lights maybe.

Humbled is when sb or sth brings u back down 2 earth. For example, Italy are being humbled by Holland, hey yes!!! Great!!!
9 Jun 2008 #213
Sorry. I forgot

Let you off <s> and yes, you did spot me straight away, so a big bag of carrots on their way to you <organic of course>

osiol 55 | 3,921
9 Jun 2008 #214

That's alright. I was sure you had noticed, but I'm not a proud man. I'm not a proud donkey... etc. etc. etc. Woohoo! Carrots!
shopgirl 6 | 928
9 Jun 2008 #215
A hearty welcome to you all from the front line of the War on Reason. As I speak, the situation here on PF goes from bad to worse. There are insults flying, vitriolic personal attacks are on the increase and the casualty rate is climbing. It is hard to see from this fox hole just who is fighting who anymore.

This was amusing to me....coz it does seem that PF has gotten more.....hostile (is that the right word?) over the past year. Or maybe it is just my nostaglia for the "class of spring/summer 2007" group that seemed more like a family. ??????

These days I mostly read a bit here and there and then slip away quietly to recover! hehe
osiol 55 | 3,921
9 Jun 2008 #216
the "class of spring/summer 2007" group

Yeah! Then the donkey came along with his hooves of steel, and showing no mercy.

edit for edit's sake:
I always edit. Nearly always.

I suppose I turned up sort of in the summer. Do I count?
9 Jun 2008 #217
I mostly read a bit here and there

Hey SG ! How are you doing ? Great to see you are still about <s>

Bring back the good old days lol.

shopgirl 6 | 928
9 Jun 2008 #218
Sure you count, Donkey! You are one of the nice ones! :) And amusing, too!

Hi LIR! I saw you had slipped back in....thought you would fool us without the intials in caps, huh? You always had a devious side, hehe! I hope you are doing well! (Actually, everytime I pop a Zomig for a migraine, I do wonder how you are in an empathetic type of way!) lol

England isn't flooding this summer I take it? I had visions of Daisy rowing to work last year! Where is that kitten, btw? :)
osiol 55 | 3,921
9 Jun 2008 #219
Shopgirl, you're too kind.

I'm too humble to say any more... until I skip to another thread that is!
9 Jun 2008 #220

Hi SG :)

You always had a devious side,

I know, but it's only cos I am a 'mata hari' <szarlotka's words not mine but I agree>


I've not had migraine for ages you know :) I cannot remember the last time I had one to be truthful. I must be doing something right <s>

England isn't flooding this summer I take it?

We're enjoying lovely weather at the moment. Very hot, sunny and with a slight breeze in the evenings. Pretty idyllic <but how long it will continue for who knows>

I think daisy has suffered some bad weather again this year in terms of heavy rain and flooding. Yes, where is that kitten <g>

Daisy 3 | 1,224
10 Jun 2008 #221
I think daisy has suffered some bad weather again this year in terms of heavy rain and flooding. Yes, where is that kitten <g>

I have sun now

I did have a flood in my house on Sunday, but that was my own fault :(

meanwhile I'm hiding in my bunker..........I'm really not interested in who is shagging who and how much they charge, which appears to be the genre of the forum these days :(
OP szarlotka 8 | 2,208
11 Jun 2008 #222
Has anyone ever told you what a lovely, charming, handsome, intelligent, clever and witty man you are




Yes, but she was Austrian so that doesn't count


Yes, but she was very, very drunk at the time


Yes, but he was trying to get some money off of me




Yes, but she had a lisp
VaFunkoolo 6 | 654
11 Jun 2008 #223
Has anyone ever told you what a lovely, charming, handsome, intelligent, clever and witty man you are

You're not handsome as well are you?

OP szarlotka 8 | 2,208
11 Jun 2008 #224

I'll have to check that one. I don't think I am but I'll just have a word with me Dad
VaFunkoolo 6 | 654
11 Jun 2008 #225
Obviously I'm not bothered one way or t'other but I do think being lovely, charming, intelligent, clever, witty AND handsome is just a little bit selfish. At least you're not rich as well. That really would be taking the biscuit. You're not rich, are you?
OP szarlotka 8 | 2,208
11 Jun 2008 #226
You're not rich, are you?

All things are relative but in most people's eyes I probably am. If it makes you feel any better I do not have an enormous appendage though

It was either this or review yet another legal document

Well it’s not so much Pan Pie as Humble Pie. Having broadcast the intention never to write this column ever again the team have had a few pints of Guinness, won some cash on the US Open and decided to put the fingers to the keyboard again. To be honest there have been some absolutely cracking threads this last week or so. So much so that we could not resist knocking out a quick Edition for our adoring reader (Ed – didn’t get the other job then boys? No big surprise).

It has been a long time since we followed the old Omnibus Edition format where we cast a bemused eye over proceedings on PF and brought you a succinct summary of recent posting. Mainly we ran out of base materials for a while there. How many times can you recycle the same old vitriol, ill informed ranting and desperate appeals for Polish Princesses from a world where the male female balance has obviously been distorted to a great extent. (Ed – yeh not like Nottingham in the good old days eh Szar?) Now though the winds of change have blown through the dusty streets of PF. A fresh wave of interesting new copy has emerged. Intrigue abounds. An interesting assortment of new blood is on view – some wise, some witty, some plainly deranged and some well, just sensible. We still fret over the loss of some of the old crew. Has anybody ever come close to the word smithing of Huegel, has anybody replaced the delights of Krysia’s cartoons? Who can come close to the Might Svengoolie’s poetry, at once sublime, powerful and obviously great at impressing the chicks (Ed unlike yours then Szar). But we digress, wallowing in self pity and yearning for a world that can never be the same again, where there is a reason for watching the footie on the box. We must move forwards with optimism and belief that the world can be a better place, a world where Stevie Gerrard can once again grace our screens. Therefore, without further ado, we are proud to re-launch the Omnibus. <insert smiley here. Oh and a plug in fanfare midi file would be good too Admin>

The longest text since War & Peace

Ladies and Gentlemen we present to you the one, the only, the incomparable Fireif. It’s hard to distil the best part of a thousand posts but here goes for nothing. Fireif fancies someone called Anna who he sees at work. However, Anna got funny when she saw someone hanging around and Fireif got nervous about this. Now Fireif fancies Anna something rotten and texts her at least 50 times a day. Officially this is not stalking as texting is unobtrusive communication, unless of course your phone makes a farting noise for it’s SMS notification. Sometimes Anna replies but she has got the impression from talking to Fireif’s ex (not sure if this is his ex GF or his ex mobile phone) that Fireif may be a bit of a cad. Now Fireif denies this but has not managed to convey this to the lovely Anna. Things got more confused still when JustysiaS claimed that she knew Anna at which point Fireif went pale, proposed to JustyisaS but out of force of habit sent it to Anna instead. At this stage we don’t believe that he has yet spoken to Anna but has received loads of advice from members on how to woo the girl of his dreams. If this sounds confusing then read the whole thread. Best get a bottle or two of good red wine in first though.

Matthew Webb – the first man to swim the English Channel
Howard Webb – the first referee to be attached to a boulder and dropped in it

Yes, of course you know what we’re talking about. Poland finished bottom of their group in Euro2008. They were sunk by the actions of the idiot Webb who gave Austria a penalty. This then deflated the brave Polska boys so much that they went out and lost to Croatia’s reserve team. Thinking about it, knowing that they had Webb as a referee in their next match probably distracted them against Germany too. So it’s official - it’s all the fault of that English twat. This semed to be the conclusion of Mr Tusk who wanted to kill said twat. Join the queue Mr President.

Just a thought but did anybody check the passports of the Polish team? I think you had a bricklaying team from Poznan by mistake.

What Polska needs, according to Missewa, is a young dynamic manager who is Polish and who can inspire your football players to play with attacking flair and passion. If by any chance Peter is not interested, why not approach the unemployed Steve McClaren. Proven track record of failure at club and international level, a ready book of excuses at hand and the inability to communicate with the Press even in his native language. At least he would be cheap.

It was nice to see the sense of National optimism shining through though. No sooner had the referee blown the whistle at the end of the Croatia game, Polanglik started a thread on qualifying for the World Cup 2010. No wallowing in despair for him. Onwards and upwards. What good is winning anything when Brazil weren’t there.

Blown to Kingdom Come

Someone popped by to tell us that his Polish GF had gone from a chaste young thing to a wild thing who constantly talks about sex on the phone and threatens to make unreasonable demands upon his toned Brazilian body. The basic reaction from all of us seems to be that he is a lucky bastard and why is he spending time posting on here. Get on the plane now mate. Sod the expense.(Ed - the reference to blown is a bit near the mark Szar)

I’ve been a wildrover for many a year, and I’ve spent all my money on my Harley

Predictable titling we know but the creative juices are drying up. Looks like Wildrover’s fortunes have made a turn for the better. He has failed to woo the nice lady down the road at the office and he wasted a trip to meet some Ukranian lady and got very wet in the process. But wait for it – he has found a new young lady via these very pages and he’s got a new job. Just hope he still finds time to post his wisdom on here in the future. Nice one Rover, nice one son, nice one Rover, let’s have another one. Don’t mind if we do – three pints of Guinness please.

Well got to go now as Pie has to review that frigging document. See you all again soon.
17 Jun 2008 #227
Thanks Szar, this truly makes up for not being on-line here much lately.
17 Jun 2008 #228
good job szarlotka :) like always


you calling him that... it makes me think about his nickname as a grey color (szary) and not like about a delicious pie...

not being on-line here much lately.

the better half keeps you busy?
17 Jun 2008 #229

our putty tat gets that name sometimes. Otherwise, it is szarus. I know there is supposed to be a little dot thingy on one of those "s"-es.

the better half keeps you busy?

Started a new job last week. I have to look good for the three month review, then I can slack off :-)
17 Jun 2008 #230
Started a new job last week.

awesome :)

I have to look good for the three month review, then I can slack off :-)

and then, what should we expect??
17 Jun 2008 #231
awesome :)

If you can call a one hour commute and a frantic workplace awesome, I guess so.

and then, what should we expect??

Either a raise or to be fired. We'll see.
17 Jun 2008 #232
one hour commute and a frantic workplace awesome

it depends of what you like... i'm a quiet person so i like all the craziness around me...

Either a raise or to be fired

it's a new do you like it?
OP szarlotka 8 | 2,208
30 Jun 2008 #233
An Apology

Dreadfullly sorry the team have not posted an update recently. Quite frankly we are waiting for a sufficient audience before putting the digits to the keyboard. Most of the readers have been supended for various misdemeanours so there seems litlle point documenting the various on-going slanging matches until such time as there is anybody here to read our wise, calming words.

Congratulations to Spain for winning Euro 2008, Espana is a happy bunny. Commiserations to Bratwurst Boy for Germany just missing out but his grace in defeat was comendable.

Er that's it. We're off down the pub to play darts against the Poles again. Sigh, it's like taking candy from a baby.

Look I'm sorry that there has been no Omnibus Edition for a while. I've had some personal problems. I don't know where to start really. It's so difficult to sit here and pour out my problems to the world, but I feeel I have to. You see I have found out that my wife has not been cheating on me. This is a terrible shock and I am terrified that this means she must be old and ugly. Now I am confused what to do next. Should I trade her in for a younger model? Do I confront her first or do I do it all by text from the motel down the road. Please, please help me. I am in a quandry.

(Ed - the management would like to point out this post is aimed at one fireif and not the people who have really suffered this week. We here are all with you wildrover and with the poor lass whose boyfriend has mucked her around)
sausage 19 | 777
10 Jul 2008 #234
Should I trade her in for a younger model?

I wonder what the equivalent of kicking a car's tyres is in relation to women?
szkotja2007 27 | 1,498
10 Jul 2008 #235
Sympathies Szarlotka - Its only fair to tell you that I am the one who your wife has not been cheating on.

You see, it all started one day when fireif arrived in the village of Meryton. The arrival of such a man in the neighbourhood greatly excited Mrs. Bennet, whose sole interest in life was to see her five daughters married. The wealthy young man in question, Mr. Fireif, had leased the Netherfield estate and plans to settle for a while with his two sisters and his brother-in-law......................

( Apologies to a certain J. Austen )
LondonChick 31 | 1,133
10 Jul 2008 #236
Sympathies Szarlotka - Its only fair to tell you that I am the one who your wife has not been cheating on.

Hmmm... the plot thickens.

Szarlotka, I think that it is only fair to tell you that not only has your wife not been cheating on you with skotja2007, but I too have not enjoyed a bit of a fling with her.
13 Jul 2008 #237
Should I trade her in for a younger model?

Remember: one 40 year old is the equivalent of two 20 year olds :=)
shopgirl 6 | 928
13 Jul 2008 #238
I LIKE that Shawn! :)

masks98 27 | 289
14 Jul 2008 #239
two 20 year old girls is more than anyone can handle jesus chr*st god forbid it hould happen to anyone..
8 Aug 2008 #240
I already read before You edited :D

that is OK. Here is my final version;D
Hello everyone,

It seems that our writer -in -chief- Szarlotka has been away, or simply got fed up with updating us on most important affairs of our beloved PF.

We miss him dearly and are wondering what made him leave his post without a notice.
We are hoping he is doing well and recovering his soul with a nice pint of his “fav” brew.

Needless to say, PF members are as eager as always to provide us with interesting events.

Speak or not to speak#1
Last week seem to be all about winking and other non-verbal signals from our Poles, mostly taking place in the UK.
It appears that body language is much more reliable way of communication and I doubt it has anything to do with being reluctant to speak another language. Who can be bothered with speaking, if blinking, winking and sticking the tongue out does the job much better. It also adds this "mystery" feature to the romantic encounter, which we all secretly crave.

Speak or not to speak#2
Some members got really fed up with typing and Ms Wyspi opened a "speaking" thread up for those who cannot be bothered. It was welcomed with a number of recordings of fainted voices and background noises and some strange requests to hear (yet again) women speaking with a Polish accents, which apparently boils blood in veins of our English friends and I mean it in a good way. They seem to have acquired the taste for practicing solely listening skills and now they just won’t participate on PF in any other way, but check the “speaking thread" every chance they get to get their fix.

It seems that after some peace the time of war is with us again.
ConstantineK would rather smell the gun powder (it had been out of the market for a while and I hope he doesn’t want to sniff it), rather then listen to birds and enjoy the sunshine, as one of our peaceful posters have suggested.

The always peaceful Texas Girl got fed up with the scorching sun, pools and the likes and decided to discuss a third world war. So we can see that extreme temperatures maybe responsible for our outlook on life.

US president elections
Never before in the history of PF we could see the emotions going out of control to such a degree.
It appears that the two candidates not only managed to divide the US citizens but also made a dent in a mostly peaceful relationship with those PF members residing in Europe. Canada wasn’t speared either and I am just hoping that it will not lead to a permanent damage.

The longest post award
It goes without saying to JohnP and Foreigner4. They both love long discussions and one only hopes that more members would attempt to take up the challenge and practice their reading skills. Not.

New members
We get bombarded with new members and since they all have to be welcomed, Grzegorz (our leader) is there to meet them. When he is busy with shopping yet for another Polish-English dictionary, out LA members EbonyBathory is there to replace him with style.

Do not be fooled by his nick. He is nowhere near Paris. A globetrotter lifestyle makes him an expert on wordly affairs and we find out that Warsaw after all didn’t make it to the top ten capital cities of the world. Pity, because now all the beautiful Polish birds are wasting their time dancing away in not so worldly bars. Blame it on Kaczynski brothers, if you ask me.

Identity crisis
Some members are struggling with their identities. One day they feel that being PC and angelic is the way to go, but then they discover that keeping their “dark side” under the carpet eventually results in lashing out on random and often clueless PF members.

I don’t have to tell you that it started to take a toll on our analytical skills in order to keep track of who is who. It is no longer intelligent to assume that once predictable member is not going to change his nationality on a whim and starts speaking to us like a good, old uncle.

We can always blame it on the return of the kilt into the fashion industry, if everything else fails. Vintage is always in.

Shooting yourself in a foot
It appears that after a long time of being resentful towards Polish influx in Britain, nonimi showed another side of his personality and suggested that one of the returning Polish souls should claim his taxes in the UK. To his surprise the “poor Pole” was not going to claim the money before, but nonimi made sure that he leaves the Island satisfied and with only good memories to keep. Maybe it is time nonimi applied for the immigration officer position after all. Good PR.

War on the PF dating style
We always know that when we go out of control, it is good to have somebody who will put us in our place and makes sure that we are not making fools of ourselves.

Tornado is “da” men when it comes to keeping us in check when we hopelessly want to find our soul mates on PF.
We, after all know nothing about dating and when he comes to rescue, we feel that we are blessed with his “tough love” attitude of a father, who always looks after our best interest.

Quiet before they hit us again
We all know that the Internet Warriors (previously knows as trolls) is not an easy job to do. It requires stamina, tactics, and an ability to do a good research on Google. One needs to predict all the pitfalls if he/she wants to stay in the game.

As much as we like to fight them, we have to admit that occasional encounters spices our life up, just like a good glossy magazines our parents used to keep under their bed.


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