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A Polish womans relationship with her mother in law.


Luchea 1 | 2
7 Jun 2010  #1
Hello, I am a British woman who's son married a Polish girl 6 years ago. Before she married him, I thought she was lovely. Very beautiful and clever. She called me 'mum'.

When she was upset with women co. workers in England, she said it was because she was Polish. I said, no, its because you are very attractive, they dont like that. I had similar problems with women when young. I gave her support at that time.

When they married and bought a house, I was careful to say good things about the house and her decorating. She painted some pictures and I told her they were good enough to be in shops. I made a point of never, ever, saying, you should do this or that.

She became pregnant. My son said to me, 'Ask ME how she is, not her. She has her own mother. Why would she want to speak to you? ' This was very hurtful. It was at this point they started to call me the 'mother in law'. My son said 'Polish girls do not speak to their mother in law' (IS THIS TRUE PLEASE) He then informed me that he had done a survey at work (UK) and said 'nobody speaks to their mother in law.' I of couse said 'don't be stupid' I got an email back with 5, F. words in it. This is not the first time he has spoken to me like that. However, that was the last straw. We have not spoken to them since. In the meantime the child was born. They did not contact us to let us know. We have never seen the baby who is now nearly two. I cannot bring myself to go to their door. .The hurtful events mentioned here is only a small part of all the hurt. Everyday, I am sad, and shed a tear. Please tell me, are women in Poland kind a respectful to their mother in laws?
Ironside 48 | 9,721
7 Jun 2010  #2
Please tell me, are women in Poland kind a respectful to their mother in laws?

Some are and some aren't !
Why you blame her? Wasn't your son being disrespectful to you?
keen111 1 | 23
7 Jun 2010  #3
Has your son always been disrespectful to you, before meeting his now Polish wife??
Wroclaw 44 | 5,388
7 Jun 2010  #4
I was careful to say good things about the house and her decorating. She painted some pictures and I told her they were good enough to be in shops. I made a point of never, ever, saying, you should do this or that.

here is my take on things.

You were polite, but not sincere... she picked up on it... told your son... and then he took her side.

i could be completely wrong of course.
pgtx 29 | 3,159
7 Jun 2010  #5
i think something big must have happened if they completely cut you off...
OP Luchea 1 | 2
7 Jun 2010  #6
None of you have any idea. I was sincere when I complimented her. I liked her very much. Did I say I blamed her ? I never said anything against her did I ?.

My son was a nice clever lad until 14 when he secretly started cannabis. This became severe and altered his mental state. It bankrupted him. He got a girlfriend pregnant, told me about the baby, and promptly said he was paying to have it killed. He did, despite my protests and offers to keep it. ( My first Grandchild for goodness sake ) When he met this lovely Polish girl, he gave her the Chlam disease. They both were cured. I have had plenty to put up with, so dont come at me.

One day, I called round with some flowers because I heard she was not well. I was certainly not welcome because I hadnt made an appointment. I said to his wife about him being rude to me and she says 'He is my husband.'
Wroclaw 44 | 5,388
7 Jun 2010  #7
None of you have any idea. I was sincere when I complimented her.

now we have your second post... we learn more.

one can only comment on what is given.

comming on a forum you'll always get 'strong advice'. Keep in mind that this is not a professional service.
PolskaDoll 28 | 2,105
7 Jun 2010  #8
My son said 'Polish girls do not speak to their mother in law' (IS THIS TRUE PLEASE) He then informed me that he had done a survey at work (UK) and said 'nobody speaks to their mother in law.'

Of course Polish girls speak to their Mothers-in-law, the only reason they wouldn't would be if there was some conflict or other.

Your son is the one with the issues here, I don't think his wife is the problem.

comming on a forum you'll always get 'strong advice'. Keep in mind that this is not a professional service.

Correct.
Prickiewicz - | 20
7 Jun 2010  #9
If things are the way you stated them then your son and daughter-in-law are wrong. Your son is particularly culpable because of how he communicated with you. It is true that some women, Polish or otherwise, consider a mother-in-law a threat. Hopefully, this is not the case here and I'm guessing that it isn't.

There is no excuse for not sharing their child with you.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595
8 Jun 2010  #10
A very sad story. It's awful that they treat you like this.
delphiandomine 83 | 17,626
8 Jun 2010  #11
My son said 'Polish girls do not speak to their mother in law'

Not true in the slightest - in fact, it's normal for people to call their inlaws "mum" and "dad" after marriage.

Please tell me, are women in Poland kind a respectful to their mother in laws?

To their faces, usually. Behind their backs - well, that's a different story, but isn't it the same everywhere? ;)

My son was a nice clever lad until 14 when he secretly started cannabis.

Oh yes. Seen this in many people, it's tragic.
wildrover 98 | 4,452
8 Jun 2010  #12
Sorry..but your son sounds like an ******** think its him thats the problem....
shush 1 | 212
8 Jun 2010  #13
Yeah, i agree. Even if he was taking his wife's side he doesnt need to be rude to you. And she was nice before and everything, it seems he is the one who is isolating her and their baby from you.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
8 Jun 2010  #14
She became pregnant. My son said to me, 'Ask ME how she is, not her. She has her own mother. Why would she want to speak to you? ' This was very hurtful. It was at this point they started to call me the 'mother in law'.

It sounds like something was said between the two of them and your son took her side, for whatever reason. It sounds like she was offended or stressed out for some reason. Maybe she feels threatened by you.

It could be that she is just the type that doesn't like people.
pgtx 29 | 3,159
8 Jun 2010  #15
do you mean he felt stuck in between his mum and his wife and had to take somebody's side?
that's not right and it doesn't say anything good about him...
knowing about his past problems, it seems that he's got a lot to do with this situation...
there are always, of course, two sides of every story... :)
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
8 Jun 2010  #16
You're right, the guy doesn't sound that great ( I just read the second post about the cannibus). It is possible he is playing on her fears and using those as an excuse to isolate her from his mother. Is he the paranoid sort?
wildrover 98 | 4,452
8 Jun 2010  #17
There were clearly problems before the Polish girl came along...so i don,t think she is to blame for any of this...Sounds like the guy is punishing his mother for something he believes she did wrong....
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
8 Jun 2010  #18
Or...maybe he's jealous of her relationship with his wife? He did let them get somewhat cozy, then began pulling away after she got to know her.
Technika 1 | 17
8 Jun 2010  #19
Lots of good advice.

I think it's right that the problem belongs with the son.

Polish women can actually be very close to their mothers in law depending on family situation. They often rely on each other. True for many nationalities I suspect.
hague1cmaeron 14 | 1,377
8 Jun 2010  #20
I feel terribly sorry for the girl (provided what you said about her is accurate) for ever coming into contact with your son, sadly the world to full of such types, I hope he has genuinely changed, but the chances are really against it.
f stop 25 | 2,513
8 Jun 2010  #21
It looks to me like he does not want to hear you talking rubbish about pot bancrupting him, the murder of your first granchild, or him passing venerial disease. Your son figured out that you have a way of using what you know against him, and would prefer you not know anything else about his life. This has nothing to do with the wife, unless he was too blind to see and she had to point that out to him. You should hope that she helps him get over the past and remember, guilt is one powerful tool in mother's toolbox you should never use. You will only push him further away.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,860
8 Jun 2010  #22
My son was a nice clever lad until 14 when he secretly started cannabis.

Hi,

Is your son still heavily abusing the herb?

Cannabis is not a "soft" drug.
Chicago Pollock 7 | 504
8 Jun 2010  #23
the murder of your first granchild,

Typical Roman Catholic. Murder is an illegal killing. Abortion is not murder unless it is illegal. Don't confuse what is legal with what is moral.

Cannabis is not a "soft" drug.

True. Habitual drug use may cause irrational behavior.
OP Luchea 1 | 2
8 Jun 2010  #24
I am not R.C. I have never mentioned these probs before. His wife knows all about them. Some of you gave good points. Thank you. xx

Over and out on this topic.
f stop 25 | 2,513
8 Jun 2010  #25
it's not about his past offenses. It's about her willingness to bring them up. I could not imagine a scenario where I would list my son's past mistakes to prove a point. This was not a healthy relationship between a mother and a son to start with. The mother tried to enlist the wife to her side and got told: "he's my husband". Good for them!

The son might not have the balls to stand up to his mother, that's why he comes up with the lame excuses, but at least he tries to keep his wife away.

Sorry, lady, when you put your problems up on the forum for an inspection, you might hear opinions you'll not like.
SLASKMILLER
8 Jun 2010  #26
your son is an arse sorry
MadMaMa
7 Oct 2010  #27
Well.. I can understand.. I am living a nightmare with my daughter-in-law to and she is from Poland. I don't know what it is, I have done nothing but help them and do for my granddaughter but she only looks at stupid childish things that I may have not done but not because I meant to offend her.. Very difficult person..It's a really long story but I know how you feel. It's too bad about your grandchild... that's just not right.. My son isn't as controlled as it seems your son is.. thank God !! Good Luck
ningyou_lv 1 | 27
18 Oct 2010  #28
'Polish girls do not speak to their mother in law' (IS THIS TRUE PLEASE) He then informed me that he had done a survey at work (UK) and said 'nobody speaks to their mother in law.'

I have no idea who came up with such a thing but then again we Poles have no idea what microwave is and have seen one for the first time when we came to England...

I am a Polish girl and from my perspective it seems like you had quite a good relationship with ur daughter in law and yes we Poles call our mothers or fathers in law mum or dad there is nothing strange about it. Pardon me but I have a feeling that maybe ur son didn't like the fact that his mum and wife got a long so well so that's why he said those things and that's why u have no contact with him now.

and yes we Polish girls try to have good relationships with their mothers in law.
mafketis 20 | 7,182
18 Oct 2010  #29
My best guess. It's not her, it's him.

It sounds to me like he's probably lying to both of you to keep you at odds. The question is why? I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't continued on with his .... not very good ways and doesn't want his wife and mother to be able to team up and pressure him to get his act together.

Just a guess.

My advice: Politely point out that your the grandmother and want a relationship with your grandchild. Ask what you need to do to establish that.

(for the record, no, there's no rule about Polish women not speaking to mothers-in-law, since in the recent past many women lived with their husbands parents for some years after getting married that wouldn't be practical. I bet he's just making it up).
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
18 Oct 2010  #30
I have no idea who came up with such a thing but then again we Poles have no idea what microwave is and have seen one for the first time when we came to England...

I hope that was a joke..Since I imagine that most if not all Poles have mod cons..which generally include time saving devices like the good old microwave!


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