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Polish Wedding present - how much money for the couple?


AussiePol
3 May 2016 #1
Hi, I have a family friend in Poland who is getting married. Sadly I am unable to make it to the wedding due to the fact that we live abroad. I would like to give the couple some money as a present but I do not know what would be considered as too much money or not enough money as a present, just remember that I will not be able to go to the wedding. How much would you think is a good amount to give in Zloty? Thank you :)
terri 1 | 1,665
3 May 2016 #2
I think the equivalent of 500 pln.
smurf 39 | 1,981
3 May 2016 #3
I think if you're going to the wedding that's the going rate, but if you're not attending then it's too much.

200zl would be more like it
OP AussiePol
3 May 2016 #4
Thank you both for your feedback, maybe if I give between 200-300zl it should be enough? I just do not want too offend by not giving enough. Because I do not live in Poland it is difficult to know how much is too little or how much is too much
Atch 16 | 3,267
3 May 2016 #5
200zl would be more like it

You were saying 400zł for your nephew's Communion. It is really shocking if Poles are now spending more on a Communion present than a wedding present!

@AussiePol, what would you spend on a pressie for them if they were living in Oz? Give them the same if you can afford it. Around 400zł would get them something nice. Half that would be ok too if you're a bit strapped and a nice card.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
3 May 2016 #6
Of course it depends upon relationship with the "family friend" but considering that OP is from a higher income country, I would advize some 400 to 500 zl and if a very close friend, 1,000 ZL. If a good friend, giving a mere 200 ZL would seem cheap.
smurf 39 | 1,981
3 May 2016 #7
You were saying 400zł for your nephew's Communion

Yea, but that's coz I had to attend the cringe-y borefest that it was

But yea, he got a fortune, he wanted enough money to buy a laptop, he got enough to buy four!
Fair play to him, I hope he wastes it on crap and annoys his auld pair ;)

I would advize some 400 to 500 zl and if a very close friend, 1,000 ZL. If a good friend, giving a mere 200 ZL would seem cheap.

Naw, come on, he's not going to the wedding, If I wasn't going I wouldn't give a penny.
Think about it, you have a party, you're expecting nothing and your Yankie buddy gives you 200zl you didn't expect.

1000zl! that's crazy, family members don't even give that much.
InPolska, you're obviously very rich :)
OP AussiePol
4 May 2016 #8
Thanks again everyone for your comments.

If I was in Australia and a friend was getting married I would give $150-$200 so maybe I do the same and they can exchange it for zloty? Or do you think they will exchange it for Euro instead of zloty?
smurf 39 | 1,981
4 May 2016 #9
Or do you think they will exchange it for Euro instead of zloty?

Try to find out where they're going on their honeymoon and get the currency for that country, that'd be a nice touch from you
Ziemowit 13 | 4,259
4 May 2016 #10
InPolska, you're obviously very rich :)

InPolska may not be rich, but at least she is not as stingy as you are! C'mon, are you Irish or Scottish?
smurf 39 | 1,981
4 May 2016 #11
but at least she is not as stingy as you are

So you would give 1000zl to a bride and groom even though you're not going to a wedding?

Yea, sure you would, I really, really, really believe you
Honestly I do
Yes
100%
InPolska 11 | 1,821
4 May 2016 #12
What day is it today? It is not my birthday or anything! Wow, Ziemowit, saying something nice about me ;). For sure, I am NOT cheap and have never been. I know that I am generous but this is my nature. I always give very good tips wherever I am and pay my cleaning lady 100 ZL for 3 hours' work (small, functional and very clean flat ;)). Even if I work in Poland for a (n above average) Polish salary, I would not dare giving a mere 200 ZL (I would minimum give 500 ZL) to a friend getting married. When I buy a present, it is always expensive (sometimes on promotion, yes, but always something worth a lot ;)). Personally I hate cheap people and I really prefer to receive nothing rather than a sh@@ty gift when I know people have good financial means ;)

Since OP lives and works for an Australian income, their Polish friends would consider them as tight and insulting if gving what average Poles do give (based upon their incomes). Poles would not appreciate....
smurf 39 | 1,981
4 May 2016 #13
to a friend getting married.

Not a friend, a family friend

Plus the OP isn't going

Hey, your imaginary money, spend it as you wish.

Since OP lives and works for an Australian income, their Polish friends would consider them as tight and insulting if gving what average Poles do give (based upon their incomes).

No, that's simply not the case, they won't expect any gift from you for the simple fact that you aren't attending.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
4 May 2016 #14
@Smurf: Poles would not understand/accept that a friend of theirs living in Australia does not give more (I would react same way). I don't know where you live in Poland and what Poles you deal with but all the Poles I know (relatives and many others) are extremely materialistic.

In any way, the OP means to give their Polish friends what they would give in similar situations in Australia and I believe it's the right thing to do and it will be appreciated by Polish Friends.

@OP: you have taken the right decision to give what you would give in Australia in same situation and I am sure your Polish friends will appreciate.
Marsupial - | 886
4 May 2016 #15
But it isn't all that cool to.give money here unless you are family. An actual present is where it's at.
Ziemowit 13 | 4,259
4 May 2016 #16
It is not my birthday or anything! Wow, Ziemowit, saying something nice about me ;).

I always think and say nice things about you! But knowing you are a French lady of Spanish origin, I am aware that you sometimes get crazy and you just need a friendly clue or a friendly reminder, so this is where I step in and politely tell you to behave yourself ...

Here I am all for what you have said. A wedding present is a matter of style if you want to be classy or at least you want to look classy. The wedding present must be carefully thought of and if it is money, the amount of it must be carefully thought of, too. This is more the matter of your relation to the (bride)groom and your personal income than of being present at the wedding reception. And I fully agree with you: better to give nothing than give an amount which could be considered inappropriate in given circumstances.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
4 May 2016 #17
I don't know re Australia but at my place it is not so . Couples have "wedding lists" with big stores to which relatives, friends, work colleagues may financially contribute (and nobody (including married couple) knows how much X or Y has given). Said "wedding lists" may consist of things for the home (if very young couples starting in life), trips, even deposits for a new home... Apparently in Poland giving cash seems alright but does it not look a bit "vulgar"? I would if in Poland but back at home, it would not give cash as it would look "weird" if not "vulgar"

Wow, Ziemo, what is your problem today???? ;). I believe that gifts must be meaningful to both receiver and giver and as a result, whenever I have a present to buy, I spend a lot of time and energy to find something that would please the receiver and make him/her understand that I respect him/her by offering something "decent". Unfortunately often we have to spend quite some money but not always (for instance, promotions as often the case in expensive stores) and I do. Let's not be hypocritical, when someone gets a cheap sh@@@t from someone who could afford better, they do notice ("ah, celle-là, elle ne s'est pas foulée avec son truc à .... euros!", something the French would say in such situations).
smurf 39 | 1,981
4 May 2016 #18
Poles would not understand/accept that a friend of theirs living in Australia does not give more

Naw, come on now, it's a family friend.....like if my sister's best friend was getting married back in Galway would I have to give 250euros just coz I know her and I wasn't invited to the wedding?

Naw, no way, I might, might give her 50 euros the next time I saw her, I wouldn't bother with a card.
If you didn't invite me to be with you on your special day then pfft, I'm not bothered.

are extremely materialistic

That's just a sweeping generalisztion and yea, I know you live in Warsaw and most people from there are douchebags but still it's not a nice comment to make. Woujdl you like it if I said that I thought all French people are arrogant? I doubt you would.........I don't btw, I love the French, never once met a French person I didn't get along with :)

Apparently in Poland giving cash seems alright but does it not look a bit "vulgar"?

the problem though is that Polish weddings are far more expensive relatively than western weddings y'know?
An Irish wedding can cost let's say, for exmaple 30,000 euros, but with both people working it's affordable, or at least affordable to take a loan. With Polish weddings that's not always the case and the vast majority are very, very lucky if they break even with their costs and gifts, that's why people give money.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
4 May 2016 #19
In fact this "custom" of giving cash on such events puzzles me as it seems rather vulgar but as one says "when in Rome..." if I am in such a situation, I would give decent amount out of respect to receiver and also to me ;)

As to socalled French "arrogance" it is another of these urban legends and results from Napoleon's times. I have spent so much time abroad (including USA, UK...) and as a French, I was always welcomed. You British people, you'd better get updated and realize things have changed since Napoleon (to me though the greatest person ever, who is even celebrated in Polish national anthem;)).
delphiandomine 88 | 18,475
4 May 2016 #20
the problem though is that Polish weddings are far more expensive relatively than western weddings y'know?

It's madness. I was reading something a while ago about how entire families put themselves into financial ruin to pay for a wedding, including remortgaging property and all the rest of it, because there's some sort of "pressure" to do so. I'm always watching those village weddings on youtube, and you can really see that some of those families don't have much money - how the hell they pay for lavish weddings is beyond me.

If I was getting married and I didn't have the cash, I'd hire the local village hall, make the food at home and ask everyone to bring a couple of bottles of vodka. Job done.
smurf 39 | 1,981
4 May 2016 #22
As to socalled French "arrogance"

So, it's OK to generalise the Polish, but not the French?
Haha!
Anyway, I said

I love the French, never once met a French person I didn't get along with :)

So, I wasn't saying the French were arrogant, but thanks for proving my point, generalisations are bullsh!t and insulting and pointless.

You British people

I'm not british :D :D :D

If I was getting married and I didn't have the cash, I'd hire the local village hall, make the food at home and ask everyone to bring a couple of bottles of vodka. Job done.

Aye, but everyone in the village would label you stingy and you'd be the talk of the town until the next scandal
InPolska 11 | 1,821
4 May 2016 #23
@Smurf: if I am able to talk re Poland and Poles, it is because of my long PERSONAL experience (including spouse). I don't need to rely on BS found on YouTube and consorts to "judge" people I do NOT know, like some of you do here ;)

Anyway, giving cash on such events is rather weird to me but "when in Rome... "
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,161
4 May 2016 #24
I know that I am generous

You're a fake Jew then.

Seriously, I would rather give nothing than 200 PLN, that's a joke.
terri 1 | 1,665
5 May 2016 #25
The bottom line of all this is: The young couple will know how much each person gave them and they will tell everyone else. As I understand this money is for the actual couple themselves to have a good start in life.

Put yourself in their shoes - how much would you expect from someone else.
I agree to give 200 pln is better not to give anything at all.
Chemikiem 7 | 2,568
5 May 2016 #26
The young couple will know how much each person gave them and they will tell everyone else

Really? That's dreadful and in very poor taste.
I know that Poles automatically tend to think that everyone from the west must be well off and in a far better position financially than themselves, but no-one knows a persons individual financial circumstances.

how much would you expect from someone else

It is the word 'expect' that I think is wrong to start with. People should give what they can afford.
The whole giving of money bit just seems wrong to me.
.
terri 1 | 1,665
5 May 2016 #27
@Chemikiem
You may think it's wrong to give money in this way (many people may also think that), but you 'cannot beat the system.' It is part of a tradition in Poland to give money, in the same way that it is part of the Polish character to pawn/sell everything they have in order to give their child a wedding in order to impress the neighbours/guests at the wedding. This is how it is.

Generally Polish weddings cost 50-80 thousand pln.
smurf 39 | 1,981
5 May 2016 #28
I don't need to rely on BS found on YouTube and consorts to "judge" people I do NOT know, like some of you do here ;)

OK, you're gone off the deep end now, I don't know what the Youtube reference has got to do with anything, but yea, sure, whatever floats yer boat like

The young couple will know how much each person gave them and they will tell everyone els

Naw, come on. I got a ton of money for my wedding off some people, less off others, one stingy pair of rednecks didn't give anything, but I'd never, ever tell who gave me what to anyone else, that's simply ludicrous

The whole giving of money bit just seems wrong to me.

Well, the thing is:

Generally Polish weddings cost 50-80 thousand pln

Exactly, so the 'happy couple' need all the financial help they can get
InPolska 11 | 1,821
5 May 2016 #29
Although I am very shocked by this Polish "tradition", which I found most vulgar, but as they say "when in Rome...", I would give minimum 400 or 500 ZL. I have never come across something like that in the west (= all the countries I personally know). Where I come from, people getting married often put "wedding lists" to some store(s) and everybody who wants to financially contribute gets a look at said list. Couples inform their guests about it and as a result they won't end up with 10 things of the same kind. Nowadays most people getting married have lived together for years so their homes are equipped and some marry for 2nd or 3rd times so they may not even bother to have wedding lists and family, friends, colleagues may get together and buy nice trips... Hence, NO CASH (considered very vulgar in our culture as gifts although now a lot of teenagers receive cash for Xmas and their birthdays because not easy to buy gifts for them) and married couple does NOT know how much X or Y has given.

As to the price of a wedding, everybody should do according to their wallets. I did not have big weddings and should I marry again (who knows? ;)), I would prefer to spend (owned and not borrowed) money on a intimate and original ceremony on a nice beach in some exotic area.... No need to invite crowds, including a lot who don't care but do come because of the booze and the food and whom the couple does not care about!

Well, if people want to have royal weddings and have to get themselves into debts for years, let them do!

(in GW today they have articles re people putting themselves into debts for upcoming communions ;)).

Well, in my culture, we have a saying about such attitude: "péter plus haut que son c#l." ("to fart above one's a##s"). To be more polite, I had a friend from America whose mother used to say (now she is no longer): "Champagne taste but coca cola purse" ;)

I suppose no more than "nouveau riche" attitude even if people have no money! I was like that in the West in the 1950 and 1960 so most probably Poles will change too ...
Levi 12 | 450
5 May 2016 #30
"Although I am very shocked by this Polish "tradition", which I found most vulgar,"

I dont find it vulgar. For me, much more vulgar is the smell of p1ss and sh1t that the Metro in Paris have (by the way, i was there for thenforst time last week, so you cannot say anymore that i never had been on France. Or North Africa. I am still in doubt of where i really was)


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