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Polish traditions and parents (I was dating this Polish guy..)


blueeyedbella84 1 | 10
29 Jan 2011 #1
hi, i was dating this polish guy for about 4mths. and he kept telling me he loved me and everything and he would leave for work for 2-4days and the whole time would be texting me and i would reply back, he gets home and we talk and and hr later he says he needs a break. and then a week later we finally talk and we hangout and he says he forget he broke us up and when i asked him how he could forget he said we are over ok. and when i asked why what changed his mind in a few hrs after we talked and what changed his mind again...he said it was nothing about me and that he needs to find a polish girl. and says he only dates seriously polish girls yet he told me before privately he was hurt by an ex polish girflriend. and his brothers are both married to polish women and were married in poland he in the yougest and wants to do the same, yet says he wants to be the one thats difference. and he knew i was not polish his parents specially his mother liked me. and now making it even more weirder is i was suppose to meet both of his brothers at his house for dinner and now that we are not together his mom is not doing it, but i have seen both his brothers at my work. i know what they look like because they look similar to him and same as the pics he has showne me. is that fate or is that just me? does anyone believe in fate anymore???

my question is polish parents really strict on who ther children marry does it have to be polish girls if everyone else in there family is polish?
Kris007
29 Jan 2011 #2
Get over him asap cos he is just playing you. He either fancied a bit of humpty-dupmty on the side and now he does not know how to break up with you darling or he is just emotionally immature (this means his guts are not big enough to be in a relationship with a foreign woman). In fact, I would expect this is a sort of loopy behavior from a divorcee woman rather than a man. Stand up for your self ask him one more time if he wants to hang out with you/be with you, if he hesitates tell him to sod off...... He who dares wins... as the French say;)
Wroclaw 44 | 5,385
29 Jan 2011 #3
my question is polish parents really strict on who ther children marry does it have to be polish girls if everyone else in there family is polish?

all the people i know have partners of their own choosing.

most parents have hopes and give advice to their children, don't they ?

However, Kris007 echos my thoughts. walk away with dignity.
Kris007
29 Jan 2011 #4
Drop that zero and get with the hero

I do not know his parents, their social status etc, but unless they are oldfashioned country pumpkins, in my opinion, they are unlikely to interfere. It's not like you are getting married next week, is it. There is something this geezer is not sure about and for that reason he is coming up with some silly excuses.

Change the tactics and muck about with him for w while. Stop texting him etc. If he starts contacing you, tell him to stop behaving like a little boy etc.

And if he does not contact you, it will unfortunately mean he is not interested in you. Well, there are plenty more fish in the sea, which clearly indicates you can easily forget about this plonker.
peter_olsztyn 6 | 1,098
29 Jan 2011 #5
my question is polish parents really strict on who ther children marry

If in Poland, majority of them don't dream about a foreigner for their kid. But when she/he is determined what can they do.
Kris007
29 Jan 2011 #6
I bet Mr Smith with a nice Merc would cause a bit o excitement in an avarage polish village family.
peter_olsztyn 6 | 1,098
29 Jan 2011 #7
I bet Mr Smith with a nice Merc

These days gone with the wind my friend. Now Mr Smith needs a Merc factory ;)
Stu 12 | 522
29 Jan 2011 #8
The guy is either a complete loser or (the opposite) he is playing with you and fools around behind your back, but doesn't have the guts to own up to it. I cannot believe that there are still normal, modern parents who tell their children whom to marry. But if they did, stay away from them as far away as possible.

Don't forget that when you marry, you also kind of marry into the other family and you don't want to have a constant battle with your in-laws. It's extremely tiring and frustrating, believe me.

Just dump the geezer. Tell him in the face to go and fvck himself. That you deserve someone better than him. That you don't need him to determine whether you are happy or not. You're your own girl, not his playmate.

I'm married into a 100% Polish family and I have no problems whatsoever. So unless I am very, very lucky indeed, I would say it is not normal for Polish (or any) parent to determine whom their kid is allowed to marry.

Good luck, girl!
peter_olsztyn 6 | 1,098
29 Jan 2011 #9
I cannot believe that there are still normal, modern parents who tell their children whom to marry.

but still are lot of parents who don't like to learn English in their mid 50s
southern 75 | 7,096
29 Jan 2011 #10
Polish parents generally do not approve obcokrajowcow but to tell the truth sometimes when you meet the polish mum you lose interest for her daughter.
Stu 12 | 522
29 Jan 2011 #11
but still are lot of parents who don't like to learn English in their mid 50s

True ... but there are ways around it.

My mother-in-law only speaks Polish. I don't understand everything, but usually I am (beginning to) get(ting) the meaning of it. If there are things I really don't understand I ask my wife. Most of the rest of the family and friends speak English or German, so no probs there and otherwise my wife has "translation-duty".

One of her friends speaks Spanish and I answer back in French.

My mother speaks German to my wife and she answers back in English, so no problems there either. If there is a little confusion, I help them out. My father, who lives in NZ, speaks English.
BBman - | 344
29 Jan 2011 #12
I bet Mr Smith with a nice Merc would cause a bit o excitement in an avarage polish village family.

These days gone with the wind my friend. Now Mr Smith needs a Merc factory ;)

Nah, Polish girls only want a Mr Smith.

only dates seriously polish girls

Sounds like an idiot.

my question is polish parents really strict on who ther children marry does it have to be polish girls if everyone else in there family is polish?

Polish parents can be a bit conservative at times. Your "non-polishness" may not be the problem either, it could be that his parents just don't like you.
jonni 16 | 2,485
29 Jan 2011 #13
Does anybody find that a bit of German goes far in Poland, that is, amongst the older generation 50+, who don't know English?

Not nly the over 50's. For the first couple of years that we were together, my partner (37) and I (43) spoke only German together.
Joanna_Warsaw - | 6
29 Jan 2011 #14
Hi blueeyedbella84,
the answer for your question is NO. Family is important for us, our parents, brothers, sisters. But also we are important for them sooooo they do not choose partners for us. This man is just... weird, he is acting like a child so maybe its just waste if your time...
OP blueeyedbella84 1 | 10
30 Jan 2011 #15
thanks alot guys. well i have not being talking to him for a few days letting him go on to this dating site we have here in canada, that is where we met. and he is apparently stricking out, and hen asked me tohangout the other night. nothing happened but he now wants to hangout again. he is a worker and is sometimes not home for days but he is wiht his brother the whiole time. if his parents didnt like me then why would his mother always want to sit and chat with me when i was there and tell me when her and i both have a weekend off to come over and she makes a big dinneer so i can meet everyone and talk.

he said he only has serious relationships with polish girl because it is hard and to him rude to have to translate alot and in hius family they all speak polish they speak english aswell but the odd time you can hear polish. he knew fromday one i was not polish. and now it seems like everytime i am work for the last week i keep seeing one of his brothers or sister in law( they do not know who i am but with the photos and everything i have seen of them i know what they look like and i guess his onebrother who he works wiht knows what i look like aswell.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,385
30 Jan 2011 #16
thanks alot guys.

please, read your last post again and then ask yourself why u are interested in someone who uses a dating site. i would have my nuts removed just for thinking about it.
z_darius 14 | 3,968
30 Jan 2011 #18
my question is polish parents really strict on who ther children marry does it have to be polish girls if everyone else in there family is polish?

bull***t

i would have my nuts removed just for thinking about it.

Your nuts are not responsible for what you think.
Just though you might want t know before you make any drastic moves ;)
Wroclaw 44 | 5,385
30 Jan 2011 #19
that is where we met. we met online

the point is that u are trying to understand him. he is playing the field and giving u lame excuses.
if i were to find someone online and continue to look... then that's playing the field and shows that i don't take anyone seriously.

i'm willing to wager that even when u thought u were an item, he was still online.
his mother may like u, but that is just a side issue.
read the above posts. the guy is a clown.
southern 75 | 7,096
30 Jan 2011 #20
Probably you are Latina so you got no clue of slavic character.Generally that a polish man has paid attention to you should be reagrded as bonus.
OP blueeyedbella84 1 | 10
31 Jan 2011 #21
I am scottish....i was born in canada but my father was born and raised in scotland and i lived there for a year.

well we are talking right now. and as for going online while we were dating yes he was, but so was i.....lol talking online does not mean anything to me. since i know how he is online when he talks he is no smooth charmer online and alot of the time he is not smooth in person either. i am letting him come to me, i am done with him. i believe fate brings people together for a specific reason and if they are meant to be together either being just friends or more than friends than nothing will stop that. and i already told him that when he grows up and learns that woman are not toys then to come talk to me. his polish sausage may be ok lol but i know where i can get better......lmao he did not like that comment very much lmao.
JanFasceski
1 Mar 2011 #22
Re #4, Country pumpkins made me laugh, I really enjoyed it. The phrase is country bumpkins, but pumpkins is a great improvement!
tygrys 3 | 295
1 Mar 2011 #23
polish parents really strict on who ther children marry does it have to be polish girls if everyone else in there family is polish?

They tend to have their kids marry someone Polish because anybody else isn't good enough.
shewolf 5 | 1,077
1 Mar 2011 #24
he said it was nothing about me and that he needs to find a polish girl.

Meaning he already found a Polish girl online.

but he now wants to hangout again.

Because the Polish girl is probably busy.

his polish sausage may be ok lol but i know where i can get better

That's why he's "hanging out" with you until he finds a Polish girl, because you get his Polish sausage.
Atosha 3 | 42
1 Mar 2011 #25
lol talking online does not mean anything to me. since i know how he is online when he talks he is no smooth charmer online and alot of the time he is not smooth in person either

I would never vouch for someone that goes online to talk to strangers whilst they are supposed to be in a relationship no chance. And whether he isn't smooth to you online that doesn't mean he isn't being smooth with someone else.

You are seeing him as you see yourself as an innocent person but trust me not, if he was in a relationship with you for 4 months why have you never been introduced to his brothers? let alone you have seen them in work.

You seem like a really nice person, try not to let love blind your eyes it happens to the best of us :)
OP blueeyedbella84 1 | 10
25 Mar 2011 #26
well he says he has an ex girlfriend that he loves, but the other night he calls me up basically in tears and we decide to go drinking and he tells me how they met a few years ago and he loved her( and thinks she lvoves him too) but emailed him saying telling him to f off and that she was marrying soemone and that now he is heartbroken and happy we are friends ad we are i dont want to be serious with him as i was in a long relationship prior to him and i meeting so i dont wany anything long term right now i am too young im only 26 lol. so we get to his house and i go to my car and he says to come inside and we end up having sex a few times, and he kept textin me and calling me making sure i was ok and that i had a goodtime and tehn out of the blue says that he was with her again and they were going to try again even though his parents and family does not like her eihter does her family like him. it is messed up i dont get why he thinks he has to lie to me. and as for me meeting his brothers i did meet one of them but it wasnt a long talk it was just a quick hello and goodbye because we were heading out. and i do know where and what he does for work. he texts me while he is working almost every day.

i only just want to be friends with him and am looking to date other men, but i just dont get it. i dont likehow he thinks that he has to marry a polish woman i told him mny parents would love me to marry a scottish man too but they arent saying i have to, it is not a necessitiy i can date whoever i want from whatever background i want as long as i am in love and treated properly. i dont know he says he wants to be different tehn his family but this is the same i think he is a big baby. and his polish sausage is OK not the best sausage ive had lmao but we cant be telling him that lol. ps do polish man ever have any sexual problems? ie problems ejaculating? or get vesectomys early? like 16yrs old early?? just asking
shewolf 5 | 1,077
25 Mar 2011 #27
he is heartbroken and happy we are friends

Of course he is. What man wouldn't be happy to have a friend with benefits like you? ;)
hugo - | 5
25 Mar 2011 #28
I met a polish girl while on vacation in Bulgaria, and fell in love at once. Married a couple of years later and she moved to Norway. Still in love 16 years later.

I am happy that I married a polish girl rather than a norwegian, because she still is interesting and a bit mysterious to me.

Have no problem with my inlaws, wife complain that my motherinlaw loves me more than her.

I dont have a Merc, but have a Jaguar.
Lodz_The_Boat 32 | 1,535
25 Mar 2011 #29
my question is polish parents really strict on who ther children marry does it have to be polish girls if everyone else in there family is polish?

I dont know how many actual Pole with a good family (functional) working in their support really replied to you. This forum is predominantly non-Polish, or usually with friends of Polish ancestry who only have the bookish or publicized version of information about Poland.

Anyway, me coming from a traditional Polish family will try to give some input on this.

Yes, it is absolutely correct that mother's take interest in whom their sons or daughters are planning to marry. This doesn't necessarily mean that they want to decide for their children entirely, but it means that they would like to make sure that if they have any importance in the lives of their children then they should be allowed to judge the future spouse of their children, and sometimes even have a debate of views so that the marriage is a healthy one.

In my case, I selected a Korean girl and this was not easy with my mother. She wondered if this was just a rush of emotions from my part, and the vast differences in our cultures might make our marriage useless, or she might not be able to connect to the rest of the family. However, with logic and counter logic, things do work out if you both are truly serious about each other. Mother's would definitely give way to a marriage she feels is based on both partners being seriously committed in. It cannot be the man or the woman crumbling on the face of questions, or the man and the woman have no patience for each other. Also, they are interested enough in each other to remain in love even after having to face some screening.

Hope I could answer your question.
OP blueeyedbella84 1 | 10
29 Mar 2011 #30
you did thank you. so then why do you think he keeps telling me and other people he has to marry a polish woman. his brothers are both older and are both married to polish woman and were both married back in poland so when we dated he kept mentioning that to me and we were even talking about going to england and scotland to see my family and then to poland to see his family this summer. it seemed like it really bothered him that i did not speak polish and his mother the first night she met me was very admit about me coming over for family dinner so that she and his brothers and his dad could get to know me better even though i met them all once or twice during the course of dating.

and yes you are right to the person that said why wouldnt he be happy with a friend of benefit with someone like me i know im great at sex lmao his polish sausage isnt the only hot piece in the room hehe.

i am so done with him. i tried being friends with him. and now he is acting like an idiot and big KID. are all polish men aweful when they are drunk? can they handle their beer? cause this one cant.


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