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My Pole bf is flirting with an old friend from high school


Angelendisguise
28 Jan 2015 #1
Hi all. I'm dating a polish man and I'm black from South America. We live in NYC and he tells me he loves me. He hasn't been back to Poland in 20 years. He recently started a Facebook page and reconnected with some old friends. One day when his phone was beeping I checked it and I noticed some messages from a Polish girl from his town. Long story short the messages were about how they were doing etc. He sent her a picture of me and him and she said "I'm much prettier than your girlfriend" And then they both put smiley faces. I wish I could post a picture because there is no way that this girl even comes close to being nearly as cute as IM. But the point is that he laughed about it with her. Then he asked her for pictures and she sent him some, and then he asked her to show him pictures of her full body and she sent him pictures of her full body(clothed) they were very sexy pictures. He replied to her pictures by saying "mmmmmm" and told her she looked very good and had a very nice body. He made a joke saying two kids probably ruined the insides of her body and She told him that she had two kids but only one was delivered naturally end of the month with a C-section so that her body is still very fit. She then said he was old and probably not in good shape either. Then he told her that he's a man who's like a bull, the older he gets the harder the horn gets. He then told her he would be visiting Poland in the summer and would like to get a drink with her. When I saw the conversation we got into an argument and he told me that that's just how Polish people joke and that I didn't understand the culture. He said the bull joke is just something every guy says and isn't about sex and that she just wanted to show off her body as a friend because he called her old. Can anybody tell me their interpretation? I feel like ppl pretend to joke about things they mean to see how serious the other person will act. Plus when she's aid she was prettier than me he didn't do anything but ask her for pictures. Thoughts?
Roger5 1 | 1,458
29 Jan 2015 #2
he told me that that's just how Polish people joke

That's how people flirt.

and that I didn't understand the culture

Yeah, right.

One day when his phone was beeping I checked it and I noticed some messages

There is a lesson here, I think.
Doti75
29 Jan 2015 #3
I wouldn't worry much. I'm polish woman and I would do the same as your boyfriend collegue. That the way we are... at some age specially. When we are about fourties we like to hear that we are still very pretty and attractive and all other woman are not.
Levi_BR 6 | 219
29 Jan 2015 #4
He then told her he would be visiting Poland in the summer and would like to get a drink with her. When I saw the conversation we got into an argument and he told me that that's just how Polish people joke and that I didn't understand the culture.

This was probably the most stupid and non-sensical excuse that i had ever seen.

Your boyfriend is not just a bad-character. He is also dumb, extremelly dumb. Get rid of him.

Men (and Women) that cheat should be put to suffer and feel pain.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
29 Jan 2015 #5
He hasn't "cheated". The exchange with his friend sounds like a lot of rather silly banter and teasing. Of course, if they ever take it further, it might well turn into flirting. It also depends on whether him and the Polish woman were ever romantically involved in the past.
OP Angelendisguise
3 Feb 2015 #6
Thanks you guys. I used a translator and he was calling her names like kitten and black Barbie (she has black hair) and kept complimenting her body... She was Telling him he looked in shape as well and etc. and putting lol at the end so he says it was jokes. Once or twice she said hey troll (trolu) and put a smiley face and he said "see she doesn't think I'm handsome she called me a troll etc... And when I messaged her on polish and called her a kurwa she said they were juts joking and if I can't take a joke that its my problem. Also she was sending him pictures of her body and sexy poses (fully clothed but sexy clothing) for days. I broke up with him he started crying and saying she wasn't important to him etc he bought a few gifts and i took him back. He told he not to contact him again but I really don't trust him and I don't think this will last. I think im just waiting for something better to come along.
texas09 - | 33
4 Feb 2015 #7
but I really don't trust him and I don't think this will last. I think im just waiting for something better to come along.

Nothing better is going to come along if you still allow "the old" (i.e. him) to be in your life. The whole thing seems a bit odd. It seems like you guys maybe have been having issues if you reacted so strongly to this conversation between the two of them. In my opinion, his texting with his HS friend is a bit odd and too flirty for my tastes, so I'd have to wonder about his character to begin with. It just doesn't seem like you and this guy are truly on the same page regarding your commitment to each other. But if you want something better, I think you have to rip off the bandaid at once, instead of letting it linger and fester and hoping it will fall off on its own and that the new guy won't notice or won't mind your current messy love life. I know it feels kind of scary because you feel like being in a "meh" relationship is better than being alone, but in my experience it's better to make a clean break of it.
Vox - | 175
4 Feb 2015 #8
Funny story
bambi - | 8
5 Feb 2015 #9
Oh dear ... sounds very familiar. My partner is also Polish. I don't know what it is about this business of sending photos, flirting, etc. - I have seen messages of his that have really f****d me up, but then it does turn out that it is nothing but bollocks. Nothing comes of it. Your boyfriend probably wouldn't even have gone for the drink. But I do think it is disrespectful and kind of teenager-ish. I'm afraid I think probably the things we like about Polish guys are also part of the reason why they do stuff like this, though. They are more accessible sexually and physically, I think, and they are more aware of the difference between male and female, and this is cool when you are in bed with them and walking around holding their hand, but feels not so cool when they occasionally express it with some other woman ... they are all brought up to be bulls, which is great, and not so great.

I think you probably can't trust him not to have conversations like that, because the other advanced life skill Polish guys have is lying through their teeth, straight into your eyes. A key skill. However, he doesn't take the conversation seriously - he wants to be with you. If he actually cried when you split up, that is a very good sign. He is sincere, I think. And I think the reason he will probably still have flirty conversations is that he thinks they don't mean anything - to him, they don't.

He doesn't get it, and never will. But, I think you're probably right to hold out for someone who won't do that - because we can't tell - maybe he is one of the ones who will go on to be completely unfaithful. And nobody would want that pain in their life. I think he's fxxxxd it up with you.
OP Angelendisguise
6 Feb 2015 #10
Bambi you hit the nail on the head.. After leaving him he tried very sincerely to win me back over. I messaged her and she said they were joking and it's my problem if I don't have a sense of humor.

Being South American we don't take that type of talk nicely... So I told her off using bing translate.. Let's just say the word kurwa was used freely. Anyway she called me a racist name and he told her off and said even if they were joking that it wasn't right and that I took it very seriously. He told her he never wants to speak to her again and said that she's had no right to use racist names. He said that I was the most important thing to him and that how I felt mattered more than their conversations. She said fine and she's glad she doesn't have to speak with him anymore. I still didn't take him back and he kept trying. I told him I was upset that he never set her straight about her looks and he sent her another message days later saying that he was just poking at her about her body and that I'm the most beautiful woman to him. And we're now going to Poland together in the spring. He said he wanted to prove that he just wants me and so he bought me a ticket to fly with him and meet his parents. I've only spoken with them over the phone.

I think in his head it was just silly jokes, inappropriate but not serious. He said there are more important ppl for him to see when he goes back to Poland, he's renovating some property he has there and it's been almost twenty years. He said she'd be the last on the list and he never really planned on getting a drink but was just following up with the stupid talk. He said he was wrong and he's sorry and know he didnt think it would be such a big deal to me. He said if he saw me talking with another man like that he'd be upset too and he bought some nice gifts and has been really patient with my attitude. Thanks all!

Also, I still have my eye on him even though I've forgiven him. In my mind I feel like I don't know what may have happened if they continued flirting. It could have grown into something or even an emotional affair. But for now we are good, but you know they saying, fool me once...
cms 9 | 1,271
6 Feb 2015 #11
So you called her a ***** when basically your bf is at fault, and then get sensitive when she calls you names back ?
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,881
6 Feb 2015 #12
you called her a ***** and then start moaning about 'racism' when she calls you a name back?
nice.


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