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How to survive a relationship in Poland?


Nathan 18 | 1,349
14 Jul 2011 #1
How one makes one's sub-relatives worthy to sit at the feet of your partner's super-intelligent, kind and better family? How make the things work when your part of the deal is to be a doormat and keep your mouth always shut? How to be yourself with the chain at your neck ending at your partner's ankle, partner whom you love? What Poles or others do?
pip 10 | 1,658
14 Jul 2011 #2
Well, I can only speak for myself- but I moved to an entirely different country. Distance works for me.
Marynka11 4 | 671
14 Jul 2011 #3
Distance works for me.

Yes, distance is the key. A marriage is between two people so the focus of the relationship should be on just the two people, and the rest should be more distant background. I swear, whenever I have to deal for a longer time with my in-laws, especially his mother I'm seriously considering a divorce, that's how badly things get out of focus.

I'm sorry about the way you feel and I hope for a better state of things in your relationship soon. Did you try to talk to your partner and explain, how you feel? Maybe that could help?
Wroclaw Boy
15 Jul 2011 #4
How one makes one's sub-relatives worthy to sit at the feet of your partner's super-intelligent, kind and better family? How make the things work when your part of the deal is to be a doormat and keep your mouth always shut? How to be yourself with the chain at your neck ending at your partner's ankle, partner whom you love? What Poles or others do?

Just give you a good old head butt and dont worry about it, seems to be the obvious option.
guesswho 4 | 1,274
15 Jul 2011 #5
How to survive a relationship in Poland?

never get it started to begin with? ;-)
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,594
15 Jul 2011 #6
Did you try to talk to your partner and explain, how you feel?

That is step 1 for sure. Or else it will not be better. But it is important to say it "in the right way". And not only present criticism.
OP Nathan 18 | 1,349
15 Jul 2011 #7
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for support, but I am not in a relationship, at least as of today. Just some experience and observations. It was very interesting, though, that female posters concentrated on the relatives part while man's doormat status escaped their attention so naturally ;)

Did you try to talk to your partner and explain, how you feel?

Do women talk to doormats? Usually they like them, need them to wipe off their feet, but not hear. Oh, no. Man's every word is the word of his mother, because only his partner can have a valid opinion and his opinion could not possibly come from his brain - no way - it's always the in-law's idea.

Are there ever problems with male in-laws on either side? Nope. Only where there are two women: older and younger and both stupid, which is usually the case, which makes the life of the two families miserable.

never get it started to begin with? ;-)

It is tough. If some men had vaginas and could bear a kid, I wouldn't even think twice, but, unfortunately this is not the case :(

seems to be the obvious option.

Hang oneself? Become a gay? It is not so obvious.
guesswho 4 | 1,274
15 Jul 2011 #8
It is tough. If some men had vaginas and could bear a kid, I wouldn't even think twice, but, unfortunately this is not the case :(

she's not the one and only Nathan.
beckski 12 | 1,612
15 Jul 2011 #9
If some men had vaginas and could bear a kid, I wouldn't even think twice

If men could have babies, there would be zero percent population growth. Just ask Zimmy...
alexw68
15 Jul 2011 #10
Blimey, that's optimistic. I'd have said -100% in 30 years :)
OP Nathan 18 | 1,349
15 Jul 2011 #11
she's not the one and only Nathan.

That's true. There are quite a few billions ;)

If men could have babies, there would be zero percent population growth. Just ask Zimmy...

But a 0% of happy population growth. It is worth it :)
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
15 Jul 2011 #12
If men could have babies, there would be zero percent population growth. Just ask Zimmy...

Men like shag*in* too much for there to be zero, the population would be much higher, but they'd find stronger drugs to kill the pain of child birth :)

Nathan, you mention "doormat" far too much sweetie, try and be more assertive and avoid women who are over-controlling - find a nice chilled out lady who has a similar outlook who has a mind of her own and doesnt look to her family for advice for everything she does....
OP Nathan 18 | 1,349
15 Jul 2011 #13
Nathan, you mention "doormat" far too much sweetie, try and be more assertive and avoid women who are over-controlling - find a nice chilled out lady who has a similar outlook who has a mind of her own and doesnt look to her family for advice for everything she does....

Ok, it turned out now to trying to convince me personally, which is not the case. I am not talking about myself. Again, most of what I said is from observing close to me people. And if it was a single case, I would say: it is rare. But it is not. It is a behavioral feature that is prevailing in many women and I agree with Zimmy in that regard. Just being curious to understand, I would like to ask you, ladies: is it predominantly hormonal, psychological, environmental? Do some women search to assure themselves while feeling inadequate and failing to do it anywhere else, make their "success" especially pronounced at home? Does child-bearing justify women's pseudo-weakness which is often used in completely unrelated issues to the disadvantage of men? Yes, there is a child-birth pain - that's why men invented epidural. But is this pain so bad to blackmail the whole world constantly, before and after?
Marynka11 4 | 671
15 Jul 2011 #14
Do some women search to assure themselves while feeling inadequate and failing to do it anywhere else, make their "success" especially pronounced at home?

You mean, why are they bugging their husbands to help out with the kids and housework?

I honestly have no idea what are you fighting for on this thread.
pip 10 | 1,658
15 Jul 2011 #15
Do some women search to assure themselves while feeling inadequate and failing to do it anywhere else, make their "success" especially pronounced at home?

too bad you aren't a fly on the wall in my house. There are no inadequacies with me nor my two girls.
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
15 Jul 2011 #16
, I would like to ask you, ladies: is it predominantly hormonal, psychological, environmental?

Im chilled as hell and happy as larry with my fella - no demands no stress nice equal partnership - the same with my other friends in their relationships :) (we're all English though so it may be different) I also wasnt aware that child-bearing was a blackmail issue to be honest.

Thank you for inventing the epidural :)
nicnierozumiem
15 Jul 2011 #17
is it predominantly hormonal, psychological, environmental? Do some women search to assure themselves while feeling inadequate and failing to do it anywhere else, make their "success" especially pronounced at home?

wtf are you talking about? I don't feel "inadequate" in the least...

Yes, there is a child-birth pain - that's why men invented epidural

Great, an injection that turns you a piece of numb meat and fecks your back up for the next twenty years...thanks guys..:)))
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,594
15 Jul 2011 #18
Does child-bearing justify women's pseudo-weakness which is often used in completely unrelated issues to the disadvantage of men?

Actually I have never heard a woman using child-breaing to "blackmail" her man.
However, there are probably other things women can use to blackmail men.

Do you think women want their men to be doormats?
Do you think women turn their men into doormats?
OP Nathan 18 | 1,349
15 Jul 2011 #19
I don't fight. I just posted a few questions which I am trying to solve:
1.) mother-in-law---daughter/son-in-law conflicts - why is there a female bias?
2.) why female's family is always better?
3.) why preservation of marriages often turn out to be a fight between being oneself and doormat, not a dialogue of 2 people, compromise?

too bad you aren't a fly on the wall in my house. There are no inadequacies with me nor my two girls.

You know as I read it again I see why you feel this way. I wasn't doubting or talking about women's intelligence or ability to do any type of work. "Success" was meant to denote the creation of hell at home, which gives a feeling of control and power which is impermissible in other extradomicile social interactions.

Im chilled as hell

SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,594
15 Jul 2011 #20
why preservation of marriages often turn out to be a fight between being oneself and doormat, not a dialogue of 2 people, compromise?

If it is not possible to compromise, the relationship will end sooner or later (probably sooner). It does not matter what you do (doormat or not).

I still do not think that women want their men to be doormats. Maybe women want sensitive men, but not doormats. However I am not a women...
Wroclaw Boy
15 Jul 2011 #21
why preservation of marriages often turn out to be a fight between being oneself and doormat, not a dialogue of 2 people, compromise?

Nah dude if the guy takes it, its a match made in heaven. Most men are doormats SOW (scared of women).
OP Nathan 18 | 1,349
15 Jul 2011 #22
You mean, why are they bugging their husbands to help out with the kids and housework?
I honestly have no idea what are you fighting for on this thread.

I don't fight. I just posted a few questions which I am trying to solve:
1.) mother-in-law---daughter/son-in-law conflicts - why is there a female bias?
2.) why female's family is always better (IQly, spiritually, whateverly)?
3.) why preservation of marriages often turn out to be a fight between being oneself and doormat, not a dialogue of 2 people, achieving a compromise?

too bad you aren't a fly on the wall in my house. There are no inadequacies with me nor my two girls.

You know as I read it again I see why you feel this way. I wasn't doubting or talking about women's intelligence or ability to do any type of work. "Success" was meant to denote the creation of hell at home, which gives a feeling of control and power which is impermissible in other extradomicile social interactions.

Im chilled as hell... no demands no stress nice equal partnership

That's so rare and precious. My respect and best wishes :)

Thank you for inventing the epidural :)

You are welcome :) We try our best ;)

Great, an injection that turns you a piece of numb meat and fecks your back up for the next twenty years...thanks guys..:)))

So, why take it??? I think the women became too feminine in the recent years. The propaganda of skinny dystrophics as a symbol of a beautiful woman made the epidural indispensible. Kids used to fall out like apples in the Middle Ages, now we need 6 people to pull out a single treasure.

P.S. Sorry for double post - some tech malfunction.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,594
15 Jul 2011 #23
The propaganda of skinny dystrophics as a symbol of a beautiful woman made the epidural indispensible. Kids used to fall out like apples in the Middle Ages, now we need 6 people to pull out a single treasure.

This is actually true. It is well known that very thin girls have more complicated deliveries. And a higher incidence of Caesarean sections.
Marynka11 4 | 671
15 Jul 2011 #24
So, why take it??? (the epidural)

These days in America you almost have to fight not to get it, or any pain killers. Seriously, the hospital stuff almost made me feel guilty for not wanting it.

I don't fight. I just posted a few questions which I am trying to solve:
1.) mother-in-law---daughter/son-in-law conflicts - why is there a female bias?
2.) why female's family is always better?
3.) why preservation of marriages often turn out to be a fight between being oneself and doormat, not a dialogue of 2 people, compromise?

1. The stereotype is that mothers have hard time letting go of their sons. They want to have part in the marriage. Wives want their husbands to themselves. But that's not my case.

I have to say I had a good relationship with my mother in-low until the kids showed up. Then she started pushing on me her ideas about motherhood, starting from how often to nurse to taking offense that I stayed at home with the kids (which is not what she did), to the amounts of sugar and junk food the kids are allowed to consume. But the ocean between us works wonders.

2. Female is not always better.

3. Very subjective. It takes work from both sides to preserve a marriage. And if one person sacrifices all, and the other person nothing this marriage is doomed to fail.
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
15 Jul 2011 #25
1.) mother-in-law---daughter/son-in-law conflicts - why is there a female bias?

Women confind more in their mothers - therefore mother gets more info, sons keep their mouths shut and get on with it, mother non the wiser :)

2.) why female's family is always better (IQly, spiritually, whateverly)?

Not sure about that - every family is different.

3.) why preservation of marriages often turn out to be a fight between being oneself and doormat, not a dialogue of 2 people, achieving a compromise?

Because some women are unable to sort out private matters without involving mummy dearest..A big mistake IMO - whilst my mum will "offer" advice, she would never "tell" me what I should do - this is in general, where matters of the heart are concerned - she wouldnt get involved - example - was with someone for 6 years, she only told me after I dumped him that she never liked him :D

That's so rare and precious. My respect and best wishes :)

Hmmm.not sure its its so rare, but yes it precious and thank you x

Kids used to fall out like apples in the Middle Ages, now we need 6 people to pull out a single treasure.

And ploughing fields was so easy back then too and now we use all of this machinery, where's the fun in that? :) I know where you are coming from, but its call progress and just same as anathetic is used these days when taking out teeth or cutting of limbs :) Also you may like to look at the mortality rates back then when these little treasures came along.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,594
15 Jul 2011 #26
The stereotype is that mothers have hard time letting go of their sons.

Many fathers have hard time letting go of their daughters. But they often dont admit it "officially".
FlaglessPole 4 | 655
15 Jul 2011 #27
If some men had vaginas and could bear a kid, I wouldn't even think twice, but, unfortunately this is not the case :(

Well, would you think once? I mean once you’re in a missionary with your Princess Charming, her hairy ball-sack being kneaded up and down your abs..?
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
15 Jul 2011 #28
her hairy ball-sack being kneaded up and down your abs..?

Thats some weird position, because it certainly aint

once you’re in a missionary

Many fathers have hard time letting go of their daughters.

I think fathers know what men are like hence the reason for suspicion :)
FlaglessPole 4 | 655
15 Jul 2011 #29
because it certainly aint

hmmm, how should I break it down for you... would you even let me?

lol
FE la
15 Jul 2011 #30
Nathan

you need to get a better lendses or change your outlook on life. to be honest it seems that you are a lowself estem freak.

Do women talk to doormats?

wow there is definitely a problem with your way of thinking, you are so weak that you began to hallucinate at the point of your low selfesteam. Polish forums can't help you here, you need to see a psychological therapy to clarify your mind OR

TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!


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