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How common is it for husbands in Poland to open their wife's mail ?


Kojak333 3 | 12
16 Oct 2009 #1
How common is it for husbands in Poland to open mail that is addressed to their wife ?

A friend in Poland, told me that this is fairly common in Poland.

I plan to send a letter to someone in Poland. The subject matter is very personal.

I wonder if I send my letter and pictures in a U.S. Priority Mail cardboard box or a FedEx box, if a husband might be a little less inclinced to open a package ?

The person I'm sending the package to, is a relative who I haven't been in contact with, in 33 years. My mother. We have been separated, since I was 17 months old. I don't even know if my mother know's I've been living in the United States, all these years.

Also, does anyone know if the postal service in Poland delivers registered mail ? Obviously, I can't send a registered letter from the United States to Poland. But if Poland does deliver registered mail, I could send my letter (or package) to a friend in Poland. Then they could mail it to my relative - as registered mail.

If my mother could go to the post office and personally sign for the letter or package, that would be great. Her husband not being able to sign for it himself either, would be ideal.

I also have the address where my mother (in Poland) lives and the name of the health care organization or hospital where she works (in Warsaw). I could have someone deliver my letter (or package) to her house (in Legionowo) or hand-deliver it to her, where she works, but she might find that a bit intrusive and perhaps an invasion of her privacy.

Any thoughts or commentary would be appreciated.

I'm at the end of a long 13 year search to locate my mother in Poland. I just want to ensure she gets the letter (or small package). I'd hate for the husband to open my letter (or package), not tell her about it and keep it a secret.
beckski 12 | 1,617
16 Oct 2009 #2
We have been separated, since I was 17 months old. I don't even know if my mother know's I've been living in the United States, all these years.

That's so incredibly sad. I hope all others within the household are respectful to her, by letting her open her package by herself.
michal_857 2 | 17
16 Oct 2009 #3
visit her personally, it's your mother...
PolskaDoll 28 | 2,104
16 Oct 2009 #4
Kojak333 if you're really that worried about it I'd suggest sending it to her place of employment if you're clear about her name, job title and department (especially if it's a big health care centre).

I imagine you'd be able to send it to her home without issue though.

Getting a friend involved might not be what your friend wants but if they're willing to help then that would be great but I wouldn't have them hand deliver it, that might be a bit much for your Mother. You'd also have to trust your friend to post it on once they received it.

Good luck.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
16 Oct 2009 #5
So you wouldn't trust them as far as you could throw them then? I am of the same belief for the most part. Many are backstabbing guttersnipes.
gumishu 11 | 5,763
16 Oct 2009 #6
Also, does anyone know if the postal service in Poland delivers registered mail ?

it does - at least when it is inland mail - don't remember now how registered mail from abroad is treated (but I think it is taken notice that the mail is marked as registered)

the thing is in Poland registered does not mean that the mail will not fall into the hands of relatives living in the same household - the practice is any relative living in the same household can sign for the addressee if she/he is not present (I don't know the legal aspects of that practice)
Krystal 6 | 95
16 Oct 2009 #7
Well, I think you should go on vacation and visits your mother if you can. If she lives in country, it is easy to find her. If she is living in city, you may have to wait outside for her to come out. Or talk to her neighbors to pass her your personal information. Or talk to someone like Priest who can help both of you. I really don't know how Polish people reactions when something surprisely come up unexpecting.

Good Luck!

If she have telephone and you can call her.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346
16 Oct 2009 #8
You found your mother after 13 years and all you do is send her a letter?
OP Kojak333 3 | 12
16 Oct 2009 #9
33 years. I've been searching for 13 years. I'm 35 today.

What would you recommend I send along with my letter, besides pictures ?
gumishu 11 | 5,763
16 Oct 2009 #10
I don't think you need to send her anything else but wait for other people's ideas
Seanus 15 | 19,706
16 Oct 2009 #11
There is no substitute for real contact. I miss meaningful discussions with my family. I won't have seen them for 1.5 years when I go back for Xmas this year. It sounds like a while but nothing like your time frame. Catching up really helps people become circumspect/reflective and draw on what they have done or been doing in their lives.

Good luck with that, many have a wide array of technology at their disposal. If you can't visit her, there are always fallbacks :) :)
ShawnH 8 | 1,507
16 Oct 2009 #12
I can empathise with your dilemma. My mother wrote a letter to my grandmother about 15 years ago that put us in touch with that half of my family. My mother had the misfortune of being born out of wedlock, and her parents moved her from foster home to foster home over the years. After some prodding by the man my mom was seeing at the time, my mom finally screwed up the courage to contact her mom. She went in with a good attitude, and an open mind, and they ended up having a good relationship over the last few years of grandma's life, which included a trip to Hawaii with Grandma, my Aunt and my mom. My cousins ended up being a super group of people, and we see them quite frequently.

Go for it, but keep an open mind. It may or may not work out.

Good luck.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
17 Oct 2009 #13
You have to roll the dice in life. Einstein postulated that God doesn't play with die (plural of dice). Unfortunately, as mere mortals, we have to.

Interest and anticipation keeps the spice in life :)
delphiandomine 88 | 18,455
17 Oct 2009 #14
(I don't know the legal aspects of that practice)

I wish. Maybe in smaller places, but Poczta Polska seem to be pretty insistent that I sign for endless mail from various governmental places :( I'm getting sick to death of the trip down to the post office...
gumishu 11 | 5,763
17 Oct 2009 #15
I think it's because you're foreign - they don't want to mess around and get into trouble - Poles are just used to the kind of practice I have described
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384
17 Oct 2009 #16
I wonder if I send my letter and pictures in a U.S. Priority Mail cardboard box or a FedEx box, if a husband might be a little less inclinced to open a package ?

if you haven't spoken to her... send a letter of introduction first and ask about sending on pictures later. if you send valuable pictures... make sure they are copies... just in case.

try to find a trusted person here in poland to work on your behalf

a small parcel delivered to a house... anyone who answers the door can sign for it.
OP Kojak333 3 | 12
17 Oct 2009 #17
Wroclaw

I selected about 30 pictures taken of me over the years.

Included is a picture of my original Polish passport to America (circa 1975) and the photo that was affixed to it. My mother would recognize the person in that picture, since it was taken within several weeks of our separation.

I took everything to Kinkos and laid the pictures out on 8 x 11 sheets of white paper (for a background). Then the pictures were were printed on 8 x 11 glossy card stock paper. The pictures look very good. The quality is good. The pictures sort of tell a story by themselves, about what I looked like growing up and the events of my life and things I had been involved in, through the years.

I have a couple friends in Poland. One person suggested she would be willing to drive to my mother's workplace and hand-deliver my envelope (package) to her. Initially I thought this might be a good idea, but I'm starting to think perhaps not, at least from the perspective of my mother.

I'd imagine that most people, if they had a visitor stop by their workplace to hand-deliver a package, they might be pretty interested in opening it pretty quickly, out of curiosity. Especially if the letter had a foreign return address on it.

If my mother opened the letter at work, or maybe worse yet, in front of her co-workers, the whole thing might be pretty unsettling. Especially with pictures and everything.

My goal is to travel to Poland within the next 7 to 12 months. I could visit the country and then meet-up with my family.

The last time I was in Poland, was 22 years ago, during the summer of 1987. I was only 13 years old. I was touring the country for 3 weeks with my American family. This was shortly after the nucular accident in Chernobyl, Russia. I remember people in the restaurants, advising me not to eat the strawberries that came with my cake (dessert).

The American dollar was so "strong" then. I remember standing in a line in Gdansk to buy ice-cream. I'd already had 2 ice-cream cones and wanted a 3rd. When I got to the window, I reached in my pocket and realized I was out of Polish currency. So I offered to give the lady 1 American dollar. The lady told me I would have to wait for a handful of people behind me, to buy their ice-cream, before she would have enough change for me. I told the lady not to worry about it, to just keep the change. I mean really, I paid $1 for ice-cream cones in my hometown in N.Y., all the time back then. As soon as I said that, some Polish guy that could speak English and over-heard my conversation, stepped out of line and started laughing. He said: "You crazy Amerikanski."

I remember things were so cheap in Poland, I could go in to a store and just point to the shirts on the wall, the guy behind the counter would gather the 7 or 8 shirts, and I never even thought about how much they would cost. And I only had my paper-route and lawnmower money.

Then I went to a department store and bought a couple suitcases. I bought all kinds of hand-tools in the same department store and loaded up my suitcases. Then when I got back home to America, I found out some of the sockets and wrenches I bought, didn't even work on my lawnmower or bicycle. I thought I had been ripped off. But nope, that was my introduction to the "metric system."
beckski 12 | 1,617
17 Oct 2009 #18
I selected about 30 pictures taken of me over the years

I'm sure she'll appreciate all your efforts. Are you enclosing some type of movie of yourself too?
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595
19 Oct 2009 #19
The person I'm sending the package to, is a relative who I haven't been in contact with, in 33 years.

Touching story. Wish you all the best!
OP Kojak333 3 | 12
19 Oct 2009 #20
Thanks for all the thoughts and comments.

Beckski:

Yes, I do have a collection of old movies of myself. Some going back to when I was 3 years old.

I recently had a lot of old family movies (with my American family), on 8mm film (some dating back to the mid 1950's) transferred to DVD. At some point, if my mom is interested, I could put together a dvd of myself, for my mother (in Poland).
ShawnH 8 | 1,507
21 Oct 2009 #21
I could put together a dvd of myself, for my mother (in Poland).

Would you have to get it transferred from NTSC to PAL?
plk123 8 | 4,149
21 Oct 2009 #22
if you haven't spoken to her... send a letter of introduction first and ask about sending on pictures later.

i'm gonna go with wroclaw here.. no pictures as first contact. this may be too traumatic for her. simple intro and your intentions is where i would start. then go from there.. baby steps...

Touching story. Wish you all the best!

x2
pgtx 30 | 3,156
21 Oct 2009 #23
How common is it for husbands in Poland to open mail that is addressed to their wife ?

Polish wives are so lazy, they don't even open their own mail... that's why Polish women get married, so some guy can do it for them...
AmericanGirl - | 20
22 Oct 2009 #24
heyy, not true. I open my own mail and also take care of most, if not all, house duties :)
kojak, very touching and IMHO I think a letter w/pictures through-out your life is a great first start. Showing up unannounced could be shocking and unsettling.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
22 Oct 2009 #25
It depends on the girl, I guess. Everything comes through discussion and mail shouldn't be opened without permission, simple. My fiancee tends to her own business.
ender 5 | 398
10 Nov 2009 #26
How common is it for husbands in Poland to open mail that is addressed to their wife ?

A friend in Poland, told me that this is fairly common in Poland.

yes. they are family it's very common. even parents can ask kids to show them letter. no secrets whithin family (not so openly)
Olaf 6 | 956
2 Mar 2010 #27
I can't send a registered letter from the United States to Poland.

Why not???
July - | 9
2 Mar 2010 #28
yes. they are family it's very common. even parents can ask kids to show them letter. no secrets whithin family (not so openly)

Not true!!!!! I'm Polish and I would never agree to that! When my "ex" did it, I dumped him!
It's my privacy! Family is very important here in Poland, but we know our boundaries!
Exiled 2 | 425
2 Mar 2010 #29
Polish husbands often open their wives mail to find there some underwear.
Ioxana - | 57
3 Mar 2010 #30
I think having her adress U better find and talk to her personally, bearing in mind what U gonna say.
See, if u havent been in contact for so long time she might go very confused, anxious and whatsoever reading a letter on a distance. Also I must admit woman in the age can become very touchy and this kind of conversation for face-to-face communication, in my opinion.

So my conclusion is-go and see her personally, face to face but dont forget to plan step by step the way U want to meet her whether it gonna be in a house/flat (if she's married and has other children it might be not that easy, mm?) or any place she regularly attends..

Basically, what U need to do I think is also to find out about her lifestyle and according to the info Ull get-to catch her:)

Dont forget the conversation wont be short and maybe easy so pick up a calm place with minimum or none people around:)
I wish You good luck!:)


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