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Don't want others to join us at a table - is it normal for Polish girls to get angry?


stinkybugger - | 56
14 Aug 2011 #91
I wouldn't be happy with you either and to be honest wouldn't be bothered seeing ya again.
unique_username
14 Aug 2011 #92
Generally I had some worse experience for example once I followed a polish girl after the date without her noticing and I saw her meeting another guy who waited in a place nearby!For fun I pretended that I came there by accident and started talking to her getting all her attention till the other guy came threatening.

Sth similar happened to me living in Pl. Finished work with the plan to meet my GF of 6 months about 8pm. @ 7:50 i got sms that she was tired after work and was taking a shower and going to sleep. Sth didn't feel right. I wrote back sth like "ok, later". I went past her flat about 8:10, and sat on a bench under a tree in the park just outside her 2nd floor flat. I was quite surprised when I saw another guy walking about in her place, since she has no brother or room-mates. The curtains were not closed. They both were obviously in the shower together, as they disappeared for the same time and re-appeared with towels on themselves. I was gutted.

About 4 hours later the curtains closed and lights went out. I sat around 30 min more to see if the guy was to leave. Only 1 door in/out. Did he emerge? Nope. I didn't live far away from her, so in the morning, I went back to the park. He was walking about in the flat with her, walked her to the bus and had quite the makeout sess just before she got on the bus to work.

I wrote an sms to her moments later while she was on the bus saying- "I hope you had more fun with Mr. Blond Hair last night than you would have had with me because you will never see me again" Never heard back from her.

Oh yes and Southern, I totally get what you mean about how there is plenty of "sharing" going on!!! I've never experienced such behavior before living in PL. I'd be really ticked off if one of my buddies had his hands all over my GF and she permitted it. Drunk or not. Such a sign of disrespect.

>>OP you have too much patience. 2 hours??? I would've been out after 30-45 min with or without her. She isn't worth it. I don't play games. 3,000,000,000+ women on the planet and you are busted up over 1???? Move on young grasshopper!!!
skysoulmate 14 | 1,296
14 Aug 2011 #93
confused82
haha, OK thats your opinion. @skysoulmate
Maybe I am a little possessive but when a woman is with me I treat her like a queen and maybe I am a little insecure about this girl, I really like her @grubas

Well, I read all your comments and you seem like a pretty smart guy ...except when you drink.

Whenever in doubt, always ask yourself how you'd like if she did/said something similar to you? Drop this man versus woman thing or even the British girls versus the Polish girls comparisons. Deep inside we're all pretty similar, we want to have good time, meet this someone special and feel like we're very special to that person.

Women hate control freaks and they do it for a good reason. The majority of women who get abused and/or murdered nowadays get hurt by their "loved ones", usually a boyfriend, husband, ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. Those are the facts and you can't blame them for being extra cautious.

If I was there I'd find an excuse to leave and would go somewhere else. The next day she'd probably ask me why I left so early and I'd explain it to her. If she understood my reasons, apologized and said let's give it another try, I'd be more than happy to go out with her again. If she showed no understanding at all and treated me like dirt, I'd drop her from my view-finder, I deserve better.

For you to tell this guy to get lost was wrong because she was the one who asked him to come over, not you. To use an extreme in order to emphasize my point - if a woman was to cheat on you, don't get mad at the guy, get mad at her, she's the one who cheated, not him. (by "getting mad" I mean leave her, she's worthless).

PS. When you see someone you really like, stop drinking prompto, better yet, stay sober for a change. Obviously you aren't a happy-drunk type which usually means confrontations and drama the more you drink. Good luck to you.
rybnik 18 | 1,461
14 Aug 2011 #94
For you to tell this guy to get lost was wrong because she was the one who asked him to come over, not you.

I disagree! The interloper overstayed his welcome by 90 minutes easy. It was confused's date! This guy was hijacking his night. Confused was well within his rights to ask dude #2 to split....Remember, it's not as if he booted this guy shortly after sitting down. He waited 120 minutes! Jeez. Props to confused for his patience.
skysoulmate 14 | 1,296
14 Aug 2011 #95
Rybnik:
I disagree! The interloper overstayed his welcome by 90 minutes easy.

Really? So what's the "magic" number according to you? Would 80 minutes be ok? 60? 45?

The fact is he should've talked to her, not him. She's the one who invited the guy to the table, the guy didn't just show up on his own. The "overstaying" guy might have been clueless, maybe even rude but he was invited to the table by HER.

Any other "overstaying rules" imply that once you take a woman out you own her. Pure nonsense. She has a mind of her own and can do as she pleases, if she wants to be rude toward her date by inviting another guy over it's her prerogative. It's his prerogative to dump her or at the very least to mention something to her. Remember, she was the one who invited the other guy.
grubas 12 | 1,390
14 Aug 2011 #96
It was confused's date!

I will repeat myself and ask again-When did we establish that it was actually a date?All we know is that OP wanted it to be a date.What most men can't comprehand is that the fact that a women accepts invitation to go out doesn't necessarilly mean that SHE is going on a date.It's a very selfish thinking.

Any other "overstaying rules" imply that once you take a woman out you own her. Pure nonsense.

Exactly.Just because she went out with him twice doesn't mean that he has any rights to her.
I mean seriously,none of you guys ever went out with a women ASSUMING that you are going on a date only to learn when you tried to get to the point (you know what I mean,well I hope you do) that it was not the case?Happened to me few times.Sometimes you win,sometimes you lose.You won,fine,you lost,well, accept defeat and move on, the sooner the better for you.

I will repeat and you guys better remember :
THE FACT THAT A WOMAN ACCEPTS YOUR INVITATION TO GO OUT DOES NOT ALWAYS MEAN THAT SHE IS GOING TO F U C K YOU OR LET YOU F U C K HER.
southern 75 | 7,096
14 Aug 2011 #97
There is also the mental game played by polish women.They sometimes want to check out how much sh1t you are ready to take.If you swallow loads of sh1t it may seem that they will manipulate you easily but on the other hand you are very weak to achieve things.If you refuse to take any sh1t it means they may have a hard time but maybe you maybe a touch fighter so the point is to find the balance that is to eat the right amount of sh1t not more or less than needed.
Midas 1 | 571
14 Aug 2011 #98
Ok, some of you guys are going back to blaming the threadstarter for what happened or pretending he's a dumbass who can't tell a date from another social occasion :

Well, I read all your comments and you seem like a pretty smart guy ...except when you drink.

I will repeat myself and ask again-When did we establish that it was actually a date?

Again, I believe that it comes down to cultural differences and upbringing. Because of that you guys are simply unable to place any form of significant blame of that chick and keep looking for excuses to place it on the threadstarter. Not too nice, I have to say.

Then along comes grubas with his utterly ridiculous comments:

I will repeat and you guys better remember :
THE FACT THAT A WOMAN ACCEPTS YOUR INVITATION TO GO OUT DOES NOT ALWAYS MEAN THAT SHE IS GOING TO F U C K YOU OR LET YOU F U C K HER.

Seriously, when did that even enter the picture? Get a hold of yourself because you're accusing people ( unjustly and not for the first time ) of having some extremely negative character traits.

Regarding the topic itself:

1) It is telling that none of the threadstarter's "opponents" even attempted to tackle my "gender-reversed" example. Most likely because you couldn't rationally explain why you'd apply different standards to a male ( "he's a dick!!!" ) and a female ( "nothing wrong here, move along please" ) engaging in exactly the same behaviour.

2) The more we discuss the more painfully obvious it becomes that we come from two different cultural backgrounds. And why I understand how Polish people are ( or perhaps "were" ) brought up, I'd also like to ask some of you ( you know whom I'm talking about right now ) to be less negative towards the threadstarter.

There are societies ( UK happens to be one of them ) in which it isn't always common to apply a double standard to males and females in some matters and in which the threshold of tolerance for behaviour that can be described as rude or promiscuous doesn't vary based on the gender of the offender. In Poland the double standard ( as in - "females are allowed more" ) is applied all the time.

This is very clear if You actually read the title of the thread which is "is this normal for polish girls?". Why would the author ask such a question? In my mind there's little doubt he asked it, because he found the behaviour of his polish date baffling, to say the least, and certainly not something that's expected of a female ( a non-chav, +18 y.o. female to be specific ) in the UK.

The bottom line seems to be that in many cultures what the girl did can be viewed as both rude ( to her date ) and promiscuous ( holding up an improvised competition during the date to see which guy gives her more attention ). Poland is obviously not one of such cultures, but that's besides the point here.

3) "how many minutes"

20, tops. There's no doubt in my mind that "confused" showed extreme tolerance and restraint allowing this thing to go on for 2 hours.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
14 Aug 2011 #99
I think the OP needs more experience and to have certain approaches in mind. In the main, people are far flightier than they were before. I always operate from the premise that I am just a convenience for many here. A lot of my experience has borne that out in practice. As a foreigner, you are like an interesting experiment with which to play around. Also, always assume that she has a Polish lad.
rybnik 18 | 1,461
14 Aug 2011 #100
That's a rather cynical perspective
Seanus 15 | 19,706
14 Aug 2011 #101
I am cynical, yes. Why do you think so?
Midas 1 | 571
14 Aug 2011 #102
That's a rather cynical perspective

Why are You calling Seanus cynical?

I'd say he's more of a realist.

That part about assuming that a Polish woman always has a Polish lad on the side in case things don't work out with a foreigner she's had her eyes on --> that's very often simply just true.
rybnik 18 | 1,461
14 Aug 2011 #103
Why are You calling Seanus cynical?

I'd say he's more of a realist.

One man's cynicism is another man's realism. It was just an observation (I don't mean to editorialize).
Seanus 15 | 19,706
14 Aug 2011 #104
But where was the cynicism, rybnik?
southern 75 | 7,096
14 Aug 2011 #105
that a Polish woman always has a Polish lad on the side in case things don't work out with a foreigner she's had her eyes on --> that's very often simply just true.

Not only polish.Polish women keep several reseves at hand.
f stop 25 | 2,513
15 Aug 2011 #106
why would it be any different with Polish girl than with any other? You go to a place where she knows people, they join you... you might use this opportunity to get to know her better (she's less likely to fake you out when she is around people that know her), or tell her you were hoping to spend time alone and suggest another place. Telling off her friend/acquaintance was a bad move. She was right to get pissed at you.
skysoulmate 14 | 1,296
15 Aug 2011 #107
Midas:
Ok, some of you guys are going back to blaming the threadstarter for what happened or pretending he's a dumbass who can't tell a date from another social occasion :

skysoulmate:
Well, I read all your comments and you seem like a pretty smart guy ...except when you drink.

Midas:
I will repeat myself and ask again-When did we establish that it was actually a date?
Again, I believe that it comes down to cultural differences and upbringing. Because of that you guys are simply unable to place any form of significant blame of that chick and keep looking for excuses to place it on the threadstarter. Not too nice, I have to say.

Not too nice of you to quote me without reading the entire reply.

skysoulmate:
Any other "overstaying rules" imply that once you take a woman out you own her. Pure nonsense. She has a mind of her own and can do as she pleases,if she wants to be rude toward her date by inviting another guy over it's her prerogative. It's his prerogative to dump her or at the very least to mention something to her. Remember, she was the one who invited the other guy.

Yes, she was rude and I said that. However, since she was the one who invited the other guy over her date's choices should've been 1) speak up to HER (not him), or 2) leave.

PS. Those retarded no-name quotes drive me nuts. May whoever came up with them suffer from insomnia for the rest of his/her life.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
15 Aug 2011 #108
I think the point is not so much about inviting others over but more about the trait in many Polish women to really dislike being told what to do. Very childish at times!
OP confused82 1 | 30
15 Aug 2011 #109
Thank you all for your replies both supportive and critical, I think it has helped me to gain a balanced perspective on the situation. I think in different ways, all three parties did things that were wrong. The guy should have known better than to come and interrupt, she should have made it clear to him that we were out on a date and he could join us for a drink maybe but that should have been it and I should have raised my concerns with her then either she could have asked him for some privacy or I could have left. I would love this girl to give me another shot, but I think it's abundantly clear that is not going to happen.
grubas 12 | 1,390
15 Aug 2011 #110
Just forget her dude and move on,and don't blame yourself (nor her,nor that guy) because it seems that it wasn't going to work anyway.
OP confused82 1 | 30
15 Aug 2011 #111
I'm trying bro, I had a one night stand on Saturday and woke up thinking about this other chick, I don't know how she has infected my mind so much!
pawian 178 | 15,896
15 Aug 2011 #112
Did she tell you to call her Domina, btw?

Be careful! This is what she expects you to do:

I suggest dumping her if you are not intent on your partner wearing pants in the family.
Midas 1 | 571
15 Aug 2011 #113
skysoulmate -

Confused has put this rather well. First of all, the "other" guy shouldn't have swooped in - blame on him. Secondly - the girl should have made it very clear to the "guest" that he wasn't wanted after a two dozen minutes or so. Lastly - Confused could have perhaps handled the whole situation slightly better ( as in "leaving when things got really stupid" ).

So, in my humble opinion - 40% of the blame on the swooper ( who, as I mentioned earlier, probably had some experience with "polish girls" and knew it was perfectly ok in the girl's mind to swoop in ), 50% of the blame on the girl for acting like a rude and promiscuous **** ( there, I said it ), 10% on TS for not leaving when he should have.

In Poland it would look something like this - obviously 100% of the blame on TS, because he dared to stand up for himself against the queen's wishes.

That's it, hence I don't see the reason why some people ( grubas ) are treating him like an idiot who can't tell what a date is or why are you acting as if he should be blamed the most.

I would love this girl to give me another shot, but I think it's abundantly clear that is not going to happen.

Ignore her completely. I mean, look the other way when she walks by. That's the only chance of "another shot" you've got at the moment with her type of personality.

Still, my advice is to ditch her as she's clearly a "Polish Princess" and will end up costing you a lot more than she's worth.

Whatever you do though, don't take into account what grubas says - he's always mad when a foreigner gets a polish girl ( which probably means he's mad and angry all the time ).
f stop 25 | 2,513
15 Aug 2011 #114
Really? You think SHE is dominant? How would you like if some first date chick told your buddies to blow off because you're not talking to her enough?
Midas 1 | 571
15 Aug 2011 #115
Please tackle my gender-reversed example from p.3 if you're feeling that confident :-)
pawian 178 | 15,896
15 Aug 2011 #116
=Midas]Ignore her completely. I mean, look the other way when she walks by. That's the only chance of "another shot" you've got at the moment with her type of personality.
Still, my advice is to ditch her as she's clearly a "Polish Princess" and will end up costing you a lot more than she's worth.

Exactly.

However, we might be wrong. She is just checking him and his balls out. That was the case with my beloved wife. She tried to dominate me just to try out my character. When I resisted firmly, she gave up and today we are a happy couple with me taking most important decisions and her wisely controlling my taking.
f stop 25 | 2,513
15 Aug 2011 #117
Please tackle my gender-reversed example from p.3 if you're feeling that confident :-)

< does not apply. He does not imply that she was making googly eyes at the interlopper. She might have thought everyone was having a good time, more the merrier etc. so he should have talked to her first, otherwise, they're off to a pretty bad start, communication-wise. I'd be done with him too.

edit: all he had to do was whisper in her ear: "baby, baby, baby, I want all of your attention. You want me to drop this guy?" J/K

:)
Midas 1 | 571
15 Aug 2011 #118
does not apply

Obviously it does apply.

For your assumptions to work two things would have to occur simultaneously:

1) TS being a completely inexperienced young gent unable to appropriately articulate his wishes, then going around, making up fantasy stories. As in "I asked her out for buddy chat, but in my mind this is sooooo a date".

2) Swooper having "clean" intentions. And my life experience tells me that a guy trying to sit down with a couple rarely has those, especially if the girl is attractive enough.

all he had to do was whisper in her ear: "baby, baby, baby, I want all of your attention. You want me to drop this guy?" J/K
:)

Why are you so certain of this and how come you assume he hasn't POLITELY tried to suggest to the girl that the guest might have overstayed his welcome?
f stop 25 | 2,513
15 Aug 2011 #119
Why are you so certain of this and how come you assume he hasn't POLITELY tried to suggest to the girl that the guest might have overstayed his welcome?

because he would have told us if he did? He waited until her back was turned and that is the crux of the matter.
OP confused82 1 | 30
15 Aug 2011 #120
I tried to hint for her to tell him to go but maybe want direct enough. she has told me she doesnt want to date me any more so there you go, done.


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