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Polish mother of my child - 'No money, no daughter' - ADVICE NEEDED

sussexguy 1 | 16
10 Jul 2016 #31
Hahaha I would never want a child with another polski.

Correction, it's not another "polski" debilski, it's another "Polka" written and pronounced with declination and starting with a capital letter (insulting Polish women and Polish people by deliberately using small letters should bring your post and thread to the attention of moderators and an administrator) - a mastery of which is beyond you as is Polish woman.
Lenka 3 | 2,445
10 Jul 2016 #32
You can't expect me not to post if you post on a discussing forum.
Unless you go through court you have no way of judging the system. What someone told you (and I doubt it was really a lawyer, more like someone else on some kind of forum) doesn't matter. Many fathers fight for their rights in court. And yes, probably the court would give you the right to visit and take part in raising your kid but yes, they will also expect you to pay child support. Probably around 500zl not euros. And no, the stuff you bring wouldn't count, only cash.

There should be a law against men being tricked into having children

You weren't tricked into having a kid. She didn't rape you, went off the pill behind your back or made wholes in the condom. You made a decision you want to have a baby with her. Things didn't go as planned but you weren't tricked.

Ok, what was your plan in case she dies and you have to take care of the kid alone?
You asked for advice and I already told you what your 3 options are. You don't like it- though but it won't give you any more options.

P.S. There is no Polski. It's either Polish women/Pole or Polka.
sussexguy 1 | 16
10 Jul 2016 #33
Thats why UK have voted to pull out of the EU they dont need foreigners either right ?

UK better keep quiet about foreigners since it is this nation that caused most wars and colonized most lands in countries where most of Its immigrants come from. So you deserve all you get now. During and after WWII you treated Polish people like rubbish (you still do) and now you complain about Polish foreigners? Serves you right, I hope Polish people take over more and more jobs in UK - in time higher positions await for Polish migrants.
10 Jul 2016 #34
No Lenke your wrong.
I made it clear I did not want to be a father on a distance if we where to have a child.
She promised me marriage and togetherness up to the time of pregnancy and whilst she was sleeping with other man in Poland behind my back.

4 years of giving me hope and promises of coming back to me.
How can you say I was not tricked or decieved ??

Wait she did 4 years later tell me she never loved me and thought by having a child it would grow?
MMMMmmmm will you still defend her now? I think her plans worked out perfectly dont you?
Lenka 3 | 2,445
10 Jul 2016 #35
I've said already that she sounds like a bit** but no, she didn't 'trick' you into having a kid. You agreed to it. One of the risks involved is that one day you may split. Marriages get divorced...

I'm sorry to say it but when you decide to have a baby you have to take few things into consideration. Like what happens when you split up/divorce, what if your partner dies... It's not easy but that's how it is.
10 Jul 2016 #36
Hahaha I would never want a child with another polski.
Correction, it's not another "polski" debilski, it's another "Polka" written and pronounced with declination and starting with a capital letter (insulting Polish women and Polish people by deliberately using small letters should bring your post and thread to the attention of moderators and an administrator) - a mastery of which is beyond you as is Polish woman.

If you read my post correctly you would read I have slight learning difficulties and in reading and writing
so excuse for my gramaticca.
So sussexgay dont read what you want to hear.
I am insulting no one.


This is polish system.
Good, we like it that way, and if you don't like it then off with you, crawl back onto your donkey and welcome back beloved UK - good riddance! Poland does not need complaining foreigners.

Lenka 16:14 #39

I've said already that she sounds like a bit** but no, she didn't 'trick' you into having a kid. You agreed to it. One of the risks involved is that one day you may split. Marriages get divorced...

Lenka we did not even have a chance to split. It never began as being together once she became pregnant.
Her only interest was in going back to Poland and me finding a way to support our child until she could return to holland to work when our child was 6 years old. And she said Holland was to cold for her to live during winter.

And in poland the heating can be on 24/7 as she liked to walk around in only her t shirt.
She also said she didnt want to return yet because her father said if she returned to holland and wasnt there to look after him in old age

he would not leave her the land and house he had.
And you say her intentions arent money motivated??
Lenka 3 | 2,445
10 Jul 2016 #37
You did split. You were a couple and then you stopped being a couple. It might have happened early in the pregnancy but that's still splitting.

You say she's doing all this for money. Why didn't she choose a wealthier guy? You said yourself she knew your financial situation.

Anyway-all that is not important. What's important is that you know what you can do and you have to choose what you want to do. There is no way in which I can help you (and I doubt anyone else here can).
mafketis 24 | 9,123
10 Jul 2016 #38
You need a lawyer and you need to lay your cards on the table with your ex.

1. You want access to you child, you're willing to support said child financially within your limits (but not defraud the welfare system)

2. She's given you no reason to trust her - you need a dna test before proceeding. There are enough women in the world who will try to trick a man into supporting a child that isn't his that no man can really afford to trust a woman concerning the paternity of a child she wants money for. DNA testing should be 100% universal with no exceptions.
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,839
10 Jul 2016 #39
I am originally from UK.

I find that hard to believe. Your 'grammatica' errors are not typical of a native English speaker with learning difficulties.
11 Jul 2016 #40
Yes I have although not in a way people would not easily recognize. I have many talents musician creative and artistic.
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,839
11 Jul 2016 #41
I am sure you do victor but your writing does not seem to be that of a native speaker of English, learning difficulties or not.

Whatever, I do not really care anyway.
cms 9 | 1,271
11 Jul 2016 #42
Victor I think a problem you will have is that you wish to use the law when it suits you, but in other cases (like helping her defraud social security or selling old things without paying tax) you wish to stay outside the formal world.

It's clear that you were not thinking straight at the time, but that's understandable - after your son's death I can see why you wanted a relationship and something to cling to.

Maybe do something like that ?

- see if you can find proper work that would allow you to support her formally and make you seem more reliable to a court
- get her commitment on access if you were to send cash (in writing)
- send a few payments and if there is no access then involve a lawyer
- accept a DNA test if needed

good luck, but your chances of a 100% successful outcome are low. And don't think its easy for her either - bringing up a kid on your own is stressful and will involve a lot of hard decisions on her part.
11 Jul 2016 #43
My ex lives in a rent free large appartmentt with her old mother which is cost free.
Her divorced is successful and has supported the mother for the last 40 years this way.
My ex lived with her mother all her life never married no children.
When we met she said it was her last chance for a child ect ect
I told her my situation and I could not support her and the child alone if we where to have a child.
She said its ok she would work and I could be a father at home.
As soon as she became pregnant changed every thing all the plans and conditions.
She wanted to return to poland and to visit me vacations until the child was older and wanted me to send child benefit to poland. Until she would return.

I refused to do this. And also I refused to sign the birth certificate until she returned to me.
As I was in a vunerable position and no guarenthees I would ever see my child again or have the financial assets to even travel there.

I was lied to and made promises for 4 years a waiting game and I became more and more desperate to find a solution to see my daughter.

So I collected of unwanted things to take to her in poland to sell to support my daughter.
So I did this for years and Now she says this money is not money for your daughter its my work.
She will not sign any thing or let me pay any thing on her bank account.
And tells me if I go to court she will say I have not acknowledeged my child on the document and I have not supportted my child any way.

And she said in Poland the court wont take this lightly.
She has told me if I carry on taking things for her she might consider later giving child my name.
If I dont take more things then she said I wont see child again until I do a DNA and let the court deside in poland.

She also said in poland she can tell the courts any thing to make me look like a bad father and if I
make problems for her she will make sure I never see my child again.
At this moment she is getting 200 - 400 euro by the old things I collect off people for her to sell.

I feel very afraid and controlled and no money to pay expensive court cost.

She knows this also, like this I can see my daujghter on skype most days and phone.
My daughter misses me very much and I miss her.

My family my sisters in england have never seen my child they send gifts without acknowledement at all.
I feel hurt desperate and used and most of all I miss my daughter very much.
And I am very depressed.
4 years of my life gone on waiting and hoping things will get better for me.
Its not getting better she is becoming more greedy and controlling.
And totally no respect for me at all.

I really feel afraid and desperate that if I dont so as she demands I will never see my little girl again.

If I applied for DNA in Poland.
And officially I am the father :)
Can a Hollandi advacaat represent me then??
Because no they cant do any thing as the child has not my name and is not living in Holland.

Or is better I do every thing in Poland DNA and Alimoney fees.
Will DNA officically grant me visiting access and that my parents can see my daughter finally?
Or will I only be granted phone and skype?
My ex says because I dont have official paper to say I paid here or that she signed.
She said when I do DNA the court will make me pay the child 4 years Alimoney back pay.
And that the court can say I wasnt in her life for 4 years, so they can say that I must pay and no contact ??

This is why I am afraid of taking action because I see in poland fathers have no rights unless they have Money.
Now I have taken action I have asked her for her bank account again and she says she wont give it me :(

Go DNA and only after DNA can you only see child again.

I said this might take up to 6 months and I would like to have contact inbetween for interest of daughter.
She said not my problem you want to stop paying cash so I make things difficult for you.

Now I will apply for DNA and hopefully I dont need to be afraid of the outcome as she put it to me.
I am on benefits so my income is low.

Can anyone suggest a good adwakaat that speak english to help me.

Thank you.
OP David12345
17 Jul 2016 #44
Merged: Polish courts

I am from wales. Living in Holland many years.
I have a child beautiful daughter in Poland. without my name on the birth paper.
The mother of the child did not return to me after going to poland to give birth.
Although promises of returning and excuses. I have waited 4 years for her.
I supported my daughter the best I could. And travelled to poland when I could afford to.
Most polaks think holland is land of plenty and the rich let me make you aware it is not true.

Now the mother of my child has other man and stopped all contact what can and should I do.
My daughter has a bond with me and the mother does not want me in my daughters life unless I pay 800 zl and no signing of documents or papers.

She has said her conditions and nothing else.
What must I do.
5 Aug 2016 #46
Merged: My Polsh ex blocked contact between my daughter and me because I have no money for her

I have a daughter in Poland 4 years old.
After my ex returned to Poland 5 Years ago for the pregnancy she did not return and left me in a awkward situation.
I have health issues and I am on benefits in Holland.
During the last 4 years I have travelled to Poland to see my daughter as long as I paid I was welcome.
Now I am unable to pay what my ex ask me.
She has blocked contact between my daughter and me.
Although when my daughter misses she will sms me.
You can phone your daughter !!
And then I am blocked again via skype and watsapp.
I am told when you can Pay you can see daughter no money no daughter.
I am 75% written off from working due to illness.
For the last 4 Years all my contact with my daughter came with conditions and regulations.
My ex will not accept what I can afford to pay she wants 200 - 300 euro this is impossible for me.
My monthly Benefits is 900 euro.
Many of you will say you should have thought of this before having a child.
I was put into this situation and I want the best for my daughter and I want to pay although my situation is not a good one.

And its important for my daughter we have contact.
what can I do any good advice is welcome.

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