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Maintenance for child born between Irish/Polish parents.


inka622 4 | 26
12 Aug 2010 #1
Hello,
Im new to this site but I do have a question to ask.
I am Irish and very recently broke up with my polish boyfriend after 3 years together. We have a 9 month old son together. During the break up he admitted to me that I should have had an abortion as he never wanted our son.

He also said that he is not going to support our son willingly and to take him to court if I wanted maintenance from him. I replied that I might just do that, to which he replied that he would move back to Poland and that Polish law was such that I would get nothing from him.

My question is..... is that true? Seeing as though we never married, I am Irish and his son resides with me, would he not have to support his son? Would his son not be recognized in polish courts?

Thanks for your help.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
12 Aug 2010 #2
Get a solicitor. With haste.
OP inka622 4 | 26
12 Aug 2010 #3
Thank you for the reply revokenice. Does that mean that he is lying to me? Would our child be recognized in the polish courts? or could the court proceedings be held in Ireland if he does move back to Poland?

His name and signature is on our sons birth and christening certificates. He attended the birth etc etc. He is not denying that our son is his. But he is refusing point blank to support his son.
Harry
12 Aug 2010 #4
Does that mean that he is lying to me? Would our child be recognized in the polish courts? or could the court proceedings be held in Ireland if he does move back to Poland?

He is most certainly lying to you. The judgement of an Irish court would be recognised and enforceable in Poland (under Polish law you can even go after the income of his parents if he doesn't earn enough).

But the most important thing is that you get a specialist solicitor NOW.

Sorry you had to find out the hard way why foreign guys in Poland are so popular with Polish women.
skysoulmate 14 | 1,295
12 Aug 2010 #5
Don't know anything about the Polish law and don't know the full story here and there're always two sides to each story. If true, your ex-boyfriend is an embarrassment to all us men! What kind of father would ever say something like that? Very sad, hope he comes to his senses, apologizes and that the two of you come to a mutually accepted solution. Wish you and your baby the best.
OP inka622 4 | 26
12 Aug 2010 #6
Thank you Harry.

I have to be honest with you and say that I have no interest in going after his parents income. I do not want any financial support for myself. Just for our son.

While we were together I asked him for nothing. I paid all medical expenses, Paid for registration of our son and for his christening. I bought all for the baby,ie. cot, pram, food, nappies, clothes etc etc. I am not looking for any of that back. I just feel that his attitude stinks regarding his responsibility to his son. He told me himself that he is prepared to move back to Poland to avoid having to pay maintenance or having to support his son financially.

I want to stress that I do not want to fleece him of all his income. I just want my son to be supported by his father.

He is a Polish man, and I do not know the customs of polish law and so was only going on his word, which to date has not been very honest (hense the break up).

Thank you Skysoulmate.

I would not tar every man because of his actions. However, he does see our son as (and I quote) "A PROBLEM" in his life.

He believes and has in the past tried to make me believe, that in Poland, men do not financially support their children, Thats the womens job.

I must stress that I have no problem supporting my son on my own. I would live and die for my son. But I also need to know facts so that in the future if push comes to shove I have as much information to hand and can rebuff any more of his outbursts about polish law.
Avalon 4 | 1,068
12 Aug 2010 #7
The child is Polish as well as Irish. I would imagine that the Polish courts would accept that the father has to pay for the upkeep of the child. Take legal advice and then try to get him to agree to a voluntary arrangement as the courts may award a much higher figure than he thinks.

Good luck to you and I hope you meet a much nicer person in the future.
jonni 16 | 2,485
12 Aug 2010 #8
Child mainainance is taken very seriously in Poland - if the court award an amount and the father doesn't pay it, it is enforced by the courts and the penalty for non-payment is jail. The thing about going after the parents happens when they can't find the guy in question, under the raison d'etre that the child is part of that family. You should find a good lawyer quickly.
skysoulmate 14 | 1,295
12 Aug 2010 #9
Thank you Skysoulmate.

You're welcome Inka. I live in the States and have to say that we have our share of rotten dads too so I'm not sure if his attitude is necessarily Polish or simply an attitude of a jerk.

Unfortunately it's because of men like him that the courts are so biased against us men because often we are all lumped together as bad parents by default. Courts pretend to be unbiased but I've seen a few friends of mine treated like dirt simply because they wanted shared custody, something their cheating exes didn't want.

Either way, yes I too think you should get legal advice on this just in case. Sounds like this guy will do whatever takes to avoid taking his responsibility - what a weasel.

PS. By "child maintenance" y'all mean child support, right?
Maintenance? Must be a British term, I'm thinking of a car tune-up when I hear maintenance. You say potatoes and I say taters. :)
OP inka622 4 | 26
12 Aug 2010 #10
Avalon - the irony of the situation is that I only asked for 20 euro a week from him. He is refusing to pay such a small amount. And yet I know you are right, if it goes to court he will be ordered to pay a lot more than that. I honestly believe that he will not come to any agreement on a voluntary basis. He does not believe that he should have to do anything for his son.

Jonni - Thank you for your reply. I didnt think that child maintenance (for unmarried parents) was taken seriously in poland, but then again I was only going by what he told me.

He has told me that if he wants he can hide in Poland. And never be found. (this is untrue I know). I suppose it would be in those circumstances that his parents would have to pay up but Im really hoping it doesnt come to that and I believe that I would not allow it to go that far. I would drop the issue before his son became a financial responsibility for his parents.

Skysoulmate - ha ha yes I mean child support. and thank you for your reply.
Yes he is going to do all he can to avoid supporting his son. That is his way. He only thinks of himself.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
12 Aug 2010 #11
Get in touch with this shower.

familylaw.ie/family_law.htm

When they are finished with the chap, he will be paying a lot more than the score a week you requested.

Bread and butter to these boyos.
Harry
12 Aug 2010 #12
But I also need to know facts so that in the future if push comes to shove I have as much information to hand and can rebuff any more of his outbursts about polish law.

Don't bother. He's clearly such an unpleasant piece of work that there's no point trying to discuss any of this with him. Go to a solicitor and then to court. Only court ordered payments (or court approved payments) can legally be enforced and from the sounds of it, he can't be trusted to stick to a voluntary agreement. Once you've got that, he either pays up or goes to prison (and while he's there his parents will be the ones who pay support).
ColonelBlimp 2 | 11
12 Aug 2010 #13
Inka, if you are facing hard times, your first port of call should be your local Citizens Information Centre, they have legal experts there who will advise you on legal aid, your entitlements etc. It won't cost you anything to see them, and they will point you in the right direction.

And, as other people have said here, you are entitled to a lot more than 20 euros per week!
OP inka622 4 | 26
12 Aug 2010 #14
Get in touch with this shower.

I think I will have to get in contact with these people. He is not going to resolve this the easy way.

he either pays up or goes to prison (and while he's there his parents will be the ones who pay support).

His parents couldnt afford to support his child and I couldnt in all honesty ask them to. They might however try to talk sense to him (If he will listen to sense that is)

And, as other people have said here, you are entitled to a lot more than 20 euros per week!

I dont want any more than that. That is all I have asked him for. In actual fact I only asked him to buy nappies (12.50 euro per week) and he refused. So that is when I suggested 20 Euro per week. He refused that to.

There is a hard way and easy way to do this, I have tried my best suggesting every easy way that I can think of.
Harry
12 Aug 2010 #15
That is all I have asked him for.

Stop thinking about yourself: start thinking about your son. Money doesn't buy happiness but it can buy opportunities. Take as much as you can get from this diickhead and use it to buy things to help your son (or just stick all the money from him you think you don't need now in the bank so that your son has money for university saved up).

I think I will have to get in contact with these people. He is not going to resolve this the easy way.

It's not his choice, it'll get resolved one way or another: just let your solicitors handle as much as possible.
Floripa 3 | 39
12 Aug 2010 #16
My advice here Inka622 is forget him. I know he should pay his part and if he was a decent man, he would. But I think your're banging your head against a brick wall. For 80€ a month, although sounds not a lot; I know that will buy a lot of nappies and food. But I don't think it's worth it. You will have problems with your ex for evermore, even if there is a court order placed. He will not change, sometimes you will recieve money other times not, and eventually nothing. Or he feels and wants to be a father, or he he will not.

Like a lot of men from ex-soviet states their mentality about their responsibilities towards child maintenance is zero. (there are many exceptions) but it is not uncommon to see this attitude. I have within my own family certain men who unfortunately do not support their children even though they are successful business men. They see this as something separate from there present day lifes (with another woman and children) It is as your man said, not his problem!! Shameful I know, but a harsh reality for many woman.

Try and cope without him. trust me you will be better off. Let him disappear, in the end you will be happy and your son will be also.

I wish you good luck and to be strong. You will need it.
OP inka622 4 | 26
12 Aug 2010 #17
Money doesn't buy happiness but it can buy opportunities.

Good advice Harry. I wasnt thinking that way. But you are right.
pgtx 30 | 3,156
12 Aug 2010 #18
And, as other people have said here, you are entitled to a lot more than 20 euros per week!

Great advise... Citizens info

citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/eu-and-family-law

I dont want any more than that.

take every penny from him... it's for your baby...
Harry
12 Aug 2010 #19
You will have problems with your ex for evermore, even if there is a court order placed. He will not change, sometimes you will recieve money other times not, and eventually nothing.

In order of points you make: wrong, wrong, right, probably (when it happens the court will enforce payment) and wrong.
OP inka622 4 | 26
12 Aug 2010 #20
Floripa - I am already better off without him. Financially and mentally. But I still believe that he should not be allowed to walk away from his own flesh and blood scot free. even if after a court hearing and order he still does not pay then I will have to deal with that. But for him to point blank refuse to help his son is just not fair. If he could not afford it I could fully understand but this is a man who will buy every latest gadget, every mod con at whatever the expense but wont buy nappies for his own baby. ????? I do not understand that.
pgtx 30 | 3,156
12 Aug 2010 #21
If he could not afford it I could fully understand but this is a man who will buy every latest gadget, every mod con at whatever the expense but wont buy nappies for his own baby. ?????

because he's an ******* and a kid himself... get $$ out of him!!!!
:)
good luck!
motylek 2 | 15
12 Aug 2010 #22
Even if you don't want or "need" the money, the child IS entitled to it. Go after it legally,and you really oppose spending it, put it into a savings for the child. Don't let this loser off the hook.
ColonelBlimp 2 | 11
12 Aug 2010 #23
Harry: Stop thinking about yourself: start thinking about your son..

Agrees - the baby may only be costing a little in milk, nappies, etc right now - but what about later on? School, medical treatment, clothes, etc,etc. Stake your claim now and stick to it. This man has responsibilities and needs to be made aware of them.
Harry
12 Aug 2010 #24
even if after a court hearing and order he still does not pay then I will have to deal with that.

No, he will have to deal with it: by going to prison.
OP inka622 4 | 26
13 Aug 2010 #25
If it comes to that then so be it. He might even enjoy time in prison. Means he definitely wont have to do anything for or with his son for a while.

Just to update on what I spoke about before.

He is now saying that he will purposely give up his job so that he does not have to pay child maintenance / support.

What kind of man would go that far to avoid supporting his own baby son?????
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
15 Aug 2010 #26
He is now saying that he will purposely give up his job so that he does not have to pay child maintenance / support.

how is he going to support himself then? where the hell have you found this arrogant pr*ck?!
THE HITMAN - | 236
15 Aug 2010 #27
Entice the guy back into bed with you and cut off his nuts !!
delphiandomine 88 | 18,454
16 Aug 2010 #28
He is now saying that he will purposely give up his job so that he does not have to pay child maintenance / support.

Doesn't work like that in Poland - if you get told to pay, you pay, irrespective of your living circumstances.
OP inka622 4 | 26
16 Aug 2010 #29
Entice the guy back into bed with you and cut off his nuts !!

After the things he has said and done? He turns my stomach.

Doesn't work like that in Poland - if you get told to pay, you pay, irrespective of your living circumstances.

But he is here in Ireland. If he moves back to Poland and Im in Ireland does he still have to pay if he isnt working? (or doesnt declare that he is working)

where the hell have you found this arrogant pr*ck?!

Arrogant is not the word for him. I can think of much stronger words for him. He has phoned me 12 times in the past 5 days asking me to help him with paperwork that he does not understand. Not once has he asked how his son is. Not once has he even mentioned his name.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
16 Aug 2010 #30
He has phoned me 12 times in the past 5 days asking me to help him with paperwork that he does not understand.

give him some bad advice just for a laugh. he says he wishes you aborted your child and he has the cheek to ring you up asking for help????? he knows what english words to choose in order to hurt you and your son but not the ones he needs to fill out forms? no chance in hell that i would even consider picking up the phone when he rings, just get the legal team to work on your case asap and forget trying to be nice in order to change things. by the sounds of it he's just a 'sperm donor' and the only good thing that came out of your relationship is your son so stop thinking about being fair to him when it comes to getting child support off him. as much as you love your son he is a lifelong responsibility for YOU now and if that scumbag doesn't want to participate in the upbringing of his own flesh and blood then he certainly doesn't deserve for you to take pity on him. your son doesn't need a 'father figure' like that in his life.

as Poland is in the EU now he can't just escape there and disappear, if he can't pay the child support the state should give it to you and send that tosser to jail.


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