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Indian wife wants divorce from her Polish husband just after two months.

Michael_jackson - | 12
5 Mar 2012 #31

The link was the answer to savagegoose who i guess have a misconception of being a great creation or superior or racist.

Maybe we are on a different forum - but to me it was clear she does NOT want to be deported. She wants to stay in UK - without her hubby who seems to be abusing his "power" (or what he thinks is his power

I dont think they will provide her student visa after staying illegal or may be she need to hire lawyer.I am not sure.So i gave her a simpler option of coming back to own country and not making it more complicated but if she gets student visa then its good.
sa11y 5 | 331
5 Mar 2012 #32
after staying illegal

I think she is in UK legally still, waiting for her spousal visa to come through. If she now goes back to uni chances are that they won't deport her because she is studying.
5 Mar 2012 #33
Assuming that Rita's marriage is a true bona fide union, perhaps her husband has decided that the cultural differences do constitute a barrier that is just to great to ignore. His initial attraction to her has started to level off, and the problems of day-to-day living now dominate his thinking.

There are many obstacles that new couples have to overcome, a marriage is not just sex and attraction, and the vast cultural gulf between the Poles and the Indians just about doubles any potential for conflicts.

Personally, I do feel that Rita's motivation here has been her visa difficulties. If not overt, than at least subconscious. Her husbands motivation? Who knows... Perhaps it was business, then perhaps not. Some people have an inferiority complex: they do not feel adequate enough to easily find a partner among their own group or even their nationality. Perhaps having an EU passport - so desired by Rita - has made him feel at least somewhat equal...
Midas 1 | 571
5 Mar 2012 #34
Assuming that Rita's marriage is a true bona fide union...

This one really does sound like a business deal gone sour.

Other than that I don't think there's a lot of "cultural" differences, it is not like Indian husbands don't expect to be pampered by wifey dear.
polishmama 3 | 279
5 Mar 2012 #35
I left my student life and started living married life.

I'm confused. Why can't you have both? And what exactly is "living married life"? Do you mean you are a housewife now? Or that you went to work instead of completing only one more year of college to get paid much better for your work?

I do not want to live with him any more.

Could you please clarify what he is doing that you are ready to throw in the towel after only a couple of months? Wanting you to pay all the bills and cook isn't exactly equal, I'm not saying that. But it's an extremely short time to just give up instead of sitting down and having a (difficult and complicated) adult conversation between the two of you spelling out how each of you feels, what you each expect, where things need to change, etc. These conversations and the willingness to have them are what make a marriage last and work. Now, if your husband is like mine, it will end up with you being wrong no matter what, nothing changing and you being made to be an idiot (insert racist slur here) and everything else. But I didn't marry a Polish man. So, it's not a cultural thing.
5 Mar 2012 #36
@Rita Atria
Sorry, honey, but you lost all your credibility right here. Poles do not celebrate birthdays (unless its a milestone, like 20, 50 etc). And certainly they don't expectany expensive gifts for the occasion. The same goes for Christmas, there is never any gift giving for a new year and eventually something small for valentine. And it's hard to believe that someone would have such a dramatic change of heart for no reason after the wedding. Why his expectations to cook and clean your house would surprise you? Unless there is something you are not telling us. Simply put: I don't believe your marriage is genuine, just an opportunity for you to stay in the UK.
Midas 1 | 571
5 Mar 2012 #37
Sorry, honey, but you lost all your credibility right here.

You're implying she had any to start with.

The "omg, my student visa will expire" is really one of the oldest ones in the book.
OP Rita Atria
6 Mar 2012 #38
Please can you support your idea that my marriage was not genuine. How do you think? What arguments do you have or it is just 'my heart says' type assumption.
sa11y 5 | 331
6 Mar 2012 #39
an you support your idea that my marriage was not genuine

Rita - I think that what makes most people here think that your marriage is not genuine, is the fact that you want out only after 3 months of being married. UNLESS there is a physical or mental abuse (in which case you must get away asap) you should give it a bit more try.

What can you do?
1) get a job
2) go back to your studies
3) live YOUR life (not married life as you expressed it)
4) stop paying all bills, stop borrowing money
5) stop cooking for him, washing his stuff etc (basically stop being his maid, although certain amount of cleaning you will have to do so that you don't trip over his c**p)

6) no more expensive gifts - as someone said this is not customary in Poland
Now - what you have to consider (and it might be painful realization) is why he married you.
Maybe he thought that he is getting cheap maid for his EU passport?
Even if the marriage was real for you - was it real for him?
At some point you might need to cut your losses and leave - and then UK authorities will probably investigate you. But hopefully by then you will have finished your studies and be able to stay in UK based on your skills.
6 Mar 2012 #40
I don't mind if Rita's marriage is founded on love or lies. She asked for advice, and that's enough for me. Life is too short, and if she's in a bad place, she should leave it.

At some point you might need to cut your losses and leave - and then UK authorities will probably investigate you. But hopefully by then you will have finished your studies and be able to stay in UK based on your skills.

Amen and good luck.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
6 Mar 2012 #41
Simple solution here regarding sham marriages.

Ban non europeans from visiting europe for longer than three months.

Problem solved.

Wanna marry a non european. Enjoy your new life in Nigeria/Pakistan/Nepal/India/Wherever.

We full.
6 Mar 2012 #42
Problem solved.

Your problem. Which is no more important than other people's problems. This is about a specific couple, not an open excuse to complain about them "daggum foreigners". The OP specifies that she was in love and in school, and barring any direct evidence otherwise, your incredible sense of intuition isn't worth crap.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
6 Mar 2012 #43
Love me hoop. She saw a chance to circumvent immigration controls and took it.

She took a chance. She lost.
Midas 1 | 571
6 Mar 2012 #44
I've known successful Indian girl / European guy couples.

Sometimes it works out. Sometimes it doesn't.

However, it needs to be underlined that LEGAL immigration has put a significant strain on UK's infrastructure. Sure, I'm the last guy who's going to scream "bloody Polish go back home!" but one cannot miss a very simple fact - hundreds of thousands of people who haven't contributed too much towards building, shall we say, UK's social benefits system are legally in the UK, profiting from bennies.

This is a fact.

Now add to that a few hundred thousand people who are TRYING TO BE LEGAL in this country by using every trick in the book and honestly, how do you expect the system not to collapse?

So let's keep this one real, immigration scams are all around us and this does sound like one.
Wedle 16 | 496
6 Mar 2012 #45
Unfortunately Rita A, most people will view your marriage as a sham marriage. If your husband is abusive and threatening the first thing to do is buy a digital voice recorder and start to record all his outbursts and threats, keep them all on file. If you have decided to leave him then visit a indian immigration lawyer or CAB and seek advice.
OP Rita Atria
9 Mar 2012 #46
Thanks all of you. It has done a lot of help. Thanks again.
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
9 Mar 2012 #47
Until your husband actually divorces you and final papers are served you are legally able to reside in the UK and able to continue your studies, you may even qualify for home student fees because you are a family member of an EU person, but to do this, you need to get your family member resident permit, which your husband will have to assist you in getting, this might be an issue if he has decided the marriage is over, in which case you might possibly be considered an overstayer because you do not have a valid visa, at present you do not qualify for retention of rights based on the marriage to a member of the EU since your marriage has only lasted for 3 months, you will not qualify for ILR on long residence since you havent been here for 10 years, basically your options are limited to say the least - if he doesnt support your permit then your only option is to go back home and apply for a student visa in order to come back and finalise your studies and even then you wont qualify to stay in the UK afterwards since PWS has closed.
28 Jan 2013 #48
contact me at sharma_abhishek85@hotmail
Bassem - | 22
28 Jan 2013 #49
hi guys
she asking for help , not how to solve marriage concerns !!!

good luck rita
ukangel 8 | 56
28 Jan 2013 #50
Hi,use the,really useful and no one will judge is terrible that on this forum some people are heartless and instead of understanding your situation,they are busy judging you.goodluck
29 Jan 2013 #51
revokeNice, what u said is racist .
ZIMMY 6 | 1,601
25 May 2013 #52
He works seven nights in a week and have got less time for me.

This is telling and it doesn't add up. You want him to have more time with you yet you complain about him? He works every night yet you pay the bills?

If I want to borrow from him for daily expenses he just refuses.

If you need to "borrow from him" then how do you pay "all bills" as you put it?

Nah, this is bogus, next!

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