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Help - evil Polish girl after my partner.


PALOMA 1 | 15
17 Jul 2011 #1
Hi new to forum, hello everyone.
Need a bit of advice on a couple of things and would apreciate any help given. I live with a polish bloke good relationship, we're both in our 40's, his parents are happy about the relationship. My spoken polish is faily good but not my written polish. Problem: my partner and I mix with a group of poles in the town we live in, nice group, I get on well with them except one younger girl who I find very attention seeking and despite having a live partner she's quite promiscuous. This girl has suddenly decided she is in 'love' with my partner!!!!!!! The girl in question is not that pretty but does have a good body.Other polish woman quite horrified by this, the men seem to think it's funny and take the mick out of my partner. I genuinely don't think my partner is interested, he's known her a long time and they could have got together before he met me if he was keen on her. This girl is now evil towards me and embarrassingly friendly towards my partner.Her partner is totally oblivious to situation!

Any ideas on how to deal with her, all suggestions welcome
Bzibzioh
17 Jul 2011 #2
Any ideas on how to deal with her, all suggestions welcome

Half ways, like suggestion to leave him alone, appealing to her morals will not work. Create a conflict and then cut off the relationship with that couple completely.
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,827
17 Jul 2011 #3
give her a slap in the chops, then as Bz. says you can cut off relations with that couple altogether.
PennBoy 76 | 2,437
17 Jul 2011 #4
This girl has suddenly decided she is in 'love' with my partner!!!!!!! The girl in question is not that pretty but does have a good body

So basically she's 'willing to give'
Marynka11 4 | 675
17 Jul 2011 #5
She is willing to take if he will give.
OP PALOMA 1 | 15
17 Jul 2011 #6
Not sure if we can cut relations completely as said girl and partner sometimes work with my partner. Her partner is a really nice person too so maybe hard on him. My partner made a big deal about buying me a large bunch of red roses and giving them to me infront of her, telling me how much he loved me, that didn't seem to deter her

she just cut her arm and her partner had to take her to hospital, my partner says she does this if she doesn't get attention, he also suggested we buy her a big pack of razor blades, but i don't think that is a good idea, should we tell her partner what is going on? She has slept with another man since the 'love' declaration but even this hasn't made her give up her interest in my man. Anyone know any rich, handsome young men to distract her??????
Seanus 15 | 19,706
17 Jul 2011 #7
Just tell her to bugger off. It should do the trick neatly.
PennBoy 76 | 2,437
17 Jul 2011 #8
What is it with girls wanting a guy who taken???the same guy she wouldn't even look at when he's single but when a another girl has him she wants him, Guys are different.
Atosha 3 | 42
17 Jul 2011 #9
Just front her in front of everyone. If your fella has done something with this person in the past i.e before your time you will soon find out. Also if your fella respects you he will tell her to stop her nonsense.
Bzibzioh
17 Jul 2011 #10
Also if your fella respects you he will tell her to stop her nonsense.

Nah, it has nothing to do with respect of her man. Men usually are very uncomfortable telling other woman to leave them alone. They are lost at what to do. That's why OP is the one to make it happened. And since that other girl has some serious personality issues, it's more urgent for her to take action.
PlasticPole 7 | 2,649
17 Jul 2011 #11
Tell her you never want to see or speak to her again.
pawian 173 | 13,438
17 Jul 2011 #12
Any ideas on how to deal with her, all suggestions welcome

Hire a hitcat.
strzyga 2 | 993
17 Jul 2011 #13
Men usually are very uncomfortable telling other woman to leave them alone. They are lost at what to do.

Yep poor things... can't even speak for themselves.
Seriously though, it's up to him to tell her to lay off.
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007
17 Jul 2011 #14
Yep poor things... can't even speak for themselves.

I don't get what is soooo hard about telling another lass ***** off I'm already taken"... unless the guy has something for her. Mostly it's all down to egos.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386
18 Jul 2011 #15
Paloma,

if this other girl self harms for attention... then whatever you do is going to give her the attention she seeks and make her happy or more angry.

she is thinking only of herself and will destroy anyone or anything that gets in her way.
you and your partner should break the chain and get away from her and stay away.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595
18 Jul 2011 #16
It is obvious.

This girl should not get attention. She should get psychiatric help. Your attention can increase her self-harm behavior.
Ashleys mind 3 | 456
18 Jul 2011 #17
What is it with girls wanting a guy who taken???the same guy she wouldn't even look at when he's single but when a another girl has him she wants him, Guys are different.

This is the exception not the rule.
southern 75 | 7,096
18 Jul 2011 #18
Greek women also look and smile at you when you are with a woman but they ignore you completely when you are alone.Crazy women.It is complicated game like I test how much you love her I smile at you you smile back so you are cheap a bad boy.But if you are Balkan you give them the look I would tear you up as well if your attitude changed.
Midas 1 | 571
18 Jul 2011 #19
I get on well with them except one younger girl who I find very attention seeking and despite having a live partner she's quite promiscuous.

This girl is now evil towards me and embarrassingly friendly towards my partner.

she just cut her arm and her partner had to take her to hospital, my partner says she does this if she doesn't get attention,

Anyone know any rich, handsome young men to distract her??????

Any ideas on how to deal with her, all suggestions welcome

One or two ideas actually and none of them include rich, handsome and young men.

I've skimmed through what You wrote, quoted the interesting bits and my conclusion is simple - You madam are dealing with someone who either has mental issues a professional should look at or an acute case of the "Polish Princess" syndrome ( it is debatable whether the latter should be treated by shrinks ).

In case it is the latter the girl's reaction is most likely triggered by the fact that You happen to be local and Your partner happens to be Polish. And I personally noticed that quite a few Polish women for some reason firmly believe that while they as Polish females own the world and are free to mingle romantically with guys from all over, Polish men ( especially attractive Polish men ) should stick to Polish women no matter what. Not particularly logical, but that's the way some of them see it, must have something to do with upbringing.

Whichever case it might be - should You continue any form of semi-friendly relationship with her You'll most likely end up regretting it later. As in "You've been cheated on/dumped/somebody claims You cut them with a razor".

So, make sure Your man is onboard with that, then tell that little snotty Polish tart in no uncertain terms that You've had more than enough of her shenanigans and that she should leave Your man alone. Then just cut her the hell off and make sure Your boyfriend avoids her like the plague.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595
18 Jul 2011 #20
mental issues a professional should look at

All people who harm themselves (cut themselves), to get attention, have a mental issues a professional should look at.
Midas 1 | 571
18 Jul 2011 #21
Right, yet I fail to see 20 posts screaming "She's a bloody lunatic, stay the hell away from her."

In my opinion until a specialist manages to cure her condition it is unsafe to spend any significant amount of time within this person's presence.
OP PALOMA 1 | 15
18 Jul 2011 #22
hi thanks for answers so far,
partner has told her he has no romantic interest in her at all, he did this infront of me and a polish lady, my spoken polish is good enough to verify exactly what he said,' I could never love you, you're a ******' was quite easy to translate!!!

Also if your fella respects you he will tell her to stop her nonsense.

.
I would say she is a bit of a psychiatric case but is always careful not to harm her self badly and is very vocal about the cuts, in my experience ( i teach children who have psychiatric problems ) real self harmers rarely reveal

their problems.

What is it with girls wanting a guy who taken???the same guy she wouldn't even look at when he's single but when a another girl has him she wants him, Guys are different.

Tend to agree with PennBoy because i don't think she showed any interest in him when they were both single,he's also settled down a great deal this last year, he used to drink quite a bit, but doesn't bother much now, he's bought a car and is saving money, he is a great support financially as i am only on a supply contract and so don't get paid during the holidays, although we split every thing during term time. Maybe it is a bit of

polish princess syndrome, though all the other women i have met have been great. Can't break away altoether cos she is sometimes sent by her agency to partners workplace, maybe a new job for my partner is desirable.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595
18 Jul 2011 #23
real self harmers rarely reveal their problems.

True.

She wants attention. But such extreme ways to get attention are pathological.
isthatu2 4 | 2,704
18 Jul 2011 #24
Yups, lock up your bunnies and take the plug off the microwave!!!!!
Atosha 3 | 42
18 Jul 2011 #25
Hun, your fella has manned up and basically told her to do one. (Back the hell of)
If that has fallen on her deaf ears then that's her business. The skank clearly doesn't care for her own well being and that's why she cuts herself so why should you.

Don't get me wrong but your giving her to much of your energy, she clearly is immature and needs to stop her foolishness
OP PALOMA 1 | 15
12 Sep 2011 #26
Merged: Help domestic violence case

Need a bit of help here any ideas gratefully recieved.
I was asked recently by a polish lady(M) i know to help her daughter (A) sort out a domestic violence/child custody dispute.
A turned up one friday night at M's house saying the local police had arrested her and put her in the cells for several hours at the request of her Iraqi partner.

On release she went to her Mum's (M) and in the morning went to see her son but was informed her partner no longer wished to live with her and wanted custody of their 4 year old son. He requested that she arranged accompanied visits to see her son and to contact a solicitor asap as he was going to apply for the boy to live with him and for him to be the main carer.apparently A did nothing about the situation until her mum contacted me on the following tuesday. I had quite a long conversation with A who said she was sick of her partner because he didn't like her drinking alcohol excessively and would not let her wear short dresses, also that he talked about Iraq too much (he has british nationality but some of his family are there). A was quite worried that her partner would abscond with the son. I sorted out a solicitor and an appointment with a lady from the local domestic violence group also suggested that we request the local police accompany us to the house so that A could get clothes, see her son was okay etc.. She did not want to go to the police station because she had been drinking heavily. i arranged to do this the following day. Next day A did not show up, her mum asked me to go to the partner's house, which I did. A was there, her partner invited me in, I spent 30 mins talking to the son and the partner who was quite distressed. The partner told me he was fed up of her drinking and returning home late, worse for wear, he told me he liked her to dress fashionably but with some modesty as she was 32 and a mother( all the clothes I saw her with were very fashionable). The partner admitted that there was domestic violence, that on occassions when she was drunk and went for him he had kicked out at her or squeezed her arms quite hard. Her partner said A could see her son any time but bnot under the influence of alcohol. A spent 5 mins with her son and we left, on arriving at M's house she started drinking and said she wanted her partner stopped from seeing the son,she wanted custody and would commit suicide if the outcome was different. The rest of the conversation was about her clothes!!!

Next day despite arranging to see the solicitor A refused to go, she asked me to attend instead, which I did but obviously any legal applications will need to be put forward by her, I arranged various appointments with benefit agencies, she also refused to attend. Nothing was done by A herself or M. Eventually A's partner rang and suggested they meet in public and try to sort out the situation, they did and A returned to the house, hopefully all will be well.

M then said that she feared that the situation would repeat itself and would I be willing to help again ?
Obviously I would help any one in need of help but I was pretty disgusted by the lack of effort on A's behalf, she seemed more concerned about the clothes than the child. I was also angry that she treated me like a servant. I appreciate that women can become very demoralised in domestic violence situations, but the alcohol and lack of response is worrying. The men in her family just went on an anti arab rant, my own partner just said A wanted what every polish woman wants, drink and dresses and a good time and arabs were too restrictive and was useless advice wise. M the mother could shed no insight other than to say that A was a good girl because she only drank larger (strong larger) so obviously didn't have a drink problem and the partner was fanatical ( he's an athiest ). Do polish women react to a crisis in this fashion? is alcolholism a problem amongst the women? i can't believe my partner's description of the average female pole (he is Polish) but i was stunned by A's behavoiur, what is the best approach if I am asked to help again? A has been here 10 years and has excellent English.
gumishu 11 | 5,407
12 Sep 2011 #27
you can't help her if she doesn't stop drinking - also think for a while if she cares more about clothes than about her child why should she end up having custody over her son -sometimes you can't do anything, just let them hit the bottom
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,827
12 Sep 2011 #28
I don't think you should be publicising other people's private affairs to this extent as you could easily be identified. This is certainly not anyone on PF's business. Are you a "friend" of the family or acting in a "professional" capacity? Besides, nationality is immaterial in this,you have no excues for using this forum for this.
OP PALOMA 1 | 15
12 Sep 2011 #29
I don't think you should be publicising other people's private affairs to this extent as you could easily be identified

You do have a good point here, however, no one in the polish community where I live uses PF and I use a different name anyway and the initials of the people involved plus the exact country in the middle east (of the partner) have been changed. Also there is almost no confidentiality amongst the polish community my area, apparently I was one of the few people with any polish links who did not know about this event til the family aske for my involve ment.

I do appreciate that domestic violence is an international problem. The reason the family asked me to interevene is because I have a polish partner and speak the language, I once translated at the local GP surgery for a lady who was ill and since then I have frequent requests to help in the community with all sorts of problems.

I am confused by the reaction of this lady, I am further confused by my partner's statement that all polish women would react this way both to the crisis and the way the partner treats A. My own female polish friends ( who are in their 40's)are very unsympathetic to A or her mother,my partner seems to be writing off the entire female population and the rest of the men are not helpful.

I would like to understand this lady if I am to help her and I am concerned the way i see things is because i am misunderstanding on a culural level.
Ziemowit 13 | 4,213
12 Sep 2011 #30
This is certainly not anyone's business

is an attitude that very often leads to perpetrators developing a strong sense of non-punishment for their wrong-doings.


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